by G J Ogden
His thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing sound coming from one of the large screens on the console. It showed a flashing red dot to the lower left, slowly getting closer to the center of the screen. Streaks of light flashed by on his left and then disappeared into the bright haze of the planet. He looked back, trying to identify a source. At first he could only see the tiny outline of the space station, but then he saw movement, and more flashes sped past, this time closer. He tried to loosen his seat buckles to get a better view and then he saw it, snaking in and out of view. It was another ship, the same configuration as the one he saw explode next to Maria on the moon base. It was the UEC. Ethan felt helpless. He could do nothing. He sat back and looked out ahead. Flames now obscured his view of the planet, and were expanding along the side windows too. The cabin was filled with a deafening roar. Another streak of light flashed past and then he felt a hard jolt. Alarms sounded in the cabin. He looked to the rear and saw a smoldering black circle next to the docking hatch. The ship had been hit. The flames continued to grow, and two more streaks of light flashed past, barely visible through the inferno. More alarms sounded. He gripped the arms of the chair tightly and stared ahead into the wall of fire.
There was nothing he could do now but wait. Perhaps, he had never really been in control of this journey. But it no longer mattered whether it was his own irrational desires, or the manipulations of those around him that had brought him to this point; he was here now, and whatever will be, will be.
He felt strangely calm. He closed his eyes and shut out the noise, the vibrations, and the fear. Outside, the ship was plunging through the planet’s atmosphere, but inside, Ethan was peacefully oblivious. He pictured Maria standing on the other side of the docking hatch, hand held up at the glass, becoming smaller and smaller until he could no longer make out her face or even her outline. He pictured Katie in the bakery, making her amber cookies, and Elijah lurking nearby, waiting to steal one. He pictured Summer, laughing and joking with him out in the fields and valleys around the settlement, beautiful, confident and free. And he pictured his favorite place under the old tree, on the mound outside the settlement walls. And then he was there, lying on the dirt and staring up into the night sky as a solitary streak of light flashed overhead.
Chapter 28
Ethan awoke still strapped into the chair at the front of the ship. The glass around the cockpit was smashed, and the consoles were fizzing and sparking, emitting crackles of blue energy. There was a smell of burning all around him.
He unbuckled the harness, pushed himself upright and checked himself quickly all over. He felt some pain around where the harness had been fastened, and his neck was a little stiff, but otherwise he was remarkably unharmed. He fanned some of the smoke away from his face, stepped closer to the smashed cockpit screen, and then managed a weak smile. Instead of space or the cold, metallic surroundings of a space station, there were rolling, green hills, and above them, a hazy blue sky. It was either dusk, or approaching dawn, Ethan had no idea which. He climbed onto the console and pushed himself out, through the now empty window frames, and breathed in deeply. The air smelled fresh and vibrant and alive.
From his vantage point, Ethan looked back and saw that the ship had gouged a deep ravine through the valley and had eventually come to rest by partially burying itself in the side of a steep hill, the soft earth cushioning the impact. Ethan could also see a jagged hole in the rear section of the ship, presumably where it had been hit by the UEC’s attacks. It was burnt black and still smoldering dangerously.
He walked across the nose of the ship and jumped off onto the hill. The soft ground felt strange and was a stark contrast to the solid metal flooring that he had become used to. He maneuvered himself down the side of the hill, stumbling several times, so that he had to steady himself with his hands. The feel of the cold dirt beneath his fingers was reassuring. It felt real.
At the foot of the hill, he took stock of his surroundings. Certainly, none of the features of the landscape were familiar to him; the ship had crashed somewhere he’d never been before. But then, there were many directions in which he’d never ventured that far from the settlement, and so he could still be quite close. Or he could be on the other side of the planet; he had no way of knowing.
In a clearing down in the valley a few hundred meters ahead he spotted what looked like fabric, billowing in the gentle wind. He walked over, feeling the breeze in his hair, and discovered a cluster of metal containers, attached to the fabric by thin white wires. Written on the containers were the words ‘Disaster Pod’ and above this was the UEC logo. Ethan assumed they had been automatically jettisoned by the ship during the crash, as part of some sort of automated emergency procedure, or had simply fallen from one of the many breaches in the warship’s arrow-like body. One of the containers was split open. Ethan looked inside and found that it contained supplies – a mixture of clothing, bags, food and tools. One of the packs contained bandages and a wallet housing seven of the small medical injectors that Ethan had become all too familiar with, plus a small assortment of different colored capsules. He shuddered at the memory of these injections, placed the wallet back in the container, and instead searched for some sort of outer-wear. The space station had been as artificially warm as the moon base, but now he was back on the planet, exposed to the wind and the elements, he was feeling cold. He found a jacket that looked sturdy and well-made. On the right shoulder was a patch with an embroidered UEC emblem on it. He tore off the patch, discarded it in the dirt and stood on it, pushing it down into the black soil with the heel of his boot. For some reason, this felt good. Slipping on the jacket he then packed as much food and water as he could into one of the large backpacks, and slung it over his shoulder.
The ship continued to crackle and spark behind him, and a giant plume of black smoke was rising from the crash site. He climbed part-way up a nearby hill overlooking it and saw that the vessel was now on fire, flames enveloping the rear, steadily creeping forward. He remembered how violently the ship on the deck of the moon base exploded, and realized that he should start to put some distance between himself and the wreckage. But, despite this, he remained for several minutes more, watching the ship burn. It was comforting to him to know that this instrument of destruction was now safely out of the hands of the UEC. It was now just another burnt and destroyed relic of the war. It seemed fitting that it would finally come to rest on the planet; just one more to add to the collection of charred remains from a failed civilization. Soon the flames grew fiercer, and Ethan’s sense of danger compelled him to leave for fear of being caught in the blast, should the ship explode. Looking around he picked a direction at random and started walking.
It felt good to be outside again; to feel the cool breeze on his face and the soft earth under his feet, but the additional pull of gravity compared to the base and space station, plus general weariness, made walking a struggle. And on top of the added physical weight, he also walked with a heavy heart. Away from the stresses and dangers he had faced on the moon base and space station, his mind was free to wander and Ethan found himself focusing again on Maria. He knew that she only meant to save him, to try to make amends for what she had done, but without her he felt empty. The planet, despite its comforting familiarity, no longer felt like his home. He had meant what he said to Maria about them starting a new life together, but Ethan understood now that he needed this as much for himself as for him and Maria as a couple. He couldn’t return to the life he had; he had learned and experienced too much to simply go back to how things were. Without Maria he was stuck in a limbo between two worlds. He quickened his pace, trying to drum her out of his mind, but he could not do it. He didn’t even know if she was alive or dead, not that it mattered; he would never see her again, and the realization of this was now striking him hard. He felt the wetness of tears on his cheeks, but pushed on harder, trying to drive the images out of his head, trying to stamp them out with each faster and more labored step. But it was no use, a
nd eventually he collapsed to his knees, consumed with grief and fatigue, and buried his head in his hands, sobbing freely.
Soon the sun started to edge over the horizon, and Ethan was bathed in a warm, golden light that made him look up, and shield his eyes. The beauty of the sunrise was a welcome tonic that worked to relax and invigorate him, as if the sun’s rays contained the power to cleanse the soul. Ethan knew it wouldn’t last, but for now it felt good, and so he remained on his knees and let the glow wash over him like an ocean wave.
“Good morning,” he said out loud to the rising sun.
“Good morning to you too, lad,” a cheery voice replied.
Startled, Ethan spun around, and moved to a low crouch, ready to push off and run. But then he saw an old man sitting beside a rock about ten meters away, and he dropped back down to his knees with a relieved sigh.
“Sorry!” the man shouted. “Didn’t mean to scare you, young man!”
The hermit was almost as dirty and weather-beaten as the rock itself, which had the effect of creating a natural camouflage. On his back was a giant pack that jutted out above head height and looked to be almost half his size. He was also wearing a huge coat, with more pockets than Ethan could count, and he wondered idly what could possibly be in them all. Even more of a wonder was how this man managed to move at all, given how much he was carrying.
With an elaborate groan, the hermit inelegantly pushed himself to his feet, and then almost fell backwards against the rock, letting it take the weight of his enormous backpack. Ethan stood up, and brushed the dirt off his knees. “It’s okay,” he said. “I just didn’t know you were here.”
“Aha, well that’s a skill I’ve developed over a long period of time, young lad,” the old man replied. “When you’re an old hermit like me, it helps to know how to stay out of sight.”
“I’m sure,” said Ethan, managing to crack a feeble smile. Then, feeling a little self-conscious, he added, “How long have you been there?”
“If you mean, did I see you sobbing into your hands like a man who’s just found out his wife had run off with the blacksmith, then yes, I’m afraid to admit I’ve been here for long enough,” the hermit said, with a bubbly mischievousness that made it impossible for Ethan to feel embarrassed.
“Oh,” said Ethan. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“No apology necessary, lad. Happens to the best of us,” the hermit replied. “So, was it the blacksmith or the baker?”
Despite everything, this made Ethan laugh. “It’s… a little more complicated than that,” he said, as he walked over to where the hermit was resting against the rock.
“It always is, lad,” replied the hermit, sagely. “So, what weighs so heavy on your mind that you would find yourself out here at such a low ebb?”
Ethan smiled and shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe me, even if I told you.”
The hermit’s eyes widened, “Ah, don’t be so sure, my young friend,” he said, knowingly, “But I don’t think that what troubles you is quite so hard to understand. I have seen that look before. You lost something, and now you’re lost too.” Now it was Ethan’s eyes that widened, betraying his surprise at the hermit’s intuition. “You don’t survive to be as old as me without losing a few things along the way,” the hermit added with a warm smile, but also a somber tone.
“Losing something means there’s a chance of finding it again,” said Ethan, lowering his gaze. “What I’ve lost, I can never get back. And now I don’t think I belong here anymore.”
The old hermit mulled this over for a moment as he studied the young man in front of him. Then he sighed and said, “I may not be the cleverest, lad, but I know this much… belonging isn’t a place, it’s a state of mind. Loss is something that follows you, wherever you are, wherever you go. You have to make your peace with it or it will eat you up inside, and you’ll be no better than a roamer.” Then he paused, and looked around him, at the rolling hills and grassy valleys that surrounded them. “Me, I belong out here. You… well, you will figure it out eventually. But, no matter what you’ve lost, never lose hope. That is the most valuable thing of all. With hope, you’ll find where you belong.” And then he added in a more jolly tone, “Take from it from someone who has been everywhere and seen everything!”
Ethan looked up at the hermit and smiled, “Thank you for your advice, I’ll try to bear it in mind.”
“Ah, don’t thank me, young man,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You’re young; you’ve got time on your side. I’m not worried for you. Besides, you have the look of a ranger about you, and they are tough cookies.”
“I am a ranger,” said Ethan more brightly. “Or, at least I was. Maybe I can be again.”
“See, that’s the spirit; there’s hope inside you still!” and both of them laughed and smiled.
“When I first saw you, I actually thought you were a ranger out looking for the meteor.”
“I’m sorry, the what?” said Ethan.
“Surely you saw it?” the hermit asked, surprised. “The fireball was probably visible for miles and miles around.”
Ethan understood. The sight of the ship crashing through the sky would have been spectacular. He’d seen something similar himself, he remembered. “Yes, it was quite something. But, no, I’m not out looking for it. I was just…” and then Ethan hesitated, trying to find the right words.
“Lost?” suggested the hermit. Ethan smiled and nodded. “Then we should probably find you a home. You must come from somewhere?”
“Yes, but I’ve been gone for a long time, and I don’t know my way back,” Ethan replied, rubbing his hand through his hair. “It’s a settlement called Forest Gate. I guess that doesn’t help though.”
“Not really, lad, they’re all the same to me,” the old man said with a toothless grin. “Here,” he added, removing a wooden box from one of his many pockets and holding it out to Ethan. “Are you hungry? Have one of these; it will make you feel better.”
Ethan did feel hungry and so gladly accepted the invitation. He looked into the box and couldn’t believe what he saw. Inside were eight amber-colored cookies. He took one out and held it up to the light, studying it in disbelief.
“It can’t be…” he said out loud, causing the hermit to adopt a confused frown. Ethan took a bite, and closed his eyes. The taste was unmistakable; they were Katie’s cookies. They were made by his sister.
“Wow,” said the old man. “I know they’re good, but I’ve never seen anyone enjoy a cookie that much before!”
“Where did you get these?” Ethan asked, excited, his heart pumping. “My sister makes them in my settlement!”
“See!” said the hermit with a triumphant shake of his fist. “Hope!” Then he held out a hand to Ethan. “Help me up, will you?”
Ethan pulled the man away from the wall and watched as he climbed to the top of a small hill, using an ancient-looking wooden stick to help him up. Ethan scrambled up beside him, struggling to match his pace; for an old man, he was surprisingly agile. At the top of the hill he saw the hermit aiming the end of his stick towards the rising sun.
“There’s a bakery in a walled settlement a few days hike that way. I traded some bags of herbs for these cookies,” and then in a more hushed tone, as if revealing a secret, he added, “I think I got the better deal...” This made Ethan smile again. He liked this old hermit very much. “Just follow the sun and you’ll find it. It’s way up in the hills, near a large woodland. There’s a hulking great city far away down the valley from it. You can’t miss it.”
“Thank you, my friend!” said Ethan, and the words were said with such heartfelt sincerity that the man was quite taken aback.
“It’s my pleasure, lad,” said the hermit. “I’m always happy to meet a fellow traveler; usually all I see out here are filthy roamer types, so you’re a welcome change.”
Ethan too appreciated the company of a simple and honest man, with no hidden motive or agenda. It had been some
time since Ethan had experienced such openness and honesty.
“Now, I must be getting on my way too,” the hermit said, adjusting his backpack and doing a funny little dance on the spot to limber up his joints. Despite the bulk of his clothing and backpack, he looked remarkably sure-footed. “Good journey, my friend,” said the old man, warmly, and he held out his hand. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Ethan took the hermit’s hand and shook it heartily. “I hope so too. And thank you again.”
The old man nodded and smiled. The dawn was now fully breaking over the horizon, and both of them stopped to admire it. Ethan felt the warmth of the sun penetrate and invigorate his entire body.
“Ah, lovely,” the old hermit said, closing his eyes and bathing in the light. “The weather is finally turning good. I think Summer is waiting just around the corner.”
Ethan smiled. “I hope so,” he said. “I really hope so.”
They shook hands again and parted ways. Ethan stood for a moment and watched the old hermit go. Then he turned back towards the light, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. When he opened his eyes again he began his journey towards the rising sun. Towards home.