by Jilly Cooper
About the Book
Into the cut-throat world of Corinium television comes Declan O’Hara, a mega-star of great glamour and integrity with a radiant feckless wife, a handsome son and two ravishing teenage daughters. Living rather too closely across the valley is Rupert Campbell-Black, divorced and as dissolute as ever, and now the Tory Minister for Sport.
Declan needs only a few days at Corinium to realise that the Managing Director, Lord Baddingham, is a crook who has recruited him merely to help retain the franchise for Corinium. Baddingham has also enticed Cameron Cook, a gorgeous but domineering woman executive, to produce Declan’s programme. Declan and Cameron detest each other, provoking a storm of controversy into which Rupert plunges with his usual abandon.
As a rival group emerges to pitch for the franchise, reputations ripen and decline, true love blossoms and burns, marriages are made and shattered, and sex raises its (delicious) head at almost every throw as, in bed and boardroom, the race is on to capture the Cotswold Crown.
Jilly Cooper
RIVALS
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RIVALS
A CORGI BOOK : 9780552156370
First published in Great Britain in 1988 by Bantam Press
a division of Transworld Publishers
Corgi edition published 1989
Corgi edition reissued 2007
Copyright © Jilly Cooper 1988
Jilly Cooper has asserted her right under the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Table of Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title
Copyright
About the Author
By Jilly Cooper
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Characters in Alphabetical Order
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
About the Author
Jilly Cooper is a journalist, writer and media superstar. The author of many number one bestselling novels, she lives in Gloucestershire with her husband Leo, her rescue greyhound Feather and her black cat Feral.
She was appointed OBE in 2004 for services to literature, and in 2009 was awarded an honorary Doctorate of Letters by the University of Gloucestershire for her contribution to literature and services to the County.
Find out more about Jilly Cooper at her website www.jillycooper.co.uk
By Jilly Cooper
FICTION
RIDERS
RIVALS
POLO
THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS
APPASSIONATA
SCORE!
PANDORA
WICKED!
JUMP!
NON-FICTION
ANIMALS IN WAR
CLASS
HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS
HOTFOOT TO ZABRISKIE POINT (with Patrick Lichfield)
INTELLIGENT AND LOYAL
JOLLY MARSUPIAL
JOLLY SUPER
JOLLY SUPERLATIVE
JOLLY SUPER TOO
SUPER COOPER
SUPER JILLY
SUPER MEN AND SUPER WOMEN
THE COMMON YEARS
TURN RIGHT AT THE SPOTTED DOG
WORK AND WEDLOCK
ANGELS RUSH IN
ARAMINTA’S WEDDING
CHILDREN’S BOOKS
LITTLE MABEL
LITTLE MABEL’S GREAT ESCAPE
LITTLE MABEL SAVES THE DAY
LITTLE MABEL WINS
ROMANCE
BELLA
EMILY
HARRIET
IMOGEN
LISA & CO
OCTAVIA
PRUDENCE
ANTHOLOGIES
THE BRITISH IN LOVE
VIOLETS AND VINEGAR
DEDICATION
To Annalise Kay
who is as wise as she is
good and beautiful
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A very large number of people helped me with this book. Most of them work in television and are exceptionally busy. They still found the time to talk to me and – particularly in the case of those from HTV – to entertain me with lavishness and generosity. All of them are experts in their own field. But as I was writing fiction, I only took their advice so far as it fitted my plot. The accuracy of the book in no way reflects their expertise. They were also all so nice to me that it was impossible to base any of the unpleasant characters in the story on any of them.
They include Georgina Abrahams, Rita Angel, William Beloe, Michael Blakstad, Roy Bottomley, James Bredin, Adrian Brenard, Doug Carnegie, Stephen Cole, John Corbett, Jenny Crick, Mike Davey, Geoff Druett, Ron Evans, Su Evans, James Gatward, David Glencross, Stuart Hall, Nick Handel, Tom Hartman, Barbara Hazell, Stan Hazell, Paul Heiney, Bruce Hockin, Alison Holloway, Patricia Houlihan, Bryan Izzard, Philip Jones, Barbara Kelly, Susan Kyle, Maurice Leonard, Barrie MacDonald, Billy Macqueen, George McWatters, Steve Matthews, Lesley Morgan, Malcolm Morris, Jack Patterson, Bob Simmons, Tom Walsh, Ann de Winton, Richard Whitely, Ron Wordley
and Richard Wyatt.
Tragically, dear Eamonn Andrews, with whom I was privileged to work for four series on ‘What’s My Line?’, died in November, after the book was finished. His utter integrity, professionalism and gentle humour were a constant source of inspiration while I was writing it.
I should also like to thank the crews, the drivers, the make-up girls and the wardrobe staff with whom I worked over the years, who came up with endless suggestions.
I must thank the people who wrote three books which were invaluable to me in understanding the extraordinarily complicated process by which television franchises are awarded. They are Walter Butler, author of How to Win the Franchise and Influence People, Michael Leapman, author of Treachery? The Power Struggle at TV-am, and Asa Briggs and Joanna Spicer, joint authors of The Franchise Affair – Creating fortunes and failures in Independent Television.
I am also eternally grateful to Peter Cadbury, former Chairman of Westward Television, for giving me access to his autobiography which unaccountably has never been published, to Robin Currie, of the Fire and Rescue Service HQ, Cheltenham, to Toni Westall, secretary to Captain Brian Walpole, General Manager, Concorde, and to Tim and Primrose Unwin for inviting me to some excellent hunt balls.
In addition I need to thank my Bank Manager, Keith Henderson, my publishers, Paul Scherer, Mark Barty-King and Alan Earney and all their staff at Bantam Press and Corgi, and my agent Desmond Elliott, for their faith and continued encouragement.
Three brave ladies, Beryl Hill, Sue Moore and Geraldine Kilgannon, deserve thanks and praise for deciphering my ghastly handwriting and typing several chapters of the manuscript; so does my cleaner, Ann Mills, for mucking out my study once a fortnight.
Finally, once again there are no words adequate to thank Leo, my husband, my children, Felix and Emily, and my secretary, Annalise Kay, whom I regard as one of the family, and who typed ninety per cent of the manuscript. Their collective good cheer, unselfishness and comfort over the past eighteen months knew no bounds.
Bisley, Gloucestershire
1987.
‘Last Christmas’ by George Michael reprinted by kind permission of Morrison and Leahy Music.
‘The Lady in Red’ by Chris de Burgh reprinted by kind permission of Rondor Music (London) Limited.
‘I Get a Kick Out of You’. Words and music by Cole Porter © 1934 Harms Incorporated. Reproduced by permission of Chappell Music Limited, © 1934 Warner Bros. Incorporated. (Renewed). All rights reserved. Used by permission.
‘We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off’ by Narada Michael Walden and Preston Glass © 1986. Reprinted by kind permission of Carlin Music Corporation and Island Music, UK; Mighty Three Music Group and Gratitude Sky Music, USA; MCA/Gilbey and Rondor Music, Australia.
CHARACTERS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER
JOHNNY ABRAHAMS Head of News and Current Affairs, BBC.
GEORGIE BAINES Sales Director, Corinium Television.
LADY BARNSLEY A member of the Independent Broadcasting Authority (IBA), late of the White Fish Authority.
BIRGITTA A comely but bolshie nanny working for the Verekers.
HARDY BISSETT A franchise expert. Late of the IBA.
MR AND MRS BODKIN Rupert Campbell-Black’s couple.
SIR CEDRIC
BONNINGTON Chairman of Mid-West Television.
HUBERT BRENTON Bishop of Cotchester.
ANTHONY, SECOND
BARON BADDINGHAM Chairman and Managing Director, Corinium Television.
MONICA BADDINGHAM His wife.
ARCHIE BADDINGHAM His elder son.
BASIL BADDINGHAM Tony’s illegitimate brother, ace polo player, and owner of the Bar Sinister in Cotchester High Street.
SEBASTIAN BURROWS A news reporter, Corinium Television.
DAYSEE BUTLER A very beautiful, stupid PA, Corinium Television.
RUPERT
CAMPBELL-BLACK Minister for Sport. Tory MP for Chalford and Bisley. Ex-member of the British show-jumping team.
MARCUS
CAMPBELL-BLACK His son.
TABITHA
CAMPBELL-BLACK His daughter.
CAMERON COOK Producer/Director, NBS, New York. Later Head of Drama, Corinium Television.
CHARLES CRAWFORD Retiring Chairman of the IBA.
JUDGE DAVEY A member of the IBA.
OWEN DAVIES Leader of the Opposition.
WESLEY EMERSON Gloucester and England bowler.
SUZY ERIKSON An American ex-girlfriend of Rupert Campbell-Black.
LADY EVESHAM An early feminist, and non-executive Director, Corinium Television.
CHARLES FAIRBURN Head of Religious Broadcasting, Corinium Television.
JOHNNY
FRIEDLANDER American actor and megastar.
MARTI GLUCKSTEIN A brilliant East End accountant.
MALISE GORDON Ex-chef d’équipe of the British show-jumping team.
HELEN GORDON His wife. Ex-wife of Rupert Campbell-Black and mother of Marcus and Tabitha.
LADY GOSLING Chairman of the IBA.
GRACE Declan O’Hara’s housekeeper.
CRISPIN GRAYSTOCK Professor of English at Cotchester University and a disgusting lecher.
HENRY HAMPSHIRE Lord-Lieutenant of Gloucestershire-a much less disgusting lecher.
SIMON HARRIS Controller of Programmes, Corinium Television.
GEORGINA HARRISON An undergraduate.
RONNIE HAVEGAL Head of Co-Productions, NBS, New York.
HAZEL A BBC make-up girl.
RALPHIE HENRIQUES An undergraduate at Trinity Dublin.
IVOR HICKS Corporate Development Controller, Corinium Television.
JILLY Yet another Vereker nanny, but for once a dependable boot.
BEATTIE JOHNSON Fleet Street columnist, ghosting Rupert Campbell-Black’s memoirs.
GINGER JOHNSON Financial Director, Corinium Television. No relation to Beattie.
FREDDIE JONES A multi-millionaire in electronics.
VALERIE JONES His wife, a nightmare.
SHARON JONES His overweight daughter.
DEIRDRE KILPATRICK A researcher at Corinium Television.
LAVINIA Patrick O’Hara’s girlfriend.
BILLY LLOYD-FOXE Sports Presenter, BBC.
JANEY LLOYD-FOXE An author and national newspaper columnist.
DERMOT MACBRIDE A playwright and Angry Not-So-Young man.
JOYCE MADDEN Lord Baddingham’s secretary, Corinium Television.
MRS MAKEPIECE A ‘treasure’ who cleans for Valerie Jones and Lizzie Vereker.
KEVIN MAKEPIECE Her son.
TRACEY MAKEPIECE Her daughter.
SALLY MAPLES Head of Children’s Programmes, Yorkshire Television.
MIKE MEADOWS Head of Sport, Corinium Television.
MRS MENZIES-SCOTT Ex-head of the Women’s Institute, a member of the IBA.
GERALD MIDDLETON Parliamentary Private Secretary to Rupert Campbell-Black.
DECLAN O’HARA A television megastar.
MAUD O’HARA His ex-actress wife.
PATRICK O’HARA His son, an undergraduate at Trinity Dublin.
AGATHA (TAGGIE)
O’HARA His elder daughter.
CAITLIN O’HARA His younger daughter.
ORTRUD Yet another of the Verekers’ comely nannies.
CYRIL PEACOCK Lord Baddingham’s PA and sometime Press Officer, Corinium Television.
THE VERY REVEREND
FERGUS PENNEY An ex-Prebendary of the Church of England, and a member of the IBA.
PERCY Lord Baddingham’s chauffeur.
PASCOE RAWLINGS The most powerful theatrical agent in London.
BARTON SINCLAIR Director of The Merry Widow.
SKIP A beautiful American lawyer.
LORD SMITH An ex-Secretary of the TGWU.
DAME ENID SPINK A distinguished composer and Professor of Music at Cotchester University.
PAUL STRATTON Tory MP for Cotchester. An ex-Cabinet Minister.
SARAH STRATTON His ravishing second wife and ex-secretary.
SYDNEY Rupert’s driver.
URSULA Declan O’Hara’s secretary.
JAMES VEREKER Anchorman of ‘Cotswold Round-Up’, Corinium Television.
LIZZIE VEREKER His wife, a novelist.
ELEANOR VEREKER His daughter.
SEBASTIAN VEREKER His son.
HAROLD WHITE Director of Programmes, London Weekend Television.
MAURICE WOOTON A bent Gloucestershire property millionaire.
RIVALS
1
Sitting in the Concorde departure lounge at Heathrow on a perfect blue June morning, Anthony, second Baron Baddingham, Chairman and Managing Director of Corinium Television, should have been perfectly happy. He was blessed with great wealth, a title, a brilliant career, a beautiful flat in Kensington, houses in Gloucestershire and Tuscany, a loyal, much-admired wife, three charming children and a somewhat demanding mistress, to whom he had just bidden a long farewell on the free telephone beside him.
He was about to fly on his favourite aeroplane, Concorde, to his favourite city, New York, to indulge in his favourite pastime – selling Corinium’s programmes to American television and raising American money to make more programmes. Tony Baddingham was a great believer in using Other People’s Money, or OPM as he called it; then if a project bombed, someone else picked up the bill.
As a final bonus, neatly folded beside him were the morning papers, which he’d already read in the Post House Hotel, and which all contained glowing reports of Corinium’s past six months’ results, announced yesterday.
Just as he had been checking out of the Post House an hour earlier, however, Tony’s perfect pleasure had been ruined by the sight of his near neighbour and long-term rival, Rupert Campbell-Black, checking in. He was scribbling his signature with one hand and holding firmly on to a rather grubby but none-the-less ravishing girl with the other.
The girl, who had chipped nail polish, wildly tangled blonde hair, mascara smudges under her eyes, and a deep suntan, had obviously just been pulled out of some other bed and was giggling hysterically.
‘Ru-pert,’ she wailed, ‘there simply isn’t time; you’ll miss the plane.’