“Love that attitude. The second part might have been a tad optimistic.”
12
Tucker
“I’m sorry—I know I’m cramping your style, and I swear we will leave in five seconds, but we must, must, must get a photo here.”
“Oh my god, Mom, it’s fine. I’m happy to take your picture.”
“Do you think we’re allowed to climb into that sleigh? No wait, let’s stand in front of the giant snow globe, the lighting will be better.”
Tucker was starting to think that letting his mom and Frank drop him off here after dinner had been a massive mistake. He rubbed his temples, half-annoyed, half-amused, while Frank was trying very hard not to laugh.
“OH MY GOD,” Janet said. “Is that a giant mistletoe made of smaller mistletoes? Okay, that’s it. C’mon, c’mon.”
Janet was now scurrying down the driveway, Frank and Tucker following behind, with Frank mumbling apologies. By now Tucker was laughing, though, starting to get caught up in it all, ready to have fun and . . .
There was Erika.
Tucker’s stomach dropped to the ground and his eyes quickly followed. He turned and looked back at the car, like maybe he’d forgotten something. He’d thought he was prepared for this, but he wasn’t expecting to see her so soon, right here in the driveway with his mom and Frank.
He should hurry by as quickly as possible, right? Maybe nod without looking at her? Just as he’d committed to that plan, he realized that of course, of course, of course.
His mom was talking to her.
Still stuck to his spot, Tucker cursed under his breath, and Frank backed up a few paces to stand next to him.
“Everything cool?”
“I . . . it’s nothing. I just need a second.”
Frank’s eyes slid up the very long driveway and then back again. “Should I pretend like something important happened on my phone and we need to talk about it? Look, here I go. I’m actually really good at this. Sometimes I do it when people try to start long conversations about their kid’s teeth when I’m trying to shop.”
Tucker was barely listening, his mind too busy running through and discarding his options for how to handle this. His shoulder was acting up tonight and it was distracting him, making it particularly hard to think.
“Is she still talking to them?” Tucker asked.
“Yes, and they’re definitely looking over here. Sorry?”
Mumbling that it was fine, Tucker gave himself a few more beats before he accepted that it was time to stop stalling and start walking, though he was still completely unsure of how he should arrange his face.
Janet was beaming as he and Frank came up the driveway.
“I stopped to compliment their outfits; I had no idea they knew you!”
Tucker opened and closed his mouth a couple times, coming up with absolutely nothing in response—partly because there seemed to be no proper words for this situation, and partly because his brain had been hijacked by the sight of Erika in red lipstick and candy cane tights.
Luckily, his mom barely seemed to notice, turning right back to the conversation.
“St. B’s is so pretty. What are you studying?”
“English.”
“Janet was an English major,” Frank chimed in.
“Oh my god, don’t tell her that. She’ll ask what I’m doing now, and then she’ll think it’s her fate to be a real estate agent, selling overpriced suburban condos with her face on a stupid magnet.”
“Hey, hey,” Frank said. “I love that last magnet. You look so trustworthy.”
The girls were smiling now, even if Erika’s lips were a little tight, even if Marissa seemed to be side-eyeing him. There was a guy with them, too, but Tucker was pretty sure it was Nina’s brother—Marissa’s boyfriend or not-boyfriend or whatever.
“Okay,” Janet said. “We’re leaving, I swear, right after this picture. This place is like a dream come true. Is ‘dream come true’ too strong?”
“Ummm,” Frank said, handing Tucker his phone with a help-how-do-I-answer-that face before turning to follow her.
The girls laughed as they headed for the door, Marissa yelling over her shoulder to Frank and Janet that they had to do “the prom pose.”
Right then, Tucker couldn’t help imagining some alternate universe where this was a perfect moment—the beginning of some amazing night where he got to see Erika again. But that would mean he’d have to get over what she said in the tree house, and she’d have to get over the fact that he not only lied, but acted like a total and complete dick, and there was no way that was going to happen.
“Okay,” Janet said, once she’d arranged herself and Frank exactly as Marissa had suggested. “We’re ready.”
Bobby was running late, so Tucker hung out with Nina, Kara, and Yrma in the big, grand foyer—a two-story space with twin, curving staircases leading up to the second floor. The four of them ate a disturbing number of tiny appetizers and the girls pounded hot chocolates and punch, after which they watched with slow-growing horror as the lines for the bathrooms got worse and worse.
After a while, they realized they were mostly surrounded by adults and little kids, so they escaped to the heated tent in the backyard to look for their other friends, debating whether or not the bartender would serve them alcohol, while admiring the beautifully decorated trees and the pond ringed by giant inflatable penguins. Someone was handing out glow-in-the-dark reindeer antlers, and they all put them on.
“OH. MY. GOD,” Kara said. “Is that glass box thing an indoor pool?”
“More importantly, can we piss in it?” Yrma asked. “I literally care about nothing but a place to piss. Help me find the biggest tree. No, wait, the least lit-up tree. That’s the one we want.”
“Tucker can create a distraction,” Kara added. “Do his little dance again, the one from Adam’s coffee table.”
Tucker ripped the antlers off his head. “Oh my god. That was a year ago. When are people going to let that go?”
“Probably never,” Yrma said. “It was a very memorable dance.”
Nina started laughing, and then they all started laughing, Kara screeching that she was officially going to pee her pants if they didn’t do something soon. Right then, Ryan wandered outside and Tucker jumped in the air, waving him over, shouting that if he didn’t find them an open bathroom, there was going to be a situation out here with one of his Christmas trees.
Ryan made a faux-panicked face and hurried over.
“There’s one in the mudroom. The outside door is locked, but you can get in through the kitchen. It’s also a good spot to hide and drink, since my dad’s being a total asshat about it. I’ll take you guys, okay?”
The girls cheered and followed Ryan inside, leaving Tucker alone in their wake, in the glimmering backyard. Smiling, he put his light-up antlers back on, trying to decide where to go, what to eat, what to drink.
How best to avoid Erika.
Tucker was so close to losing himself and just having fun. This fall had been strange and unsettling because of his dad, but joining the debate team had been a bright spot. He’d found something he was really good at and he’d made new friends and he was excited about tonight. Now that moment in the driveway was weighing on him, bringing back memories of Adam’s party. The fact that he’d cared so much, about what Erika had said in the tree house, that he’d acted like such a jerk in response . . . What had it done but prove her point, about what a baby he was?
There was no way for Tucker to hang out in the same house as Erika tonight without thinking back on his behavior and cringing the whole time, so he figured he had three options.
He could leave. He could stay and have no fun. He could apologize.
Tucker took out his phone and started typing.
13
Erika
Marissa and Erika lounged together on a chaise in the corner of the dimly lit basement, where most of the people their age seemed to have congregated. A strobe light was
flashing on the crowd that was swaying and shimmying to the DJ, but Erika said she wasn’t quite ready to dance. Instead, they laughed and sipped champagne that Marissa had sweet-talked the bartender into giving them. Now they were dishing about Marissa and Marco being officially back together, Marissa describing their elaborate attempts to find some alone time over winter break.
Erika was laughing and begging her to stop with the details, and finally Marissa conceded, her face growing serious.
“Are you okay? That was a hell of a semester.”
“I’m okay, honestly. I mean, I’m not okay, but I’m dealing with it.”
“Are you still seeing that campus therapist lady?”
“Yeah, yeah. She’s cool. I like her.”
“Sorry,” Marissa said. “I shouldn’t have brought this up. I’m totally ruining our Christmas high.”
Erika forced a smile, then swept an arm around the room. “Nothing could ruin this high, right? Nothing.”
“We haven’t taken nearly enough selfies. Get your phone out.”
Erika obeyed, and as she did, she saw two messages that stopped her short.
I’m really sorry that I was such an asshole this summer. And I’m sorry I didn’t say that sooner. I swear it was true that Suzanne wasn’t my girlfriend—it was a summer thing, and it was supposed to be officially over that day. I know that doesn’t make it okay, just trying to explain.
Okay, me again. My mom always says the only way to apologize is with no excuses and no caveats, so I’m rereading that text and realizing that I failed miserably. Here I’ll try again: I’m really sorry that I was such an asshole this summer.
She stared at the screen, then showed it to Marissa, who scrutinized the words like they were the Dead Sea Scrolls before handing back the phone.
“Is he forgiven?” Marissa asked.
Erika read the message again, thinking. “Well, high school parties are kind of a petri dish for terrible behavior, are they not? No one knows that better than me.”
Marissa kept quiet at that, of course knowing exactly what she meant: Erika and that complete douchebag, Grayson, holed up in his room while unsuspecting Dana had been downstairs with the rest of their friends . . .
“Whatever,” Erika said, shoving the phone away. “I’m over it. I’m just not sure I owe him a response.”
“Totally, totally.”
Erika scowled. “Why does he have a suit that nice? Teenage boys never have suits that nice.”
“Look, if you need me to pretend he doesn’t look extra yummy, I will, but that will take a superhuman act of will.”
“Am I dressed like a Christmas elf? I need you to be honest with me.”
“No! Oh my god. You look smoking hot, you know you do.”
Erika rolled her eyes, then looked over at the dance floor, all those close-knit bodies churning, churning. She could easily stay down here all night, making smart little comments from the edge of everything, but that wasn’t fair to Marissa. Announcing that their girl time was over, Erika hauled her friend upstairs, where they found Marco listening to a ten-piece soul band in the library, watching grown-ups dance and drink cocktails with sugared rims.
Marissa went off to the bar to try to procure them another drink, but came back empty-handed.
“This bartender was not as accommodating,” she said, then held up her phone with a smile. “But Nina has intel on the location of a secret bathroom that’s also convenient for swiping champagne. Pit stop?”
“For me,” Erika said. “Not for you.”
She got directions for the secret bathroom, then shoved Marissa and Marco together, demanding they slow-dance while she set off to find Nina.
Erika cut through the restaurant-sized kitchen, ducking and dodging her way to the back corner, feeling like a trespasser. Slowly, she opened the door a crack. Then she heard Nina’s voice.
“It’s not happening. Not tonight. I’m going to college next year without ever having my boobs touched. Do you realize how tragic that is?”
Erika bit her lip and covered her mouth with her hand. Then she peeked her head through the door, calling into the room.
“If you just want them touched, I can’t imagine that would be difficult. I could find a waiter back in the kitchen, I’m sure . . .”
Nina swung around and then squealed Erika’s name, Kara and Yrma dissolving in a fit of laughter. They were all double-fisting pilfered drinks. Erika slipped into the mudroom and took in Nina without the benefit of her winter coat. She had on a pencil skirt and boots, a V-neck sweater.
“Actually—that is tragic. Look at those things.”
Kara and Yrma were cracking up, but Nina seemed nervous.
“It’s not as weird as you think, for the record,” Erika said.
“Asking a waiter to touch my boobs?”
“Not being experienced. High schools are full of virgins. Regular virgins and boob virgins and kissing virgins. All the virgins!”
“So you say, and yet I don’t see any boob virgins in here except for ME.”
Erika told her to hold that thought, then squeezed her way into the tiny bathroom, feeling happy as she did, her mind hard at work on how to help Nina. This was the task she hadn’t known she needed tonight.
Erika burst back into the mudroom.
“Okay,” she said. “So who do you have in mind? For touching your boobs?”
Nina still had that tentative look. Kara and Yrma were exchanging glances.
“We have the full power of Christmas magic all around us, right? If you’re trying to make something happen, tonight is the night.”
“If you’re suggesting mistletoe,” Nina said, “the answer is hell no.”
“Who is it?” Erika said with a grin. “Show me a picture.”
A strange silence descended, and the back of Erika’s neck started to tingle. Was she being too pushy? Why did it matter who Nina liked, unless it was someone she knew . . .
Oh shit. For a second, she held out hope that it was Bobby, but Nina wouldn’t be looking at her like that if it was.
Erika started to blush. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Ignore me.”
Kara mumbled that she needed something to eat, and she and Yrma slipped out of the room, though Erika felt one of them squeeze her arm gently as she went by.
As soon as they were gone, Nina hid behind her hands.
“Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. And don’t be sorry, I’m sorry. I thought there was something with you and Tucker that night in the tree house, but then you were back at school, and I didn’t really know him before, but he joined the debate team this year, and I . . .”
Erika was waving her hands, telling her to stop. “Is he good at debate? I feel like he’d be good at debate.”
Nina sighed. “You have no idea.”
Erika nodded and laughed a little, smoothing out her dress. She could see that Nina was still nervous. Erika was nervous, too. She couldn’t decide if she should tell Nina about this summer, that Tucker had been such a jerk. Because if she did tell her, Erika wasn’t sure if she could honestly pinpoint her motivation. Would it be an innocent warning? Or did some part of her still like him and want to drive them apart?
Marissa would probably want her to say all of that out loud, but there was no way, right? Nina liked Erika, and Erika wanted to keep it that way.
Honesty was way too fraught. She would just keep her mouth shut.
“Erika, if you . . . if he . . .”
“No. Absolutely not. We’re not even friends. I haven’t said one word to him since that night.”
Nina sighed. “I haven’t kissed someone since eighth grade. Eighth grade! That doesn’t even count. It never works out for me.”
That got Erika, right in her gut. She had to swallow before she could talk.
“Not kissing anyone doesn’t mean shit, okay? You’re beautiful and you’re smart and you’re funny. I guarantee there are boys living for when they see you at school.”
Nina
was still looking at her doubtfully. Erika fidgeted.
“I thought . . . I guess I thought you were flirting with Bobby that night, in the tree house?”
“Oh god, I know, I know. I had a thing for him last year, but nothing ever happened. Besides, he has a girlfriend now.”
Erika took that in, chewing nervously on her nail. The air in the mudroom seemed to be growing warmer, and she needed to get out.
“Just go party. Get close to him. Smile. Use mistletoe as backup. You need to do this, for the sake of your boobs.”
Nina groaned, and Erika gave her the gentlest of pushes, leading her back out into the kitchen.
Kara and Yrma were waiting right by the door to collect their friend. Erika managed to give them a smile.
“Did you want to head to the library with us?” Nina asked.
“No, no,” Erika said. “I, uh, I heard the dining room is set up like the Great Hall from Harry Potter, and I kind of have to see that. And listen, if I see him, I’ll make sure we come find you, okay?”
Were they going to fight harder, tell her that she had to come with them?
Erika was too afraid to find out, so she turned as quickly as she could and left.
14
Tucker
Tucker had lost all his friends, and Bobby still wasn’t there, but at the moment he didn’t care about any of that, because a guy dressed as Dumbledore had handed him a goblet of pumpkin juice, and Tucker knew that tonight was totally worth it, that he had clearly found the very best room.
Besides, he’d apologized. Even if Erika hadn’t texted him back, even if she didn’t care in the slightest, he felt better.
Tucker walked around slowly, taking in the elaborately laid-out tables, the flags from each house hanging on the walls. There was even an owl in the corner of the room, a real owl. It looked kind of pissed off, hooting loudly at everyone who came in through the far door. Tucker watched it happen again and again, people jumping with fright and then smiling and laughing.
A waiter walked by with a tray that had exactly one chocolate frog left on it. Tucker grabbed it and held it in his hand, examining its tiny perfection. Wishing he had someone to show it to, he turned around to scan the room . . .
Our Year in Love and Parties Page 7