“I’ll follow your advice, this time,” I said in what I hoped was a voice that brooked no argument, but really, all I wanted to do was crack the fuck up. “I’ll keep writing about Marco and Gabriella and their descent into depravity. You make a plan for how we’ll begin our own fall into that well.”
“I think I know just where to start, but it’s not here. I don’t think we’re likely to find a fully equipped dungeon in Santa Fe or Albuquerque. No, we need to hoof it back to my town. We probably won’t be able to swing a dead cat without hitting some fetish club or event.”
“A dead cat?”
“It’s just a saying,” Clarisse replied with a dismissive wave of her hand, taking another long swallow from her coffee mug.
“Don’t you think we should start small, rather than jumping into the deep end with something like a fetish club?”
“What do you mean? What else would we do?”
“How about we do some shopping? You know, buy a few softcore toys and experiment just the two of us?”
“We could do that,” she replied, absently chewing on her lower lip. “Do you want to turn your other spare room into a playroom? It’s big enough for something modest.”
“You don’t do anything halfway, do you?” I observed. I’d only had in mind some velvet restraints, possibly a blindfold and a paddle.
“I always aim high, Wyatt,” she said looking smug. “After all, look where I’ve ended up in just a few short years.”
“If my bed is the pinnacle of your goals, perhaps you need to reevaluate them,” I joked.
“I think some people might think it’s a pretty lofty one although they’re probably not imagining being here fully clothed,” she said, looking down at her rumpled blouse. “And on that note, I should probably shower and get ready for the day. Are there any sex shops in the area?”
“There’s one a few miles away, I think. I’ve passed it about a million times, but I’ve never stepped foot inside.”
“After my shower, I’ll get online and make a list, assuming there’s more than one around here. I still think Vegas might be our best bet even if we’re going to start small.”
* * *
That afternoon, I found myself pulling into the parking lot of McDiddly’s Pleasure Cove, Clarisse strapped in the passenger seat next to me. It was the only sex shop in a fifty-mile radius of my house. The ramshackle storefront with blacked-out windows didn’t give me much confidence in the merchandise we might find inside.
Ever the go-getter, Clarisse was out of the car as soon as I engaged the emergency brake. She stood at the end of the car, waiting for me to come around. As we walked to the front door, I was surprised when she took my hand. I looked down at her in question.
“We should play the part, don’t you think?” she said, smiling sweetly.
“If that’s what you want to do, shouldn’t you be three steps behind me with your eyes lowered?”
“Fuck that. Don’t even think I’ll be that kind of sub,” she said tartly.
“What other kind of sub is there?” I asked, puzzled. If that’s not what she wanted, what did she?
“Do you really want an obedient girl who does absolutely everything you say?”
“I think that’s always the objective, yes,” I replied after pondering the question for about two point five seconds.
“Then what’s up with all the sassy heroines in your books? The girls with the smart mouths, the fire, and passion?”
“That’s what women like to read about. The ones who need to be tamed. It’d be pretty boring to read if they all started out as these meek little mice who already know just how to serve a man.”
“So, how is this any different?”
“You’re supposed to want to please your Dom,” I said as I opened the glass door to the shop. “You’re supposed to be looking for approval, not spankings. If you’re just trying to provoke me, then who’s really the Dominant?”
She started chewing on her lower lip again, indicating she was giving serious thought to something.
“Well, I want what you write about. Don’t we get to make our own rules?” she asked as she passed me and walked inside.
“So, you want my permission to let you manipulate me?”
“No. I just want to be able to remain who I am while still exploring the side of this culture that appeals to me,” she said thoughtfully.
“Maybe you just want kinky sex. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Let’s just look around, see what calls to us. We can talk about the details later.”
“For someone so meticulous about business, you’re surprisingly ambiguous when it comes to sex.”
“Oh, shut up and find something that looks fun.”
If pressed to admit it, I had the feeling Clarisse would never be any kind of submissive, in or out of the bedroom, but damned if I wasn’t already having fun with her. Her sarcasm tickled me, along with her determination to explore something she clearly had no real clue about. Me being me, I was game to give anything a try, especially if it might lead to some quality time with her.
We browsed the shelves, picking up an assortment of vibrators that looked interesting. When we happened upon anal plugs, I picked up a shiny stainless-steel one with a pretty purple gem on the end.
“What do you make of this?” I asked, thinking it looked good to me, functional and aesthetically pleasing. “It doesn’t look too big to start out with. I should ask if you even have any interest in anal play.”
“I’m interested in all of it right now, except maybe the super-freaky stuff like needle and fire play.”
“That’s good because I’m the last person to ask for something like that. You want to be tied down and get a few spankings? I’m your guy. Anything more exotic, you’re probably going to want someone who knows what they’re doing,” I said, tossing the plug into the shopping basket Clarisse carried in her hand.
Once we’d amassed our “BDSM Starter Kit,” I was eager to get back to Wyatt’s house. I wanted to jump straight into the good stuff but kept a lid on my enthusiasm. We’d invested in a riding crop, a suede flogger, a leather paddle, a pair of leather cuffs that clipped together, the butt plug he’d picked out, and at his insistence, nipple clips. It seemed we’d covered our bases as far as the routine stuff went, at least from the things I’d read in many of the darker romance books I gravitated toward. I was still keen to visit a dungeon and try out bigger equipment, but if he wasn’t as experienced as I’d originally thought, he had a valid point about us going slow.
Taking a seat on his sofa, I rummaged through our shopping bags. I pulled out the leather cuffs, trying to imagine how we’d use them. Wyatt’s voice broke through my immediate fantasy.
“Don’t you think this is just a little odd? I mean, yeah, we had our New Year’s kiss, but we haven’t really gotten to know each other much, and we’re not dating. Doesn’t the idea of us agreeing to just enter a sexual relationship like this just make you feel weird?”
“It’s unusual, I admit, but I don’t feel weird about it at all. Maybe because I’ve thought about it for so long, or maybe because of the books I’ve read where many of the relationships start out completely impersonal and with a contract. You even have a book or two like that. Why would it seem weird to you?” I asked as he took a seat next to me and picked up one of the other bags, fishing around in it just like I had.
“I don’t know, maybe just because it’s new territory for me. Sure, I can write about this stuff, but I’m in control of everything when I do.”
“You’ll still be in control of everything, that’s kind of the whole point.”
“But I won’t be, not entirely. Let’s say under the best of circumstances, I am completely in control of everything that goes on. The one thing I can’t control is your reaction to any of it. That’s all on you. What if you don’t like something? What do we do then?”
“Well, I guess now is the time we talk about safe words and limits and all tha
t.”
“Do you have a safeword?” he asked curiously.
“I’ve never done this before, so of course not. I want something more fun than red, yellow, and keep going,” I said playfully.
“Wouldn’t those be easier to remember though? You know, in case things are so intense we’re not thinking straight?”
“If I’m not enjoying myself, I won’t be in the moment, I’d think. Let’s see… how about ‘grapefruit’ for no?”
“Grapefruit? Where in the hell did that come from?”
“Simple. I hate grapefruit with a passion,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
“Fair enough. Can we just use green and yellow for the others though? I don’t want to make this more complicated than it needs to be. It’ll help me stay in control better, I think. I don’t want to get carried away and taking things too far.”
“You’re supposed to want to push my boundaries,” I replied helpfully.
“I’ve got to find out where they are first.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” I asked, hopping up from my seat and holding out my hand. “Your bedroom awaits.”
“I can’t just perform on command like that,” he said, looking up at me like I’d lost my mind. “At least buy me dinner before trying to get me into bed!”
“Oh, that’s right, we have your reputation to think of,” I teased.
“You know, bringing that up is definitely counterproductive to getting what you want, missy,” he said as he stood up and crossed the room, grabbing his wallet and keys from the side table near the door.
“What are you doing?” I asked, turning my head to look at the hallway leading to the bedrooms.
“Since your skills in the art of seduction could use some work, I’m going to take you out for a nice steak dinner and good booze. You know they say the quickest way into a man’s pants is through his stomach.”
“That’s love, genius. As far as I know, the best way to get into a man’s pants is just to go straight through his zipper.”
“The old Wyatt might have agreed with that. In fact, I know he would. But you’re dealing with a new and improved man, and I require some wooing.”
I was cracking up inside. After all our talk, I thought he’d be just as eager as I was to get to bed. Instead, I was negotiating with a guy who seemed to need some warming up. He was a puzzle—one I desperately wanted to solve, so I grabbed my purse and headed out the door with him.
“Fine, we can go eat, but even though I’m the one wooing you in this scenario, don’t think for a minute that I’m buying.”
* * *
Wyatt took me to a casual steakhouse known for its “Big Cowboy” T-bone steaks which he ordered. I opted for a petite cut of prime rib. When the waiter brought out or plates, my eyes bulged at the slab of meat sitting on his plate. It was larger than my head. I had no idea where he was going to put all that food, considering it was also accompanied by a giant baked potato and a super-sized ear of corn.
“You’re going to be too stuffed to move if you finish all that,” I cautioned him. “How will we ever get started on our experiment if you have indigestion?”
“Trust me, I’ll be up to the task. The question is, will you?” he asked cockily, looking at me with challenge written all over his smug face.
“I don’t intend on over-indulging. At least not with food,” I smirked back.
“That’s up to me, don’t you think?”
“What’s up to you?” I asked confused.
“Well, all of it, really. But what I meant was how much you indulge. Maybe I’ll just tie you up and let you sit while I relax for a while.”
“You wouldn’t do that!” I almost shouted. That was definitely not the kind of shenanigans I had in mind.
He chuckled at my vehemence, making me feel flustered and annoyed.
“Well, at least now I’ve learned how to punish you when you step out of line.”
“So help me, Wyatt, if you do that to me, I’ll…”
“You’ll do what? Rebel some more? Or will you become nice and docile to get the rewards good girls get?”
I stewed for a minute. Maybe he was better at this whole Dom thing than he realized. I decided to just shut my fat mouth and eat my food. We were quiet for a few minutes, each of us enjoying our meals. The food really was good, my cut of meat juicy and so tender, I could probably have cut it with my fork. Finally, Wyatt spoke.
“So, tell me… What makes you think you want this whole D/s relationship in the first place? I have to say, just in the brief time I’ve known you, it really doesn’t seem like you. You’re pretty headstrong and driven.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. Haven’t you heard about all those powerful men, CEOs and politicians and whatnot who are secret submissives? They find it fulfilling to let someone be in control for a little bit. It’s like a safe place. I want that, but I want the whole shebang,” I said, doing my best to explain what I envisioned.
“The whole shebang?” he said, amused.
“You know what I mean. I eventually want something twenty-four-seven.”
“You want someone to take over your whole life? Clarisse, just doing what you do for a living kind of countermands that fantasy.”
“What I do for a living and how I live my life are two different things. I want a man, Wyatt. A traditional relationship where he’s in control, makes all the decisions, is the boss.”
“What and you stay home in pearls baking cookies and making pot roast on Sundays?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered, waving my hand.
“I’m not trying to be. I really want to understand where your head is with this. I think it’s my responsibility to know, don’t you? I can’t give you what you need if you don’t tell me.”
“I want what you want, Wyatt. I want to serve you, tend to your needs.”
“But you already are. You’re my assistant. You’ve already done amazing things for me.”
“That’s different. You told me what you needed and therefore what I wanted. This is supposed to go a little differently.” Was I not suited for this role after all? I shook my head internally. No. I knew this was what I wanted.
“Well, you’re the boss, Wyatt. Your wish is my command,” I said before taking the last bite of my steak. I hadn’t intended to eat the whole thing, but it was just too delicious. Now, I might not be in any shape for kinky games.
“So, what about having someone ‘take control’ appeals to you? On the most basic level, what makes you crave this kind of dominance so much?” he asked, now just moving his food around on his plate with a contemplative look on his face.
“I want to be taken care of. To be treasured and valued but also someone who makes sure I’m safe and secure. I don’t have that. I’ve been responsible for myself since I was seventeen. My brother and I pretty much had to fend for ourselves growing up. Dad left our mom when I was eight and Diego was six. My mom was never the same after that. She approached life as one huge chore for her to get through, including being a parent. Rather than put more on her than she could handle, we pretty much fended for ourselves.”
“You have a brother named Diego?” he asked curiously.
“Yes, I do. We went about this so fast, you don’t even know,” I muttered, cursing my impetuousness. “My last name is Flores. My dad is Mexican-American, and my mom is first generation American. Her parents were from Belgium.”
“I can’t believe I never even asked,” Wyatt said shaking his head. “What kind of person hires someone without even knowing their last name?”
“Apparently you’re as impatient as I am,” I volunteered, secretly delighted that he’d been focused on other things about me. That was until he spoke again.
“I must be. But that’s hardly a good thing, is it? Not if I’m going to try to be your Dominant.”
I chewed on my lower lip as I wondered if he was right. I rejected the idea immediately, unwilling to believe it wouldn’t work. His imagination a
lready leaned toward all things alpha male, his writing alone proved that. I just needed to foster and nourish that side of him, and it’d naturally emerge. I’d always been playing for the long-game, I just was going to have to go about this in an entirely different manner than I’d thought.
“We’re bound to make a few missteps along the way. I didn’t even think to tell you,” I replied, clearing my throat before moving on. “So now you know. I’m a quarter-Mexican and come from a broken home. I broke out on my own right after high school and never looked back.”
“All things to be proud of. Well, maybe not the broken home part, but that had nothing to do with you. You’re a strong woman, Clarisse.”
“Who needs an even stronger man,” I said decisively.
“Yeah, about that,” he started, but I cut him off.
“This is going to work Wyatt. You may not be a character in one of your books, but all that came from your head, so I know it’s in there, in you. We just need to draw it out. Just like we need to tap into that part of me that needs the protection and power of a Dominant. We just need time.”
He nodded, although he didn’t seem convinced. My mind wandered to the bag of tricks waiting for us at his place. Maybe after a little kinky time, he’d be more certain that this was a viable relationship for us.
“I don’t know about you, but this is surreal for me. I’ve never negotiated the terms of a relationship before embarking on one. It’s… awkward,” he finally said.
“No, it’s just different, so it feels that way. It’s not, at least not to me. We’re skipping a lot of the tap dancing. We know what we want, we’re just being honest about it.”
“How about we try the wooing part again?” he said pushing his plate away. “I think we still haven’t gotten off the wrong foot on that part yet.”
“What do you want me to do Wyatt, go buy you some flowers?” I asked, completely clueless as to how I should woo a man. I could seduce him, but he seemed to want more. I didn’t know what to do with that.
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