She traced his lips with her fingertip. “When I’m with you, I don’t wanna go, and that’s the problem, J.T. Having a career in music is the only thing I’ve ever wanted, ever since I was a little girl. You make me lose focus. I forget about my goals when I’m with you.” Her eyes fell to the middle of his chest as she said, “I start thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts.”
He tipped her chin with his finger, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Tell me what you think about. I need to hear you say it.”
She hesitated, biting her bottom lip, before she finally said, “I think about making love to you, falling asleep and waking up in your arms every day…”
He brushed his lips against her cheek, reveling in the sweet sound of her voice. “Go on.”
“You make me think about settling down, having babies…” She released a frustrated sigh. “But that wasn’t part of the plan. That can’t be part of the plan, not if I wanna make it in this business. That’s why you’re so dangerous, like poison seeping into my veins and stealing my will to achieve my goals.”
He hated that she thought of him that way, but he understood it. He knew he was using her attraction to him to wear down her defenses and that wasn’t fair. But he didn’t play fair, he played to win, and losing her wasn’t an outcome he could live with. Every minute that passed, every sweet word she uttered, solidified it in his mind. He was in love with this woman, and no matter how wrong or selfish it may seem, he couldn’t live with himself if he let her go.
Chapter Fifteen
The drive back to J.T.’s house was long and quiet. There was so much Nikki wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words to express herself. Ironic, given she made her living conveying her thoughts and feelings to millions of people through her songs. Yet, this one brooding cowboy left her speechless.
She knew he was hurt and angry, though he had too much pride to admit it. For her, their relationship, if it could be called that, was difficult to understand, impossible to explain, and she suspected he felt the same way. Even though it had only been a few days since they made love in Vegas, it felt like she had been with him a lot longer, as though she were being forced to say good-bye to a long-time lover. She assumed it was because she’d spent so much time fantasizing about the man over the years. It was as though he had actually been a part of her life all that time, which was crazy, but it was the only way she could explain the way she felt about him now.
“Why’re you so quiet all of a sudden, sugar?” he asked, gripping the steering wheel. “As if I didn’t know.”
Trying to lighten the mood, she chuckled. “Fate sure has a strange sense of humor, doesn’t it?” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, but the cloak of darkness in the cab of the truck made it impossible to read his expression.
“Why do you say that?”
“I don’t know. We’ve been attracted to each other for a long time, we finally hook up, and the timing couldn’t be worse.”
He shook his head, his hand clenching and releasing the steering wheel. “Yeah, fate’s a bitch all right.”
She reached across the seat, resting her hand on his thigh. “I meant what I said earlier. I think you’re a great guy. If things were different, if I didn’t have my music…”
He brought her hand to his face, turning it over to press his lips to her palm. “It’s okay, darlin’. You don’t have to sugarcoat this for me. Your career comes first; I get it.”
Her music did come first in her life, always had and always would. She didn’t feel she should have to apologize for that, yet the gnawing sensation in her gut felt an awful lot like guilt, or maybe it was regret for what would never be. “It’s just so damn frustrating,” she said, quietly. “I have feelings for you…”
He pulled up to a stop sign, and his eyes were suddenly discernible under the glow of the streetlamp when he turned to look at her. “I’ve never felt like this about a woman before in my life,” he said quietly. “Hell, I didn’t think I was capable of feelin’ this way. You stormed into my life like a goddamn hurricane and you’re gonna roll out again, leavin’ me to pick up the pieces.”
She hated the raw pain she saw reflected in his eyes. If she’d had any doubt about his sincerity before, she didn’t now. What he felt for her was real. Those other women, the buckle bunnies who entertained him on the road, were just that, entertainment. This thing between them was the real deal. Whether it fit into her carefully laid plans or not, she was in love with this man. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to make this any easier.”
He stomped on the gas, the dirt and gravel on the country road flying through the air in the wake of his big truck. “There’s nothin’ you can say. It is what it is, right?”
She didn’t know how to bridge the gap between them, but she didn’t want their last night together to be filled with bitterness and resentment. “Can you do me a favor?”
He stared straight ahead, his jaw flexing. “What?”
“Can we just put everything aside for tonight? I mean, my career, the tour, everything. I just want to enjoy being with you. If this is the last night we have together, I don’t want to waste it arguing. Do you?”
“This ain’t gonna be our last night together, sugar. I can promise you that.”
She wanted to believe him; she wanted to hold out hope that he would still feel the same way six months from now when she returned for a break before going back out on the road, but she was a realist. Men like J.T. McCall didn’t go six days, much less six months, without a woman warming their bed. Like most cities, Nashville had their fair share of buckle bunnies, and being a world champion bull rider made J.T. the ultimate prize. Even when he was just another retired rodeo star, she knew women would still flock to him. He had that special quality, not just the chiseled body, or dark, brooding good looks; he was the complete package.
Was she crazy to walk away from him? What if he was serious about settling down, finding his soul mate? What if he found that while she spent the rest of her life waiting to find another man who could make her feel what she was feeling for him now? It was a hell of a risk to take, but she couldn’t see another alternative.
“What’s wrong? You don’t believe me?” he asked, pulling into the long driveway leading to his log cabin.
“I want to believe you,” she whispered, withdrawing her hand from his to settle it in her lap.
“Then believe me, believe in us, sweetheart.”
“You make it sound so easy, J.T.”
He got out of the truck, walking around to the passenger’s side. Opening the door, he shifted her body, wrapping her legs around his waist. “It doesn’t have to be as complicated as you seem to think, darlin’.”
“But…” He silenced her with a kiss, and she fell into it, as though she were freefalling from an airplane without a parachute. Fear, desperation, and excitement melded in their kiss as their tongues danced, each intent on giving and taking more than the other.
“Damn,” he said, breaking away. “If we don’t take this inside now, I just might take you right here on the front lawn.”
She loved that he was feeling as out of control as he made her feel. It was intoxicating, knowing that a lover’s touch could give her the same heady, uninhibited feeling as a smooth shot of scotch. He made her forget who she was, where she was. The only thing that mattered was dousing the inferno raging inside of her. “Make love to me,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I need to feel you on top of me, inside of me. I need you to make me forget everything else. Please.”
He pulled her forward, guiding her legs around his waist. He held her in a vice grip as he walked them to the door. His hot mouth was everywhere, searing her skin, stoking her arousal.
“God, I need you now,” she whimpered, throwing her head back, encouraging him to lick and taste every inch of exposed skin. What they’d shared in Vegas had been little more than two bodies coming together for the sake of mutual gratific
ation, but she knew what was happening between them now went way beyond that. For her, it felt more intense than the first time a man’s hands explored her body, because this was the first time she’d ever been in love.
The urge to express her feelings for him was so strong, yet she knew if she uttered the words aloud there would be no turning back. So she had to bury the secret and use her body as her only means of communication. She only hoped that on some deeper level, he would be able to read her thoughts and know how profound this moment was for her, a turning point in her life. She was finally coming to realize that acknowledging her vulnerability and facing her fears didn’t make her weak; it made her strong and brave, and she knew she was drawing on his strength to make that leap possible.
Pushing the door open, he pressed her back to the wall, pinning her in place with the heavy weight of his body. “What’re you thinkin’ about, gorgeous?”
“I’m thinking about how brave you are,” she said, staring into his eyes, stroking his face.
“How so?”
“You stare death in the face every day on the back of those godforsaken bulls. Doesn’t it scare you, knowing you may not make it out alive?” She shuddered to think what it would do to her if he lost his life, being trampled by one of those massive creatures.
“Hey, you cold?” he asked, frowning.
She shook her head. “Not cold, just scared,” she whispered. “It’s not over for you yet, J.T. What if something happens to you? What if…”
He kissed her gently, a smile on his lips as he pulled away to look at her. “I love that you’re worried about me.” He chuckled. “Aside from my mama, I don’t think a woman has ever given a damn whether I made it outta there in one piece. As long as I was in the money and walked away with the top spot, that’s all they seemed to care about.”
She buried her face in his neck, hiding her face and her fears. “Then they were fools. Who the hell cares about the money or the accolades if you wind up in a hospital bed, or worse, a body bag?” She squeezed her eyes shut at the image her words evoked.
“Hey, baby,” he said, pulling her head back so he could see her face. “Relax, it is over for me. I’ll probably have one more ride to open the season, that’s it.”
“Still, one ride is all it takes. What if…”
“Sweetheart, I’ve been ridin’ those mean-ass beasts all my life. Not a one of ‘em has been able to get the best of me yet, and trust me, they’ve all tried.”
In a battle of man vs. beast, J.T. was just that, a man. No matter how strong he was, it wasn’t a fight he could win. “Just don’t do it,” she said quietly. “I don’t want you to ride anymore. Please.” She knew her fear was probably irrational, but she couldn’t help it. The thought of something happening to him left her cold and terrified.
“Relax, sugar. We don’t have to talk about this right now.” He smiled. “In fact, we don’t have to talk at all.”
She was ready to let him transport her to a place where time didn’t matter and fears didn’t exist. She wanted to pretend, for at least a little while, that the here and now was the only thing she needed. Pushing his jacket over his shoulders, she began to kiss the smooth column of his neck. “Hmm,” she said, inhaling his spicy scent. She needed to memorize every detail of him and this night, in case it was their last.
He chuckled, gripping her shoulders, as her fingers flew over the buttons of his shirt. “Easy, darlin’. We got all night, and I intend to make the most of it.”
She groaned, wishing real life didn’t have to impede on this fantasy. “I really should slip back into the house before my dad wakes up. I don’t want him to start asking all kinds of embarrassing questions about where I was and what I was doing.”
He grinned. “If you tell him you were with me, I don’t think he’ll have to ask what you were doing.”
She tried to hide her smile. The man was arrogant, opinionated… and she loved every damn thing about him. The fact her father didn’t intimidate him only made him more appealing. J.T. was obviously a man who didn’t back down from a challenge or stop until he got what he wanted. She could only hope he would still want her after months of being apart.
“I can’t believe you got him to back off,” she said, smiling. “How’d you do it?”
“I just told him the truth—that I fell for you the first time I saw you, even though I knew I’d have to wait a while to act on it.” He brushed her hair off her face, looking into her eyes. “I told him that I’m in love with you.”
She held her breath, afraid to say or do anything that might ruin this moment.
“Aren’t you gonna say anything about that?”
“I feel the same way,” she whispered.
He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to hers while his hands rested on either side of her face. “I need to hear you say it again, sugar.”
“I love you, J.T.” She’d never said that to a man before, never had the urge. “Which is crazy, given the fact I barely know you…”
“No, it’s not,” he said, kissing her lips tenderly. “When it’s right, you just know. Doesn’t matter whether it’s been five days or five years.”
“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience?” She hated to think that he’d felt this way before. She wanted to believe that what they had was special, though given his age, and experience with women, she suspected that was just wishful thinking.
“Not firsthand. But my mama and daddy got married after just three dates.” He laughed.
“They’ve been together almost fifty years, so I guess they got it right, huh?”
J.T.’s parents were the epitome of love and devotion. If they knew after such a short time, maybe falling in love at first sight wasn’t as improbable as she thought. When she first met J.T. five years ago, she’d assumed it was lust or infatuation, but that didn’t begin to describe what she was feeling today. There was only one way to describe it. “I’ll have to ask your mama about that sometime. I don’t think she’s ever told me the story of how they got together.”
He brushed his lips against her hair, whispering in her ear, “It’s a great story. Even turned a cynic like me into a believer.”
She tipped her head back, bracing her hands on his shoulders. “Do you believe that this is real? Or are we crazy?”
He slid his hand up her back, under the barrier of clothes. “This is as real as it gets, sweetheart. I’ve been around the block a time or two…” He grinned. “Or ten, and I ain’t ever felt like this.”
Her head fell forward, resting against his chest. “What the hell are we gonna do, J.T.?”
“Why don’t you let me worry about that, sugar?” He dipped his head, burrowing beneath the cover of hair to find the tender skin at the nape of her neck. He marked her, but she couldn’t summon the energy to protest; it felt too damn good.
“Mine,” he growled. “You’re mine. If another man even thinks about puttin’ his hands on you while you’re out on the road…”
“Josh will be there,” she whispered, trying to put his mind at ease. “He’ll make sure no one oversteps.”
“He better,” J.T. muttered. He began opening the top buttons of her shirt, slowly, carefully, as though they had all the time in the world. “Girl, the things I wanna do to you…”
She could hardly wait to find out. “Show, don’t tell,” she whispered. She knew taunting him would get the reaction she wanted, and she wasn’t disappointed when he tossed her over his shoulder, smacking her bottom soundly as he made his way down the hall.
“Hey,” she said, slapping his back. “Put me down. You’re gonna drop me.”
“Honey, I’ve lifted feed bags heavier than you. Trust me, I’m not gonna drop you.”
She did trust him, with her heart. She only hoped he wouldn’t break it.
Storming into the large bedroom, he threw her down in the middle of a huge, four-poster pine bed, making her squeal as she bounced on the mattress. The sound died in her throat as he climbed on
top of her. With one hand on either side of her shirt, he tore the fabric open, the remaining buttons bouncing off the hardwood floor. Taking in the intensity in his eyes, she was afraid to utter a word in case she broke the spell. She wanted to know where this dark and dangerous-looking man intended to take them.
Taking her mouth savagely, he held her hands above her head, silently demanding her full and complete surrender. She knew he was trying to make a point, prove to her that he was in charge. Had it been any other man, she would have been offended, but with J.T., it felt right, letting him tend to her needs.
Giving into the pleasure, she wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him closer.
“You have way too many clothes on, baby.” He stood at the foot of the bed, pulling her high-heeled boots off one at a time, his eyes never leaving her face.
She watched him strip her pants off, his mouth leaving a hot, moist trail up the inside of her thigh as she quivered, silently begging to feel his mouth where she needed it most. “Please, J.T.,” she whispered, hating that she sounded so needy, so desperate.
“Relax, honey,” he said, sliding her panties down her legs. “I’m not gonna make the mistake I made last time.” He shook his head. “I was a damn fool. Our first time together should’ve been…”
“It was amazing,” she said quietly. “Just being with you was amazing.” She sat up, allowing him to take her shirt and bra off. “After fantasizing about it for so long…”
He grimaced as he toed his cowboy boots off. “I’d like to think I lived up to the fantasy, but I know I didn’t even come close.”
Was he serious? If it got any better, she just might pass out. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’…”
Before she could finish the thought, he was making her most delicious fantasies a reality. Buried between her legs, feasting on her as though he were ravenous, he gave new meaning to the word thorough. By the time he was finished with her, she was a hot mess. Her heart was racing, skin tingling, legs trembling, hands clenched…
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