by K. Ryan
"You really love her?"
I felt myself nodding before I could even verbally confirm it. "Yeah, I really do."
"And you're happy?"
"Yeah, I really am."
She inhaled shakily before brushing another fresh set of tears from her cheeks. Then she pressed a pained smile across her face, murmuring, "Okay."
I shot her a sad smile before reaching forward to pull her into one last hug. Now that I knew she was on the same page with where things stood between us, it felt like it was safe to touch her without room for misinterpretation. She clung to the edges of my cut and buried her face in my chest, probably because she knew this was the last time I would ever hold her like this. When I gently pulled away from her, she sighed desperately, letting her hands slip down at her sides.
"You're gonna be okay, Ariel," I smiled down at her, my hands giving her shoulders a reassuring shake. "You're gonna go back to California and be a kickass social worker who helps people all the time."
She laughed in spite of her tears, quickly wiping another one away. I looked up just in time to see Isabelle rounding the corner of the hallway and she stopped short, her eyes widening as they locked in on the sight of my hands on Ariel's shoulders. On reflex, my hands immediately fell away and reached out for my old lady.
Isabelle pressed a quick smile on her face and just waved a hand. "Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Really. I was just looking for the bathroom and I didn't think you guys would..."
She trailed off, but Ariel was already shaking her head and she looked back at me with sad brown eyes that used to tug and tear at me. Now, I felt bad that she was hurting and sorry that I was the one who'd hurt her, but I was more concerned about the blonde behind her. I was more concerned about her feelings, just as I should be.
"Hey, Iz," I called out as she started backpedalling away from us. "Wait up, okay? We're done here anyways."
I glanced down carefully at Ariel, who just nodded and brushed away one more stray tear. Isabelle hadn't moved yet, her high heels rooted into the carpet like she couldn't take a step forward if she tried.
"Hey, Isabelle," Ariel took a step towards her and quickly angled herself towards the nearest exit. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about...you know. I was trying to..."
Ariel trailed off, looking down at her shoes and chewing nervously on the inside of her cheek. All three of us knew exactly what Ariel had been trying to do this weekend and now, all three of us also knew Ariel hadn't had a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding. In hindsight, I probably should've anticipated she was going to try something, but seeing as how I didn't give two shits about social media or anything revolving around it, I also hadn't really anticipated she'd play that card either.
To her credit, Isabelle smiled graciously, looking to me for some direction out of this awkwardness. Ariel got the hint, waving to us with pain and something else that looked a lot like acceptance in her eyes and she stepped away, heading right for the parking lot.
Once she was out of sight, I blew out a deep breath. That whole conversation was heavier than I'd thought it was going to be, but at the end of the day, the closure was good for both of us, even if it took Ariel awhile to come around. Isabelle was walking towards me now and her soft hands flitted up my shoulders until they curved around my neck.
"Hey, baby," she smiled softly.
"Hi, babe," I grinned back and leaned down to kiss her.
"How did your talk with Ariel go?"
I just shrugged. "We both had some things we needed to get off our chests and now it's done. Thanks for letting me talk to her, by the way."
Her eyes narrowed, amusement creeping across her face. "You didn't need my permission, you know."
"Sure I did," I tucked some stray blonde hair behind her ear as I spoke. "I wasn't gonna leave the reception with her unless you were okay with it."
"So," her eyebrows rose. "If I'd said no..."
I lifted a shoulder. "Ariel just would've had to deal with it."
"She probably would've made a scene."
"Yeah, that's probably what she wanted."
Isabelle blew out a deep breath and leaned into me a little more. "That's what I was trying to avoid."
My lips curled into a smile. "Yeah, Lex told me what she was doin'. You did the right thing just lettin' her make a fool of herself."
"That's not really what I wanted," she sighed again. "And I'm sorry I let her get to me. I shouldn't have given her a second thought, but I just couldn't help it. I wanted to believe her being back here this weekend wouldn't matter, but I couldn't stop myself from..."
She trailed off like saying the words out loud was too ridiculous and she was probably right about that too.
"Hey," I tilted her chin up to force her to look at me. "I get it, Iz, I really do. I don't blame you for wondering, but next time something like this happens, next time you're not sure about something, you gotta talk to me, okay? Pull me aside, shoot me a text, whatever you gotta do to get my attention, but don't let yourself just sit there, like you did this weekend, and wonder. I'll always tell you the truth, babe, and I'll always tell you whatever you wanna know."
"I know, I know," she nodded into my hands. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to cause any drama this weekend."
And that right there was one of the key differences between Isabelle and Ariel. Where Ariel wanted to do everything in her power to push Isabelle over the edge, to get Isabelle to react and get in her face, which, if I knew Ariel, would've ended up with the two of them rolling around on the floor, hands flying and pulling each other's hair...Isabelle just stayed calm. She stayed cool and level-headed and the only reason I even knew all that was happening under my nose was because Lexie stepped in and had Isabelle's back.
"That's because you're classy," I told her with a smirk. "And you're not all about the drama, unlike some people we know."
"Knew," she corrected softly.
"Knew," I agreed.
"I shouldn't have doubted you," Isabelle went on, her eyes drifting down to our feet. "I think it just had everything to do with the fact that we've only really been together a week and I just didn't know if I could compete with all the history you have with her."
I walked her backward until her back rested against the wall behind us and both my arms boxed her in, forcing her to hear me.
"You gotta understand something, Iz," I started, leaning in so our faces were almost touching. "When she left, I thought that was it. I thought I'd never be happy again. I thought I'd always be living in my own personal hell. Even smiling hurt. I was so lost...and had no idea how to dig myself out of it. But then you came along and you saw all the stupid shit I was doin' to myself. You forced me to see what I was doin' to myself without judging me and without making me feel even worse. I was drowning and you didn't just throw me a life preserver, but you jumped in after me and pulled my sorry ass out. How could I not love you after that?"
I paused to brush a tear away from her cheek with my thumb.
"Four months ago, I would've told you to just let me drown. Four months ago, I couldn't even see straight, let alone see what was standing right in front of me. I can see you now, Iz, and everything I need is right here. There was never a choice, Iz. It was always gonna be you."
Both my hands closed around her face now and I leaned forward to kiss her, to show her everything I was trying to tell her, but wasn't sure if I'd said the right way. I always found myself fumbling for the right words to articulate everything swimming around my head, but given the tears in her beautiful blue eyes and the happy smile curving up those lips I loved so much, I felt like I'd finally gotten it right.
"Baby?" she was asking me now, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "What are we gonna do when I go to VCU in January?"
I pushed out a rough breath and tugged a hand through my hair. We hadn't really talked about her going to art school yet, at least not like this, and so, we might as well put it all on the table now.
"We'll see each
other every weekend," I shrugged. "I know you're worried about being that far away, but I'm not. You gotta do what's right for you and babe, going to VCU is the right thing. That's where you need to be and a semester's what? Four months long? Then you'll have summer or winter break and be home for awhile and then before you know it, those two years will just fly by and you'll be done. We can do it, Iz, because that's what we need to do. It's just something we can live with, you know? Everything's gonna be okay."
She nodded wordlessly and my lips captured her mouth again. There was nothing else either of us needed to say because thinking about it and talking about it would only burst this little bubble of happiness. My focus now was on the taste of her mouth instead.
I loved the way her hands slipped around my neck and her thighs parted just enough so I could press myself between them. Everything just fit with her. There was no awkwardness, no indecision; it all just worked. All the times I'd let myself fantasize about what her skin would feel and taste like...it was all mine now. I could live in it, own it, and do what I wanted with it. I knew she'd let me.
And that gave me a beautiful idea.
"Hey," I murmured into her lips. "Weren't you headin' somewhere before?"
"Uh huh," she sighed back. "The bathroom I think. I don't know. You're making me forget."
I chuckled and pushed us off the wall, gesturing with my head down the hallway, where the bathrooms were. Our fingers tangled up together as I led her where she needed to go and she stood up on her toes to give me a quick kiss before disappearing inside. With my back leaning up against the wall again, now I just needed to bide my time and listen for those telltale noises that she was finished up in there. Then I got to make my move.
When I heard the faucet running inside, that was my cue. I pushed off the wall and was through the door to the women's bathroom a second later, quickly reaching over my shoulder to flip the lock on the door.
Isabelle was standing by the sink, gaping back at me like I'd just sprouted a second head...well, that was sorta true.
"What are you doing?" she half-laughed, still shaking her head at me in confusion as I stalked towards her.
My hands ghosted over her shoulders, turning her around until her back was leaning against my chest and I pressed a gentle kiss into the bare skin on her shoulder.
"Love you," I murmured into her neck as my hands drifted down past her shoulders, curving around her waist until they finally settled at her hips. My eyes flicked up to the mirror to find her hooded, sexy blue eyes watching my every move. "Hands on the counter, babe."
She obeyed immediately, splaying her hands out in front of her as I pressed in as close as I could go.
Yeah, she knew where this was going.
"You know," I hummed into her skin, savoring the way she shivered under my touch. "I've always had this fantasy about you in a skirt."
One side of her lips curved up into a knowing smirk. "Oh, really? I wonder how that came about."
I chuckled, letting my hands slide all the way past the edge of her dress so they could creep up her thighs, and I buried my nose in her hair. "Well, you know, this isn't a cheerleading skirt, but it'll have to work."
"Poor baby."
I shot her a wolfish grin through the mirror as my fingers glided over her bare skin until I felt the thin strip of lacy material I was looking for and my forehead slammed into her shoulder at the contact. "Jesus, babe. Are you tryin' to kill me or what?"
"That's kinda the idea. I'm not wearing a thong for my health, you know."
I wanted to laugh, but I was too busy concentrating on moving that thin lacy strip aside and covering as many inches of her neck with my lips as possible. We had to be quick now and as much as I hated to do it, I slipped a hand out from underneath her skirt so I could unzip my fly. Her eyes widened back at me, reflected in the mirror, and I recognized the question in them right away.
"We're all good, babe," I smirked at her before pressing my lips to her neck again. "All good."
I'd planned on surprising her, so to speak, with this news when we made it back to her bedroom after the reception, but as it turned out, I just couldn't wait until the end of the night. She sighed under my hands, tilting her neck to the side to give my lips better access as I slipped inside her, wrapping myself up in her warmth and that sweet tightness I wanted to take over and over again.
I planned on doing it for the rest of my life.
. . .
The reception was still in full swing when I led Isabelle back inside the hall. As far as anyone knew, we really hadn't disappeared for that long, but she still leaned into my shoulder, flushed pink with embarrassment.
"Just you wait, babe," I whispered into her ear. "That back there was just a warm-up for tonight 'cuz I plan on burying myself inside you until the sun comes up."
That only deepened her blush and her cheek cemented to my shoulder as she shyly chewed on her bottom lip. When we made it out onto the dance floor, nothing else mattered other than the fact that I just wanted to feel her in my arms and breathe in her sweet, flowery perfume.
As I wrapped an arm around her waist, I locked our hands together, brushing my lips against her knuckles before pulling her hand into my chest. She rested her head against my chest with a sigh, giving me ample room to just hold her closer as Paul McCartney's scratchy voice hummed "Maybe I'm Amazed" through the loudspeakers.
Good ol' Sir McCartney understood exactly what I was feeling. Everything was different for me now and it was like all the pieces of my life had fallen right into place, whether I could believe it or not. As long as this girl was in my arms, I was invincible. Nothing could touch me. Nothing could touch us. And I knew I needed to hang onto that feeling for as long as possible.
The outlaw life was all I'd ever known. It was my legacy and my birthright and while I knew Isabelle inherently understood that like she understood everything else about me, I knew that eventually, the life would catch up to us.
My mom had always told me there was no in between with old ladies: it was either all or nothing. Full disclosure or nothing but murky, vague answers.
She was right about that. Dom didn't sugarcoat anything with Lexie and even though that probably caused more fights between them than he probably cared to admit, he'd always told me that he wouldn't have it any other way with her. Old ladies needed to be informed, Dom had said, so that they could make an informed decision when they needed to.
It really worked both ways: we had to be forthcoming and give each other all the facts so the other could do what was best for both us and for the club. That was the only way we would be able to make it through the long haul.
My ink was already going on that beautiful body sometime in the near future. A ring and babies wouldn't be that far behind. Part of me just wanted to laugh at myself—a week ago, I'd been trying to pump the brakes with her, to take things slow and here I was thinking about rings and babies and a future with her. My lifestyle didn't exactly afford many certainties, but I still found myself praying I'd be able to keep her, even with her leaving for art school looming over us like a beacon of doom.
The only way we'd be able to stay strong and united was if we gave each other the hard truths, without omission and without fear that the other person would run. I knew I'd need to remember that when things got hard. And with the club, at some point, it was going to get hard. That was just the nature of this life—it ebbed and flowed, sometimes it was down, sometimes it was up and those twists and turns happened at breakneck speed.
When the song was over, a Black Keys song started up in its place and that was my cue to exit the dance floor. Slow dancing was easy. Anything other than that wasn't exactly my thing. So, when I kissed my old lady on the forehead and stepped away, her best friend swooped in and dragged Isabelle further out onto the dance floor.
As much as I didn't really like being separated from her, that still gave me a little room to catch up with the rest of my club brothers, apologize to Dom and Lex for being M
IA, and finally face down my mom's ever-watchful glare to let her know everything was fine. I was careful never to let my eyes stray from Isabelle for too long and that effort earned me a big smile whenever I winked at her. It wasn't until Marcus pulled me aside that reality brought everything to a screeching halt.
"So, you and the office girl," Marcus questioned in his low, gravelly voice. "You official now?"
I wasn't entirely sure where the club Prez was going with this, but figured I might as well just play along. There was something in Marcus' tone and the fact that he'd referred to Isabelle as 'the office girl' that had me on edge.
"Yeah, it's official."
"Old lady and everything?"
"Old lady and everything," I confirmed with a nod.
Marcus appraised me with a cool, level stare and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. "You trust her?"
"Of course I trust her," I frowned. "She wouldn't be my old lady if I didn't."
My club Prez held his hands up in defense. "Alright, son, alright. I just wanted to make sure. Old ladies are privy to a lot of inside club shit, probably more than any of us would really like to know. You just gotta be sure that anything you tell your old lady, you tell her because you know you can trust her. The right person comes around at the wrong time...might try to exploit that and use it against the club."
My eyes narrowed. "Why are you tellin' me this now? Ariel was my old lady for five years and we never had this conversation."
"You were a kid," Marcus waved off. "To be honest, I'm surprised you kept her around as long as you did and you're not some 16-year-old with a hard-on anymore. Your mom tells me this one," he gestured with his beer bottle towards Isabelle on the dance floor, "is the real thing. The way you're lookin' at that girl right now tells me as much. You and I both know Heath's on his last legs as my VP and everybody and their mother knows you're next in line. I just gotta know that my future VP is all in, 100 percent, and that your old lady's gonna be able to get behind anything you might have to do for the sake of the club. And if she can't, maybe you need to rethink who you're investin' your time in. You and Dom are the future of this club, Caleb, and I just gotta make sure it's being taken care of."