Half-way back to Mount Airy after shopping with Harry, it began to snow in earnest, big flakes drifting slowly down, clogging her windshield wipers until Terry put the defroster on full blast, the snow fall quickly switching to a heavy and fast blizzard. The snow reminded her of Christmas which reminded her of her mother. She never got over the pain of losing her, but the pain became a part of life that she got used to, little by little, taking some of the joy out of living.
By the time she got back on Mount Pleasant, the cobble-stoned Germantown Avenue was a treacherous ice rink. At the stoplight waiting to cross to her block, she looked north and Christmas lights were on at the tea shop and the book store, shoppers with hats and scarves bustling up the street, taking refuge in the stores.
The light turned green and she took her time driving the half block, carefully making a sharp right turn into her narrow driveway. Mrs. Dell and her son were in their driveway, leaving at the same time, and they waved to her, the son rolling down his window. Terry stopped in the driveway and rolled her passenger window down.
“You have company,” Mrs. Dell said. “Don’t want you to be surprised.”
“In back?” Terry asked, pointing to the back yard because she didn’t see anyone on the street, or waiting on the porch. “Be careful out there. It’s getting bad.”
“We will,” Mrs. Dell said, and waved again before pulling out into the street.
Slowly driving up, a combination of uncontrollable annoyance and curiosity struck when she saw Arvin sitting in his car.
Parking next to him, she decided to be civil as much as she wanted him to leave. Quickly getting out her phone, she sent Rick a text.
An unexpected former friend is here. Stop by for coffee if you are free.
One good thing – she’d enlist Arvin’s help unloading her groceries. Plastering a smile on her face she looked over at him and waved.
“I was wondering when you were going to look at me,” he said with a questioning look, opening her passenger door. Arvin could be dense when it came to his understanding of women unless their intentions were directed at him.
“Sorry, I had to text my dad to let him know I was home safely before I forgot,” she lied, although she’d do that now that she thought of it. “I’ll be right with you.”
When she stepped out of the car, Arvin moved right in for a kiss, but she made it quick. “Can you help me carry groceries up? You’re here in the nick of the time.”
“Sure. I won’t have to go to the gym,” he said.
“Hey! That’s my line,” she replied, laughing.
Opening the trunk, she handed bags off to Arvin, taking the one with the feminine products herself. They heard boots on snow and looked up just as Rick appeared, having come through the gate between their yards.
“I’m just in time, I see,” Rick said.
Later Terry thought about her feelings, illogical as they might be, but she felt proud of Rick, he was so tall and muscular compared to Arvin who was rather short, not much taller than Terry, and had to look up at Rick. Then, she felt compassion for Arvin, who had devoted his professional life to taking care of trauma victims, passionate about his work, and generous in so many ways. Only his morals were lacking, his ability to be faithful.
She introduced them, and then, feeling unusually emotional, said, “You two are my favorite people. My best friends.”
“Aww, you’re my best friend, too,” Rick said, meaning it.
“Can we take this mutual admiration society inside?” Arvin asked. “I’m freezing to death.”
“Oh, sorry,” Terry said, laughing. “Yes! Let’s get upstairs.”
Earle pounded on the window and waved to them, and she could see him running through his apartment to get the front door open for them.
“Earle, don’t run!” she yelled.
“Oh my God, the snow is really coming down,” Arvin said. “I’m not going to stay long.”
“Well, let’s at least get inside,” Terry answered.
They trudged up the stairs to the third floor. “This is nice,” he said, looking around.
“I told you,” she said.
“You’ve never been up here?” Rick asked.
“No, we always met downtown,” Arvin said. “I’m not sure why.”
“You know why, Arvin! There’s more nightlife down by you,” Terry said. “I’d meet him after work. There was so much to do. It was wonderful. I guess I must have grown up because now I never want to leave my apartment.”
“I can tell,” Arvin said. “And what’s with the tree? I’m shocked.”
“Rick brought it for me,” she said, proudly.
They looked at Rick who was smiling, pleased with himself.
“Are you two seeing each other?” Arvin asked, his disappointment palpable.
“You could say that,” Rick answered, reaching for Terry.
Standing together they looked like a happy couple.
“I can stay for one coffee, and then I’d better head out,” Arvin said, unsmiling. “I was on my way to your favorite person’s house, but I think I’ll go back down south.”
“Oscar, right?” Terry asked, grimacing. “Arvin, are you and Oscar on the down-low?”
Laughing, he sputtered a little bit. “No! What a thing to ask. Oscar has a girlfriend now.”
“That doesn’t mean a thing,” Terry said. “Never mind. That was tacky of me to say.”
“It’s fine,” Arvin said. “But you know, I’m getting too nervous to wait for you to put all this crap away to make a cup of coffee. I’m going to head out. Rick, it was nice meeting you. Take care of my girl.”
“Thank you, Arvin, it was nice meeting you, too. I know I’ll see you again. I’m going to try to talk Terry into having a Christmas party.”
Arvin looked shocked. “I won’t believe it until I see it,” he said.
“I’m not that anti-social, am I?” Terry asked him.
“Well, maybe not that. But having a party would definitely be out of your comfort zone,” he replied.
“You know me too well,” she said, sad.
“I’ll play host if you want,” Rick said.
“Why don’t we just have it at your place then?” she asked, and Rick burst out laughing.
“Busted! Arvin, you can come to my house instead, okay? I’ll play the piano for you,” he said.
“You play?” Arvin asked, trying to keep Terry from pushing him out the door.
“The snow is piling up out there while you make small talk,” she said, afraid Arvin would put one and one together that Rick was gay and then she’d lose her beard.
“That’s true, I’d better get moving. Nice meeting you, Rick,” he repeated, “Talk later, Ter.”
She followed him down to the door and he didn’t even try to kiss her goodbye, or turn to wave goodbye. Feeling empty, she locked the door.
Waiting for her at the top of the stairs, Rick handed her a cup of coffee. “I put all your stuff away. You’ll probably have to move everything around but at least you can rest for a while.”
“Aww, thank you so much,” she said, forgetting about her sanitary products, he’d put those away, too, and later she found her tampons in the freezer, a practical joke. “It was a relief saying goodbye to Arvin. My time with him was so superficial; the only reason we stayed together for as long as we did is because it was so much fun.”
“How long was that?” Rick asked.
“A long time. Right after I got the job until this fall. It didn’t mean anything to him, as you could have probably sensed. I was just a booty call. Only I was stupid enough to go downtown for it.” Suddenly, she paused, her eyes wide.
“Oh my God! I just had an epiphany! I was the one doing the traveling, I was the one who called him, so I was the one making the booty call! Poor Arvin just wasn’t that into me, and it’s just hitting me now. He didn’t call me because he didn’t care if he saw me or not. I made it so easy for him. He didn’t even have to get into the car. Yike
s, was I that needy?”
“No, you were just young,” Rick said, hugging her. “You were doing other fulfilling things at the time so you didn’t notice the lack, until now.”
“I never told you about Alex,” she said.
“I figured it wasn’t good,” he replied. “I didn’t want to stir up bad memories.”
“That’s okay, I stir them up myself. I’m still smarting from what happened. We got drunk on a Friday, had what was basically an extended one night stand with declarations of love, and then the following Tuesday, he went back to his ex wife when he found out she was pregnant.”
“Oh, yuck, I’m so sorry,” he said.
“I must have really needed to hear the I love you. The problem? I was the attorney with more seniority, so I knew the rules; absolutely no fraternization. But like I said, we were so drunk, I didn’t even remember the initial…coupling. When I got into work on Monday, and word had reached my now partner’s ears, I was fired.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, that’s terrible,” Rick said. “How did it happen that you made partner after?”
“The senior partner learned we weren’t seeing each other any longer, and I guess he couldn’t function without me. I really don’t know why he called me back. He’s extended the partnership to me before he fired me, so it was a double whammy.”
“What’s it like having to see the guy now?”
“I haven’t had to yet,” she said. “I’m in back with the executives and he’s up front where I used to be with the worker bees.”
They stood together, watching the snow come down. This would be a serious storm.
“I guess I’d better get back home. I have a bunch of stuff to do today before we decorate your tree tonight!”
“I’m making chili for dinner,” she said. “With cornbread.”
“Yum! I’ll be back at six,” he said. “Look at the snow!”
Blizzard conditions made visibility zero out her big living room window.
“It’s so beautiful,” she said. “I just love Philadelphia in the winter.”
“You’re insane,” he said, hugging her. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Once the tree was decorated, Terry didn’t know how she had managed all those years without one. It was so beautiful; the light cast shadows on the walls, casting a warm, colorful glow. She put the lights on a timer set to turn on so they would be lit before she got home from work at night.
Walking up the hill in the dark, getting to see all the decorated houses, the beautiful trees in windows helped her head clear of any detritus of the work day, and by the time she got to her own house and looked up at the third floor, her own tree lights shining, only a small, dull ache in her heart remained.
***
Chapter 16
Wednesday, December 25th
Christmas Morning
The second storm of the season hit, and snow had continued to fall throughout the night. The cable was out, internet sporadic. A weak signal on Terry’s cell phone was about it for communications. Her father had texted her late Christmas Eve that his power and phone were out. He was in the process of draining the pipes in the house before they froze, then Christmas morning he’d walked to Anna’s house in Mayfair where the power was still on. Sleeping in a sleeping bag in the living room with a fire in the fireplace, and a bucket of water to flush the toilet, he’d be okay.
Don’t worry about me, he’d texted. Everyone and their brother are outside shoveling. I’ll have plenty of company on the way to Anna’s. I’ll have to come back before dark to make sure the place is okay. I might just get a good fire going in the fireplace and stay here for the night again.
She knew he was probably worried about a break in. It wasn’t unheard of in their neighborhood.
I love you dad, she’d wrote. I’m not budging.
When she woke up on the morning of the 25th, it was still toasty in her house, evidence of electricity. She heard the clanging of snow shovels on the sidewalk, but couldn’t see who it was, maybe Mrs. Dell’s son. He often did the sidewalk in front of the house as well as the path that led to the door.
Benny would shovel, but he had to work Christmas Eve, and she didn’t hear him come back in the morning. If the day shift workers couldn’t get into work because of the snow, he’d stay over to make sure there was staffing. He was a good guy that way.
Yawning, she put coffee on and padded into the living room to turn the tree lights on. The soft glow of the colorful lights were even more beautiful with the snow falling outside her window. In a moment of quiet contemplation, a zinger of a thought came to her, and she quickly put her coffee down, got up off the window seat and ran to the calendar on her kitchen wall.
Flipping back and forth between November and December, and then to October and back to December, her heart froze. A huge omission that she hadn’t even grasped until that moment, so sure on the fifteenth that her period was coming because she woke up queasy and had a headache. Between the new job, running to and fro with Rick, Christmas shopping, seeing her dad, she didn’t even miss it. But now, in the light of day, the smell of the coffee making her sick, waves of nausea and increasing tiredness, she realized it. She’d missed a period.
Flipping back to November, she then slowly turned to December again. Then back to November. November 30th. Sex with Alex. December 1st. Sex with Alex. December 2nd. Sex with Alex. She didn’t write it on the calendar, but she wanted to. Instead, with a pencil, she wrote a very faint S. Another S, and then a final S.
“You dummy!” she said, throwing the pencil across the room
Like it was written in the sky, she suddenly got that the myth that emergency contraception would work for five days after the dose was taken was just that. A myth.
Placing her hands over her belly, she started to cry, thinking of the alcohol she’d consumed in the past month.
“Oh God!” she cried out.
She had to know for sure. The drug store in Chestnut Hill on Germantown Avenue was open twenty four/seven, even on Christmas Day, the jingle said. Reaching for her phone, she tried calling Rick. But the call wouldn’t go through. He’d gone to his sister’s house in Chadds Ford for Christmas Eve. It was possible he’d stayed there.
Are you home? Do you feel like four-wheeling? Texting him, she waited.
I’m home. Do you want to joy ride? He answered.
I want to go to the drug store in Chestnut Hill. I could walk, I guess. She wrote.
No way! Can you come through the gate? He asked.
Yes, I’ll be right there.
Lipstick and eyebrow pencil and that was as good as it got. She pulled a knitted cap down to her eyes and grabbed her red wool coat, one that Rick had said time after time that he loved on her. “You look like an angel in that coat,” he’d say.
“An angel in a red coat?” Terry had asked, smiling, wishing he was straight.
Layering extra socks and pulling her rubber snow boots on, it was time to venture out. She peeked in on Earle, but he was sleeping on the couch, having a little morning nap. The snow had drifted three feet on the front porch, and she had to carefully find each step down. Lifting her leg up as high as it would go, she got through the back yard to the gate, which was barricaded closed with snow. Rick was waiting there for her and without asking, picked her up under her arms and lifted her over the fence.
“Oh, forget it,” he said when he tried to put her down. “It’s up to your waist back here. The wind blew it against the fence. It’s not as deep in front.”
He carried her the rest of the way to the truck.
“Our street is plowed so the bus can get down if it ever runs again, but they plowed our driveway closed. Benny must still be at work, and Earle is sleeping, thank God, so he won’t try to shovel.”
“I’ll come over with my trusty snow blower.”
He unlocked the passenger side door, waiting for her to get in.
“You have to stop taking such good care of me,” she said. “When you find a b
oyfriend, I’ll be so lonely I won’t know what to do.”
“Anyone I find will love you or they won’t be my boyfriend, how about that?” he said, a smug look on his face.
“Oh, I hope so!” she said, laughing.
He didn’t ask why she needed to go to the drug store. It was Rick’s way, they shared so much, but they’d silently and mutually drawn a line at the waist when they became friends that certain topics were better left unshared. So unlike Alex, who talked freely about his gas and his BM’s, Rick and Terry never mentioned bodily functions after Mrs. Dell’s party, where Rick admitted he had hopped over the fence after eating her food, and almost didn’t make it. It made their relationship more surreal, almost pure.
Moving a shifting device, he put the truck into four-wheel drive and with a little gas, popped the vehicle over the mountain of snow left after he had used the snow blower to clean the entire block’s sidewalks off.
“Wow, you did all this?” she asked, in awe, laughing as he drove like a manic over the snow the plows had pushed into place along Germantown Avenue.
“My dad used to tell me he had flashbacks of driving a jeep through the snow in China, so I pretend I’m doing the same thing when I drive,” he said, with a devilish look in his eye.
“Well, we aren’t getting stuck, so you must know what you’re doing!” she cried, laughing as she held on while he plowed through the snow and the drifts. They passed the beautiful grounds of the old Pennsylvania School for the Deaf, the hillside dotted with sleds and toboggans, screams of delight echoing as the children zoomed down the snow-covered hills.
Soon, they approached Chestnut Hill. The plow had not made it up this far north yet, and the streets were deserted. Fortunately, a private snow removal company had cleared the parking lot of the drug store.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” he asked, concerned.
Bittersweets_Terry and Alex Page 14