by Rute Canhoto
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The piercing noise of her alarm clock awoke her. Irritated toward such interruption of her sleep, she reached out her arm and pressed a button to shut it up. She stretched, rubbed her eyes and turned on the light. What a night! She would have dark circles the size of the world. She had slept pretty bad, assaulted often by her doubts that even in dreams pursued her. She shook herself to send pessimism and indecisions away.
After getting dressed, she had breakfast and headed to school. She focused on her dark thoughts. She felt bad about herself, especially after receiving Lucas’ text. She had bought him a phone so that he could always be reached and, when he sent her a message, she didn’t reply. Would he be worried? How stupid she was! If she was offered a one way plane ticket across the planet, she wouldn’t hesitate; alas, she would already be there.
Before crossing the school gate, she sneaky peeked who was in the yard. There was no sign of Lucas, Joshua, Ana or Dennis, to her delight. Always looking over her shoulder, trying to envision someone she knew, Marina went to the locker to get the necessary books and leave the bag with the sports equipment there.
As the first class of the day was Philosophy, she walked to the room. She found the room with the door already opened and the teacher in there. With no other choice, she entered too. After the bell rang, the classmates joined her little by little. As she couldn’t face either of the two boys who insisted on tearing her in half, she hastened to open her diary and book.
The scent of Lucas’ perfume made her give a little hop in place; she became an ice cube from, inert from hair roots to tiptoe. She was being silly and stepping away, which was the opposite of what she had asked him to do, nonetheless she didn’t have the courage to look at him. She couldn’t help but to judge herself worse than the Wicked Witches from fairy tales, since she was about to destroy his dream. Lucas threw onto the table his notebook and his. He sat slightly turned to her, displaying a small grin that, faced with her misty expression, quickly faded away.
Luckily, the teacher had tons of data to debit and started talking. He explained that some classes would learn logical and they would focus on the fallacies part. Marina pretended to focus her attention on the teacher and tried to ignore her table mate.
Lucas was concerned, she could read it on his face when she stared at him furtively when she thought he wasn’t looking at her. One of the times she was caught and his lips outlined the silent question "Are you okay?" She felt herself dying on the inside. She didn’t deserve him… She cut a piece of paper and wrote, ‘I'm fine, it’s just one day that’s less good. Sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ She folded the note and made it slide in a discreet gesture over the table before him. Lucas read it, nodded and kept the paper. Till the end of class, they said nothing more.
Once the bell rang, Marina pushed the diary inside her book, put the pencil case on top of this ‘sandwich’ and, with her other hand, she grabbed the backpack. She went out as fast as a lightning, running to the locker. She hadn’t the slightest desire to talk to anyone, so decided to hide. The place where Lucas was sometimes seemed to her the safest spot, nevertheless she didn’t want to risk meeting with him there. The bathroom seemed suddenly attractive - there she wouldn’t be bothered. Gloomy, she walked to the toilet, where she remained till the bell.
On reaching the room for the next class, Marina found her classmates sitting down. Lucas was already at the desk behind her and Joshua was preparing to sit next to his friend, as usual. Noticing her in front of the class staring at him, Joshua looked at Lucas and assumed an unfriendly look. He closed his fist and clenched his jaw. Out of the blue, he picked up his things and went to sit right beside Lucas. Stupefied, Marina stuck to the floor, unable to decide whether to leave the room or to sit down.
The French teacher gave her a little push, “Sentez-vous, s'il vous plaît.”
Marina made a gesture with her hand, apologizing to the professor. She approached her seat at a snail's pace while chewing her lip. Joshua and Lucas sitting side by side? That would not end in anything good.
Ana received her with a wry grimace. She waited until she sat and whispered to her, “Ms. Venus-Aphrodite, what have you been doing that you haven’t told me about?”
Marina wanted to smile and tell her that she had done nothing, but couldn’t express another reaction besides shrugging. Yes, she had done something. Too much actually…
As Marina wasn’t answering her, Ana decided to take advantage of the fact that the teacher was talking. She elevated her voice, so that the boys in the back could hear her, and said, “Yep, it seems like the hunting season is really open. Run, Marina, because they’re coming for you and you have a target painted right on your back.”
On another day, Ana’s comment would have made her laugh. She felt so blue, however, that she had more desire to cut her wrists than to be there.
The tension that ran every atom of her being was so great, that it wouldn't allow her to concentrate on the lesson. Marina had no idea what they had learnt; she would have to study at home what she had copied to her notebook. At five minutes for the bell, she put her things inside the backpack and put her hand in the air to draw the teacher’s attention.
“Yes, Marina?” said the professor.
“Miss Josefina, I swear I've been holding on the whole lesson. I tried to wait for the bell, but I cannot hold any more. Would you mind if I leave early to go to the bathroom?”
As she was an applied student and didn’t usually push in requests of that type, the teacher decided to let her out. Marina thanked her, grabbed the bag and rushed out of the room.
She passed by the locker to leave her stuff and only took her phone and the lunch ticket with her. Realizing that the bell was about to ring, she sprinted to the back of the canteen. She hoped that Lucas wouldn’t appear there. As it was lunch time, probably he’d have lunch at home or in a café nearby, after all she had never seen him in the refectory.
When she arrived at her destination, she sank against the wall and let herself slip to the floor. She pulled her knees up, clung to them, lay her head and stood still. The tears came involuntary and rolled down her cheeks. What was that? Self-pity? She should have no self-pity. If both Lucas and Joshua had enough of her and sent her away, they would have good reason.
Sensing her weeping, the weather joined her at the ball of sadness and the precipitation began to fall. The sound of the rainwater muffled his footsteps, she didn’t hear him coming. When she felt his arm encircling her shoulders, she got frightened and retreated with a leap. Lifting her face, she saw Lucas; her tears became thicker. He just pulled her closer to him and stood there, hugging her. They didn’t say a single word the whole time, only enjoyed the company of each other. Eventually, Marina surrendered and fell asleep.
A gentle kiss on her cheek given by Lucas awoke her. She felt bewildered, not knowing where she was; bit by bit, she recalled what was happening. The knowledge was dilacerating. Lucas was beside her. How could he be there if she didn’t deserve him? She wanted to cry, but felt that she had exhausted all her tears.
“It’s better for you to eat something before classes,” suggested the boy in a low voice, not to disturb her.
There were twenty minutes before next class and she didn’t have lunch. She would pass by the bar to eat something. She rose and Lucas helped her.
“Are you really okay?” he asked with a twinge of apprehension.
“Lucas...”
Marina wanted to tell him that she was nothing but a silly girl, but she couldn’t. Her voice was stuck and it ripped her throat with the painful claws of truth. And what would she say anyway? ‘I like you, but Joshua makes me change my mind when he plays the right cards?’ Selfish, egocentric… a thousand times dumb! She didn’t want to wound him for anything in the world, he was way too important.
Sad, and unable to utter a more complex statement, she just said, "See you soon." She dropped his hand and walked to the b
ar, where she bought a sandwich and a juice. She sat at a table alone at the end of the bar and ate till the bell rang for class.
When she reached the classroom, Ana was already in her place, and behind her were Joshua and Lucas, sitting side by side. Marina scratched her head and swallowed hard. She had to do something about that without delay. Before the babble of other students stopped, she walked hastily down to the boy’s desk. Placing her hands on the table top, she pinned her eyes on Joshua and then on Lucas. When she opened her mouth, the voice that came out was serious and didn’t seem hers. “I'm no good. I deserve no one to like me. Be smart and back off. I’ll only bring you pain.”
Lucas grinned covertly upon hearing her, since he had told her something similar once. As for Joshua, he looked at her, both confused and intrigued. He couldn’t fail to notice that, regardless of the rubbish she was saying to them, she was not well. Marina didn’t wait for their reactions. She sat down and took the material out of the backpack.
Ana stared at her, trying to understand what was happening. It was all very strange: Marina’s detachment during the lessons, Joshua sitting next to Lucas, her disappearance after classes. What could be happening? They should talk about it, but later, since now they had to focus on the lesson.
Before the end of class, the Portuguese teacher distributed the texts they had drafted the previous lesson. When the turn of the two girls came, the professor said, “Ana, this isn’t good enough. You’ll have to make an extra effort. Marina, well done. I quite liked the story. I just did some repairs that you’ll find on the back of the sheet, but overall it’s very good.”
“Thank you, professor,” replied Marina while she accepted the essay that the teacher passed her.
At the end of class, Marina ignored Ana’s calls and went to get her things for Physical Education alone. Then, she walked to the locker room to change clothes. Ana joined her soon after.
“Didn’t you hear me calling? Were you hit by an incredible deafness all of a sudden? Geez, you look like a zombie... and a stone-deaf one!” Ana complained.
Marina answered in a low note, “Honestly? I heard you, but I wanted to be alone.”
“What’s wrong with you anyway? You're so weird today.”
Marina gave a fake smile and retorted, “That's a nice way of putting things, given that I’m nothing but a major bitch.”
“How so?” questioned Ana, not having a clue what she was talking about.
Marina explained her drama in short words: on one hand she had a beautiful and fantastic guy, who was tired of telling her that he was hers and that he loved her. On the other, there was a guy who used to hide behind an antipathy mask and put himself in danger to save her. In fact, he was adorable, comforted her without asking any questions, he…
“Sorry, but there’s nothing to think about,” interrupted Ana. “The one you like is Lucas. Of course I’d prefer you to stay with Joshua instead, but things aren’t like that. Have you heard yourself describing Lucas? You may not be aware of it, but you don’t speak of them equally. What happens is that when Joshua is near you, you give in, because you’re lonely and you know how good he would be for you.”
“But I can’t hurt Joshua. Anyway, I think I already hurt both of them...”
Ana snorted and giggled. When she was able to talk, she joked, “Just look at you. This is outrageous! You have become a real heart-breaker, Marina-Venus-Aphrodite.”
“And you can’t even imagine how heavy it is on my heart. I wish I could go back to what I was,” murmured Marina.
Their classmate invaded the locker room and an authentic cacophony flooded the area. Since they were set, Marina and Ana decided to enter the gym to escape the noise. They found that the professor was already there. Upon seeing him, Marina felt tightness in her stomach again; she had forgotten that he was supposed to apologize to her in that class. She feared the reprisals that could come after that action.
When all the students entered the pavilion, the teacher ordered them to run ten turns around the gym, and they obeyed. After the laps, it was time for Patricia to command the warm-up. In the end, the professor approached Patricia and took his place in front of the class. Placing a bag with the basket balls on the floor, he said, “We’ll continue the basketball lessons. We’ll start by training the dribble and then we’ll pass to the releases. Form four groups and distribute through the side basket posts along the field.”
Students began moving from their places, but the educator wasn’t finished yet. “Before we move on, I want to apologize to Marina for what happened. And for the record, I went through something similar. In the early days, I was also scared to death of water, but someone did to me the same I did to you and I overcame it.”
Marina was amazed by this revelation. However, she couldn’t fail to reprove, “I accept your apology, but not everyone is equal. Just because someone forced you to return to the water, you didn’t have to do that to me. You should have respected my time, especially when I tried to explain it so many times… huh, Sir.”
Oops! She didn’t mean that. Okay, she wanted, although she shouldn’t. Anyway, now it was all out and there was nothing she could do.
The teacher heard her with attention and made one last repair. “Yes, you’re right. Not everyone deals with trauma the same way. By the way, Joana, don’t you have something to say?”
The class turned to Joana, who was wearing pants super tight to her butt and a top that allowed a visual of her breasts. Provocative and cheap even in Physical Education.
“OK. I'm sorry,” Joana said in an impersonal tone.
The apology wasn’t meant and it was told as a mere obligation, just for everyone to hear it. Marina figured that asking for forgiveness wouldn’t be part of Joana’s skills. It didn’t matter.
The teacher clapped his hands three times, a sign that indicated they should group to do what they had been asked. Ana and Marina chose one of the basket posts in the gym’s extremities closer to the exit, and waited for anyone else to join them. Joshua and Lucas arrived soon after, leading Marina to gasp. She was beginning to have a horrible headache that seemed to be installed right behind her eyes. To make things worse, Joana and their fanatical followers joined Marina’s group. The shrew had decided not to let Joshua go. Honestly, that wasn’t what bothered her, but the hag’s presence. Instead of getting angry, she resigned herself to it by telling herself that it was karma for being such a terrible person.
Ten minutes before the bell, the teacher let them leave. Marina used to have her shower in the locker room, but she was too anxious to leave that place, so she decided to do it at home. She said farewell to Ana and jogged to the school gate. To avoid unwanted encounters, she decided to return home by the route she took every morning.
Ana’s words echoed in her head as she was walking. According to her, Marina felt lonely, so she let herself be carried by Joshua and his love advances. However Lucas was the one she liked and that was noticeable by the way she spoke of him. Ana was correct. Who was on the outside always had a better perspective of an issue. She felt a little better, so she took the phone and wrote a text to Ana, saying, ‘Thanks for the wise analysis and dissection of my heart. I think you're right. We'll see about that.’ She thought of putting the device away, but she changed her mind. She owed Lucas an explanation for how bad she had behaved that day. She decided to write a simple text, saying, ‘Thank you for being by my side today without asking me any questions.’ She hoped that he understood the hint of ‘no questions’ and followed it. She received no response, but it was okay; she hadn’t responded to his message the day before. It wasn’t always necessary to do so - there were things that exhausted itself.
Marina crossed the road near an elementary school, bounced down the staircase and moved down town. A sound similar to a branch breaking caught her attention. She turned back, but saw no one; she was alone. It was probably a twig that had broken on a tree by the stairs, nothing from another world. She was having a stressfu
l day, it was natural for her to be nervous and imagine things. She decided to move on, ignoring the glacial chill on the back of her neck.
Moments later, the air stirred in an awkward way. Marina sensed that there was something wrong, still she couldn’t determine what was leaving her so restless. It was then that she heard heavy footsteps behind her. Covertly, she looked over her shoulder and noticed a man dressed in black. Although his face looked familiar, he seemed kind of creepy. She didn’t want to stay there to get acquainted. And where did he come from? He could only have come from the staircase, yet, when she turned back, she hadn’t seen a soul. An alarming frantic tingling invaded her.
Worried, a little further ahead, she took the closest alley to get to the main street. The man in black followed her, which alerted her. Would he be following her? She found some consolation in the fact that, once in the main street, she would be safe. Who would dare to attack her in front of so many people? Only a madman, eager to be caught in the act. She walked over the cobblestones even faster, until she reached a stationary store, whose employees were at the door talking to a vendor. She stopped in front of the window and pretended to admire the articles, while she made an effort to catch her breath. Through the glass of the window, she saw the reflection of the man approaching her. He stopped in front of the showcase as well. She tried to avoid looking up from a notebook.
Unexpectedly, the man shrugged in slow motion and lamented, “Hmm, this isn’t what I'm looking for. Can you tell me where I can find other stationery?”
Marina was startled. He was talking to her? Her throat dried. She was only able to stare at him in askance and to point him in which direction he should follow. The man thanked her and left. That face... where had she seen it before? Anyway, the guy was gone and she felt a little calmer. And silly! He was not following her after all. And why would he? She shook her head, admonishing herself. Her brains were liquefied; maybe that’s why she was seeing things.
Continuing to look over her shoulder occasionally, Marina ran down to the old building. She opened the door, entered and closed it behind her with force, locking it right away. She threw the rucksack and the sports bag onto the bed and headed for the bathroom: she intended to have a nice bath, with scented oils and salts and everything she had the right to. She had had a dog day and, to finish it big, had got very frightened because of a dude who appeared from nowhere.
When her mother arrived, Marina was still in the bath. Her fingers were pretty shriveled, which proved that she was in the tub for too long. She got out, cleaned herself and put on her pajamas. After the troublesome task of brushing her hair, she went to the kitchen. “Hello, Mom,” she greeted.
“Hi! So…? I was waiting for you to tell me something. Did the Gym teacher apologize to you?”
Marina wrinkled her nose. Yes, he had fulfilled his part of the punishment, but it was better to omit her comments. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but she should have been more restrained when talking to the professor. After hesitating, Marina answered, “Yes, he apologized. And Joana too, though I doubt she regrets what she did. That hag is a fake.”
Her mother agreed and went to her room to change clothes. Three minutes later, she returned to the kitchen and started to cook dinner. The soaked hair was annoying Marina, so she decided to go to the bedroom and settle the matter once and for all.
“Are you going to do your homework?” quizzed her mother when saw her getting up from the sofa.
“No, I’m going to dry my hair. Today I have no homework, I'm off duty,” said the girl while she stretched.
“Okay, but before you go, lurk at the window and tell me if you see a red van parked near the taxi rank. It belongs to a work colleague of mine, and she asked me to tell her when the trailer comes to fetch it. It broke down there this morning.”
Marina assented and walked to the window. She looked at the square in search of the red van, but didn’t see it anywhere. Most likely it had been towed. It was there since morning, so it was normal that the Car Assistance had already fulfilled its role. She took the opportunity to travel the avenue with her eyes, focusing on the wall next to the river. Precisely at the place where Lucas sat at times was the mysterious man she had seen that afternoon. And he was watching her window. A sense of astonishment ran through her body and she let out a shriek. She backed off with an expression of terror stamped on her face.
“What?” asked her mother, worried.
‘What was it?’ What to answer? ‘Nothing! It’s just that, sitting on the wall, looking up here, is a sinister guy that I thought that had followed me this afternoon?’ That should leave her mother rested… It was one of those times she would have to pretend to be a dumb girl with a little brain to get away.
Through a nervous laugh, Marina said, “How stupid! The van is no longer there and I thought straight away that it had been stolen. Then I remembered that you said it was going to be towed. I guess it has already been taken.”
“Great! I'll call my colleague to let her know,” replied mom, satisfied.
“OK! And I’m going to dry my hair. I’ll be right back.”
Marina rushed to withdraw to her room. It wasn’t a figment of her mind after all: the man had been after her, otherwise what the hell was he doing in front of her building, staring intently at her window? He knew that she had seen him, but not even that shook him to leave, or at least to hide. Something wasn’t right and Marina feared what might happen. Would that stranger have the guts to break in her home when she and her mother were sleeping to rob and harm them? She walked fretfully from one side to the other, while gnawing her fingernails. It was a bad habit that she thought she had lost a long ago, except it seemed to have just returned. She slapped her stubborn hands by way of reprimand and hid the clenched fists behind her back. As much as she wanted, there was nothing she could do, so Marina pulled the dryer out of the closet. When her hair was dry, and as she had plenty of time, she straightened it with the help of her ceramic plate that had been a present for her birthday.
The notion struck her with an unexpected vigor. She would celebrate her anniversary in two days. Neither had remembered it! She used to have no birthday party. Her mother just offered her one present and that was it - the day was over. Although she didn’t give great importance to the subject, in a way, that would be a special date: she would turn 18. She would reach adulthood, could go into bars at will and could get her driving license. It was a whole new world of possibilities that opened before her. And she would become older than Ana. Her friend’s birthday was also in October, but she would turn 17. That was the result of Marina entering school a year older than she was supposed to. If she knew Ana, she would try to convince her to have a party for sure. She had to start making up excuses to get away with it.
After supper, and with the kitchen clean and shining like a diamond, Marina decided to go to her bedroom. She wanted to enjoy the fact of not having homework to get some rest. She would just watch TV and try to empty her mind of all the inconveniences and annoyances. Before leaving the kitchen, she remembered peeking in the living room window again. If she checked that the man was no longer there, she would feel better.
The night had come. The streets were lightened by the scant luminosity of the street lights, which turned certain areas purple and others orange. The cars passed often down the road, but there was almost nobody on the street. She stared at the river’s wall and, to her disappointment, there he was: the strange man was precisely at the same spot. Marina felt a tightness in her chest when she found that he continued to gawk at her window specifically. She could swear that she felt him hanging on her; his dark and piercing eyes made her tremble.
Without Marina noticing it, her mother approached her and looked out the window too. “Do you see something interesting?” she questioned.
Mom’s sudden arrival made her almost jump with fright onto her lap. Maybe she should tell her mother about the guy on the rail and explain to her that she had seen him that da
y and feared he was going to try to rob their house while they slept. It was good if an adult was aware of the situation and willing to act.
With tact, Marina said, “I’m not seeing anything special. Have you noticed that weird dude sitting on the river’s wall?”
Her mother approached the glass a little more and tried to look at the person pointed out by her daughter.
“But there’s no one sitting on the wall...” she noted.
Shaken, Marina turned to look out the window. There he was, at the very same place, laughing like a nut case. Why couldn’t her mother see him while she could? How bizarre! Beads of cold sweat flooded her face when she became aware that she was dealing with something that was far beyond her earthly understanding. Mom cleared her throat, demanding her attention, after all she had told her she had seen a strange man on the wall, but there was nobody there. Role of fool again, Marina trembled inside.
“You're right,” she said while rolling her eyes. “Probably he went away while I moved for you to get a glimpse. Still, I'm sure I've seen him today when I came to look for your colleague’s van. He was at the same spot. Do you think he may be a thief?”
“No idea. Maybe it was someone who was just sitting on the wall for a bit, nothing more.”
It was proved that her mother was not the adult ready to act she was looking for, whereby she wished her a good night and headed for her chambers, feeling a little annoyed. As her bedroom was at the entrance lobby, she decided to push her desk behind the door to prevent anyone from opening it. Sitting on the bed, she thought about calling Lucas. He would know how to solve the situation, since it was something he did every day. Nonetheless, she recalled the wound to his shoulder, the consequence of the last time he had defended her. She didn’t want him to get hurt again. That eerie man had a better physique than his, which meant he could hurt him a lot if they got in a fight... or even kill him. She shook her head immediately to rule out this possibility and knocked three times on wood to ward off the bad luck.
Without expecting it, het phone started to ring. Marina was so terrified that she threw the device in the air. Fortunately, it fell on the mattress, not suffering any damage. She pulled it to her and stared at the screen - an unknown number? What if it was the odd guy out on the rail? She considered this hypothesis for five seconds, until she thought she was being silly and answered the call.
On the other end, she heard a male voice from someone who seemed to have a severe flu. “Hello? Is this Marina?”
Hesitant, she replied, “Yes, this is me. Who is this?”
After a cough, the male voice said, “Hi. I’m your History teacher. Sorry to bother you, but as you are the class responsible, you’re the one I had to call.”
Marina didn’t quite understand what the professor wanted, so went on, “Huh, how can I help you?”
The teacher coughed hard again and answered, “I have such a cold that I can barely move, so there’s no lesson tomorrow. This means that the visit to the archaeological crypt is postponed. Please inform your schoolmates.”
Blinking her eyes, while internalizing the information, Marina stammered, “S-sure, sir. Just get some rest. I'll spread the word.” It was always like that: when a class that seemed a little better was scheduled, for involving a field trip or something more exciting, things went awry and did not materialize. Still, it wasn’t the teacher’s fault that he was sick. At least, if she didn’t have that class, she could stay longer in bed.
“Can you do me another favor?” continued the professor.
“Yes, sir. Go ahead.”
“Would you mind passing by the crypt and ask them to put a paper on the door of this? You probably don’t have all your colleagues’ contacts, so some of them might not be told and end up going there.”
Marina pouted. So much for the opportunity to stay in bed till later. The slope of the castle that gave access to the crypt had a sharp incline and she would take some time to reach it, so she would have to leave at the same time.
A little bothered, she replied, “Al right, Professor. Get better soon. Goodbye.”
“Thanks. See you tomorrow,” thanked the teacher, finishing their conversation with a cough.
Good news: no class. Bad news: she would not visit the crypt and still had to make the trip there anyway. In any case, she had to tell her classmates what was happening. She started to write the message for her colleagues, but there was a small problem... what colleagues? She just had the numbers of Ana, Joshua and Lucas. On the other hand, Ana had the contacts of almost everyone in the class, so she would be the one forwarding the news to them. Marina wrote a text to her saying, ‘The History teacher is sick and the visit has been postponed. Can you send a text warning the class? I don't have anyone else’s phone numbers. Thanks! See you tomorrow.’ Then she adapted the same text and sent it to Joshua and to Lucas.
Ana responded shortly after, saying she would try to warn as many people as possible. She was also keen to stress out that she was no call center and was extremely upset that the visit had been cancelled. Marina had serious doubts about that, since they both liked to stay in the comfort of the 'kingdom of sheets’ till late.
Joshua also responded, by saying ‘OK, thanks for warning me. By the way, do you want company to school tomorrow?’ Marina thanked him for the offer and explained that would have to wait for a next time, because she still had to deal with other matters that the History teacher asked her. As for Lucas, he said nothing. Perhaps he was upset that she had ignored him throughout the day. Nothing that she didn’t deserve, of course.
After setting the alarm clock on her phone, Marina tucked up in bed to watch what was on the TV. Hours later she fell asleep.