Her head fell forward like she couldn’t hold it up anymore and she gagged. “I’m sorry,” I said, hating to be the bad guy, but I needed her to focus and she couldn’t do that if she was lost in her own mind.
She gagged again, but this time, unlike before, blood came out, so much blood, and it just kept on coming out. She started to choke because she couldn’t breathe. I turned her on her side just as she began seizing. Her eyes were rolling, a bloody foam coming out from her mouth.
Jarek drew his phone out and dialed what I hoped was Sev’s number. “Sev, get in here now, we’re at the back of the house. Come quick, Evelina’s seizing,” Jarek yelled urgently.
Sev always carried his bag when he was with us in case of an emergency. Evelina needed the hospital, but if she didn’t make it past her seizure she wouldn’t get there alive…she’d be going to the morgue.
Suddenly she gave a violent jerk, it almost unseated my grip on her, and then she went completely limp. With shaking hands I turned her on her back, saw her mouth was agape, her eyes wide and unmoving. Her pupils were non-reactive.
“No, no, no,” I muttered. I put my fingers to her pulse then fell down to my knees. She was gone.
“What’s happening?” Sev said, as I fell to my knees, breathing in and out harshly.
“You’re too late. She’s gone and so is our lead,” Jarek said, then he punched his hand through the plastered wall, sending white bits through the air like confetti.
“I should have come inside with you,” Sev whispered. I saw him take a look at the wall, like he wanted to put his hand through it, too, but he couldn’t hurt himself. His hands healed people.
I put my hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it. “It’s not your fault, Sev. Let it go. You couldn’t have stopped her from dying.”
“I told her she shoulda stayed away,” a man laughed manically to our left. “She sold her sister to the devil. I warned her. They told her to keep her mouth shut but she was a li-ab-il-ity,” he sang out.
“What? Are you saying someone poisoned her?” I barked out.
Instead of responding he fell back against the wall, arms wrapped around his stomach. I took a step closer to sober him up but out of nowhere, all laughter drained out of his face, and his face completely transformed. “What am I doin here?” he asked to the air next to him.
It was like he’d become another person.
“Hey, what were you saying about Evelina,” I asked, trying to regain his attention. His head snapped back to me, and he looked at me with confusion, a glassy look on his face.
“Who are you? Watchu want?” he gurgled out.
“We don’t have time for this,” Jarek said as he grabbed the guy and shook him. “Who did Evelina sell her sister to?” he roared.
“Let him go, Jarek, he’s delusional,” Sev said. Jarek paused, taking in the lucid look on the man’s face and he let him go silently. The man scampered off, somewhere into the darkness.
The three of us stood unmoving. Not knowing where to go on from here.
“Wait, this was beneath her,” Jarek said picking up a folder piece of paper that looked like it was about to break apart. Sev and I looked over his shoulder and we read it.
My dearest Evelina,
I’m writing this letter to you because, unlike your sister, Katia, I know that you will still remember me. I ask you not to go looking for me. I will find you when it’s safe.
When I had you I was on drugs, I never got clean. And I regretted it the minute I had you in my arms. I was told that because of me, from the womb, you were born into this world addicted to drugs.
I ruined you before you even drew your first breath. I’m so sorry. I tried to be a good mother to you and it killed me every time I had to add drugs to your food so you wouldn’t be in pain. And then I found out I was pregnant with Katia. I got clean because I couldn’t do to her what I’d done to you.
I was getting better, but then I fell off the wagon, got mixed up in a bad crowd and it wasn’t safe for either of you. So I put you in foster care and I did the same with Katia. I separated you from her because I didn’t want the people after me to find either of you.
I don’t want you to go looking for her either because you would be putting her at risk. You’re her older sister and the only way you can protect her is by staying away.
I’m so sorry, but once it’s safe I’ll come to get you both.
I promise.
“I’m guessing she never came back for them,” Jarek commented.
“Maybe she never had the chance to,” I replied, breathing out. And Evelina never stood much of a chance against her addiction, maybe at one time she’d fought it but in the end she let it take her. I wondered what depths she would have gone to to feed her habit. Was that man right? Did she find her sister and sell her out if it meant getting her fix?
I had no idea. But if she did, then there were only two players who could be responsible for her death, the Valentijin mob or the Ichor cartel. I couldn’t shake off the bad feeling, that the man was onto something, I just didn’t know what.
“What do we do with her?” Sev asked, looking down at Evelina he bent and gently pulled down her eyelids.
“I’m taking her with us,” I answered. Her mother separated her and her sister, it’s only fair that she get laid to rest with her,” I said as I picked her body up.
WHEN HENDRIK TOLD me what had happened to Evelina I went numb. I didn’t feel anything. But when I read the letter I broke down. I cried for Evelina. I cried for Katia. And through it all, Hendrik held me.
When I had finally stopped, Hendrik told me about how he’d taken care of the arrangements to hold Evelina’s funeral for the following day. He had bought the plot next to Katia’s so that they could be together. And that made me cry again. Eventually Hendrik threatened to call in a doctor to sedate me if I didn’t stop.
So, I stopped. Then I rang Dahlia and told her about Evelina. She broke down and I didn’t. I remained strong for her like Hendrik had done for me.
The next day we drove down to Hallstone Cemetery and we laid Evelina to rest. I met Hendrik’s friends, Sevastyn, Mikhail, and Jarek, and my dad came along with Marie, Dahlia, and Laurina. Lukas didn’t come because Laurina refused to let him upset me, even though he’d apologized to me.
And after the funeral my dad had pulled me aside and asked if Hendrik was the reason for Emelius. When I said yes, he subjected Hendrik to the third degree and Hendrik passed with flying colors.
I was now standing in front of Hale Institution. Hendrik had pointed out there was no point in continuing to think about how I couldn’t change what had happened to Katia or Evelina. But Micah I could try and help. I had to concentrate on the living, but that didn’t mean I’d given up on finding answers about who had assaulted Katia.
I signed in, then went up to his room, grateful that my mentor wasn’t around. I pushed open Micah’s door and saw that he was positioned in the exact same way as the last time I’d seen him.
“Hi, Micah, I’m back like I promised. I hope you didn’t miss me too much,” I sang as I took my spot on the floor.
He didn’t respond but I didn’t allow that to take the wind out of my sails. I got out some work I had to do and got stuck into it.
One thousand and two hundred seconds later and the silence still remained unbroken. But we still had two thousand and four hundred seconds left and all it would take was one second for him to break it.
“Why are you here?” A croaky, underused voice asked.
Did he just . . ? I looked up from what I was reading and Micah was still turned away from me in his frozen state. Maybe I was imagining things.
“Why are you here?” The voice said louder. This time I knew I wasn’t imagining it. Micah was speaking to me! Without looking at me, but still that was progress. I was surprised his vocal chords still worked from disuse.
“I’m here because it’s part of my course program. I have to have practical experience and I was paired wi
th you. Also, I know what it’s like to be trapped in your mind,” I responded. I didn’t move in case I scared him off.
I closed my eyes, hoping he’d reply. The tension in the air was so thick I couldn’t breathe.
“So you’re going to leave after you’ve gotten what you want from me? You’re just like everyone else. You don’t care. You just want me to make you look good,” Micah said bitterly.
I swallowed, hearing what he wasn’t saying. He felt abandoned and unwanted.
“Look at me, Micah,” I said gently.
He didn’t move but I had to try again. “Please,” I added.
Slowly he turned around, and skewered me with a glare.
“I might be here because I have to be, but I’m also here because I want to be,” I said fiercely. I had one chance to get through to him and I didn’t want to waste it. “I was like you four months ago. I was at Zaston Institution. I couldn’t eat, drink, or sleep, but I slowly got better. I still have the nightmares though and I’m still dealing with other issues like not wanting to be touched.”
His blue eyes widened and he bit down on his lower lip. “I don’t want to say what happened to me,” he whispered.
“Because saying it out loud would make it real?” I said, knowing what he meant.
“Yeah,” he said in a scared voice.
I got on my knees and tossed my work aside. “I get it, trust me but until you say it out loud it’s not going to feel real. It’s going to stay stuck inside you. To be free you have to set the words free,” I implored.
Micah swallowed and his hands closed into fists at his sides like he was bracing himself. “It was all my fault,” he bit out. He looked at me like he expected me to run, but I stayed right where I was.
I kept quiet. He needed to get it all out.
“IT WAS ALL MY FAULT,” he yelled, breathing hard and fast.
I still kept quiet.
“I always do everything wrong. All the time! I’m worthless. I don’t deserve to be alive,” he shouted. And even though he was the one saying those words, I knew that they weren’t his. Someone had said them to him so many times that they’d become ingrained in his head. So many times that he couldn’t forget them. And so many times that he believed them.
“What else are you?” I asked.
“I’m a liar, I’m a cheat, I’m worthless,” he yelled from the top of his lungs.
“Is that it?” I asked.
“Isn’t that enough?” he asked brokenly, his eyes filled with tears.
“Micah, I need you to answer these questions for me honestly. Do you become violent so you don’t get put with the other kids? Do you keep away from them because you’re scared you’re going to hurt them?”
He didn’t answer, but he looked away and that was answer enough.
“I don’t know what happened, Micah, but I do know what it’s like to not trust yourself. But if you don’t, then you’re giving up on yourself. And I am not going to let you do that. Do you hear me?” I said forcefully.
“I don’t know how to,” he whispered fearfully.
“How about we begin with a handshake?” I said putting out my hand. Please don’t shake, please don’t shake I chanted to myself. If my hand started shaking he would think I was scared of him and I wasn’t. My fear wasn’t rational. But I did truly believe Micah was an innocent little boy. Whatever he’d done or whatever he thought he’d done, I didn’t believe it had been his fault.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he replied, hiding his hands behind his back.
“You. Won’t,” I swore. Then I tried for lighthearted. “Don’t you leave me hanging,” I said mock impatiently.
He took one slow step closer, then another and another until he was two steps away. Then his right arm jerked out and he placed his little hand on mine. It sent a little shock through my system but I ignored it. Tears welled up in my throat but I swallowed them down.
Micah exhaled in relief from the contact, the panic in his eyes dimming. I squeezed his hand and he gave me a small, precious smile that I would never forget.
Then he let go and retreated, turning away from me and sat back down in his chair.
It was a small breakthrough but it was enough to give me hope. I picked up my work and continued to read. I’d pushed him enough for one day.
The minute my session ended with Micah I went outside and dialed Hendrik. Pick up, pick up, pick up I chanted to myself.
“How’d it go, Älskling?” Hendrik inquired, his voice affecting me like it always did.
“I did it!” I squealed.
“What?”
“I broke through!”
“You’re not good at speaking in code, Älskling,” he laughed.
“With my patient! I had a breakthrough. He spoke to me…he didn’t tell me what happened but he broke his silence,” I squealed again.
“That doesn’t surprise me one bit,” he replied confidently.
“I could kiss you all over, that’s how happy I am,” I spoke without thinking. Then immediately regretted it.
“I’d be fine with that,” he said darkly. Just as long as I get to return the favor. Where you kiss me I get to kiss you. It’s only fair,” he negotiated.
“Uh, crap, I didn’t mean to say that,” I backtracked.
“But you did,” he pointed out.
“I did, but I didn’t mean it,” I opposed then ended the call before I made an even bigger fool of myself.
“IT LOOKS LIKE your plan is gonna work,” Nikolai said to me over the phone.
“Elaborate,” I ordered.
“Hey, have you forgotten I’m the mob boss? I give the orders around here,” Nikolai laughed.
“You’re going to have a hard time acclimatizing when you get out. Unless you pay someone, they aren’t going to wait on you,” I laughed.
“Trust me, that’s one thing I’ll look forward to. Not having anyone follow me around or trying to kiss my ass would be a positive. Now, jokes aside, I sold the idea to my leaders and they agreed to go ahead with it. I’ve also made contact with the Ichor cartel, they said they were interested and would meet up. I, of course, made it a condition that their head and board must be present. And I also asked that the neutralitor be the one to set an impromptu time and place to prevent any takedowns. So when I know it’s going down, I’ll let you know,” he said, filling me in.
The neutralitor was an independent, third-party contractor who made money off mediating meetings between two enemies. He controlled everything, where they met and the time, ensuring a safe location so that both parties could set aside their mistrust and make a deal.
“I’ll be waiting,” I said.
“No, when I mean I’ll let you know, you aren’t coming, you’re going to tell Sentry and he and his men are the ones who are going to do the takedown. If you’re involved then there’s a chance Mikhail will be, too, and we agreed to keep him out of it. So, you stay out of it, okay? Or this whole thing is off,” he threatened.
I took a frustrated breath out. “Fine. Sentry won’t like it but I’ll pass the message along. And I also added a condition to your deal with him on your behalf. You’ll get full immunity once they catch the head of the Ichor cartel. There’s no point in being a free man if you have to hide your face to keep from getting taken down by the law,” I pointed out.
“You didn’t have to,” Nikolai bit out.
“I know. I did it for Mikhail, not you,” I replied. In truth, I’d done it for them both, but at least this way Nikolai wouldn’t feel indebted to me.
“I still don’t like it,” he said stubbornly.
“Doesn’t matter, because the deal’s been finalized. So, deal with it and move on,” I ordered ending the call.
“IF IT GETS awkward I need you to make it not awkward. Use your charm or something, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And if I pinch you it means get me the hell out of there, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Stop saying okay!
I need support,” I stressed.
“Älskling, tagga ned,”
“Don’t tell me to bring down my spikes!” I yelled in panic.
“Hey,” Hendrik said, his hands coming down on either side of my neck. “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.”
“No, I want to. Besides, we’re here already,” I said nervously.
“Alright then, let’s do this,” he said releasing me, then took my right hand in his.
I squeezed the life out of his hand as he led me down to where my mother and her boyfriend were seated. She looked the picture of beauty like always, long, mahogany brown hair, slim figure, and her boyfriend was handsome wearing a suit that looked very, very expensive.
Her eyes tracked my every move, noting that I was holding Hendrik’s hand. I could have sworn she frowned, but it vanished like it had never been there, and she smiled.
“Honey, I’m so glad you came,” she said, getting up. While I was getting better with having people touch me, I didn’t trust her yet, so I guided Hendrik into her opened arms. I was thankful beyond words that he took the heat off me, because if he hadn’t been willing to be pushed, I wouldn’t have been able to push him an inch.
“Of course, I said I would,” I replied taking a seat. “This is Hendrik, he’s my friend, I hope you don’t mind that I brought him along.”
My mother laughed but didn’t say anything. She kissed Hendrik’s cheek and introduced herself. “It’s lovely to meet you! And this is my new man, Jude, we’ve only been together for three weeks but he already means so much to me,” she said with a loving look at him.
Jude smirked, and I wondered if he was as love whipped as she was. “So, how did you two meet?” I asked once they’d all taken their seats.
“I met her at a work party event,” Jude explained. “I asked her out and she turned me down, at first.”
Mother laughed, throwing her head back, exposing the long column of her throat. “No woman should ever give in too easy, darling, and besides, you were way too confident. I had to wound your pride just a little bit for thinking me so easy,” she teased.
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