Chapter 10
Jack did a lot of pacing in those first few hours. It made me antsy and feeling as if I needed to join in Jack’s anxiousness but with being manacled the only thing I was able to do was rotate, being careful not to twist the chains too much. I figured I had been strung up for a couple hours and I was miserable. My wrists hurt and being stretched caused pain in my ribs. It also was doing a number on my back and the position caused pins and needles to begin flowing down my legs. To keep from focusing on my misery, I watched Jack pace. I wanted to pace.
It was a bad habit I picked up from Jack early on in our friendship and there was a running joke amongst our friends that we should go into the carpeting business since we were bound to wear the flooring out. Jack’s clip was usual – focused and steady.
“You should not be bound so,” Jack said offhandedly as he passed me. He was deep in thought and I knew from experience I could ignore him without him putting up a fight while he was occupied. The moment wasn’t about me.
My ribs and legs weren’t the only thing causing me problems. I was exhausted from my lack of sleep and feeling shaky not just from the scary situation but from my lack of food. The coffee and half of the tuna fish sandwich had been my only food the day before besides the ice cream and the day before that I hadn’t eaten much either.
Back and forth Jack paced that afternoon while I watched. I was beginning to bend my knees and hang in the manacles until that pain was too much and I had to use my feet again. My eyes drooped in exhaustion but I felt like I needed to be prepared in case Jack needed anything. There were no kids around, thank God, so I could be Penny the Assistant full-time but I wasn’t feeling good. And I was bound. What could I possible do to help him?
Jack was deep in thought. His Big Brain was probably ‘multithinkingtasking’ as he was prone to do often. The only other person I met who thought and did on such a high level about many different things at once was Danny, the other Big Brain. When the two brothers got going on some intellectual discussion – a topic on science, math or theology – there was no stopping them. While they discussed an obscure mathematical theory, Jack would also be jotting down lyrics to a new song while Danny might be plucking away on the guitar for a different tune. Sasha, a mini Big Brain, would hop in and out of the conversation while Jack planned a family fun day and helped Leo learn his states and capitals. Then there would be whatever thought, or more likely thoughts, that were going on silently in Jack’s mind.
Jack and Danny often made me feel stupid when I witnessed these ‘multithinkingtasking’ moments. As he lapped the cell, I tried to figure out what was going through Jack’s head. It was an easy task; I’d known Jack for over seventeen years. His foremost thought would be the children followed by who was behind the kidnapping. He loved to analyze so I knew he would be rewinding each moment of the awful experience to look for clues. At the same time, I was certain he would be problem solving. Jack wasn’t a fan of relying on other individuals to fix his problems which made him a not so great patient after the car accident. It even took him a little prodding to use me as his assistant sometimes and I learned to anticipate what he needed so he didn’t need to ask. In all honestly, Jack had no idea how much I did assist him. That’s not to say he wasn’t capable of doing things himself; I just wanted to make sure the mundane didn’t overtake his time with the kids or if he was busy with his career.
Jack was not a black and white thinker without a heart or emotions. That’s what set him, and Danny, apart from many of the Big Brains at Princeton. Jack’s heart was large and despite being logical, his heart also tortured him. Those instances were hard for me to witness and bothered my own heart. Other than the deaths of family members, the biggest ride his heart took him on was with his marriage to Crystal. In truth, and I told him this at the cabin in June, his marriage was over and not just recently. I thought of Jack as a rarity – a Big Brain who could see everyday things, participate in normal ‘stuff,’ and function in society without being dubbed odd. He carried on conversations, picked up subtle society nuances, and beat the crap out of a person in a pickup game, at least before the accident. And, he was also a rockstar.
But seeing his marriage was in ruins was something he just could not do and this frustrated me to no end. I wanted him to be happy and I saw the pain in his face and his heart when it came to Crystal. In a rare moment, I spoke up about the situation and I thought it had not ended well. My words, however, had opened his eyes and he was planning to move on and, hopefully, with me. He had kissed me again and I felt something reawaken inside of me. But now, we had been kidnapped. The range of emotions of the last few hours hit me hard and my stomach cramped. I felt as if I was going to vomit.
“Jack,” I said weakly as my mouth watered sickly.
“Are you okay?” I felt his hand on my side. I waited for a few moments before daring to open my mouth.
“Nauseated,” I said. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
“You do not want that kind of exertion on your ribs,” he said with concern on his face.
“I understand but I need a bucket,” I requested in earnest. Jack moved quick and grabbed one of the buckets we were to use for our waste and held it before my face.
“Try to take a few deep breaths,” Jack advised and I tried. It was hard being strung up. Jack put down the bucket and took one of the waters. He wet the sleeve of his sweatshirt, then wiped my face. The gentle action made me feel warm yet at the same time sad. Jack had been the only man whom I was close to who touched me with such warmth or gentleness. “How do you feel now?”
“Better,” I replied honestly. For the first time since being strung up, I made eye contact with Jack. “Is this really happening?” I asked quietly.
“I am afraid so,” he replied. I felt my emotions begin to surge and nodded while moving my gaze away from Jack. He returned to pacing and I continued to stand. My eyelids grew heavy and I let them close but sleep alluded me which wasn’t a surprise considering the circumstances.
Time inched by and my thoughts were on the kids. I thought of them more than just my charges and my worry for them was beyond measurable. They would know something was wrong by this time and I hoped Crystal stepped up to the plate. With the exception of Little Sofie and maybe Karie, all the kids would turn to their mother for emotional support once it was realized Jack was in some sort of trouble. Thinking of Crystal trying to hold it together for the kids and the authorities caused my stress level to increase even more. She was a selfish individual who had no problem turning her back on her own flesh and blood. Crystal wasn’t always like that but it had been many years since I’d seen the Crystal I was once very close to.
Crystal, and Jack for that matter, were my first two friends. Sad, yes, but that was just the way it was. Back in the day, I was too shy to make friends. I was the type of kid who sat away from the others at recess and read a book. I wasn’t the best at being outgoing. My mother was not supportive of me having friends either so that didn’t help. When I went to go live with my dad, I was on permanent grounding from day one and wouldn’t have been able to have friends over anyway. Books and learning became my friends instead as I tried my hardest to show my dad I wasn’t the screw up he thought I was. I thought bringing home straight A’s was the way to go. I was wrong. Not that good grades were wrong – they earned me a full-ride to Princeton after all – but thinking Dad would see the real me through my pristine academic performance.
To this day, I still didn’t know what caused me to strike up a conversation with Jack at the scholarship luncheon. I did not go out of my way to speak with people but there was just something about Jack and Millie that put me at ease. After he brought plates of food back for him and Millie and I returned with a small plate for myself, we talked until the catering folks asked us to leave. It was still raining by that time and Jack’s apartment was closer to where the luncheon was held than my own. All three of us were soaked by the time we got to his place and Jack said I cou
ld wait there until the rain stopped.
Crystal laughed at us when we walked into the tiny apartment. We did look like a fright and while Jack went to change Millie into dry clothes, Crystal brought me into her bedroom and gave me a pair of shorts and t-shirt to wear instead of my wet dress. At first, I was intimidated by Crystal and how easygoing she was. She kept up a running commentary on my dress. I wasn’t a fancy person but once I started living with my dad and stepmom, status dressing was expected of me and the last outfit my stepmother bought for me was the dress I wore to the luncheon. It was expensive and Eliza, my stepmom, made me feel guilty for the dress even though the one I really wanted cost a third of the one Eliza chose for me. Crystal loved the dress so much I ended up giving it to her. She wouldn’t be able to wear it for a couple months – she was seven months pregnant with the twins – but she wore it at Sasha’s bris and Ellie’s naming ceremony at the synagogue.
When Crystal wasn’t talking about the dress, she focused on my hair. I knew right away why she was rather obsessed with my long locks as her own pale red hair was very thin and brittle. Although she had it fixed in the latest style, no amount of coiffing or hair product could hide its thinness. Crystal would run her hands through my hair, even wet, and then touch her own and I saw envy in her face. I felt bad for her and within those first few days, I realized how much physical looks meant to her.
A week later, Crystal was put on bed rest and when my work and school schedule allowed, I would go and spend time with her to help her pass the time. We talked about clothes and makeup and the latest Hollywood gossip. I knew Jack couldn’t afford something as trivial as a People magazine so I used part of my food budget to buy a copy for Crystal every week. Her mood in those last difficult weeks of pregnancy brightened and seeing how something so small as a magazine made her feel better made me feel good. I liked having a girl friend; Crystal was my first. Although Amanda was my half-sister, we never bonded at all as Eliza, more or less, banned her daughter from associating with me even though we lived under the same roof.
Crystal was an open book but I kept myself closed to her during those first few months. It wasn’t until my relationship with Shane grew more intense that I opened up. I needed the advice of another woman and Crystal was there for me. I was grateful for her patience and listening to my worries and when the time came, her secret keeping as I admitted to her Shane abused me. When my depression drove me into thick grayness, she went out of her way to try and perk me up when Jack was too busy with school and work to do it. Crystal and Jack were the first two people who were genuinely nice to me and cared about me. There were nights I returned to my little apartment and cried in gratitude for having them in my life. I couldn’t imagine being out in the world alone without them.
I looked past Crystal’s shortcomings during those early years. I didn’t want to judge her because I had been judged by my father and stepmother and knew how painful it was. I accepted Crystal for who she was. Slowly, however, it became harder for me to forgive some of the things she said about Jack or her children or Millie and I was dumbfounded by how easy it was for her to just hand off her flesh and blood and immerse herself in some materialistic activity.
I didn’t give up on her when it came to our friendship, however. I needed her to be my friend even though she was overbearing and intimidated me and even when she started being rude to me my junior year, I kept going back. She was desperate to know about my past and just a couple weeks after a health scare, I confided to appease her. I had also hoped sharing my dark secret would help my depression but I just felt guilty for talking about the terrible secret I had kept from Jack. After I confessed to her, our relationship changed even more and the day I signed my contract to work for Jack, our friendship officially ended. I was the help and it was Crystal who put up the imaginary wall between us.
My friendship with Jack was more important than Crystal’s behavior towards me. I loved Millie and the kids so much I couldn’t imagine not accepting Jack’s offer to be their nanny and his personal assistant. Plus, I saw how Crystal acted towards the kids and I wanted to make sure I protected them and reminded them their father loved them so much even when he was away. I let them know I loved them too but I always made sure to tell them this when Crystal wasn’t around. She never minded me telling her children I loved them – and I truly did since I knew them all from birth – when I was just a friend but there was something about having the ‘help’ say the term of endearment that offended her.
It was after a couple incidents at the Discovery Museum and lunch afterwards that Crystal started creating rules for the children when it came to me. It was early in 2004, Annie and Little Sofie weren’t born yet, and Crystal and I had taken Millie, Sasha, Ellie, Natalya, Karie and Leo to the museum for a fun morning and then to their favorite restaurant for lunch. The school aged kids had the day off and it was my suggestion to make it a day for all of the kids. Jack was on tour and the kids were missing him and needed a little cheering up. Crystal thought it was a good idea so we bundled the brood up and headed out.
Just as we finished up at the museum, another mother observed me struggling to get the kids back into their appropriate winter outerwear. Crystal took care of Natalya, as always, while I handled the others. Millie was beginning her troubled phase and was pouting at the door while I struggled to catch a rambunctious three-year-old Leo while also keeping tabs on Karie who wanted to go back to the hands-on art exhibit. Natalya was just a couple months shy of being eight and didn’t need help but Crystal liked to dote on her. Sasha, age ten, tried to help his twin sister but she was being difficult and only wanted me to help. I wrangled Ellie, Leo, and Karie into their garb when this woman came up to me.
“You have your hands full, don’t you?” she asked in a pleasant voice as she held the hand of her young son. “It’s nice to see a mother who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty when she’s got hired help along.” When she had said these last few words, she nodded towards Crystal. I spoke up knowing Crystal might just let her tongue loose in a place with many little ears around.
“I’m actually the help,” I corrected.
“I’m sorry,” the woman replied, embarrassed. “I just assumed you were their mom because they all look like you and not like their mother.” It was true; I couldn’t argue against the woman’s logic. All the kids had dark brown hair just as I did and with the exception of Karie, we all had dark brown eyes. I did look like their mother and Crystal was the oddball. I couldn’t help that Jack’s genes were more powerful than Crystal’s.
Crystal said nothing of the incident and we took the kids to Friendly’s for lunch. The meal was fine, a little hectic with Ellie and Leo, but nothing crazy happened until we were once again putting on our coats. For a second time that day, I was assumed to be the mother of the kids and Crystal the nanny. This time, Crystal did the talking to the offending individual.
“I am their mother,” she said in a tone I knew was dangerous. “She is nothing but the help.” It was her turn for a head nod. “I gave birth to them,” she continued. “She cleans up after them and changes the diapers. She is nothing.” To say I was humiliated was the clichéd understatement. We left the restaurant and on the way home, Crystal rang out her first rule. “Penny will wait in the car or out of sight when we are in public and other people are around.”
The afternoon did not go well from that point forward thanks to Millie and Crystal’s hatred of each other. Anytime Crystal tried to impose a rule, whether about me or Millie or something else, Millie became defiant. Only Jack and I were able to control her and at that time, that control was slipping. On the ride home from the restaurant, Millie was blunt.
“Penny’s a much better mother than you are, Crystal,” she said. “Penny’s not a bitch like you.”
“Millie!” both Crystal and I yelled.
“Shut up, Penny,” Crystal groused at me. “I’m the legal guardian.”
“You could be the fucking queen of England and I sti
ll wouldn’t listen to you!” Millie yelled. Traffic was bad and for the forty-five minutes it took to get home, they yelled at each other. All the other kids were crying by the time I pulled into the garage. I shooed them into the house to calm them down while Millie and Crystal continued their fight in the garage. It didn’t last long as Crystal got Jack on the phone.
“You talk some sense into her,” Crystal said into Millie’s cellphone as she picked up the keys to her Lexus. Millie grabbed her phone from her sister-in-law and stalked into the family room. For now, she was in a one-sided conversation with her brother and Millie wasn’t leading it.
“I’m going to Atlantic City,” Crystal said, glaring at me. “I’m staying the weekend. Don’t call me unless there’s blood spilled.” She went to the antique bread bowl in the corner cabinet where I kept the household money for incidentals and allowances. Cleaning it out, she left. This caused the other kids to start crying and/or look dejected. Mama was gone, again.
“Nap time,” I said to all of them. When Sasha objected, I told him even ten-year-olds needed some extra sleep. They’d been allowed to stay up an hour later the previous night due to not having school but we were out the door early so I knew they’d all benefit from a nap. Within fifteen minutes, they were all asleep. Millie was still on the phone with Jack when I returned to the family room.
“She is such a bitch!” Millie said through gritted teeth and then she was quiet for a few moments. “But…” Her face screwed up even more in anger and she punched the arm of the leather sofa. Finally, she disconnected the call. I had a sneaky suspicion Jack wasn’t done with the conversation, however.
“What did he…” That was all I got out before she stomped out of the room and down to her bedroom which was, at that time, in the basement. When she started sneaking out at night, that’s when we forced her to move upstairs.
I rubbed my temples. The day was supposed to be fun but had gone to hell. My cellphone rang. It was Jack.
Deceptions Page 9