by Lauren Dane
“I totally am. Which is ultimately part of my charm. Let’s be real.”
“It’s sad you have such deep self-esteem problems. I’m not a holiday-with-the-family person. You know that.”
“The people you were born to don’t deserve you anyway. What I know is that I’m your family. And I love you and this monkey right here loves you and Gillian loves you. Brody loves you. Rennie adores you. Even Adrian has softened because that baby of his thinks you’re the best thing ever. Please? You’re often gone during the holiday season and I don’t want you to be alone. I want you at my table eating turkey.”
“You’re not going to be satisfied until I agree, are you?” Not that Raven really wanted her to be disappointed. Knowing someone wanted her at their table meant something.
“Heck no.” Erin’s grin showed no guilt.
Alexander patted her hand. “Heck no. There’s turkey!”
Raven kissed Alexander’s temple and he shoved a piece of grilled cheese sandwich in his mouth.
“Fine.”
“You need to always give in to my requests. Things would be so much easier that way.”
Raven rolled her eyes and Alexander told her about his new preschool class before they finished up and walked back to the shop. Pausing for bird sightings and to take a few turns on the swings.
It had been a very nice two-hour break.
“It’s good you have an in with the boss to take such long breaks.” Erin winked at her as Alexander strolled over to watch his uncle work.
Erin owned the café next door so Alexander had spent a lot of his childhood not only there but in Written On The Body as well.
“Kid’s got a fascination with ink.” At least he knew people who’d give him great work when the time came. Or he’d end up a tattoo artist.
“He’s lucky enough to be able to watch two of the very best in the world on a regular basis.” Erin waggled her brows. “We need to get together for drinks so you can give me all the dirty details about Jonah,” she added in an undertone. “You’re coming to Delicious on Sunday, right?”
Raven shifted, uncomfortable. Mary, the woman who ran the supper club, came up once a month to host it for their friends and family. The food was wonderful, but it was exhausting to put out all the effort everyone expected of Raven.
Erin looked to Alexander, who had hopped up next to Brody, watching intently. “She asked if you were coming. Mary likes you. It’s a fun adult thing and I so rarely get that. I want you there. I know it’s selfish of me. But we can have some wine and you can tell me about Jonah.”
“Or I can write you an e-mail or you can call.”
Erin’s expression told Raven that her friend wouldn’t let up until she agreed. “Everyone is so nice. I’m not one of you.”
“Stop pretending to be so hard. This is me you’re talking to.”
“It makes me really tired. With you I don’t have to work so fucking hard. I’m just . . . anyway. Maybe I’ll go.”
Erin searched her features and Raven didn’t want to be known so well right then. She craved the lonely—but under her control—space people made around her when they didn’t get her.
And Erin made it worse by hugging her and speaking in her ear. “I love you, Raven. I love every part of you. I accept you because you always have loved every part of me. Thank you.”
“Stop. Please. Not now.” Tears threatened and she willed them away.
Erin brushed the hair back from Raven’s face. “I’m sorry. I just like being around you and it’s been so awesome having you here more since Alexander has come. I want other people to know you like Brody and I do.”
“Yeah, well, not everyone finds my honesty refreshing.” She stepped back, pulling herself together. “I have a client coming in a bit. I’ll talk to you soon. I promise. And I love you too.”
Brody had noted the exchange with a raised brow to Erin, but said nothing. Erin knew her brother would ask her later on just what had transpired between them.
Alexander patted the hand of the client getting the ink. “Nice going, dude.” He hopped down as Brody laughed and kissed the top of his head. “Bye, Bo. See you later. Love you.”
“Love you too, monkey.”
Alexander ran back to his mom but stopped to get a hug from Raven, who’d knelt to get face-to-face with him.
“Love you, Auntie.”
“You know I love you right back. Always and forever. But I like to say it anyway. Because you make me happy. “
Erin knew they weren’t just words to Raven. Many people told kids stuff but didn’t really think on the depth of commitment the words given came with. People said I love you with so much ease, but they didn’t usually mean it. Not really.
The thing people did not understand about Raven, because they only saw her outside, was that she didn’t say anything casually. Or easily. Though she was often blunt, it was her way of trying to connect on some level. But when it didn’t work, it only pushed her further away.
She let very few people get close, but once she loved, she loved totally and forever. Alexander was lucky to have her in his life.
Even her men, who’d distrusted Raven at first, had come to realize just how fiercely Raven loved their son and through that, they’d come to know her better and even to like her.
She needed the details on this thing with Jonah Warner. For far too long, Raven had kept her dalliances shallow and only about the physical. A man like Jonah might only want a few fucks, but Raven was playing it close to the vest. Which was unusual.
“What are you up to tonight?”
“I have a late client here and after that I’m getting a massage.”
“And tomorrow night is tattoo night with the bossy Mr. Warner. So then we obviously need to talk on Saturday. Come along with me. I need to get a new pair of boots and a birthday present for Ella. I’ll pick you up at your place at noon. We can get lunch and go shopping after.”
Raven eyed her suspiciously but nodded. “All right.”
It’d give her more time to work on Raven about going to the supper club too. Win/win.
“Come on, monkey. We need to get bread and milk on the way home.”
“’Kay.” He tucked his hand into hers and squeezed, grinning up at her.
“What’s going on in your life?”
Jonah had just signed on to a video chat with Carrie. She was so grown up, so far across the world, that for a moment the bittersweetness of it was a lump in his throat. This was his child. Only she wasn’t a child anymore. She was nearly grown up. On the cusp of college. She looked a lot like her mother, but he knew she’d react to that beauty differently. And was grateful for it.
“Not much. I’m getting a tattoo on my back. The wolf idea we talked about before you left.”
“Really? Good. Grandmother is going to freak. Please wait to share it with her until I get back so I can see it in person.” She broke into giggles and he snorted.
“Your grandmother thinks you’re such a proper young woman. I won’t spoil it for her just yet. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I’m used to telling you everything every single night when you get home from work. Now I have to e-mail you everything. I went out on a date.” She laughed again, most likely at the look on his face. “He’s in the program here with me. He’s nice, Dad.”
It was really, really hard letting go. He knew he’d raised her right. With a sense of herself and her limits. He knew she’d make mistakes. Everyone did, especially when they were young. But still.
“Be aware I’ll have to have anyone who hurts you killed.” He shrugged. “I know people.”
Carrie’s delighted laugh soothed his suspicion of the phantom boy.
“Mom is going to be in Milan next month. She had her people contact me to see if I’d like to go to lunch and do some shopping.”
He blew out a breath, trying to take cues from Carrie on how to react. He hoped his suspicion and derision didn’t show. Most likely Charlotte wanted an all-
expense-paid weekend and would use their daughter to get that. But god knew he wasn’t going to let that occur to Carrie if he could help it.
“All right. I can add money to your account and get you a ticket and arrange a hotel.” That way he could control it somewhat.
“It’s all right. I have a museum trip that weekend. I don’t want to miss it.”
He didn’t know how to make it better. It tore him up.
“Tell me what you need.”
“She walked away. I wish she hadn’t. But she did. And I have you and everyone else at home. Maybe when I’m older I can do lunch with her and it’ll be okay. But not now. Not for a while. Not here.”
“You don’t have to not see her because you’re worried about how I’ll feel. I want you to have a relationship with your mother, Carrie. She loves you.”
“In her way. But it’s all about her. And right now, here it’s about me. She probably wants to see me to get you to give her more money anyway.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. That bitch he’d married had no right to manipulate their child to get more of anything from him. But she did it and he believed part of it was that she wanted to poke at him, knowing how much he hated it.
“I’m sorry you get put in the middle.”
“I’m a big girl. Anyway, I don’t want you to feel bad. I only told you in case you heard about it otherwise. I didn’t want you to think I was hiding it. Let’s change the subject now. Are you dating?”
“There’s someone interesting. I don’t know yet. Not dating. More like getting to know her first. If she’s dating material, I’ll tell you more.”
“I’m not harboring any fantasies that you’re going to get back with Mom or anything. You’re a man in the prime of his life. I want you out there.”
“I promise I’m not withering up and dying. I take my personal life seriously. I have a family and I’m not just going to bring random people into it. Not because I think you can’t handle it. But because I respect my life and my daughter enough to make the right choices.”
“You’re so awesome. By the way, since I’m buttering you up and all, can I take a side trip to Paris with some of the other kids after Halloween? Just for four days. There’ll be chaperones even.”
“Hm. I want to hear from your program assistant about it. If it looks safe, yes. As long as you’re home for Thanksgiving.”
“Thanks, Dad. And yes, I’ll definitely be home! I got the ticket and everything.”
Things were changing. More than they had in a really long time. Since the divorce, when all the change had been positive but came from an extremely negative process.
But it was five years later. Seven, really, since things had deteriorated so badly between him and the ex. Carrie had blossomed as a teenager. Her grades had improved when Charlotte had left for New York and exited Carrie’s life.
Carrie was moving on to the next step. Going to college in the fall. He missed that little girl he’d taught how to sail. But he knew she’d be a wonderful woman. Knew she was strong and intelligent and would succeed. He was proud of that. Proud of her.
And now he had time to think about himself again. Not as a father. Not as a son or a partner at work. But as a man.
Change was good.
6
“So let’s try you sitting first. I’m going to get the outline started.”
Raven had shown up with her hair tied away from her face, in an ages’-old Bikini Kill T-shirt and faded jeans. She was just as beautiful as she was more dressed up.
“How long will it take, do you think?”
“All told? A full back piece can take several sessions. This is mainly black and gray work, but there’ll be lots of shading. That sort of detail is more time consuming than the larger sections of black.” She shrugged. “It’s not going to be a quick one.”
Not like he was going to complain at getting her in his house one on one.
“Okay then. Dinner after?”
She gave him a raised brow. “You’re not going to feel like making me dinner after I work on you for two hours.”
“I know how to dial a phone. And I promised martinis.”
She shrugged. “All right then.”
He turned music on before pulling his shirt off and sitting, straddling the back of the chair as she rolled a nearby stool over.
“Step one is that I’m going to do a transfer of sorts of my design to your back. Mainly so you can see the position to be sure you like the placement. The detail I do as I go along. I like that part. It’s organic. We gonna be all right with that?”
“Whatever are you trying to say?”
She snorted. “You’re a control freak. This is my design. I make the choices. I’m quite bossy about that.”
“I’m not sure you know me well enough yet to say I’m a control freak. Though you’re right. There are areas I’m willing to cede to you. How the tattoo evolves is one of them. I’ve seen enough of your work to know you have a great aesthetic and one I click with.”
“Hm.”
She settled in behind him, touching him matter-of-factly for several moments before rolling back and putting a mirror in his hand. “Go look to be sure it’s where you want it.”
He did, liking where she’d put it.
“Good.”
“It’ll dominate your back, but in a good way.”
He smiled her way and liked her startled response. Liked shaking her up for some reason. He felt like a predator around her.
“Sit down so I can get started.”
He got back into position and so did she. He watched in the corner of his vision as she got her ink and stuff set up on a low table next to her stool. It wasn’t long before the buzz of the needle machine filled the air and she got closer and began the outline.
Tattooing was a ritual for her. Some people lit candles or prayed. She loved the hum of the needle. Loved the feel of the skin under her hands and the beginning of a new design.
He was muscled. Not in a bodybuilder sense, but he was fit and he had wide shoulders and a strong back. The tat would look sexy on him and he was certainly bold enough to carry off a full back piece.
“Why did you decide to do tattoos?”
“It was a way to get away from sweeping up hair and doing shitty perms at the salon I worked at when I came out to L.A.”
“Did you apprentice or go to school for it?”
“I got a job at a tattoo shop, cleaning up after hours. So I scrubbed toilets, and oh my god, let me say that was enough to get up the nerve to ask the owner if I could do ink work instead. He was a good guy and around my scrubbing and sweeping, he started to train me.”
He’d been good to her. It had been hard for a good year not to suspect that he would use that kindness to get her into bed. But he never betrayed her that way. It had been the first real positive in years. A step into her new life. Where she was in control.
“The money was decent. I had benefits. The better I got and the better my reputation, the easier it was for me to move around and work here and there. Did you always want to be a lawyer?”
He lifted his shoulders. “It’s the family business. My dad and his brother took over the firm their father started.”
“Don’t shrug.”
“Sorry. You’re bossy.”
“I am about my ink.”
“I have to say the pain and the hum of the needle sort of puts me in a trance. Having your hands on me isn’t bad either.”
“I’m the same way when I’m getting work done. I think it’s fairly common. As for having my hands on you—it’s not like you have to get a tattoo for that to happen.”
“True.”
“Back to the subject of the law. Do you like it? Or do you do it because you were expected to?”
“Do you just say whatever pops into your head?”
“Sometimes. If that was rude though, you’ll have to explain why, because I can’t see it.”
“Not rude. Just . . . blunt, I guess. Mo
st people don’t say stuff like, ‘Do you like your job or do you do it because your parents told you to?’”
“Well, one, I’m not most people, and two, I didn’t say exactly that. Lots of people do things because they’re expected to do them. Very few people do things because they love to do them.”
She leaned around him to grab some tissues and that’s when he saw the glasses she had to wear when she worked.
“You wear glasses?”
“When I’m doing close-up work, yes.”
“I like them.”
“Hm.”
“I went to college because it was expected. I never had any intention of doing anything else. I’m the oldest, it’s my duty. But I don’t resent that. My family values education and it’s absolutely true that my education has served me well, presented me with opportunities I’d never have had otherwise. As for law school? For a while I considered urban planning. I still love it, though I do it from a different angle.”
“What about urban planning appeals to you so much?”
She liked to listen to him talk. Liked the easy way he had. So sure of himself, cocky, arrogant even, but not in a douchey way. He liked who he was.
“As you point out, I grew up with a lot. My parents raised us with the knowledge that we had a duty to give back because not everyone had what we did. My father and grandfather before him have always been involved in city planning issues. My grandfather is a master at getting people to pony up money and other resources to social services, for instance. My father and I sit on a committee of public and private representatives to deal with the scarcity of services for the homeless in the county.”
“And how does planning affect that?”
“For instance, there are shelters, but the people in them can’t come in until after six at night and must be out by seven in the morning. They don’t always have the sort of facilities you’d need to land and then keep a job. So how do you then transition from homelessness to getting an apartment if you can’t wash your clothes? If you have no ability to shower?”