by Mary Wood
‘My God! What authorization did they need? I gave them all they asked for.’
‘Don’t worry about it now. Like Aunt Pru says, no use worrying at a time when you can do nothing about it. Anyway, think, my darling. You have been without pay for almost three years. All of that is owed to you – less what they did pay me. That simply means that even more is owed to you, so we will be all right, now that you are home.’
‘I have other money, too, darling. I told you about my grandfather’s legacy, didn’t I? Well, when we docked, we stayed in barracks for two nights. I had no way of contacting you to let you know that I was home safely, but I needed various things and was taken to the bank. I found that my allowance had built up to a tidy sum. We can open our own home up again, and get medical help for Pru and—’
‘I had to sell our home. I lied in my letter, when I said I’d closed it and moved in with Aunt Pru. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t ever say sorry for whatever decisions you had to take, darling. It doesn’t matter. I’m home now, and I have more than enough to set us up again. Now, no more talking. I’d say that our future looks bright. Let’s go to bed. I want to hold you, and to feel your body next to mine. I – I don’t know if I can—’
‘Shush, darling. We’ve already visited that. Nothing is expected of you. I just want to lie with you, too. My only stipulation is that you have no clothes on!’
‘You hussy.’
Once more they laughed as they linked hands and went up the stairs.
‘This is Alice’s room. Tread quietly now, don’t wake her.’
They crept into the tiny room, lit by the moon shining through the window. Its light fell across Alice’s bed, showing her screwed up into a ball, with no covers on; her thumb was stuck in her mouth, with a picture of Cyrus on her pillow.
His gasp told of his love. His arm pulled Flora to him. Had she thought her world had been made right, on seeing him? Now she knew it was truly complete, as the circle of her family came together.
Cyrus didn’t want to leave the room, but she gently persuaded him to. ‘Alice will be frightened if she wakes. We’ll make a game in the morning for her. I’ll get up and chat to her about you, as we always do, and then I’ll build up to her knowing that you are here. You don’t look too different from your photo, which she has with her at all times.’
‘It looks a bit crumpled, she must hold it a lot.’
‘That happened when I was giving birth to her. I held it and didn’t realize that I was squeezing it. I imagined that it was your hand.’
‘It was, darling. Whenever you’ve needed me, I’ve only been a thought away. As you have to me.’
Taking his hand, she led him to her bedroom. Aunt Pru had insisted that she have the double room. She was so glad of that now.
They curled up together, their bodies touching in all the places they could touch. And then what Cyrus had feared wouldn’t happen, did happen. His need of her gave Flora joy beyond anything she had imagined, as they rekindled the feelings they had experienced in those first days of meeting.
When Cyrus entered her, it was as if no time had passed since he’d been coupled with her before. She clung to him, manoeuvring him onto his back, so that she could give of herself to him. Nothing stopped the love flowing from one to the other. No barriers existed. The sensations that racked her body seized her whole being and fractured her into a thousand pieces, before bringing her back as a whole person, the person she was meant to be. Loved deeply by this man. No time apart had erased or even splintered any part of that.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Waking next to Cyrus brought heaven to Flora’s heart. She watched him as he breathed, enjoyed the beauty of his face. A beauty not marred by the small changes that being underweight had wrought in him. She wondered what he’d been through, and was glad he’d made up his mind to cleanse himself of it and to look forward, without letting the past drag him down.
Creeping out of bed, she looked in on Alice. She lay looking angelic, on her back with her arms up, as if surrendering. Her right hand touched Cyrus’s photo. Flora wanted to lift her up and twirl her round in the air, such was her joy.
But instead she crept along to Aunt Pru’s room. It was eight o’clock, and Aunt Pru liked to get up at this time. Sometimes she needed help. But often, after a cup of tea in bed, she felt she could manage. On those days Flora filled a bowl of water for her and put it on a stand next to her bed, before placing to hand everything she would need.
Unusually, the room was still in darkness. ‘Are you awake, Aunt Pru?’
The silence pebbled Flora’s arms with goosebumps. Fear trickled through her. Switching on the light made that fear a truth. ‘No . . . no!’ Reaching the bedside without knowing she’d moved, Flora lifted Aunt Pru’s cold hand and looked into the waxen face. A face as beautiful in death as it had been when she was a young woman. With all pain gone, there was a peace in her expression that told of her passing away in her sleep.
‘Oh, Aunt Pru . . .’ Flora was on her knees, her head resting on Aunt Pru’s still chest. ‘I hope you are with Freddy. I hope that he came to fetch you, and that your passing was something you welcomed. Did you wait, my darling, for me to be happy?’
Somehow, as she said these words, she knew that was what had happened. Her dear Aunt Pru had hung on and on, not wanting to leave until Cyrus was safely home to take care of her.
‘Oh, my dear, dear mother, I will miss you so much.’
Calling Aunt Pru her mother came naturally to her, as that is what she had been. A tiny regret entered her, that she hadn’t done so when Aunt Pru could hear her, and hadn’t given her the status of grandmother to Alice. But in death there is always a regret for those left living, and that is such a tiny regret for me to live with.
Flora stood up and went back to her bedroom, as the deep pain cut into her.
Cyrus was awake and smiling. ‘Good morning, darling, I’m being good and staying put, like you told me to. Is Alice awake – does she know about me being here? I can’t . . . Darling, what’s the matter? You’re crying!’
Running to him, Flora flung herself onto the bed and lay across his chest.
His arm held her. ‘Aunt Pru?’
‘Y – yes, sh – she’s gone. Oh, Cyrus. Why, just when everything was going to come right for us?’
‘Maybe that is why. She felt that she could let go. She was very ill, my darling, I could see that the moment I looked at her. I’ll get up and go for the doctor. Is it far from here?’
‘No. But I can get Billy to go. He’ll be standing by his gate as he does every morning. He’s the son of Mrs Tatley, who runs a fish-and-chip business from her front room. They only live on the next street, where our house stood. Billy . . . well, he has a simple way of looking at life, and he loves to run errands for everyone when he’s not helping his mother. I’ll write a note and give it to him. He’s very reliable and knows where to go. I won’t be two minutes. Alice is still asleep.’
‘Let me do it. What if Alice wakes and you’re not here, and neither is her Aunt Pru? Oh, my darling, you’re shaking.’
‘It was such a shock. I can’t think straight.’
‘Look, what about the neighbour: will she take a note to this Billy?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well then, I’ll see to that. I’m home now, darling, you have no need to shoulder the burden of everything. I’m here for you.’
These words soothed some of the pain that racked her heart. For a moment Flora clung on to Cyrus and didn’t want to let go of him, but he helped her come to a place where she could cope, by gently talking her through the practicalities of what she had to do.
‘Aunt Pru has been everything to you, my darling. Now you must do all you can to help her on her last journey. She is with Freddy, I’m sure. But she’ll want to look her best for him, so pick out a nice outfit for her and prepare to wash her and get her ready. We will give her a good send-off.’
Cyrus’s words held wisdom
. Yes, she needed to do all of that for her beloved Aunt Pru. ‘I’ll get Alice up and, while we wait for the doctor, she can start to get used to you, then you can take her to Rowena. Poor Rowena, she’s going to be devastated. Everyone is – Aunt Pru was so loved.’
‘And what better legacy for her to leave behind? I know I wasn’t in her company for long, but I loved her, too. She had that effect on people. If she liked you, she took you to her heart.’
‘You’re so right. Now, are you sure you feel up to all of this?’
‘Very sure. It is what I have dreamed of for almost four years, though I wouldn’t have wished for the sadness that’s befallen us. I want to slip into the role of husband and father, and take care of you both, darling. So, no trying to mollycoddle me.’
Flora smiled through her tears. ‘I’ll go and get Alice up.’
Alice was full of questions while Flora dressed her. ‘How did Daddy get out of the picture to be here?’
‘He didn’t, darling. He came on a ship. Remember, Mummy told you that he couldn’t come before, because he had to stay in another country until they let him come to us?’
‘Yes, and he loves us, doesn’t he, Mummy?’
‘He does, darling. And now he can give you that cuddle I told you he was saving for you.’
‘Aunt Pru loves him, like we do, doesn’t she? Will she have a cuddle?’
‘She had one last night, when you were asleep, darling. Then she said, “I’m going to Freddy, now that you have your daddy to look after you.”’
‘But Freddy’s in heaven, and Aunt Pru is sad when she looks at his photo.’
‘Yes, darling, she was sad because she wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t leave us because we needed her. But in the night, the angels came and took her to Freddy.’
‘But I didn’t say goodbye. I don’t want her to go. I want Aunt Pru to stay. Did Daddy want her to go, now he has come home?’
‘No, darling, he was planning to get a special doctor to Aunt Pru to try and make her well again. But, darling, that couldn’t have happened. Aunt Pru’s heart was very poorly and she would have suffered such a lot.’
‘I don’t want Aunt Pru to be in pain any more. If the doctor can’t make her better, can Freddy?’
‘Yes, he can. And he has. Last night Aunt Pru had the worst pain she had ever had, and Freddy had no choice. He thought about leaving her till morning so that she could say goodbye, but he couldn’t bear for her to suffer and knew that you would understand, and would have all the memories of her that she gave you. And so he asked the angels to fetch her to him.’
‘I’m glad he did, Mummy, but I have a sadness inside my chest, and I want to cry.’
A noise on the stairs told her that Cyrus was back. ‘Well, I have someone who will take that sadness away, just as Freddy knew he would. Freddy knew you would let him have his mummy with him, because now you can have your daddy with you. What do you think of that?’
‘Will my daddy like me? He’s only ever seen me from his photo. What if I’m naughty? Will he think I’m a horrid girl?’
‘No, I won’t, my darling little girl. I will love you, no matter what you do. But I will hope that you will try to be good for me and Mummy.’
A shyness came over Alice, as she looked from the photo to Cyrus. Flora held her breath.
Cyrus opened his arms. ‘I brought a cuddle for you.’
Alice smiled. ‘You came out of your photo.’
‘I did. Come to me, my darling. You and I have to get to know each other.’
As Alice went to him, her voice was shy. ‘But I do know you. Mummy told me everything about you. I know that I love you, Daddy.’
A tear ran down Cyrus’s face as he held Alice to him. She clung to him, then put her head back and looked at him. ‘Your nose is bigger than on the photo.’
They all laughed, and it felt right to do so. Aunt Pru would have loved this moment, and maybe she was sharing it with them.
‘Don’t worry, it will shrink again, now that I am home with you and Mummy. Where I have been, there wasn’t much food, and I have lost a lot of fat that plumped out my cheeks and hid my big nose. But you and Mummy are going to feed me up, and make me handsome again.’
‘We don’t have a lot of food, Daddy, but you can have mine.’
Cyrus’s face fell at this. His eyes found Flora’s. His frown told of his deep hurt.
‘It doesn’t matter now, darling,’ she said to him. ‘You could have done nothing about it. We had enough. Alice has been fed well; she is just repeating snippets she’s heard Aunt Pru and I talk about.’
He stepped forward and held her with his free arm. As he did so, Alice leaned towards her and held her around her neck with one arm, while still holding Cyrus with the other. To Flora, this was a moment she’d longed for: the three of them in a cuddle. It lifted her and made her smile.
Aunt Pru would have loved to have seen it too. But it wasn’t to be. It was enough that she knew it would happen. That she felt able to go. Because Flora could now admit that Aunt Pru couldn’t have gone on a moment longer. Getting her to bed last night had shown that. Dear Aunt Pru. Rest your weary head. Say hello to Freddy for me. Tell him how much I miss him.
‘Don’t cry, Mummy. You said we would all be happy when Daddy came home. I’m happy.’
‘And I am too, my darling. These are tears of joy.’
In a way, it wasn’t a lie. For part of her was joyful that Aunt Pru was at peace, but oh, she was going to miss her. She was going to miss her so much.
As they had stood next to the open grave, Flora had looked around her. So many fresh mounds of earth reminded her of the toll the flu epidemic had taken.
With the numbers so high, they’d had to wait three weeks for today’s burial of Aunt Pru’s body in its final resting place. During that time three elderly residents had died in the street from the flu. But since the last one passed, two weeks ago, there had been no fresh cases. Everyone hoped it would not return.
As she’d looked at the sea of faces, swimming in the well of tears in her eyes, Flora had felt a comfort that so many had loved Aunt Pru, and had turned out, despite the warning of not gathering in numbers, to say their goodbyes and pay their respects.
And now here she was playing the songs they all loved to sing. How, she didn’t know, but Aunt Pru deserved a good send-off, and she would have loved the knees-up that her wake had turned into. Belting out ‘Mother Kelly’s Doorstep’, Flora had to smile as she saw Cyrus dancing with Mrs Larch.
A voice came into her head. ‘Eeh, lass, it’s a good do, ain’t it? You’ve done me proud.’ Flora’s smile widened. We have, lovely Aunt Pru. I hope you and Freddy are dancing. Goodnight, my beautiful ma, goodnight. Sleep tight.
A further smile played around her lips.
Yes, if I had given Aunt Pru her proper place as my mother, I would have called her ‘Ma’, as Freddy had done. How I wish that I had.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Flora and Cyrus held Alice’s hands as she skipped along between them. Flora couldn’t believe they were taking her to her first day at school.
They’d found a day-school for infants in what was termed the ‘Posh End’ of Brixton. The fees were just affordable to them, as Aunt Pru had left her house to Flora, which meant they hadn’t had to use any of their funds to house themselves. But if Cyrus didn’t get a position soon, then they might have to rethink, and educate Alice themselves for a time.
‘Our little girl is growing up, aren’t you, darling, and is soon to have a baby brother or sister.’
‘I want a sister, really, but I don’t mind a brother, Daddy.’
‘Well, we don’t have much choice in the matter, so whatever it is, we’ll all love and welcome him or her, won’t we?’
‘Yes, Daddy. When will you fetch the new baby?’
Flora bent her body so that she could whisper to Alice. ‘Any day now. Might even be here when you get home from school.’
‘What! Are you all
right, Flora? Has something happened?’ The panic in Cyrus’s voice made her giggle.
‘I’m fine, but yes, I am having niggles. Little pains in my back.’
‘But my mother doesn’t arrive for three days!’
‘Well then, you’ll have to take care of us, darling.’
‘Of course I will, but it will be nice for you to have another woman with you. I’m dying for you to meet Mother. I just know you will both get on so well. You both have the same independent spirit. Mother won’t interfere, or anything like that; she’s not one for bothering how others run their lives, but she will be happy to help, if you need it. She can’t wait to meet you and Alice.’
‘And I’m looking forward to meeting her and getting to know her.’
They fell silent then, as they reached the gates of the school. And as she had done every day, Flora thought about Aunt Pru and how proud she would have been to see Alice take this next step in her life.
Smiling heavenwards, as Alice was taken by the hand and led into school by a young teacher, Flora remembered Aunt Pru’s own little school and how she’d helped so many children in Stepney, and then adults in Brixton. And how she’d brought Alice into the world, but wouldn’t be here to bring in her second child. Oh, Aunt Pru, I miss you. I miss you so much. Has it only been ten months since you left me?
‘You’re quiet, darling. Don’t worry, Alice will be fine.’
‘I know. I worry, though, that she might just get settled and make new friends and we have to take her out of school.’
‘I’m hoping that I hear from Willingborough Bank soon. My interview with them went well. The manager served in the same regiment as me, though he joined a year later, so I didn’t know him, but he’s keen to help a fellow officer, and my qualifications stood the test for the position of accounts clerk. And then I can study and take further exams, in the hope of rising to bank manager myself.’