by Lee Heaven
Rage has taken over me at this point. I’m sure if it could, steam would be coming out of my ears. How dare this fucking prick come here now and try to apologize. How dare he try and get back in my life now.
Looking up through teary eyes I pierced him straight in the eye. “The time to apologize was fifteen years ago or even seven years ago. But once you walked away it just showed me how ball-less you really were. All this time you knew you could find me and you didn’t. Why now? Is it because I finally have connections? Or did you finally grow a set? When you left me balling on the bank parking lot ground I was crushed and humiliated and now sitting here giving me some half ass apology you think this is going to get you somewhere. I don’t want to know your answers. I’m done. Please don’t contact me again.”
I grab my cup and walk out the door. I can hear the hounds snapping their pictures the second I get to the door. I kept my head down with my hair covering my face to block the tears from their view.
I get five steps down the sidewalk when a hand grabs my elbow and swings me around. “Sarah, I never stopped loving you please don’t walk away from me.”
Looking up into his baby blue eyes with tears streaming down my face and the steadiest voice I can find I say, “I don’t need or want your love. I don’t even want your friendship.” I slap him across the face and try to turn my back to him but he has a firm grasp on my elbow. I actually see a few hounds drop their cameras and step up next to me. Daniel steps between us and Kevin finally lets me go. I retreat down the street and into my building officially blocking him out.
~~~
“Where the fuck were you?” Decker spat out at Daniel. Slamming his fists against the table making the vase full of flowers wobble.
“Decker, this isn’t his fault. He was with me the whole time. Kevin wasn’t going to leave until he had his say. Even with his say I don’t think he’ll leave me alone.” I rush to Daniel’s defense as I grabbed the vase to steady it.
“So what am I suppose to do about him now. The cameras are having a field day with this.” He holds out a printed piece a paper with a picture of me crying in the street with Kevin holding my arm and the headline screaming, “The Devil Makes Jensen’s Angel Cry.”Everything always comes back to my angle wings. I will always be known as Jensen’s Angel now because of them. This just happened to be a great play off of that. If only the press knew how much of a devil Kevin really was.
“Decker, maybe the press calling him the devil will make him leave me alone. Besides, since when does what the press write bother you?”
Decker was always good at keeping at bay whatever the press had to say about him. He had been living with it for almost twenty years. I on the other hand hated that I was in the press. I hated that they hounded me and even though nothing bad had been written yet, I still had lost a piece of my privacy. But that was something I knew I was in for when I moved in with Decker and got involved with him.
“When some dickless asshat has you out on the streets crying it bothers me. You’ve been through enough I don’t want this for you.”
“It’s going to happen whether it’s Kevin on the street making me cry or a bad manicure. The hounds are gonna find some way to plaster us out there. You of all people should know we can’t let them get to us.”
“Fuck,” Decker growls out as he slams his fists on the table again.
Steadying the wobbly flowers again I start to laugh, full on side grabbing laugh.
“What what’s so funny?” Decker says as he and Daniel stare at me like I have two heads.
“Wasn’t it you who two weeks ago was telling me not to take what the press says about me to heart. Not even to pay attention to all those gossip magazines I love. Yet here you are doing exactly what I was doing and I’m the one with the cool level head.”
“When did you start to fit into this world, baby?” He smiled at me.
“The day you took me into your arms and told me you’d protect me.” I smiled back and walked over to where he was standing.
“I didn’t protect you today,” he said as he ran his knuckles down my cheek.
“If it didn’t happen today it would have happened at some point. You can’t protect me from everything. I do have a past and some of that will try and catch up with me at some point we just have to take it with a grain of salt otherwise you’re gonna worry yourself to death."
“What are you gonna do when I leave on Sunday? I’m gonna be gone for almost two months. Who’s going to protect you when I’m gone? Who’s going to make sure nothing bad happens?”
“Decker, breathe. Daniel and Maggie are here. They both can go with me when I take and pick up Josie from school and have to meet Shawn. I haven’t gotten a job yet so I don’t have to worry about that. Hire a whole team if that makes you happy. But no matter how many people you hire to protect me you can’t protect me from everything. You have to relax or you’re never gonna make it through spring training and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be the reason your career ends before its time.”
“I just don’t want you to be scared anymore. I want you to be happy. I want you to get past the panic attacks. I want you to feel loved. I want to give you the world and I want to protect you from all the bad. ”
“That’s a lot of wanting. And I’m not scared anymore. I’ve been happier this past week then I’ve been in the last fifteen years. But Decker, I have PTSD that’s what causes the panic attacks. That is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I have learned methods to control the attacks. I’ve learned ways to come down from an attack. There’s nothing you or anyone else can do to change that.
“Just look at today. Kevin grabbing my arm in the street would have normally sent me into an attack. But the thought of coming back here and having you give me a hug made me remain calm. Speaking of a hug, I could really use one now.”
Decker wraps his arms around me pulling me tight into his muscular chest. I inhale his scent memorizing it. I wrap my arms around his waist and fist my hands into the back of his shirt. I noticed Daniel had slipped out of the room at some point. It was only Decker and I standing in the dining room.
Right here, wrapped in his arms is where I want to be for as long as I can. Then my insecurities take over and fear of being left crying and sadness takes over. “Decker, don’t walk away from me.”
“Baby, where is this coming from? I’m not going anywhere” his hands wrapped around my face pulling it up so I can look into his stunning eyes.
“I’m just afraid. I’ve been hurt so many times over the years that I’m just afraid that I’m gonna be left crying in that bank parking lot again.” Tears leaked from my eyes and his thumbs swiped at them, brushing them away.
“Oh, baby, I will never leave you like that. I will always protect you. I never want to be the reason you shed a tear.”
Decker kisses me long and hard. Smiling when he finally pulls away he runs his knuckles down my face again.
“I’m gonna go peak in on Josie and then I want to watch the news. I think it’s time to send Daniel home. It’s almost eleven and I’m sure his girlfriend would love to see him before he has to leave in the morning to come back here.” Standing on my tip toes, I kiss Decker on the cheek and then whisper, “Apologize for snapping at him. It wasn’t his fault.” Then turn to walk down the hallway to check on Josie.
~~~
I enter the room shaking my head at him. “Did you buy her more dogs?”
Looking anywhere but at me, I see the smile he’s trying to hide. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Shaking my head, “I saw a build-a-bear box on her floor trying to hide out in the corner. Plus there has to be at least three new dogs on her bed.”
“So I took her to build-a-bear and she made a dog. She has such fun there you should see her face.”
Decker has to be the biggest sucker when it comes to that little girl. All she has to do is look up at him and blink and he crumbles. The only one worse than him is T
obias, she doesn’t even have to look at him and he’s falling all over the place trying to make her happy.
“I know what her face looks like there. I’ve taken her there before. But if she made “A” dog where did the other two come from.”
Decker grins. I knew it.
I start laughing. “Let me guess you took Tobias with you and she suckered you two grown men into making animals of your own. Then she gave you the big sad eyes and pouty lips and you two handed them over with no problem.”
“How did you know?” Decker laughed.
“I know my daughter. Plus I know you big old softies. You have a hard time telling her no and Tobias, well I think he would give his left arm to make sure that little girl is happy. You know if you’re not careful she’s gonna have you two buying her real dogs soon.”
He slaps his knee laughing. “She’s already tried. Tobias was about to lay out two grand for a Dalmatian. I had to stop him.”
“You two are in for it. You better learn how to say no or she will drive you two broke.” I giggled back at him.
Taking the remote from the table I turn on the television and flip to the news channel. ‘As I’m sure all of you have seen by now there was a picture taken this morning of Sarah Starr, Yankees Star Decker Jensen’s rumored new girlfriend, out on the street crying while a man holding her elbow stared her down. The press and fans of Jensen’s have dubbed this man “The Devil” in reference to Ms. Starr’s angel winged tattoos that has made her known as “Jensen’s Angel.” Comments floating around on the internet suggest that this is an ex-boyfriend from years ago to even a stalker. While there is no confirmation from Jensen himself, Ms. Starr, or the mystery man to confirm his identity it is obvious that this conversation didn’t go well.”
My cell started ringing. Looking at the screen I see its Chrissy. She never calls me this late. Hell half the time she’s already in bed at this time just so she can ignore her husband. There has to be something wrong.
“What’s wrong, why are you calling so late?” I asked in a rushed voice.
“I just saw the picture. Why didn’t you call me and tell me that asshole actually tracked you down.”
I relaxed a little just knowing nothing was wrong with her or her kids. I was afraid her husband finally lost it and hurt her or the kids really bad this time.
“Chrissy, relax. It was nothing. I spent like a total of two minutes with him. He cornered me in Starbucks wanting to apologize. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and his apology is too little and way too late. Then I left. I got five steps down the sidewalk when he caught up with me. Told me he still loved me. I told him I didn’t want or need his love or friendship. Then I slapped him, turned and left him standing there.”
“Where was Daniel? Why didn’t he stop him from harassing you?”
Why does everyone keep trying to blame Daniel? He did what he was supposed to. He protected me and stopped Kevin when it was time. I wouldn’t have asked him to do anything different.
“Daniel was with me the whole time. He stepped in when it was time.”
“He shouldn’t have let Kevin get that close to you.”
“You know Kevin, he would have found a way somehow.”
Chrissy let out a loud sigh. “Yeah that’s true. He even sent me a message on Facebook asking for your number. I told him to fuck off. Needless to say I got a few choice words back from him.”
Decker peeled off his shirt and dropped it in my lap as he walked past me and toward the hallway. Just as he got to the hallway entrance he dropped his shorts and all he was left in was his grey boxer briefs that hugged his ass. A few steps down the hall he shifted the waistband halfway down his ass.
“I can’t believe he did that. Thanks for having my back. Listen it’s late and Decker’s peeling his clothes off as he walks to the bedroom. So let me go and I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said as I got up off the couch collecting his clothes as I walked toward the bedroom.
“Don’t you dare hang up on me! I wanna hear what it’s like to make love to Decker Jensen. Just put the phone on the table next to the bed. I’ll hang up when you’re done.”
“Chrissy, you’re horrible. I got to go. Love you I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Damn it, Sarah. You’re no fun. Love you talk to you tomorrow…” I heard her ramble just before I hit the end button leaving the phone on the coffee table. As I walked into the bedroom to find a naked Decker standing there waiting for me.
Chapter 8
“Maggie, where’s Decker?” I say as I enter the kitchen and attempt to grab a plate to make myself some breakfast, but Maggie takes it from me and pushes me toward the table where there was a cup of tea waiting.
“He took Josie to school and then had something to do with the bosses over at the stadium,” Maggie told me over her shoulder as she made me some eggs and bacon. “He left you that envelope there,” she said pointing to a thick envelope sitting on the table next to my cup of tea.
Opening the envelope I slide the contents out. “Holy shit!” I breathed.
“What is it?” Maggie asked.
“There has to be two grand in cash here. Plus a black Amex card and a checkbook.” Opening the checkbook I look at the ledger. “Holy fuck!”
“What?”
“He’s fucking insane.” Patting my pockets. “I need my fucking phone where did I leave it.”
Putting the check book down I turn to head to the living room remembering I left it on the coffee table last night after talking to Chrissy.
“Holy shit!” I hear Maggie crack from the kitchen, knowing she looked at the checkbook.
The phone rings twice before he picks up. “Hi, baby. What’s up?”
“Are you fucking crazy?” I squeak out in a voice higher then I intended it to be.
“I see you got the package I left for you,” he says with a laugh in his voice.
“Yeah I got it. Are you fucking crazy? That’s insane.”
“I figured you could use some cash and the card is for when you want to go shopping.”
“And the checkbook?” I whispered.
“That’s for you to do whatever you want with. Go buy a car, a painting, some art. Redecorate the house. Hell, go get more tattoos. I don’t care it’s yours to do with what you want.”
That’s a lot of tattoo’s I can get. No! No, no tattoos.
Oh no. There was no way I could accept this money with a clear consciences. I never expected Decker to give me a penny. I never wanted to be dependent on him. I never expected him to him to support me. And this, this was just too big and way, way, way too much.
“Decker, its two million dollars. I didn’t ask for it. You have given me so much already. I can’t take that from you.”
“Baby, you didn’t have to ask. I wanted to do it. It’s your money now. I won’t take it back. I want you to be set to take care of Josie.”
“Decker, you’re fucking crazy.”
“Baby, I know. I opened an account in Josie’s name to. I put a million in it. She can’t touch it till she’s eighteen, but it’s there so she can go to college and get on her feet. It’s hers no matter where we are in the future, together or not.”
Oh God. He just made sure my daughter was set for life. He just made sure that no matter what happens she can go to any college she wanted. He made sure that no matter what she would never want.
I don’t think I can do this. How am I going to live like this? How do I just take what he’s willing to give me without ever being able to give anything back to him?
“Oh, Decker, you’re gonna kill me. This is all too much.”
“Baby, you’re worth every bit of it. Please let me take care of you.”
“Decker—” I went to protest. This was all too much. I never asked for any of this. I never expected him to give me anything. I never expected this.
He interrupts me, “Baby, listen the bosses are waiting for me. I got to get in there and talk with them. Please just accept the gifts and k
now I will always be here to take care of you.”
“Decker, you’re too much. But go, go talk to your bosses and I’ll see you when you get home later. Bye.”
“Bye, baby. Keep smiling please.”
Putting the phone down I turned back toward the kitchen, shaking my head as I walk in and sit back at the table. How can I accept this from him? Do I need to learn to live like this? Is this how it’s always going to be with him?
“Holy shit, Sarah, that’s a lot of money.” Maggie stood there mouth gaping at the checkbook still in her hand.
“He’s got another one with a million in it for when Josie turns eighteen,” I whispered, not even sure that I said it loud enough for her to hear.
“Holy shit!” Her eyes bugged out of her head.
“Maggie, that’s all that keeps repeating in my head,” I said as I shook my head hoping to wrap my brain around this.
“Holy shit! Go, go get dressed and we’ll go shopping. We have to get some food for dinner with your parents tomorrow,” she smiled and giggled as she abandoned making my breakfast and went bouncing into her room to get dressed.
“Let’s go to Zabar’s. I’ve never been there,” I yelled at her back
“Oh yeah let’s go there. I heard they are great,” she yelled back right before I heard her shower kick on.
~~~