“What the hell is wrong with you, asshole?” I yelled, gathering the attention of a few bystanders.
“Since when do groupies get upset when someone wants some ass? You don’t have to be a fucking bitch.” He laughed, sticking out his pierced tongue between his teeth.
“I’m not a groupie, you fucking pervert!” I pulled back my fist, fully intending to hit him right on that stupid target dangling from his face when Sarah shoved me aside and cracked him across his cheek. The sound of her slap was so loud that even the tattooed freak looked to me in stunned silence as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened.
“Who’s the bitch now?” Sarah was laughing like a maniac as she continued to taunt the guy. Tucker and the rest of the band had shoved anyone who was in their way aside and now were standing behind the ass-grabber looking positively livid. Great.
“It’s fine. It’s over,” I yelled, holding out my hands to keep them back, but the guy had a death wish and turned around to face them, wiping his lip that had split against his teeth.
“Did he touch you?” Tucker looked around the man to me, not the least bit fazed by the way the guy was staring him down.
“Tucker . . .”
“Answer the question.” He wasn’t in the mood, and I certainly didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his bad attitude, but I also wasn’t going to let him get thrown in jail over this douche bag.
“It was a misunderstanding, and it’s over.” I looked to Sarah who nodded in agreement.
“See, just a misunderstanding,” the guy chuckled. “Turns out she fucking liked it.”
As the words left his mouth so did a spray of blood, followed by what looked like a tooth, but I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t the barbell from his tongue. Terry was on top of him the second he hit him, grabbing his shirt and yanking him toward the back door. A security guard pushed his way through the crowd of onlookers and grabbed the guy by the arm, yanking him away from Terry. Another joined him and together they hauled the jerk out of the back entrance. I didn’t know what they did with him from there, but I was sure I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
“Is this going to happen after every concert?”
Sarah laughed and shook her head, and we both looked at the band.
“I guess that means the party is over.” Tucker ran his hand over his hair the way he always does when something is on his mind.
“We can hang out a little longer if you want.” I shrugged, and Tucker gave me one of his heart-stopping smiles.
“Yeah? You haven’t had enough of this yet?”
“That’s what she said!” I yelled with a laugh and Sarah snorted.
“No, Cass. Just no.” Eric put up his hand with a dead-serious look as he shook his head in mock disappointment.
“Whatever. That was a good one.” The other guys laughed at me as they refilled their cups. I held mine out for a few more shots, my body already warming as the liquor spread throughout my veins.
Tucker wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.
“I love this dress on you, but maybe it isn’t such a good idea to have you walking around like that at the after-parties.”
“I can take care of myself, Tucker.” I rolled my eyes, knowing I was sounding like a broken record. He was only concerned for my safety, but he didn’t need to be. I needed to learn how to be independent, fierce, like Sarah. He wouldn’t always be able to stand up for me.
“I know you can take care of yourself.” He turned me around in his arms. “But I don’t want you to ever get hurt again. That motherfucker got off easy. I should have beaten his ass.” His fingers slid along my jaw and over my lips. His gaze dipped to my mouth. I could feel the anger rolling off him in waves, but he tried to conceal it.
“Fine.” I leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “You can take it off of me later.” I pulled back just enough to see his expression. His eyes darkened and his eyes hooded and the muscle in his jaw ticked under the surface.
“You sure you’re not ready to go back to the bus?” His mouth hovered over mine so I was breathing his air.
“Soon. I promise.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips and took a step back.
Tucker emptied his cup and poured more alcohol inside. A song that I recognized came on the radio and my liquid courage had kicked in. I began to sway my hips and nod my head to the beat as Sarah grabbed my arm, nearly throwing me off balance.
“Let’s dance!” she yelled a little too loudly in my ear. I winced in pain.
“I’m not much of a dancer.”
“Come on. I want to show Eric what he is missing,” she whispered as she looked around me to Eric who was chatting up a groupie. “And who cares what anyone here thinks? Enjoy life. No one gets out alive.”
“Fine. But don’t have high expectations. I don’t think I could walk straight, let alone keep rhythm.”
“Are you kidding me? Look how some of these nutbags are wiggling around out there. I’m not sure if they are dancing or if we should call an ambulance.” I let her tug me along as she made fun of the crazy outfits and questionable piercing choices of the other partiers. I was laughing so hard I was nearly in tears as she stopped, causing me to run into her back.
“Maybe you are a little too drunk for this.” She turned around, looking at me like I had sprouted a horn.
“That’s it. I’m going to have to break it down.” I narrowed my eyes as I rotated my hips. Sarah laughed so hard no sound came out of her mouth.
“See how much fun you can have when you let your hair down? This is what it’s all about. Screw what anyone else thinks or does. Make yourself happy. Live in the moment.”
I stopped moving, absorbing all of the things she was telling me as alcohol fogged my brain.
“Ughh . . . dance!” Her fingers wrapped around my hips and she pulled me closer, guiding my body with her hands. I threw my hands above my head and yelled as I tossed my head to the side, curls falling over my face. I’d never let loose like this before, and I couldn’t believe how good it felt to feel so free.
“This is so much fun!”
“See! I told you.” She grabbed my hand and twirled me around playfully. My eyes caught Tucker’s, and he still looked like he was dwelling on the asshole who had grabbed my ass. He also looked like he had drunk a few shots too many.
Sarah pressed her lips together in a thin line and cocked her head to the side when she saw my look of concern.
“He’s fine. The guys party like this all of the time. Stop worrying so damn much.”
I turned my back to her, pressing my bottom into her as we shimmied together. Tucker leaned back against the drink table, taking small sips of his drink, his eyes locked onto mine. Derek made his way through the crowd, bobbing his head to the music.
“You always knew how to move, Sarah.” He shook his hair from his face. Sarah’s body slowed behind me, and I heard her suck in a deep breath. “Can I cut in?”
I glanced over his shoulder to Tucker who slammed his cup down on the table and stood. The last time I had seen that look on his face, he was face-to-face with Jax.
“I’m gonna grab a drink.” I glanced over my shoulder, looking for confirmation from Sarah that she was okay. She nodded slightly, and I slipped by Derek and made my way to Tucker.
“What was that about?” he asked before I could reach him.
“He wanted to dance with Sarah,” I replied, irritated at what seemed like jealousy. Her name got the attention of Eric who spun to look at me before his eyes searched the dance floor. My stomach churned as he located her with her ex.
“I’m sorry, E.” I let my shoulders sag as I gave him an apologetic glance.
“Why are you sorry?” He shrugged and drank the contents of his cup before crushing it in his fist. “She ain’t shit to me.” He flung the cup on the ground and slipped through the crowd of bodies.
“That really sucks.” I turned my attention back to Tucker who didn’t seem to regi
ster any of the conversation with Eric. “What is up with you?”
He took a deep breath as his eyes went unfocused.
“I feel like I can’t protect you with this lifestyle. Every guy I see near you I think is another Jax. This shit was a mistake.” He shook his head as he looked down at his sneakers. I knew he was just drunk and was overreacting, but so was I, and his words sliced through me. My chest felt like it had tightened, and I couldn’t breathe.
“A mistake?” I could barely choke out the words. I couldn’t believe he regretted being here with me. I pushed by him and rounded the table, needing to escape before my tears that threatened to fall spilled over. Everything had gone from great to shit in seconds. It didn’t dawn on me until I reached the darkened parking lot—illuminated by a few sporadic street-lights—that I didn’t have a place to call my own. Where was I even running to? I sighed heavily as I kicked at the loose gravel. It was time to be a grown-up and face my problems. I owed it to Tucker to hash this out and not just disappear.
“Hey,” Tucker called from behind me. I spun around to face him as the door to the back entrance slammed closed. He shoved his hands into jean pockets as he slowly walked toward me. “I know you’re pissed off at me for wanting to take care of you.”
“What? You think that’s why I’m mad? Tucker, you said this was a mistake. You called us a mistake.” My voice wavered as a tear rolled down over my cheek.
“Jesus, Cass. I didn’t mean us.” He closed the space between us with two large strides, wrapping one arm behind my back and gripping the back of my head with his other hand. I squeezed my eyes closed, breathing in a deep lung full of his scent. “I could never regret this. You are everything to me.”
“Then why did you say it?” I asked, looking up to him as I searched for the truth in his eyes.
“I meant coming on this tour. I should have just quit the fucking band like I had planned.” His grip tightened around me.
“What do you mean you planned to leave the band?”
“I told the guys before I left to find you that if you didn’t want to leave, I was going to stay with you. Even if you didn’t want me. I was going to wait for you.”
“Tucker. This band is your life.”
“Not anymore.” His mouth pressed against mine softly, and all of my anger and sadness evaporated with his touch. “I love you, Cass.”
“I love you, too, Tucker.”
“That’s all I need, sweetheart.”
“I think we should lay off on the drinking for the rest of the night,” I joked, and he wrapped his arm over my shoulders and guided me toward the bus.
“I think you should have suggested that a half an hour ago.” He laughed as he stumbled over his own feet. I placed my hand on his stomach to keep him steady.
As we approached the bus we heard a loud bang and what sounded like a growl. Our eyes met as we both looked at each other with confusion.
“What was that?” My feet froze to the ground.
“Wait here. I’ll check it out.” He waited for me to nod that I understood and wouldn’t move. I bounced on my feet nervously as he walked away.
“Tucker!” I whispered loudly from behind him. He turned to look at me, his eyebrows pulled together. “Shouldn’t we just get one of the guards or something?”
Another loud noise came from inside, and it sounded like a wounded animal.
“Fuck.” Tucker ran his hand over his hair from back to front as he blew out a dramatic breath. “It’s E.”
“What is wrong with him?” My drunken memories grew clearer, and I remembered the hurt in Eric’s eyes as he saw Sarah dancing with Derek. “Great. This is my fault.” I threw my hands in the air and walked around Tucker.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked as he jogged to my side and gripped my elbow to stop me.
“I’m the one who upset him, now I’m going to fix it.”
“This isn’t your fault, Cass. This was Sarah. I told you how she was.”
“She didn’t do anything wrong. She just danced with a boy.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I became defensive of my friend. “I’m the one who drew attention to it.”
“Sarah and Eric were fuckups long before you came around. That ain’t changing anytime soon.”
“So what’s the plan?” I asked, glancing to the bus.
“I’m going to go in and see if I can’t get him to take his meds. You can wait by the door.” He pressed a kiss into my hair and opened the door to the bus. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
“Leave me the fuck alone!” Eric was sitting on Tucker’s bunk with his legs on the floor. He was rocking with his hands holding his head.
“Cass, what are you doing in here?” Tucker turned to me. I held up my hands and shrugged. I should have stayed where he asked, but I wanted to help.
“Just fucking go!” Eric yelled, his voice strained. This was not the normal reaction to a broken heart.
“Calm down. We just want to talk to you.” Tucker’s tone was anything but sympathetic, and the last thing we needed was Eric turning his anger on him.
“Take your fairy tale happily ever after shit and get the fuck out of my face.” Eric’s eyes looked vacant.
“So what? No one can be happy if you’re not?” Tucker yelled back, his arms spread out like he was inviting a fight.
“I don’t think yelling at him is going to help anything,” I yelled, and both guys looked at me, surprised by my outburst. “Give me a minute?”
Tucker looked from me to Eric, unsure if he wanted to leave me alone with him while he was upset. Judging by the broken stereo at Eric’s feet, he had already gotten out most of his aggression.
“Five minutes and if I hear any yelling, I am coming in here and kicking his ass.”
Eric snorted at the threat, and Tucker narrowed his eyes, not finding any of this amusing.
“Thank you.” I gave Tucker a quick kiss on the cheek and waited for him to leave the bus. Eric stared at the broken and mangled plastic on the floor.
I wrung my fingers together as I stepped over the mess and took a seat on the bunk in front of him.
“I’ve actually been wanting to have a conversation with you, one-on-one.”
Eric looked up at me and dropped his gaze to the floor.
“I don’t want me being here to affect the band, and if that is the case, I’m happy to leave.”
He didn’t respond, so I continued to ramble nervously.
“You know, Sarah likes you. Things between her and Derek are complicated.”
“I’m aware of her situation with Derek,” he replied quietly.
“Maybe you could talk to him.”
“I know you are trying to help, but I don’t need it or want it. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
This time I laughed.
“Which part don’t I understand? The jealous ex-boyfriend? Uncontrollable anger and violent tendencies? Or being in love with someone you can’t be with?”
He looked up again, nodding in understanding. There was a long pregnant pause as I pushed around a piece of the radio with my foot.
“She’s perfect for me. She’s funny and beautiful and she doesn’t look at me like I’m some raging asshole.”
“No one thinks you’re an asshole.”
He raised an eyebrow, and I giggled, nodding my head.
“Okay, that isn’t entirely true, but they all love you. You wouldn’t be a part of this band if they didn’t.”
“They won’t if I keep doing shit like this.”
“So stop.”
“It’s not that simple, Cass.”
“Yes, it is. Do you want to lose everything? Your band? Your friends?”
“This band is my entire life.”
“Then you need to act like it.”
The door to the bus opened, and Tucker stepped inside, clearing his throat. I pushed up from the bunk and placed my hand on Eric’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” he sai
d, and I could see in his eyes he was sincere. I smiled and made my way to the front of the bus.
10
THE NEXT FEW weeks flew by as the guys played concert after concert. One show blurred into the next, every city looked the same, and my body was screaming for a break from the constant travel. I wouldn’t change a thing though. After Eric and I talked, the band seemed to be growing closer, and I felt like I fit in with all of them. Sarah and I spent our free time shopping and just hanging out while the guys continued to work out the logistics of bringing a new manager on board. Sarah had confided in me that she and Derek were trying to work things out, and I was happy for her, but worried about how Eric would react when he found out.
“You think she’s pretty?” Sarah doodled in her notebook as I tried to figure out the last line of my poem.
“Who?” I tapped my pen against my paper to the beat of my song. The guys had been practicing the song I wrote for weeks, and tonight they were finally going to play it in front of a crowd.
“This new manager chick. I bet she’s a rock-star groupie.”
“Come on. I’m sure she’s just another Dorris.”
“You’re not the slightest bit worried?”
“Nope.”
“You’re a better woman than I am.” She went back to doodling, and I glanced up at her, chewing on my lip. I hadn’t given the new manager much thought, but now the seed of doubt had been planted. I already knew she wasn’t thrilled about Tucker bringing his girlfriend on the road, but he assured me that he had made it clear I won’t be going anywhere and that I was earning my keep with song lyrics.
“How bad could she be? It’s not like the guys are going to put up with any bullshit. I trust their judgment.” But I knew Tucker had major reservations about hiring her. If things started off rocky, I was going to grit my teeth and deal with it because I had pushed him to do what was best for the band, regardless of her opinion about me being on tour with them.
“You’re probably right. What you and Tucker have doesn’t come around often.”
“Everything okay with you and Derek?” Sarah was being unusually negative.
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