by Jay Bell
“And who did you bring with you?” Keith asked.
Oh, this should be good!
“Jason,” the new guy said. “And I... uh... heeeee.”
That last bit was a wheeze. Kelly clenched his jaw to keep from laughing. These two couldn’t be real! This was some sort of prank, or maybe they were clowns, here to announce the circus was in town. Or maybe not, since Jason’s face had turned bright red. Was he still breathing? Maybe he had swallowed a piece of gum and was choking on it.
“That’s okay,” Keith said. “How about you, Lisa?”
Kelly kept his attention on Jason, who must have felt it because the guy made eye contact. And stared. Kelly stared back. Jason’s hair was a mess and his cheeks still sunburn red, but those blue eyes were intense. And so penetrating that Kelly forfeited the staring contest, turning his attention to Lisa.
“—much more challenging than taking care of domesticated animals, since a wild animal doesn’t want to be petted or comforted. In fact, the wildlife rehabilitator has to approach each rescue with—”
Kelly leaned back and got comfortable. Lisa was shy and quiet, but when she got going on this subject, she was assertive and wordy. Once she was finished with her micro-lecture and the rest of the introductions were made, Keith got started on the theme of the meeting. He began by challenging the assumption that men and women wanted different things, asking them what they desired in a mate. Kelly already knew that in a room full of gay people, traditional gender roles were null and void, meaning the answers would be interesting. Bonnie went first.
“I want to be understood,” she said.
Kelly felt like rushing over to give her a high-five. Nothing was more frustrating than being with someone who didn’t seem to understand you. He still felt that way with William occasionally, especially when he reacted to Kelly’s anger like it was unreasonable instead of natural.
Keith wrote Bonnie’s answer on the board. “What else?”
One of the circus clowns, Emma, went next. “I want to feel appreciated,” she said, looking across the room. At Bonnie. There would be some fast and furious texting tonight! Assuming Bonnie wasn’t preoccupied by then.
“Excellent,” Keith said, marker squeaking across the board. “Let’s hear from the boys too.”
“He has to be hot!” Layne called out.
“Goes without saying,” Sarah replied.
“So,” Keith said, “both sides want someone they are attracted to. Everyone has their own definition of hot, so this can be anything. What else?”
William raised his hand, causing Kelly to feel defensive. What if William named a trait he didn’t have much of? Patience or kindness or something along those lines. “Commitment,” he said. “Loyalty is important.”
Kelly had that in spades, so he relaxed. “Trust,” he said. “You should be able to trust the person you’re with.”
He looked at William, who appeared wounded. Kelly was trying to reference their recent conversation, not the accident, but even now it still loomed over everything. He wished it wouldn’t. Regardless, William placed a hand over his, Kelly surprised to find his own balled up into a fist. He forced himself to relax so their fingers could weave together. Obviously they still had a few issues to work out, but they could get there if—
“Humility,” Jason said, his voice clear and strong.
Keith’s marker stopped squeaking as he turned. “Humility?”
“Yeah,” Jason said. “I don’t want some guy I have to impress or one who feels like he needs to show off. I just want someone who loves me that I can love back. Simple as that. That’s all it takes.”
Humility. God, if there was one thing Kelly didn’t have, it was humility. He relied on his pride, depended on it to get him through life’s rough patches. It even motivated him. Kelly wanted to be the best, and he was willing to work his ass off for it. That had nothing to do with humility. If this had been William’s answer, Kelly would be in a blind panic right now. The current situation was nearly as bad, since William was nodding as he listened.
“I don’t really care about honesty,” Jason continued, “or being totally understood or any of the other stuff, because being human is all about messing up and breaking trust and telling lies. I wouldn’t want to be with someone perfect. Just some humble, totally normal guy will do.” Jason looked from person to person, those eyes blazing. He’d been shy before but this... this was something different. Forget circus clown. As Jason’s fierce gaze locked with Kelly’s, he wondered if he wasn’t meeting the devil incarnate. How else could he have chosen the one trait Kelly felt devoid of? When Jason looked at William next, Kelly nearly leapt in front of him, just to break the spell.
“Humility,” Keith said, sounding impressed. He wrote it on the board and took a step back. “So as you can see, we all have a lot of emotional needs, despite gender or sexuality. It’s important not to give in to gender stereotypes or keep perpetuating them. Now let’s pair up, boy-girl, boy-girl, and do some role-playing. Come on, everybody find a partner.”
Kelly exhaled. At least this exercise would prevent Jason from making a move on William. Or so he thought. Jason remained seated, but his friend Emma walked right over to them. “You seem nice,” she said to William. “Let’s be partners!”
“Sure! ” his boyfriend replied, amiable as ever.
Okay. Kelly turned to find Bonnie, spotting her on the other side of the room. Talking to Jason. What the hell was going on here? Lisa had her head down, too shy to ask anyone, so Kelly went to join her. He tried to focus on the exercise, which involved pretending to be the opposite sex while spewing unfair gender stereotypes. Seeing quiet Lisa pummel her chest or hold a finger under her nose to simulate a mustache—that was fairly distracting. Regardless, he couldn’t help looking over at William, who was smiling and laughing with Emma.
Once the exercise was over, they were free to socialize. The first thing Kelly did was go to the restroom. He didn’t have any pressing needs, but he figured leaving the playing field was the best way to reveal the moves of any potential opponents. While there he checked himself in the mirror, feeling confident, especially since the mirror was too small to show his whole body. The Kelly he saw reflected could very well have two legs and no clumsy crutches propping him up.
When he returned to the meeting room, he hovered in the doorway. Bonnie and Emma were talking now. No big surprise. As for Jason, he and William were on opposite sides of the room. Not what he was expecting, but good news nonetheless. Jason was socializing with Layne and a few other guys, looking a little antsy. Elsewhere, William was flexing a bicep, inviting Lisa to hang off his arm as he did so. Kelly allowed himself a chuckle. Yup, he definitely needed Allison to help him with his insecurity.
He took a step forward, eager to rejoin his boyfriend, when William looked up. But not at him. Instead his gaze travelled across the room to Jason. Just like before, his mouth opened a little, as if in wonder. Jason wasn’t even looking his way. In fact, his back was turned to the rest of the room, and yet William still stared. Then Lisa said something to regain his attention.
“I’m heading to work,” Bonnie said.
Kelly flinched, not having noticed her approach.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Kelly said quickly. “How’d it go with you?”
Bonnie gave a sly grin. “The bad news is that she’s long distance. She lives in Houston. The good news is that she’s all mine. Or at least will be.”
“You’ve got a date?” Kelly asked.
“Yup. Next weekend.”
“What about her friend?”
“Jason?” Bonnie smirked. “He’s not my type.”
“Does he also live in Houston?”
Bonnie shook her head. “He’s local. Don’t worry, though. He knows the deal.”
“Meaning?”
“I made sure to mention that you and William are together.”
“Did he ask?”
Bonnie put on h
er patient expression. “All new guys ask about one of you, usually both. Don’t get jumpy.”
“I’m not jumpy,” Kelly said, trying to sound calm. “I’m good.” “Good.”
“Good.”
“Uh, as stimulating as this conversation has become, I really gotta get to work.”
Kelly moved out of her way, then headed over to William. When he looked at Kelly, he seemed in high spirits. Too high?
“Let’s head out,” Kelly suggested. “If we don’t catch the next bus, we’ll be stuck here another hour.”
William shrugged. “Okay.”
Everything seemed normal. He was starting to think he’d overreacted, but when they reached the door, it happened again. In the corner of his eye, he saw William turn to face the room once more, looking toward Jason. Kelly shook his head, feeling his temper rising. They weren’t going to argue. They hadn’t for a week. He wasn’t about to break that streak, but he was eager to leave.
He was already at the end of the hall, William rushing ahead of him to open the door.
“You know I don’t need help,” he snapped, brushing past him.
“I was trying to be romantic,” William murmured.
Kelly pressed on. He just needed to reach the bus stop where he could calm down and think about everything. Guys looked at guys. That was normal, and expecting William not to do so was unreasonable. It’s just that he kept looking, and seemed so damn enamored. That same star-struck gaze had once been reserved for Kelly alone, but now he couldn’t remember when he’d seen it last. He heard flapping feet behind him, glanced over to notice William’s absence, then stopped and turned.
His field of vision was filled with a very large girl and her grinning teeth.
“Hi!” Emma said.
“Hello,” Kelly responded, trying to see past her.
She moved to block his view. “I was just wondering, are these meetings every week because I had a really great time. I sort of wish they were every day. Could you imagine? I’d never leave. Ha ha ha!”
“They’re biweekly.” Kelly barely spared her a glance, pushing himself up on his crutches to see over her shoulder. William was still at the church door, his back pressed against it to hold it open. Jason stood in front of him, their sideways profiles framed by the doorway, like an artist had placed them there intentionally. The scene would have had Kelly grabbing for his camera if he still carried it around.
“I don’t see why they can’t happen more often,” Emma said. “Is it the church? Because my house is big enough to have everyone over. Of course that means a massive convoy of gay teens driving to Houston, but I’ll make it worthwhile. I’ll order pizzas. Real ones. Not the frozen kind.”
Kelly stopped trying to see past her and fixed her with a stare. “Who are you people?”
“I’m Emma,” she said, thrusting a hand out.
He pretended the crutches prevented him from shaking it. He felt like shouting, or maybe knocking her out of the way, but instead he forced himself to stay calm. He kept his voice level. “How about you do me a favor, Emma, and step aside.”
She blinked, gave an empty smile, and very slowly stepped to the side. The door had closed behind William. He was facing Jason, who had his back to the parking lot, as if Kelly’s presence there was of no concern. He couldn’t tell if they were speaking, but it was clear Jason had William’s full attention.
Okay. Now Kelly was angry. “Hey!” he yelled. “Are we going or what?”
That seemed to break the spell. Mostly. They still exchanged a few more words. Were they making plans?
“Nice talking to you, I guess,” Emma said. “See you in a few weeks.”
Kelly didn’t humor her with a response. He watched her walk away, then focused on William. Kelly promised himself he wouldn’t act jealous. Nobody found that attractive. “What was that about?”
William fought down a grin. “I think he likes me.”
“You don’t have to look so pleased about it.”
William shrugged. “It’s flattering, that’s all. He’ll back off once he finds out we’re together.”
That wasn’t true because Jason already knew. Rather than press the point, Kelly stepped forward, hoping for a reassuring kiss. William placed a hand on his cheek, kissed him on the forehead, then moved past Kelly, heading for the bus stop. Kelly stared after him a moment, and for the first time in nearly four years, felt these meetings weren’t such a good idea after all.
“I ran into Jason today.”
Kelly glanced up from the back of the spoon where he’d been staring at a funhouse-mirror image of himself. William was beside him at the dining room table. For a moment, Kelly considered running through a list of Jasons they both knew, hoping it would be anyone but the guy with the haunting eyes, but William’s expression was too open and frank for it to be anyone else.
“Where?” he managed.
“At the mall,” William replied. “While I was working.”
“He just came up to the counter or... ”
“Yeah.” William smiled. “He wasn’t loitering off to the side or anything creepy like that.”
Maybe not, but it seemed an awfully big coincidence. How long had it been since the last meeting? Ten days? And how could he have known where William worked? Unless Bonnie told Emma. He would have to ask her about that later, but for now, he needed to know exactly what had happened.
He started by expressing hope. “You probably didn’t have much time to talk since you were working.”
“It was my break, so we hung out briefly. Had a slice of pizza together. Or more like he watched me stuff my face. Ha ha!”
Kelly stared at him blankly, then looked across the table at Royal, who had just sat down, attention glued to the new cell phone William had bought him for his birthday. Soon Kelly’s parents would enter with French onion soup and a mixed salad. Is that why William was doing this here and now? Did he think that Kelly wouldn’t freak out, wouldn’t shout and scream just because the family was gathered for dinner?
William needn’t have worried. Kelly had already decided that getting angry again would push his boyfriend away, give him more reason to seek comfort in the arms of another man. “Well,” he said in neutral tones, “if you should happen to see him again, tell him I said hello.”
“That’s the thing. He wants me to give him swimming lessons.”
Royal glanced up from his phone. “How old is this guy?”
“Same age as us,” Kelly said.
Royal snorted. “And he can’t swim?”
“Weird, I know,” William said, “but I thought this could be a good opportunity.”
For his Coast Guard application? He’d already been accepted. Kelly didn’t challenge this though, because he was sure William had some equally noble reason for wanting to help. To gain training experience, maybe. “Sounds great,” Kelly said. “When?”
“I told him if he was serious, he’d have to wake up early and meet me at the Y.”
That came as a relief. Kelly didn’t know many people his age willing to get up at five in the morning, even for a handsome face. Still, he had to say something, no matter how small or delicately worded, to show he wasn’t quite comfortable with all of this. “Just be careful.” There. Simple as that.
“Don’t worry,” William said. “He knows about us. I made sure of that.”
“Oh. Did he ask?”
“Nope, but I wanted to clear the air. Turns out he has a boyfriend too, so there won’t be any false expectations.”
“Cool.”
Kelly’s dad entered the room, carrying the first two bowls of soup, the cheese still sizzling on the floating toast. He supposed that ended the topic, so Kelly turned his attention to the spoon and considered himself again, feeling much less attractive than he had just a few moments ago.
“You’ll be there, right?” Bonnie asked again, managing to sound more panicked than she had five minutes ago.
Kelly switched the phone to his other ear. �
��Of course.”
“Bring your parents, okay?”
“Seriously? Why?”
“I’m worried no one’s going to show up,” Bonnie said, with a whimper in her voice. “I keep imagining myself on stage playing my cello with only one person in the audience. You.”
“And William,” Kelly said. “Oh, and the friends and family of the twenty other people playing at this recital. Did you forget about them? This isn’t a solo performance, you know. You might be my star, but you aren’t the star.”
After a pause, Bonnie laughed. “Okay, so maybe I’m freaking out over nothing. Did I tell you Emma will be there?”
“No,” Kelly said, trying to keep his tone neutral. Lately he felt like the world had gone insane. Or that he was missing something, because everyone seemed crazy about Jason and Emma. He could understand Bonnie’s infatuation. When she fell, she did so like a sack of bricks dropped from a helicopter. Rubber bricks, because she bounced back incredibly fast. And often, few of her relationships lasting long. Except so far she had no complaints. Neither did his boyfriend, who had invited Jason along to Bonnie’s recital. Less than a week’s worth of swimming lessons and suddenly they were double-dating. Kelly felt reassured though, because that wasn’t how cheating worked. You didn’t introduce the spouses to each other.
“I gotta go!” Bonnie sounded as if she’d forgotten something. “Don’t forget to show up! And bring your parents. Seriously. I need people to clap for me, even if I suck.”
“I’m bringing along a couple of friends,” Kelly assured her. “I’ve already reserved four tickets.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“You’re the best. Bye!”
Kelly shook his head, made sure the call was disconnected, and set aside the phone. She hadn’t bothered to ask who he was bringing, but that was fine. Let her share his puzzlement over these ever-present strangers who had so quickly weaseled their way into their lives, whether he wanted them to or not.
Chapter Thirteen