by Jay Bell
“It’s in the car.” William became distracted by the room they walked into.
Kelly stepped aside and let him take the lead, reassessing it all. The bedroom was about the same size as William’s, although the vaulted ceilings made it seem larger. He didn’t have a television, but the computer and large desk in one corner functioned as an entertainment center. He relied on the machine for almost everything; playing his music, watching illegally downloaded movies, or editing his photos. Like William, he had a dresser, but Kelly’s fit in the walk-in closet. The only other substantial pieces of furniture were a queen-size bed and a shelf filled mostly with photography books.
“Sorry to disappoint you,” he joked, “but I don’t have any Transformers.”
William shot him a quick smile before returning his attention to the room. He seemed most interested in the matted and framed photos on the wall.
“Are these yours?” William asked.
“Some of them,” Kelly said. “Most of the black and whites are, although the smoking-hot guy pouring water over himself is by Will McBride. And this one—” he pointed to a shirtless man wearing drag queen makeup, his hand on the shoulder of another guy “—is by Nan Goldin. The sailor boy and captain obviously isn’t mine. You’re familiar with Pierre et Gilles, right?”
William shook his head.
“Oh. Well my photos aren’t next to theirs because I think they deserve to be. I’m not that deluded. I only hung them up recently to help me compare what I’m doing. And to see what I need to leam or which direction I should go.”
William glanced over at him. “My action figures seem even lamer now. I don’t have anything artistic like this.”
Kelly shook his head. “Sure you do. Someone had to sculpt that rhino figure, decide how it would be painted, and design the parts to move correctly. That’s art too. Maybe even of a higher caliber, since all I have to do is point a camera and push a button.”
“It’s not that easy,” William said. “Remind me to show you the photos on my phone. They’re terrible. Oh.”
That last syllable sounded strained. William had noticed a photo on the wall. Jared, smoking a cigarette. The morning had been cold, and when he exhaled, his breath and the smoke had woven together into a ghostly fog, like his soul was pouring from his body.
“I’ve been meaning to take that down,” Kelly said. “Unfortunately it’s one of my best.”
“Yeah,” William said. “In more than one way.”
“Meaning?”
William glanced over at him. “I never found Jared attractive before. Now I know what you saw in him. This photograph reveals it.”
Kelly considered it anew, feeling a little jealous himself. Did the man in the photo represent William’s type? The messy hair in need of a cutting? The haunted gaze that stared into the morning light? Jared didn’t look much like that normally, but Kelly found himself wishing he had already taken down the photo.
“Honey!” shouted his mother’s voice. “We’re ready!”
William flinched in surprise, causing Kelly to chuckle. “She should have been an opera singer instead of a lawyer. Let’s go before she really gets loud.”
The candles of his cake were already lit, and everyone was singing when he arrived. This never failed to make him smile. He realized halfway through the song that he didn’t have a birthday wish prepared. He took such things seriously, as if once a year he was given a magic spell he could use for anything he wanted. So what did he desire? William? Yes, but wishing for that felt like cheating, meaning a more subtle approach was required.
“Make a wish!” his mother cried.
Kelly leaned over the cake, filling his lungs with air. Whoever he is. Whoever I’m supposed to be with to make me feel complete, just let me find him. No matter how long it takes.
He blew out all the candles with one breath. Not bad considering there were seventeen of them. Then came presents. Bonnie elbowed her way to the front of the crowd.
“Open mine first. That way if you get anything awesome, mine won’t look bad by comparison.”
Kelly tore off the wrapping paper to discover a handmade frame, complete with glass. Sure the wood was painted purple when he preferred a neutral black. And maybe the sides weren’t exactly even, making the frame lopsided, but he loved it anyway because he could tell it was homemade. Or schoolmade, as it turned out.
“I built that in shop class,” Bonnie said. “You’d think a lesbian would be good at carpentry, but no.”
“You’re battling stereotypes,” Kelly said. “I’m proud of you.”
“That’s one way of looking at it. I know it’s a disaster. I don’t expect you to put any of your photos in it but—”
“Of course I will!” Kelly said. “Just try and stop me!”
“Well, thanks,” Bonnie said. “If anyone laughs when they see it, tell them it’s one-of-a-kind. The shop teacher had to custom cut the glass just to make it fit.”
“I’ll treasure it,” Kelly said. But for now, he was hungry for more presents. While everyone else was eating cake, he kept ripping them open, although there were less than usual this year. Cards with money from both sets of grandparents, a videogame from Royal they could play together, and a book about studying for the SATs from a career-centric uncle. That just left a thin present the size of a magazine. Kelly opened it while trying to imagine anything so small that wouldn’t be disappointing. The paper fell away, revealing a brochure for camera equipment.
“I had to wrap something,” his mother explained. “We’re taking you to get your telephoto lens.”
“For real?” Kelly asked, delighted. “When?”
“As soon as you get a job and earn the money,” his father said. “Doug! Don’t tease the boy on his birthday!” She squeezed her husband’s arm playfully before addressing Kelly again. “Eat up. Then we can go. As long as it won’t take too long. We have dinner reservations.” “Not a problem,” Kelly said. “I know exactly what I want!”
He flipped through the catalog, found the telephoto lens, and showed it to his parents. His father groaned dramatically when seeing the price. Then they turned their attention to eating. Except for Royal, who had already finished his cake and was pestering William with questions.
“How big are your muscles? Have you ever measured them? You know you cost my brother the race, right? You ever been in a fight? How many guys do you think you could beat up at once?”
William took all of this in stride, realizing there was no point in answering truthfully since that would only disappoint Royal. Instead William started talking about the time an alligator had gotten into the school swimming pool, and how only he had been brave enough to dive in and wrestle it out. All the while, a puddle of melting ice cream was slowly spreading across his colorful paper plate.
“Finish your cake,” Kelly said, nudging him. “I’ve got shopping to do!”
William shrugged apologetically at Royal before making short work of his food. When Laisha offered him seconds, William’s face lit up before Kelly started tapping his foot impatiently.
“Can I get that to go?” he asked.
“Sure,” Laisha said. “Just as long as you’re riding in Kelly’s car and not my van.”
“Better head out,” Kelly said, hopping to his feet. “We don’t want to be late for dinner. Or shopping.”
“You’re like a little kid,” William teased him on the way out the door.
“You’re one to talk. Should we stop by Toys R Us on the way?”
“I love Toys R Us!” Bonnie chimed in. “I’m applying for a job there as soon as I get my license.”
“Then you two will have plenty to talk about,” Kelly said. “Wait up. I’ll be right back.”
He rushed upstairs to fetch his camera bag. Then he printed out a listing he’d bookmarked online that showed exactly what he wanted. When he returned downstairs again, everyone was outside.
“Should I drive?” William asked. “Let me be your birthday chauffe
ur.”
“Thanks,” Kelly said, heading for the blue Taurus. “That’s sweet... but it doesn’t count as my present, right?”
William shook his head mysteriously. “Wait and see.”
Kelly and Bonnie got into the backseat together, pretending to be ridiculously rich, swirling imaginary snifters of brandy while directing William. “Driver, turn here! Pick up the pace, won’t you? Please ask those pedestrians to go away. They offend me!”
In reality all William had to do was follow Kelly’s family to the camera store. When they arrived, Kelly’s heart pounded in excitement. Funny how a material object could cause such an emotional reaction. But it was more than that. He’d only owned one lens before. Getting a different kind would open up so many new possibilities. These hopes were soon dashed when the salesman told them the lens Kelly wanted was out of stock. However, the store did have another with slightly higher specs... and a higher price tag.
He turned a pleading expression on his parents. His mother smiled. His father shook his head. Five minutes later, Kelly was strutting out the door, clutching a box to his chest.
“I love you guys so much,” he said. “I’ve mentioned that, right?”
“Yes,” his father said. “You even told the cashier that you love her.”
“Did I?”
“Yes,” Bonnie said. “And then you kissed her hand.”
“I didn’t!” Kelly said, looking panicked.
“You didn’t,” William confirmed. “But you did make her blush. That was cute.”
As they piled back into their cars, Kelly was glad William drove. He was too blissed out to focus on the road. He wished they could skip dinner so he could play with his new gear. He considered fiddling with it at the table, but he didn’t want pasta sauce splattering the lens. Dinner went by in a blur, his mind full of clicking shutters and whirring lenses. When they were leaving the restaurant, he couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’ve got to try this thing out while there’s still light.” The sun had already sunk over the horizon, but a residual glow remained.
“Why don’t you three go out and have some fun?” his mother suggested.
“Actually,” Bonnie said, eyeing William for a moment, “I need to get home. Think you can give me a ride?”
“Of course,” Laisha said, all too knowingly. “You boys have a good time. Don’t worry about a curfew.”
“Try telling my mother that,” William joked.
Soon they were alone. Kelly unboxed the long lens on the trunk of William’s car and attached it to his camera with a satisfying twist and a click. “Hell yes,” he whispered.
He picked up the camera and squinted through the viewfinder. The Italian restaurant they had just left now appeared much closer. He could even focus on the windows to see the patrons slurping up pasta inside.
“I can see what they’re eating,” Kelly said. “I shit you not.”
He swung the lens around, pointing it at William for an extreme close-up. He had to take a few steps back to get a better view. Then he noticed something odd. Most people, when suddenly faced with a cold camera lens, either reacted bashfully or started grinning. William’s expression remained the same. He continued watching Kelly calmly, his eyes a little shiny. Kelly snapped a photo, then lowered the device.
“You been in front of a camera before?” he asked.
William shook his head. “No more than anyone else.”
“Go on, admit it,” Kelly said, raising the camera again. “You’re a supermodel, aren’t you?” He started snapping photos, stepping back to keep William in frame. This summoned a smile, but he still didn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable.
“Shouldn’t we find somewhere more scenic?”
Kelly stopped playing around. “You’re right. I need a view. This thing is made for distance.”
William nodded slowly. “I think I know a place.”
He drove them across Austin and through downtown, Kelly using the lens like a telescope at every stoplight. Their destination was familiar to him, although he hadn’t been to Zilker Park since his childhood. He had fond memories of digging up fake dinosaur bones in a massive sandbox and riding with Royal on a miniature train, making him long for a more innocent time.
“I used to love this place,” William said, perhaps having similar thoughts.
“Me too,” Kelly said, “but I don’t think the fun stuff is open this late.”
“That’s not our destination,” William said, parking the car. He nodded through the windshield. “Ever been on the Pfluger Bridge?”
“Nope. Sounds contagious.”
William smiled. “Come see.”
They walked down the street, heading for a curved ramp that arched over the Colorado River. Kelly could already see the reason they were here. Off in the distance, Austin’s skyline sparkled with multicolored lights. He picked up the pace, eager to get out to the middle of the bridge where they’d have the best vantage point. Once there, Kelly pressed against the rail to steady himself and raised his camera. The night had fully descended, the only light coming from lamps lining the bridge and the twinkling diamond-encrusted buildings across the river. A wide-angle lens would be better, especially for a panoramic view like this, but Kelly took delight in focusing on different aspects of it anyway. He’d never capture the true beauty, not even if the equipment and conditions were ideal. He didn’t expect to. But if just one of his photos expressed a fragment of what he saw and felt now—that would be enough.
“So,” William said, clearing his throat. “Is that thing digital, or do you have real film inside?”
“Digital.” Kelly pulled his eye from the viewfinder, realizing that he’d been taking photos for the better part of fifteen minutes. “I used to have a film camera, but I blew through way too much cash on refills and development.”
“Oh.” William looked a little anxious. He patted his pockets, eventually producing a pack of gum. He unwrapped a stick and popped it in his mouth before holding the pack out to Kelly. Then his cheeks turned red. “Want a piece?”
“Sure,” Kelly said, eyeing him a moment longer.
They chewed in silence as they took in their surroundings. William seemed most focused on the people, watching who was coming and going from both sides of the bridge. Then he spit his gum out into the paper wrapper. “I’m done,” he said. “Are you?”
“I guess so.” Kelly mimicked his actions, his pulse kicking into high gear. He had a feeling they were here to do more than just take photos. William kept taking deep breaths. Unless he was about to dive into the river for a swim, he seemed to be working up his courage. This was obviously a very big deal to him. His first? Forcing himself not to smile, Kelly detached the telephoto lens, placing it safely in its case and reattaching the normal lens. Then he snapped a quick photo of William looking all flustered and uncertain.
“I thought you were done taking photos,” he said.
“I can be,” Kelly said, “if you can think of something better to do.” William glanced around again and licked his lips. “I wanted to give you your birthday present.”
Kelly smiled and leaned back against the rail. “I’m ready.”
“Yeah. Good.” William stepped forward, the toe of his shoe accidentally kicking Kelly’s foot. “Oh, sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Kelly said.
William steeled himself and brought his body closer to Kelly’s. The camera lens poked him in the chest, causing him to look down in confusion.
“Sorry,” Kelly said, unstrapping it from around his neck and carefully tucking it away in the case. “So. About that present.”
William took another deep breath, seeming on the verge of tears. All amusement left Kelly, the vulnerability pulling him forward. He stopped just before their lips touched and left the rest up to William. He placed a hand on Kelly’s face, his thumb stroking downward and stopping at the edge of his lips, as if to guide him. The rest happened so slowly, so carefully, as if William was determin
ed to get it absolutely right. Their lips brushed together, not once but twice before William pressed them more firmly together. He held them there, exhaling through his nose, his breath warm on Kelly’s cheek. Then William stepped backward, Kelly practically tumbling forward because he didn’t want the kiss to end.
“That was incredible,” he breathed.
William grinned, looking a little more self-assured.
“And here I was thinking it was your first time,” Kelly said.
“It was.”
Kelly’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Then you’re either a fast learner, or one of your pillows at home is covered in slobber.”
“A little of both,” William said. “So what do you think? Was that a good birthday present, or should I have actually spent money?”
“It’s perfect,” Kelly said. “Although I’m more interested in the implications. No, that can wait. What I really want is a rerun.”
This time William was more confident when he stepped forward, even if he did nearly kick Kelly’s camera into the river. If that had happened, the second kiss was incredible enough to have been worth it. Kelly was mildly aware of people walking past them, one couple conversing loudly, but this didn’t bother him. Nor did it seem to faze William, who came in for more. They passed quite a few minutes this way, laughing when they finally pulled back.
Kelly bent down to pick up his camera, and when he rose again, William was considering him thoughtfully.
“What did you mean by implications?”
“Ah,” Kelly said, feeling sheepish. “I wasn’t sure if you were interested in me or not.”
William’s features scrunched up. “We’re dating, aren’t we? Of course I’m interested!”
“We’re dating,” Kelly repeated. He knew he should probably just enjoy the news and keep his mouth shut, but that had never been one of his strengths. “Since when exactly?”
“Since our first date,” William said. “When we played pool together. Right?”
“Sure!” Kelly nodded quickly. “Yeah! Of course!”
“Oh my god,” William said, his face flushing.