Dedication
For Mom and Dad.
Thank you for everything.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
The Party at the Cave and the Party at Adam’s
1. Tucker
2. Erika
3. Tucker
4. Erika
5. Tucker
6. Erika
7. Tucker
8. Erika
The Christmas Party
9. Erika
10. Tucker
11. Erika
12. Tucker
13. Erika
14. Tucker
15. Erika
16. Tucker
17. Erika
18. Tucker
19. Erika
20. Tucker
21. Erika
22. Tucker
The College Party
23. Tucker
24. Erika
25. Tucker
26. Erika
27. Tucker
28. Erika
29. Tucker
30. Erika
31. Tucker
32. Erika
33. Tucker
34. Erika
35. Tucker
A Few More Parties for the Road
36. Erika
37. Tucker
38. Erika
39. Tucker
40. Erika
41. Tucker
42. Erika
43. Tucker
44. Erika
45. Tucker
46. Erika
47. Tucker
48. Erika
49. Tucker
50. Erika
51. Tucker and Erika
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Books by Karen Hattrup
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Copyright
About the Publisher
The Party at the Cave and the Party at Adam’s
1
Tucker
This was their last time together, but Tucker tried not to think about that. He tried instead to focus on the best parts. The speed and rhythm of her breathing, the feeling of their bare chests pressed together. The little joke about whose turn it was to go first. Those awkward moments that made them both laugh, because there were always awkward moments.
His leg cramped. Her arm got stuck. Some ridiculous noise came from their bodies connecting.
And then, of course, the end, the end. That was the point, wasn’t it? He hit it now, his cheek against hers, cresting and crashing into that just-after hollow, the place where all the lightness and tingling turned heavy, making Tucker wish he could curl up and close his eyes . . .
Right away, though, Suzanne was moving and the feeling was gone, replaced by her carefully disengaging from him, whistling some song he knew but couldn’t name.
It was a hot, humid day in mid-August, the two of them in his basement like always. And like always, she slipped quickly into the bathroom and then back out, getting dressed in front of him, forcing and wriggling her way back into her damp sports bra, her tennis skirt—a shed skin that no longer had the right shape.
“You can do it,” Tucker said. “I believe in you.”
She told him he was a dork, and he went quiet, watching her from under the blanket on the floor, replaying in his mind their last six weeks together.
He’d had classes with Suzanne all through high school, and the two of them had been friendly if not exactly friends. Then came that day in July. Tucker had been getting the mail, and she’d driven right by, then backed up her car to say hello. It turned out her tennis club was down the street from Frank’s house, which was now Tucker’s house too, since his mom had married Frank in June. The two of them had been out that day, and Tucker had invited Suzanne inside to drink Gatorade and watch Wimbledon on the big TV in the basement.
Half a match later, she was kissing him and he was kissing her back. When things had started to get intense, she’d pulled back to say she didn’t want anything serious, not on the cusp of senior year, but maybe she’d keep coming by? He’d said yes—of course he’d said yes—and by the beginning of August, Tucker had fumbled his way through losing his virginity without even mentioning that it was his first time.
Now Suzanne was busy looking through her bag, so Tucker grabbed his clothes and hurried to the bathroom. He cleaned up, wrapping the condom in a tissue and hiding it in the deepest recesses of the trash can before taking a moment to stretch out his shoulder.
He’d had three months of physical therapy now and was almost back to normal, he was sure of it.
When Tucker came back, she was collapsed at one end of the couch with her phone. He grabbed his own and sat at the other end. Their feet lightly touching, they both got lost in the glow of their screens. This had become part of their routine, and usually he liked it, the two of them smiling and sighing at their own little worlds.
Today he clicked and clicked and didn’t see a thing.
He felt her gaze on him and looked up, found her with an eyebrow raised. Suzanne had very serious eyebrows, stark black lines against white skin.
“You remember I leave for the beach tomorrow?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“You going to miss me?”
Tucker tilted his head and scrunched up his mouth like he really had to think about it, and she threw a pillow at his head. He dropped his phone on the floor then, crawling down to her end of the couch and wrapping her in an embrace. He liked looking down at the two of them tangled together, limbs on limbs, almost indistinguishable from one another.
Suzanne turned to look at him, squinting like a cartoon villain.
“What’s going on in there, Mr. Deep Thoughts?”
He sighed and gathered himself, looking off into a distant corner of the room.
“This is awkward, but I feel you should shower before you come over here. Is it too late to mention that?”
“Oh my god, Tucker.”
He was laughing and she was covering his mouth with her hand, trying to make him stop, forcing him to fight his way free.
“I’m all covered in tennis sweat and secondhand sunscreen,” he said. “It’s kind of a turnoff.”
“Oh, for sure. I can tell how much it’s bothered you.”
She was shaking her head at him, and Tucker smiled, but really he was feeling a little lost, a little low. He’d been wondering if she might change her mind, insist that this shouldn’t be the end. That didn’t seem to be happening.
“Are you going to Adam’s house tonight?” she asked.
Adam’s house. Hearing those words, Tucker could practically taste the lukewarm beer and feel the bass from those junky old speakers throbbing under his skin. People still talked about Tucker’s little performance on Adam’s coffee table last October. They always told the story like he was drunk, but actually he wasn’t—Tucker just liked to dance.
He couldn’t quite imagine doing that anymore, certainly not in front of Suzanne.
“Yeah, for sure. I’ll be there.”
“Okay, then. No goodbyes yet.”
“Not yet.”
Suzanne climbed out of his arms and off the couch, quickly gathering her things and then disappearing with a wave through the sliding glass door.
As soon as she was gone, Tucker got a text from Bobby, asking if it was safe to come over and play Mario Kart. Normally he would have said yes right away, but he was feeling restless.
Do you want to go to the batting cages instead? The ones next to the Cave?
The sun beat down, one of those unbearably sticky Maryland summer days. A few practice swings and Tucker was already sweating. He was thinking abo
ut how it had been ages since he’d been here.
He looked up to see Bobby heading his way, grinning and shaking his head, a bat slung over his shoulder.
“What?” Tucker asked. “What’s so funny?”
“I’m having flashbacks. Eighth grade? It was hot as hell, just like this. You had stolen your mom’s Juul and you were trying to share it with those girls, right over there by the snack machine.”
“Oh my god,” Tucker said, covering his face with his hand.
“Because they were definitely going to want to smoke that thing. Here. Between the four of us. Why did your mom even have that?”
“Don’t you remember? She still smoked like three cigarettes a day then, and she was trying to quit. And those girls were super into us.”
“Um, no. They really, really weren’t.”
“How would you know? You went to the bathroom and never came back.”
“That was the only reasonable thing to do, given the situation.”
“Well, sorry. I had to try. I have a thing for softball players.”
The boys had known each other for as long as either could remember, born two months apart in adjoining houses, a circumstance that had turned their mothers from neighbors into friends. Bobby was an only child, too, a miracle baby his parents thought would never come. Growing up side by side, Bobby and Tucker had honed a lifetime’s worth of jokes about being brothers-who-didn’t-exactly-look-like-brothers, since Tucker was white and Bobby was black.
This year Bobby was starting at left field. Tucker was a relief pitcher.
“How’s your shoulder?” Bobby asked.
Tucker’s hand went to it instinctively, as he rolled it a couple of times.
“It’s fine, it’s fine. Or it will be by the spring. You ready?”
They both pushed the start button and then got into their stances, falling back into their old routine without discussing it, ready to call out and keep track of their hits. Tucker’s swing felt different, everything felt tight, and yes, there was a pull in his shoulder. He told himself that was from being out of practice and kept going. At first he was missing and missing, hitting half-assed little hoppers, but then—finally—he made one big slamming connection.
He paused to enjoy the ring of the aluminum, the arc of the ball through the air, riding the brief high it gave him for as long as he could.
After that, Tucker let a couple of pitches fly by as he stretched and considered the squat, ugly building next door—a windowless brick warehouse full of arcade games and a glow-in-the-dark mini golf course. Fun Cave was the official name on the sign, but everyone just called it the Cave. Tucker had worked there the summer he was fifteen, his first job, and he could still picture it perfectly, the beeping and the shouting and the grime, the counter where kids turned in tickets for candy and crappy plastic toys.
As he was settling back into his stance, someone called his name.
“Dude, is that you? I almost didn’t recognize you. You’re like a foot taller than you used to be.”
Standing on the other side of the chain-link fence was a smiling face that Tucker knew right away—his old coworker Mikey. He’d been a few years older than the rest of the crew, but he’d hung out with them anyway, always coming along when they went to Pizza Hut after the late shift.
Right now he was clinging to a bag of trash, apparently on his way to the dumpster. Tucker smiled as he walked over.
“Mikey! Hey. It’s, uh, good to see you. You still working there?”
“Wild, right? I mean, I’m the manager now, or I was the manager, since the place is done.”
“What?”
“You didn’t hear? It’s finally out of business! Today was the last day. I’m closing up early, and some company’s coming tomorrow, to liquidate everything and do who-knows-what with it. Nobody plays pinball anymore.”
“Oh, man,” Tucker said, sadness fluttering in his chest as he pictured the place ravaged and gone. “I’m sorry.”
Mikey threw the trash bag over his shoulder and waved at the building dismissively. “I’m over this dump, honestly. The kids that worked here this summer were total douches. Nothing like when you were here.”
Tucker smiled and kicked at the ground, remembering all those times he’d scrubbed the toilets and vacuumed the carpet that refused to get clean. He thought about singing that weird, terrible version of “Happy Birthday” whenever there was a party, which had basically been every day. The place was ridiculous, but he had loved it. It was like being in another dimension where nothing really mattered, where all anyone wanted was to have fun. Plus all those hours joking around with Erika . . .
Struggling a bit under the weight of the bag, Mikey said he’d better take off. Tucker watched him go, trying to turn his mind back to the party tonight, but thinking instead about the Cave, how much time he’d spent laughing there, being silly. He wished he could go one more time and say goodbye. That sounded a lot more fun than a night at Adam’s, where Tucker would be stuck trying to act cool around Suzanne while wondering if she thought he was terrible in bed.
Tucker tapped his bat on the fence and called Mikey back.
“So I might have an idea . . .”
Bobby took his final swings, slamming the last ball all the way to the distant net.
“Twenty-five,” he said, dimples showing as he smiled. “You lost bad. What was that about?”
Tucker wiped the sweat off his brow, grinning.
“The Cave. It went out of business. A bunch of us are going to meet there tonight, after hours. Like a goodbye party.”
“Officially? Or unofficially?”
“Unofficially.”
Bobby’s eyebrows went up.
“Do you want to go?” Tucker asked.
Somehow, Bobby’s eyebrows managed to go even higher.
“Me? No. I’m going to pass on the casual breaking and entering. And c’mon. Don’t make me go to Adam’s without you.”
“Isn’t Lawrence driving you anyway? It doesn’t make sense for us to go together. And I just—I don’t feel like dealing with Suzanne right now.”
Bobby paused, fiddled with his bat. “So you guys are broken up or whatever?”
“I think it’s more like I’ve been dismissed.”
Tucker tried to say it like it was all a joke, but it didn’t quite come out that way, and he could see that Bobby was struggling with how to respond. Tucker cleared his throat.
“And get this—my mom just told me that my dad is in town. Living nearby, I guess. And she wants me to have dinner with him once a week.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Can you say no?”
Tucker avoided Bobby’s eyes, frowning and shaking his head.
“She wanted to have some big talk about it this morning, but I kind of blew her off and now I’m trying to avoid her.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe he’ll bail anyway, and you won’t have to deal with it.”
Tucker nodded, then took a couple steps away, straining to see out beyond the cages and the field. Across the road was the neighborhood he’d grown up in, with Bobby. Three quick turns and he would be there, to the tiny crackerbox house that had once belonged to his mother’s grandparents, and that they’d rented to her all those years for almost nothing, so that she and Tucker could get by. He missed the place fiercely.
“One more round?” he finally asked.
Bobby nodded, and they both got ready to push their start buttons, but first Tucker paused.
“Would it be funny or stupid if I wore my old work polo tonight, the one from the Cave? I still have it.”
Bobby leaned on his bat and sighed loudly.
“That thing was ugly as shit. And that would be hilarious.”
2
Erika
Erika was going for a long, hard run when Marissa texted to say she needed her as soon as humanly possible. Erika stared at the message, gauged where she was, then immediately turned around and sprinte
d back the way she had come.
The heat was brutal. She had no business running outside right now, but her mind was a jumble at the thought of heading back to school and to dorm life, so she’d taken off on this miserable swamp of a run.
Seven minutes and a mile later, she was knocking at the familiar door. Marissa threw it open, red hair flying, green eyes wide.
Even in her current state—clearly stressed about something—she was a welcome sight. Their vacation and work schedules had conspired against them this summer, and Erika felt like she’d barely seen her best friend.
“Yuck,” Marissa said, wrinkling her nose at Erika’s sweatiness. She hugged her anyway, then dragged her upstairs to her room. Once they were in with the door closed, Marissa promptly crawled into bed and pulled the sheets over her head.
“Everything all right?” Erika asked, hovering in the middle of the room.
“Nope, nope. Not even a little. I need you to look at the thing on the dresser.”
Erika took a single step, but stopped dead when she saw the plastic wand.
“Oh, shit.”
“Oh, shit indeed.”
“Am I giving a second opinion? Or am I the first one looking?”
“You’re the first one.”
“Okay, okay. What’s the code? How many lines am I looking for?”
“No lines. I bought one that says words.”
“Like it talks?”
“No it doesn’t fucking talk!” Marissa was almost, but not really, laughing. “The words show up on a digital screen or some shit, I don’t know. What am I, a freaking pregnancy test engineer?”
“That’s probably more lucrative than— Did you officially declare your major?”
“Yes! Art history.”
“Jesus. Definitely more lucrative than that.”
A sound came from underneath the bumpy sheets—halfway between a laugh and a scoff. Erika’s heart felt very funny, going from the run and the heat to this, and oh god, she wanted some water, a gallon of water, but that would have to wait.
She stepped forward and grabbed the test, then exhaled hard.
“Not pregnant. It says not pregnant.”
Marissa burst from under the covers, hands clasped in prayer.
“OH MY GOD. THANK MARY AND JESUS.”
Erika hadn’t moved, her fingers still clinging to the little piece of plastic. It was the first time she’d ever held one, and she was surprised by how light and flimsy it was. Erika’s mom was a nurse and far from shy about sex. She’d gotten Erika an IUD when she was sixteen, and that thing was good for five years. Erika had no idea what this kind of scare felt like, and she found that she was imagining her future self, holding this stick and hoping for—what exactly? She didn’t really think she was mom material. Although very soon she was going to be somebody’s big sister, or half sister, whatever . . .
Our Year in Love and Parties Page 1