by London Casey
He shook his head. “There is no service, Lacey.”
“Excuse me?”
My father then pointed to the fireplace. I looked and saw what looked like a large vase on the mantel. It took me a few seconds to realize what was happening. What it meant.
“She’s resting now,” he whispered. “She’ll now remain there on the mantel and I’ll remain here alone.”
I stood up. “You had her cremated? Without telling me?”
“It was my decision, Lacey. She was my wife.”
“And she was supposed to be my mother,” I said. “Who are you? Who did you two become?”
“We only wanted what was best for you,” he said.
“So you ruined ten years of my life? I knew what I wanted, and I had it. For the record, I never finished medical school. I struggled to survive. And, yes, I found River. For the first time in ten years, I’m happy. I have a place in this world. And guess what? Money has nothing to do with it.”
My father nodded. He pushed at the arms of the chair and stood up. He rubbed his chin again.
“I can never take back what was done.”
I glanced at the urn. That’s all that was left of my mother. Ashes. A shiver climbed up and down my spine. It was eerie and painful. My stomach flipped and tightened. I didn’t want to break down in front of my father, though. I had to stand strong.
“I thought I was doing what was best,” he said. “Your mother too. When you left…we thought you’d be back. The world is a cruel place to live. We wanted to shelter you and give you a happy life.”
“You know nothing about being happy,” I said.
“That’s true. I wasn’t happy… even after buying this place. I only became happy when your mother and I started working on our new venture. Now she’s gone. Now I’m alone. Lacey, I want to find a way to make it all up to you.”
“Make it up to me?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“What do you want to make up to me? What you did to me ten years ago? Or maybe right now…not calling me about my mother? Not giving me a chance to say goodbye.”
“Lacey,” my father said. “Please listen to me. It happened so fast. I didn’t know what to do. I was grieving. I was greedy.”
“Big shock there,” I said.
“We have nobody else,” my father said. “I… have nobody else.”
“What do you mean?”
“We don’t have anyone we consider friends,” he said. “If I had a service for her, it would have been… it would have been people who owe me a favor. People who know nothing of me and her. Just this event. I didn’t want that for her. So, I took care of her and put her here. Now I’ll forever miss her and regret all that happened.”
I put a hand to my mouth. Tears filled my eyes.
“She loved you, Lacey,” my father said. “There were plenty times she would bring you up and want to find you. The same for me. But you left. Somewhere inside of me, I wanted you to find happiness. I suppose you did. Even if it is in the arms of that guy…”
“That guy?” I asked. “That guy is taking care of me.”
“That’s good,” my father said. “And now… let me make it better for you.”
He reached into his pocket and took out a piece of paper. He walked it toward me. It was the closest I had been to my father in five years. He actually looked at me, too. I could feel his grief and regret. But that didn’t mean everything was just going to wash away.
He handed me a check.
A small check with a large number written on it.
“What is this for?” I asked.
“An offering,” he said. “To new beginnings.”
“Money. It all comes down to money.”
“I want you to take this. I want you to finish medical school, Lacey. I can make a phone call to any school you’d like. And this will pay for medical school… and for the rest of your life.”
The amount on the check would be more than enough to live on for the rest of my life. I held the piece of paper but had no attachment to it.
“I just want you to do what’s right,” my father said.
“Meaning what?”
He swallowed hard. “I want you to take care of yourself. I feel like the engagement was forced upon you and I regret that. But running back into the arms of something you think is comfort…”
“River? This is about River?”
“What can he offer you?”
I stepped back. “How about love?”
“You can love anyone you desire,” my father said. “That check will allow you start over on your own. Take care of yourself and let stuff happen as it should. So you don’t have to chase down old memories.”
“Is this a joke?”
“He had no family,” my father said. “He fixed cars for a living. I heard he was involved in illegal fighting. I know he did jail time. He’s a criminal, Lacey. And what does he do now? He tattoos people? What kind of life is that?”
“An honest one,” I said. “Something you’ll never have.” My entire body started to shake. “I don’t want your money.”
I stood there and ripped the check in half. Then I ripped it again and I threw it into the fireplace. It was a lot of money. Life-changing money. But I wasn’t going to be controlled by my parents. Never again. I glanced up to the urn and reached for it. My fingertips grazed it.
I wanted to cry right but something happened.
Nothing happened.
I couldn’t cry.
They had proved themselves to me time and time again.
“Lacey…”
“No,” I said. “I’m leaving now. When you decide to do the right thing, you can call me. But I love River. I’ve always loved River. I don’t need to become a doctor to be happy. I’m not going to be like you and Mom. I watched you both for years, always so fake. Chasing money. I’ll never do that.”
I started to walk away and my father came after me.
“I’ll write another check,” he said. “Nothing assumed. Please. Take it.”
I watched as he started to get emotional.
I stared at him and realized he was becoming a broken man. The world he had built was crumbling and money wasn’t going to fix it.
Outside the door to the large office I heard muffled voices. They grew louder and closer.
“Lacey…” my father sounded weak.
I took stock of everything he had just said to me. He didn’t get it. He probably never would get it.
That’s when the office door exploded open.
Jerry came almost tumbling into the room, hands out. Almost instantly he began to apologize to my father.
But standing there in the doorway was my savior. The man who truly loved me, who forever promised his heart to me and never took back on that. The man I left and tried to forget but never could.
I looked at him and wished I was wearing one of those many engagement rings that had been buried.
Nothing else mattered except one thing.
River.
River
PRESENT DAY
I stood there, face-to-face with the man who had ripped my Lacey away from me over a decade ago. The man who twisted my life into the mess it became. The man who sent Lacey down a path where she felt hurt, regret, empty, and lonely for years.
He looked aged, beat up, and honestly, he looked hurt.
Of all the things that went through my mind to say to him, I couldn’t believe what came out first.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Lacey’s father just stared at me. The great and all-powerful William. I was surprised he wasn't in a robe, smoking some fancy pipe.
“We’re leaving,” Lacey said. “I’ve had enough.”
“What about…”
Lacey pointed to something on the fireplace mantel. It was an urn.
I looked at William. I was shocked. Almost sickened.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“It all happened fast,” William said to me
.
“Yeah, I guess it did,” I said.
“I don’t want to lose her,” he said. “She’s my daughter.”
“Then you should have acted like a father.”
“I protected her!” William bellowed.
“You hurt her,” I said.
“And he tried to pay me not to be with you,” Lacey said.
“What?” I asked.
“I offered my daughter her inheritance,” William said.
“With the purpose of me starting over alone,” Lacey said.
I made fists and felt my blood boiling. The man before me was a monster. I tried for a long time to respect his wishes and decisions for his daughter. Yeah, I was a rough and tough bad boy. I was the nightmare every father dreamed of for his daughter. I had no future. I had to work for everything I had and I’d lost a lot of shit along the way, too.
But the one thing I was… was real.
I was true.
And I fucking loved Lacey with everything inside me.
I looked around the room and took the entire scene in.
“I didn’t intend for this,” William said. “I want to make this up to you. Both of you.”
“Both of us?” I asked.
William reached for a checkbook inside his inside breast pocket. “How much did it cost to come out here? Let me pay for that. Let me pay for the rest of Lacey’s medical school. Let me pay for something. I’ll buy you both a house. I can’t lose Lacey, too.”
I stepped forward and grabbed the checkbook. I threw it to the floor.
“I’m taking care of Lacey,” I said. “I made her that promise a long time ago and I’ll never let that promise fade. You’re never going to buy me out of her life. You can hate me all you want but we both know I never did a thing wrong to her or to you. And you can never live this down, William. All you’ve taken from your daughter.” I looked back at Lacey. “I needed to check on you, darlin’. I’m sorry for busting in. I’ll wait until you’re ready. Whatever you want.”
I walked toward the door.
Jerry was babbling to William a list of apologies, basically verbally punishing himself for letting me into the room. The scene was like nothing I’d ever seen before.
“You were never good for her,” William growled. “You should have never been near her. Ever. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be for her.”
I paused. “As opposed to what?”
“Forcing me into a life like you had?” Lacey asked.
“You both know I made the right decision back then,” William said. “If we stayed there and you two were left to run wild, it would have been a mess.”
“I guess we’ll never know,” I said. “The past is gone, William. All we have is the future. And I’m pretty certain of my future.”
“A life of struggling for everything,” William said.
“I’ll be waiting, Lacey,” I said, ignoring William. “Take your time. No rush, darlin’.”
I had one foot out the door when Lacey spoke.
“River, I’ll be right there,” she said.
“Lacey,” her father said. “Let me talk to you some more. We can figure this out. I’ll write you a new check. Right now. And I’ll close my eyes to River. It won’t matter what you do with it.”
“No,” she said. “You can’t buy me. I don’t even know if I’ll miss my mother. You two took a lot from me. And you’re rich enough to find me if you need to talk to me again. Do yourself a favor and pick up the phone yourself. Don’t have the hired help call.”
I held my hand out and Lacey took it.
It felt right.
I looked at her, almost in disbelief. She turned down a lot of money to be with me.
A poor, illegal fighter, criminal-turned-tattoo-artist.
I walked through a house that was worth well into seven figures. I knew William had much more than that in his bank account.
But I was the one who was rich.
Because I held Lacey’s hand.
But life has a funny way of turning on a dime… breaking you right back down to size.
There must have been something in the air. I was finishing up yet another animal tattoo. This time it was a picture of a kitten on a woman’s shoulder. Her name was Mary. She said the story was personal and I left it at that. She was a beautiful woman, too. Slender shoulders with a long arms and fingers. She listened to music, talked very little, and offered me a large gratuity for getting her on my schedule basically last minute. She literally walked in and begged for a tattoo. I was about to head out and meet up with Lacey for something to eat when Tate asked me to hang back and help.
I didn’t mind helping.
There was a part of me that wondered what was really going through Lacey’s head after the debacle with her parents. It was sad that her mother died so suddenly, but Lacey promised me that it didn’t really bother her. It just angered her that because of her parents being such snobs, if there was a time when me and Lacey had kids, they wouldn’t have grandparents. There was something about the family dynamic that seemed so fucked up now and it left me feeling like I would have to change that someday.
Someday, River. Not today.
I walked Mary to the door and returned to find Prick standing in my doorway.
“Meow,” he said with a grin.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Get it out of your system.”
“What?”
“That cat thing. I tattooed a pretty woman. She got a cat. I’m sure there’s some pussy joke hidden in there somewhere.”
“Hey, you brought up the word pussy, not me,” Prick said.
He let out a little snicker.
“What do you want, Prick?” I asked.
“Want to help me with my next piercing?” he asked. “Woman is coming in and she has some huge fucking ti-”
“Jesus Christ,” a voice boomed down the hall.
I hurried and opened a door to find Tate standing with his hand on his head and a cell phone to his ear. His eyes were wide in shock.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Shit, brother. No. Fuck. I’ll shut it all down right now…”
Tate looked at me. He looked ready to cry.
“Okay, brother. You hold tight. You just… fuck…”
Tate took the phone away from his ear and threw it to Prick. Prick juggled the phone and then put it to his ear.
“Hello? Axel? What’s…”
I looked at Tate.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Axel’s mother died.”
Lacey
PRESENT DAY
The scene always played out the same way. Always. But this time… I felt like the air had been ripped from my chest. An ambulance waited in the narrow driveway, along with a couple other vehicles. I climbed out of the car as Andrea walked Ava out of the house. Ava clutched tight to her, almost unable to walk.
I hurried to Ava and threw my arms around her, letting her cry.
She collapsed into me and wept uncontrollably.
Andrea mouthed to me, she was here.
Meaning Ava had been present when Bethany took her last breath in the world. I looked around, looking for Axel, but I didn’t see him yet.
I rubbed Ava’s back. I spoke no words because when grief was raw, words were nothing but a waste of good breath. It was better to wait for her to speak.
Finally, she did.
“I’m a mess,” she said.
“You’re allowed to be,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t want to be here for this,” Ava said.
“Come here,” I said.
I walked her to a little side patio and got her to take a seat. She had makeup running down her cheeks. I knew she was safe here because inside the house was going to be hectic and eventually they’d have to take Bethany out.
“I didn’t want to see it,” Ava said.
“I know, I know,” I said. “But she was with you. You could take some kind of com-”
“Ava, there
you are,” a voice said.
I looked and saw Axel lumbering toward us.
“Axel,” I said.
“Not now,” he growled at me. He looked at Ava. “What the hell are you doing out here?”
“I didn’t want to see that,” Ava said. “That was unfair.”
“Fair?” Axel snapped. “I’ve been here for how long? You came three times. That was it. You left her!”
I swallowed hard.
“Fuck yourself, Andrew,” Ava said.
“Don’t you ever call me that,” Axel said. “That was our piece of shit father’s name. You saw what he did to all of us. That woman in there tried her best for us.”
“She didn’t give a shit to leave him!” Ava said, crying. “We were left to fend for ourselves. She played it like nothing was happening!”
“Cut that shit,” Axel said. “Give her a second now, Ava. She just died.”
“Maybe I don’t care,” Ava said. She wiped her eyes. “Maybe it’s all numb to me.”
I suddenly had a vision that I was Ava. Weeping over my own mother’s death. Feeling that pain but not enough of it. I had no idea what the entire story was here…
“You’re being a selfish bitch,” Axel said.
“Eat shit, Axel.”
He took a step. There was violence in his eyes.
I stepped in and got between them. “Axel, just give us a second. I’m so sorry.”
“And where the fuck were you?” Axel spat right in my face. “You were supposed to be saving her. You and that bitch out front shoved her to the grave. The two of you did it.”
I felt like someone squeezed my throat shut. I gasped and couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck this,” Axel said. “I’m out of here.” He ran a hand through his hair. His eyes welled up. “Fuck all of this.”
He stormed away and a few seconds later I heard the rumble of a motorcycle.
I took a step and Ava grabbed my wrist. “Don’t. Let him cool off.”
I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I looked down at Ava.
“I’m sorry you saw that,” she said. “We always disagreed on our parents. It’s not that I didn’t love her…”
“I lost my mother, too,” I blurted out. “She and my father tried to control me and I finally had enough and left. I still don’t know how I feel.”