by Mary Campisi
“Would you like some water?”
She shook her head. “Not necessary. It’s the grief my niece has caused that boy that pains me. I’m dying, Mr. Casherdon. I won’t be here at Christmas and somebody has to watch out for Mason because it’s not going to be Stephanie.” Another wheeze, a gasp. “You look like some of her other men friends. Are you her boyfriend?”
Cash shook his head. “No, but we knew each other years ago.”
“Aha. You’re the one.” Her parched lips pulled into a tight smile. “You’re the first one, aren’t you? And all the ones after that were efforts to find someone who looked like you.”
Cash shrugged. “I don’t know. Could be. Ms. Templeton, how long has Stephanie been in this area? Did she return when you were ill, to help out maybe?”
“No, child, not to help out. The only reason Stephanie came back was because I told her I was dying and couldn’t care for Mason any longer.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “She didn’t want to come, didn’t want to have anything to do with me or the boy, said she was heading to Napa Valley. But I couldn’t get out of bed and I couldn’t feed him properly. I tried, but I couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Cash covered her hand with his. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Mason is a good boy. He needs a home where people care about him. Can you help him find a good home? If I knew he was safe, I could close my eyes and let the Lord take me.” She blinked, blotted her eyes with a tissue. “Will you keep him safe, Mr. Casherdon? The man who came here before, the one who looked like a cowboy, said you were respectable and trustworthy. He said you had a wife and a house and people who cared about you. How grand would that be for a child like Mason to belong to such a family.” Her voice drifted off. “How grand indeed?”
CASH DROPPED Mason off at a friend’s and told the boy to be home in two hours. That should be enough time to execute his plan. The last few hours had uncovered schemes and exposed lies, but it would be the next few that would tie them all together. He found Stephanie in the living room leafing through a magazine, looking fresh and comfortable in a flowered sundress. So innocent-looking. So much the liar.
“I’ve missed you,” she said, her smile bright, her expression inviting. “Where’s Mason?”
“I dropped him off at Alec’s.” He slid into the chair opposite the couch, rubbed his jaw. “Before that, we went for a burger and a milkshake. Then we just hung out.” And took a trip to the post office…mailed an important envelope…
“Oh. I would have enjoyed coming with you.”
She sounded so damn sincere, but she was just like his parents, more interested in the next best thing than in raising a child.
“Cash? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Anger and disbelief burst through him, dripped into his words. “Am I Mason’s father?”
“What?” Stephanie stared at him, her dark eyes shimmering with tears. “How can you ask a question like that?” Her voice trembled. “He has your eyes, your hair, your disposition.” More trembling, followed by a hoarse “He has your smile.”
A few days ago, Cash might have been pulled in by the tears and the words, but not after his meeting with Hildy or the report from Nate. “So, if I took a DNA test, there’d be no surprises?”
“Of course not.”
He nodded, crossed his arms over his chest. Interesting how some people could look straight at you and lie, not a hitch in their voice, not a change in expression, nothing but dead-on, smooth-talking lies. “Good, because I mailed it in a little while ago. The site said we’ll know in a few days.”
“You took the test and didn’t tell me? Why would you do that?”
She didn’t look so forlorn now. Nope, he’d call the narrowed eyes and thinning lips pissed. “Why not? You said I should go ahead and do it, and I decided you were right. I ordered the test before we left Magdalena and carried it around, trying to decide if I should use it or not. Something told me I should.”
“I’m hurt you wouldn’t believe me.”
Uh-huh. “That’s the only reason you look ticked? Not because I might find out something you don’t want me to know?” Cash didn’t let her answer, but plowed on. “Like I’m not Mason’s father?”
“That’s ridiculous.” She eased off the couch, moved toward him, and grasped his forearm. “Tests aren’t always accurate. Look at the boy and you’ll see the truth.”
Was she for real? He shrugged off her hand and scowled. Now he was the one getting pissed. All he wanted her to do was admit her lies—all of them, including her plans, her fake dying, her devotion to a son she hadn’t raised, and every single lie in between. Tess had been right. He should have listened to her, but he’d been so hell-bent on rescuing Mason from a life that said he hadn’t been wanted, that he’d ignored every warning sign. But the DNA test wouldn’t lie and his gut told him neither would Mason’s aunt. The only liar among them was Stephanie. “This is the last time I’m going to ask you. Am I Mason’s father?”
She refused to give him a clear answer, opting instead for a roundabout one, open to all kinds of interpretation. “You could be.”
Meaning what? He could be if he wanted to be? Or, he could be one of a few potential candidates? Maybe what she meant was, the DNA didn’t matter because Mason looked like him? Cash wanted her to say exactly what she meant so he could catch her in her pile of lies.
When he didn’t respond, she worked up a smile, long and slow until the dimples showed. “I love you, Cash. I’ve always loved you.”
“Uh-huh. Do you love me enough to pretend Mason’s mine and maybe even pretend you’re dying?” When she paled, he nodded. “Yeah, maybe so. Guess you wanted to slip right into the wife spot, huh? Get rid of Tess and bam, here’s Stephanie and she’s bringing along a ready-made family, too.”
“No, it wasn’t that way.”
“That’s not what your aunt said.” The paleness morphed to paste. “I met her today. Really nice lady and a damn shame she’s dying of ovarian cancer. Tough break.” He zeroed in on those dark eyes. “Pretty crazy that you’ve both got the same illness and at the same time, too. She was torn up when she heard about you; started crying and said she’d always held out hope you’d find your way. What was she talking about? Were you lost?” Stephanie was lost, no doubt about that. Any woman who could give up her infant and walk away in search of “herself” was not going to end up happy or at peace.
“I can explain.” Pink swept through the paste on her cheeks. “Can you let me explain?”
“I don’t think there’s much to explain unless you can tell me why you left your son for your aunt to raise and added me to your list of potential father candidates when you found out she was terminal.” Stephanie had discarded the boy like Cash’s parents had discarded him. That’s how he and Mason were really alike.
When the tears spilled this time, Cash thought they might be real. “Lewis died four days after I told him I’d fallen in love with someone else.” She pressed her fingertips against her temples, blinked. “Four days, Cash. How was I supposed to live with that? You were that someone and when he died, I was sad for him but relieved you and I had a chance to be together.” Her voice turned whisper-soft, her eyes bright. “We were good together, really good. But then you broke it off and I couldn’t find my way. I’d sacrificed my marriage for what I believed we could share and you dumped me.” She tried to touch his arm, but he pulled away, out of reach. “You were kind and gracious but you’d already moved on, or maybe the real problem was you couldn’t move past the woman who’d hurt you. I knew you hadn’t forgotten her, but I was determined to make you love me, and then you just broke it off.”
Cash dragged a hand through his hair, tried to recall details of what had happened all those years ago, but he couldn’t. The truth was, nothing and no one existed before or after his wife. Tess was all that mattered to him, even when he’d thought he’d never see her again. “I never meant to hurt you but I never said what happened betw
een us would be more than simple comfort during a time of need.”
“Of course you didn’t.” She smiled. “That’s what made you so irresistible. Every woman wanted you because of that, not in spite of it.”
That was twisted, but maybe in some oddball way it wasn’t any different from a guy going after the girl he couldn’t have. “Where does Mason come in?”
“I’m not proud of this next part.” She looked away, cleared her throat. “After you broke it off, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and part of me didn’t want to accept that you were gone. I went after men who looked like you. Sometimes it was just the eyes, or the hair, maybe the smile, but once in a while, it was the whole package.” Her lips pulled into a smile as though remembering the stand-ins and what they offered. “Once, I swear it was you. Of course, it wasn’t, but if I closed my eyes and had one too many gin and tonics, that man was Daniel Casherdon.”
Cash ignored the queasiness in his gut and pushed out the words. “That was Mason’s father, wasn’t it?”
She nodded. “I met him at a folk festival and we spent two nights together. By the third day, he was gone. I never asked his name because in my heart, he was you.”
“Except he wasn’t me. How could you leave your son?” He and Tess had wanted a child so desperately and this woman had tossed one away because he cramped her need for travel and wanderlust?
“I never meant to get pregnant. When I found out I was, I thought about an abortion but Aunt Hildy begged me not to do it. She said she’d raise the baby.” She blinked hard. “I signed over the legal guardianship to her. Guess she told you that.”
He nodded. Aunt Hildy had told him a lot, but what stuck with him were her last words. Mason is a good boy. He needs a home where people care about him. Can you help him find a good home? If I knew he was safe, I could close my eyes and let the Lord take me… Will you keep him safe, Mr. Casherdon? Given the chance, that’s exactly what he’d do.
“I know you think I’m a horrible, selfish person, but how could I look at a face that reminded me of the man I’d risked my marriage for and maybe caused my husband’s death? I could have lived with that if we’d ended up together because I would have been following my heart. Don’t you see, the pain and the guilt would have been worth it. But we didn’t end up together and that changed everything. That made the reminder so much worse.”
“The reminder? You mean your son?”
“Yes.” Stephanie swiped at her cheeks. “My son. The one who’s spent his whole life believing his father is a hero and hoping one day he’d come and rescue him.” Her voice slipped to a whisper. “I thought you’d be able to rescue us both.”
“And what about my wife? Did you plan to cut her out and step into her place?” The expression on her face said that was exactly what she’d planned to do, one way or another.
“I never meant to hurt Tess, but I know we could be good together if you’d give it a chance.”
“Not happening. Ever.” If he spent the rest of his life apologizing to Tess, it wouldn’t be enough.
“What about Mason?”
Why did the innocents always suffer? Cash’s parents had tossed him aside in the quest for excitement and adventure, and he’d carried that pain with him for too many years. Sometimes he still felt it and that’s when he turned reckless.
“Cash? Please don’t tell him you aren’t his father. It would crush him.”
“I won’t lie to him.”
She clasped her hands to her chest. “Don’t do this to him. Please.”
“You think lying’s the answer? What happens when he finds out the truth some day? Did you think about that?” Ramona had tried to cover up the real reason for his parents’ departure, but he’d found out anyway and that led to years of recklessness and anger. Too much anger.
“I haven’t been much of a mother to him, but he believes his father is a hero. Can’t you be that man for him?”
Cash shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Damn her for hurting the boy with her lies. “You’re going to go tell him I’m not his father.”
“He’ll hate me,” she whimpered.
“He’ll hate you more if you don’t tell him.”
Stephanie made three more attempts, all of them futile, and eventually left the apartment to pick up Mason at his friend’s and give him the news. Cash waited, tried to picture what she’d tell him. More lies? Would she massage stories to make them seem not so bad? His chest ached when he considered all the ways a parent could hurt a child without ever touching him.
What would he do if he had an opportunity to be a father figure to Mason? How would he handle it? And what about Tess? They’d talked about the kind of parents they’d be if given an opportunity, but could they really live up to their words? Could they make a difference in a child’s life? Kids weren’t rescue animals like Henry, though they did need attention, nurturing, rules, and a kind word or two—like Henry. The more Cash thought of the possibilities, the more hope-filled he became until an idea burst inside him, so big and bright it hurt his belly. Would Tess agree? Would Stephanie? And what about Mason? Once the boy learned the truth, would he be so pissed-off he wouldn’t want to see Cash again?
The apartment door opened and Mason entered alone, made his way toward Cash. The boy’s eyes were red, his nose swollen. “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” Cash moved from the chair to the couch and patted a spot next to him. “Have a seat.” The boy stuffed his hands in his pockets, flopped on the couch, and cleared his throat. Twice. “Mom told me.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So…you’re not my dad.”
“No, I’m not.” In a few days, the DNA results would confirm what Tess had suspected, and Stephanie’s response earlier was even greater proof.
Mason looked away. “Guess you’re not interested in me then.”
“Hey, that’s not true.”
The boy swiped at his cheeks, dragged his gaze to Cash’s, held it. “Why would you care about me if I’m not your kid?”
Cash didn’t need to think about the answer to that one. “Because you’re a great kid.”
Mason shrugged. “Do you think I could visit sometime? Maybe stay with you for a while? I know you aren’t my dad, but some kids split time between parents. Mom said it was okay with her, but she said I had to ask you. And she said Tess had to agree, too.” Hope spilled into his voice. “So, do you think I could? I miss Magdalena, and Lily and I never got to swim in her uncle’s pool.”
Split time as in more than a week in the summer or a holiday? Cash pushed the surge of emotion back down his throat and kept his voice steady. If he had his way, he’d let Mason stay as long as he wanted. How about nine more years until he shipped off to college? It was a long shot, but if he could get Stephanie and Tess to agree, maybe Mason could stay with them; maybe they could be like a real family.
“Let me check out a few things and we’ll see what we can do.” As in, let me talk to your mom and Tess and see what they have to say about you spending time in Magdalena. Mason frowned, bit his lower lip. “Mason? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry I kind of pretended about my mom being around all the time and doing all kinds of stuff with me. She didn’t want you to think bad of her if you found out my aunt raised me, but I wouldn’t have told you anyway.” His voice cracked. “Mom needs protecting. She’s what Aunt Hildy calls a fragile egg. That’s somebody who cracks when they have to make a hard decision.” He shrugged, held Cash’s gaze. “Aunt Hildy taught me how to be a tough egg, not a fragile one. Maybe Mom will learn about that someday, too.”
CASH STOOD in the doorway of the bedroom watching his wife, his gaze flitting from her to the suitcase on the bed. All he’d wanted was to get home to Tess and now he was too damn late. He and Mason had hit the road early with tears and kisses from Stephanie, promising her son she’d see him soon. The quick nod and no comment said Mason didn’t believe those words any more than his mother did. Still, she’d needed t
o say them and maybe the boy had needed to hear them, even if they weren’t true. In time, he may not need the empty promises. A new home and two loving parents could change all of that.
But it depended on Tess. Everything depended on Tess.
He’d planned to tell her about Stephanie last night, but Nate said that kind of conversation should be done face to face, with Mason in Magdalena. Apparently, Nate Desantro didn’t know everything even if he thought he did, because the suitcase on the bed said Tess didn’t give a damn about Cash or Mason. She was leaving, as in out.
He could not lose her again. Cash moved toward her. “Tess. What are you doing?”
She looked up, her expression a mix of surprise and anxiousness. “Packing.”
Cash shoved his hands in his back pockets. “I see that.” She was so damn beautiful and he didn’t deserve her. He’d always known she was too good for him, back to the first time he’d seen her from the back of a police cruiser. “Can I ask where you’re going?” The rest of his words caught in his throat, but he pushed past the fear and said, “And why?”
She placed the sundress on the bed and moved toward him, spoke in a quiet voice. “I’m a proud woman with a big fear of losing the people I love…a ridiculously big fear. But I’ve learned you’ve got to fight through both of those, or you’ll be the loser.” She shrugged, settled her gaze on his chin. “I was coming to you. I should never have let you go alone.”
Cash let out a slow breath. “I thought you were leaving me.”
“Leaving you? I’d never leave you.” She reached out, stroked his cheek. “No matter what.”
He clasped her hand, held her gaze. “I am so damn sorry for all of this. Can you ever forgive me?”
Those full lips he loved to taste pulled into a slow smile. “I forgive you.” She eased his hand along her body, settled it on her belly. “Besides, I’m going to need help with diaper duty.”