by K. Ryan
"Yeah, you do," I told her, my voice hoarser than I'd intended. "It's a good thing, Iz. Don't ever think that it's not—it's like you're carrying her with you, you know? Don't let him ruin that for you."
"Thanks..." Isabelle trailed off and rested her head back into my chest. "He said some really shitty things about you too."
"Yeah," I chuckled. "I think I have a pretty good idea."
"No, you don't. And it was all just so off-base, so cold-hearted. Don't ask me to tell you because I really don't want to."
"Okay, babe."
She sighed again and I felt her leaning into me, like she needed me to just support her entire weight right now, something I was happy to do.
"After he said all that about you, I just sorta lost it. I couldn't stop myself from saying everything I think I'd needed to say to him for awhile. I even told him to fuck himself too."
"Good for you, babe."
"He should've been in rehab a long time ago."
"Yeah."
I could feel her swallow tightly and she hesitated, wrapping herself even deeper around me, if that was even possible.
"I wish I'd done everything differently. I should've put my foot down. I should've made him listen to me."
"Hey," I lifted her head off my chest again to force her to look at me. "You did the best you could. All you're guilty of is caring about your dad."
She was quiet for a little while after that and we stood there in the kitchen, with me leaning against the counter and her arms wrapped around my waist. If this was what she needed tonight to find some peace, then I couldn't be more grateful I was the lucky bastard she'd chosen.
It was still difficult to wrap my head around—what I felt for her and what I knew she felt for me.
There wasn't anything in my past, present, and probably foreseeable future to make me attractive to someone like her, someone whose life was the exact opposite of mine and someone who had a beautiful future outside of this town to look forward to.
I had no business loving her. No leg to stand on when it came down to whether or not there was someone else out there that made more sense for her. There were always going to be parts of my life she wouldn't completely understand, even if she tried to, and those parts could rear their ugly heads at any moment. Samuel Martin had been right about at least one thing tonight: I really didn't deserve to come within 100 miles of her.
Even if I couldn't reconcile the idea of actually being good enough for her, she was the best thing in existence for me.
I wanted to try. I wanted to be the kind of man she needed me to be. I just hoped it would be enough.
Isabelle's soft voice called out to me: "Hey, Caleb?"
"Yeah, Iz?"
"You know how I said today before I left the lot that I thought we should talk?"
"Yeah."
"Can we still have that talk tonight?"
I swallowed tightly, weighing the pros and cons of whether or not this was a good idea. This conversation, which I was pretty sure was the are-we-in-a-relationship-or-what conversation, was one we needed to have soon, but it definitely didn't have to be now or even tonight. But judging by the hopeful, expectant look on Isabelle's face, this was an argument I probably wouldn't win and the last thing I wanted to do with her tonight was anything that looked even remotely like arguing.
Might as well give it a shot anyways.
"Aren't we talkin' right now?" I shot her the best cocky smirk I could muster.
"You know what I mean."
Well, I tried.
"Okay, Iz," I exhaled and tilted my head back so I could get a better look at her. "Let's talk."
She smiled softly up at me with just a flash of shyness and maybe even a tiny bit of insecurity too and now I just needed to replace that with something else.
"Okay," she started, chewing on her bottom lip a little. "So, you and I..."
"Are you sure this is what you want, Iz?"
My throat seized a little, but I had to do it. I had to give her an out because she deserved to have one, but when her eyes flashed with that determination I loved so much, my worries felt a little premature now.
"Don't try to talk me out of the way I feel about you, Caleb. It's not gonna work," Isabelle told me, her eyes hard.
I think I kinda liked when she was all angry and bossy with me. It was scary and hot as hell all at the same time.
"I'm serious, Caleb," her hands fisted in the front of my shirt now to force me to hear what she was telling me. "I know what I want and what I want is you. I've wanted you for longer than I'm really willing to admit, but I think you knew that already."
My lips tugged up my mouth and my heart felt like a sledgehammer pounding away in my chest. This was everything I'd never let myself even hope for—everything I always knew I needed from her. She stood up on her tiptoes to kiss me and both my hands closed around her face to hold her there a little longer.
"I did know that," I murmured against her lips.
It was funny how I knew exactly what I wanted to say to her, but the actual act of pushing the words out was way scarier than I thought it would be.
"I think you might be the best thing that's ever happened to me," she went on and I think I just about fell out of my skin at those words.
I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve her standing here, looking at me like I was some sort of hero with her sweet body pressed up against me. Maybe I didn't deserve it yet, but that wasn't going to stop me from taking it either.
"I kinda feel like we've been gravitating towards each other ever since I came home, you know?" Isabelle told me, her eyes just as soft as her voice. "I just don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you. I don't know how I'd even be standing here right now without you next to me."
"I don't know about that, Iz. You're plenty strong on your own without needin' any help from me."
She lifted a shoulder, beaming that gorgeous smile back up at me. "Maybe not, but I feel stronger when you're standing next to me."
It was right on the tip of my tongue to tell her, to say the words I'd known were true way too damned long ago, but my throat was heavy with cement.
Because I couldn't figure out how to tell her, the best I could do was show her instead. My hands closed around her face again and kissed her with all these overwhelming and scary emotions raging through me. I just hoped she could feel it.
Even if the words I really wanted to say were still stuck to my thick throat, I think I was still at least a little capable of articulating something she needed to hear.
"Just so we're clear," I affirmed with a nod. "You and I are together now."
Her entire face lit up at those simple words, which, for all my issues, were honestly the easiest ones I've ever said in my life.
"Oh really?" her eyebrows rose and I quickly caught her smirk with my lips.
"Really."
"Okay," Isabelle laughed and fisted her uninjured hand in my shirt to bring my neck down to her level so she could kiss me. "We still have some things to talk about though."
"Okay."
"I have some questions."
I just lifted a shoulder. "Okay."
"Well, maybe it's not really a question, but I'm just not sure how all this," she waved her uninjured hand towards the cut on my chest, "works, you know? I mean, I know you've been arrested before, but I don't really understand everything else and I don't expect you to explain it all to me right now either, but..."
She obviously knew about the time Dom and I got taken in for disorderly conduct when we were 16 and stupid. I guess that meant she had no idea about the other two times I'd been arrested though.
My throat was starting to close up again and I swallowed hard with a tight nod. "It's not gonna be easy, Iz. I mean, I know my life seems pretty tame right now, but it's not always gonna be this quiet. I'm not tryin' to scare ya, trust me, that's the last thing I wanna do. Sometime, we'll sit down and I'll answer any questions you wanna ask me."
She bit down on her bo
ttom lip and nodded. "Okay. I'm good with waiting a little bit for that. I have no idea where to even start."
Yeah, me either.
"And..." she trailed off, still gnawing on her bottom lip and boring a hole into the front of my chest. "I think I should probably let you know right now that there can't be any other girls, Caleb."
I opened my mouth to put in my two cents about that, but she didn't give me much of a shot.
"I'm not asking you to make me any promises right now," Isabelle pressed on, this time looking me right in the eye with every word. "Except when it comes to other girls. If you say I can trust you, I'll believe you. I just need to hear you say it. This can't go any further between us if you can't at least give me that."
Fair enough.
I could give her that and raise her one too.
My hands closed around her face and I pressed our foreheads together. "Babe, I don't want anyone but you. As far as I'm concerned, any other girl might as well not even exist, okay? You never have to worry about that."
That seemed to be enough for her and she stood up on her toes—I loved it when she did that—and gave me a light kiss on the lips. Then she pushed back against my chest, putting too much space between us and just as I was getting ready to protest the loss, Isabelle tugged on my hand, gesturing with her head towards the hallway.
"Let's go to bed," she murmured.
"You tired, babe?"
Isabelle glanced at me over her shoulder, a soft smile playing across her lips as she pulled me down the hallway and into my old bedroom. "Nope."
My feet somehow managed to move in front of the other until she pushed open the bedroom door. For the first time in my life, I was being led to a bedroom by a girl and I didn't know what I wanted.
Obviously, I wanted Isabelle naked underneath me or on top of me or in front of me, but now? Like this? My thoughts were like a deck of unshuffled cards, disorganized and helter-skelter, and my only option was to just keep taking one off the top until I found one that felt right.
I didn't get much of a chance to feel out those cards because as Isabelle stepped in front of me, heading right for the twin bed in the center of the room, that pair of sweatpants she was wearing fell to the floor.
My mouth dried up like I'd just swallowed a handful of sand.
I watched, completely rooted into the carpet, as her hands dipped underneath my old T-shirt and slipped it over her head. Now she was standing in front of me in a pink bra and matching panties like a living, breathing fantasy.
My eyes squeezed shut. I couldn't believe I was about to do this...
"Iz."
"Hmm?"
"We don't have to..."
Her head tilted to the side and she shot me that beautiful smile that hit me in all the right places. "You mean you don't want to?"
I grimaced and scrubbed a hand over my eyes. "I just think that maybe...maybe we should take this slow. Do this right."
My heart just about skyrocketed into my throat as she glided across the carpet, striding towards me with a confidence that, despite everything I knew about her, shocked the hell out of me. Her hands slipped underneath my shirt, skimming up my stomach and leaving little trails of fire in their wake.
"What if I don't want slow?" she murmured, her voice husky in a way I'd never heard before.
Isabelle was always sexy to me. She was always the most gorgeous thing in the room. But this...this was a whole other level of hotness that pretty much short-circuited my brain.
I was trying so hard to do this right, to do right by her because I needed her to understand that she was different. She wasn't just one in a long line of many for me. She was it.
I needed this to show her everything I couldn't get myself to say and I definitely didn't want the first time I finally got her naked to be on the same day her dad punched her in the face, but I wasn't stupid enough to say that out loud.
"Babe," I tried instead. "The first time I finally get you naked is not gonna be in my old room at my mom's house."
Her eyebrows rose, but her hands still continued their torture on my skin. "Should we go to the clubhouse instead?"
Oh, hell no. There was no way I was gonna see her all spread out on that bed, on the same mattress, on the same sheets that had seen more shady decisions than I was willing to own up to. I'd give anything to rewind the last few months and handle myself better, so all that history would barely be a blip on our radar now. Instead, I had a feeling those demons would trail after me every time we were in the clubhouse and I didn't want to put either one of us through that if I could help it.
She deserved better. She deserved more. I think I needed to just burn the whole bed and start from scratch.
"No, Iz," I shook my head. "I can't take you there. I don't want you in that bed after...and I don't want you to have to think about it either."
Isabelle's lips curved with understanding and I needed to touch her so bad. I needed to taste her. I needed to be inside her. I needed to wait. I needed to do this right.
Her hands slipped around my waist and she leaned forward, ghosting her lips over mine as her fingers fell to my belt buckle. She tugged on the buckle, jerking my hips towards her with a playful smile curving her pillowy lips and those hooded, sweetly beckoning eyes I always knew would be my undoing.
"I'm not gonna break, baby," she whispered against my lips. "And you can't tell me you don't want me as much as I want you."
My head shook from side to side because I'd lost the ability to speak. Her fingers nimbly unbuckled my belt and tugged my jeans to the carpet, watching me expectantly. With a grin, I obliged her and kicked off my jeans. Then her hands slid underneath my shirt again until she slipped it over my head. My hands finally got what they wanted as they curved around her waist, feeling nothing but smooth, soft skin.
I leaned in to catch her mouth, tasting those sweet lips and slipping my tongue in between them when they parted for me. We were slowly edging towards the bed, still entangled, still consumed, until I eased Isabelle back onto the bed. Then I scooped up my jeans to dig into the back pocket for my wallet, slipped out what I needed, threw the wallet over my shoulder, and playfully tossed the condom onto the bed right next to her.
She laughed and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her eyes followed my every move, waiting for me to finally join her on the bed, and now I just wanted to take that lip she was chewing on in between my teeth.
But as I lowered down to the bed on my knees and hovered over her, I had to take a moment to let all this in. Here, spread out in front of me, for me, was everything I'd never let myself even begin to hope I could have. I'd wanted all of this with her since longer than I really knew and now here it was, laid out on my bed with her tight body, beautiful eyes, and gorgeous smile.
I loved this girl. I loved her.
The girl of my dreams was in my life and in my bed.
I didn't deserve it, but hell.
I was gonna take it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Old Lady
Isabelle
Caleb's eyes flared dangerously, sending pricks of anticipation from my chest all the way down to my toes. My chest was heaving, my mind was swimming, and I needed him lower, preferably in between my legs.
Like he could read my thoughts, he sank onto the bed, hovering over me until I thought I might explode from the torture. My hands skimmed around the sides of his waist to press into his taut back and he buried his face into my neck with a low groan. His lips left a blazing trail of kisses up the side of my neck and curved over my jaw, singeing my skin and setting me aflame.
When his lips finally captured my mouth, the world lit up before my eyes, casting a bright spotlight over this boy who'd tilted the very axis my life rested on.
I loved him.
God, I loved him.
He was reaching around me, snapping the clasp on my bra with more skill than I was ready to think about yet. His thumbs brushed over the tops of my nipples and my back arch
ed off the bed when his mouth closed over one and then the other. Everything else fell away as his hand drifted down my stomach, stopping long enough to hook his fingers around my panties and glide them down my legs.
Breathing wasn't exactly a priority when his thumb brushed in between my legs in tiny circles, shooting sparks through me and little moans escaped my lips. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way...just everything all at once and all over me, rushing around me in hot tendrils of things I'd never felt with anyone else before.
"Caleb," I whispered, burying the back of my head into his pillow. "Please, I can't..."
He murmured something into my neck, reaching with his free hand for the foil packet on the mattress next to me while I tugged impatiently on his boxers. Once he was ready, I could feel the heat between us, the electricity coursing in the air around us, and then he pushed himself inside me with his mouth flattened against my neck to stifle his groan.
He stiffened on top of me, completely unmoving with his forehead buried in my neck, and I could feel his chest heaving against my skin like he was fighting some sort of internal battle.
I needed him to move. I needed that burn, that friction. I couldn't take it if he didn't move and my fingertips pressed into his sinewy back to give him permission, loving and hating the feel of his stunted, hot breath against my ear because I needed him to move now.
Suddenly, his head jerked up from its burrow in my neck and he sucked in a sharp breath. I didn't understand what was happening here and I was too drunk on him right now to even know where to start. His eyes were cobalt blue, glazed over with a heat that ran deeper than where he was buried right now.
"Iz," his eyes flashed and his breath was haggard.
"Baby, please," I arched my back up and off the bed, desperate to convince him to move.
"Iz," Caleb exhaled again, but this time, the hitch in his voice gave me pause. His eyes sought me out and everything stilled when his lips parted and he murmured, "I love you."
I stared back at him, eyes wide, my body completely rooted underneath him, and a rush of heat surged up my chest.