by Rute Canhoto
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Marina was finishing brushing her hair when Lucas knocked on the door of her room. She asked him come in, and so he did. As soon as he crossed the entrance, Marina went to the bedroom door and locked it. She put the brush on the desk, picked up a tube of ointment and applied a good layer of balm on her injuries. To avoid the mushy layer from pasting it to her pajamas, she covered it with some small pads with adhesive on it.
When she finished the process, she turned to Lucas, and questioned timidly, “Do you want some? I don’t know what effect it has on you, since you're ‘special’, but I assure you that it works wonders on me.”
“No, thanks,” answered Lucas. “I heal naturally. You'll see that tomorrow I’ll be much better and you’ll barely notice the marks.”
“I believe you. I've had the chance to see it before,” she recalled.
She closed the tube and laid it next to the hair brush; she would put everything back in the bathroom the following morning. At that moment, she felt so tired that she just wanted to fall into bed and sleep. However, there was still an outstanding question: Lucas.
Marina sat up in bed beside him and inquired, “Now what, Lucas? Are you still a demon? What’s going to happen?”
After shrugging his shoulders, Lucas said in a frank tone, “I don’t know and, honestly, I can’t think about that now. I need to regain strength first. I only know that I’d like to have a common life. I’m aware that's unattainable, but I’d like people to consider me a boy like many others. It would be good”
Marina acquiesced. She would also love that he had the opportunity to turn into a normal person. Henceforth, she would not call him a ‘demon’ again - for her, he was a boy, period. While she thought about what he had said, Lucas rose from bed. “What?” she asked.
“I have to go. It's late, you have to rest.”
“So do you,” hurried Marina to the point out. “There’s no way I’m gonna let you leave!”
Lucas turned to settle on the quilt. He held her fingers with his left hand and, with the other, he removed a lock of hair from her forehead. “I’d love to stay, but we can’t forget about your mother,” he remarked.
“I haven’t. She’s at work tomorrow, so she will leave quite early. She never comes to my bedroom before leaving, and even if she comes, I have the door locked. Please, stay with me tonight.”
Marina tightened her grip on his hand to make him understand that she wanted him there with her. Lucas hesitated, but when Marina leaned her head on his shoulder, he gave up. He sighed and said, “Okay, you win.”
Not totally satisfied, Marina insisted, “You stay, but you must promise that you'll be here when I wake up in the morning. Don’t make a fool of me! The last time you slept here, you slipped away before I woke up.”
Lucas put on a compromised grin, confirming that she was right and, that night, he had left before dawn.
Marina smiled with happiness. She pulled back the sheets, throw Lucas’ pillow close to the wall and signaled him to move to settle down. She would sleep next to the night stand to prevent him from fleeing.
After tucking herself in bed, Marina turned to Lucas. Resting on her elbow, with a hand holding her visage, she observed him. Lucas also turned to her, took a hand from under the blanket and made it contour her face in a gentle caress. Marina replied with a tender kiss and Lucas received it gladly.
“Can I sleep leaning against you?” she whispered.
“Sure. And be rested: I promise you that, tomorrow when you awake, I'll be here by your side. We will never be apart again.”
Marina kissed him once more. Feeling at peace, she rested her head on his chest. The boy gave her a kiss on her forehead and, shortly after, they both fell in the deep sleep of the righteous.
The more agitated her night had been, the presence of Lucas next to her made Marina feel safe and it allowed her to rest well. On the other hand, Lucas seemed not to rest too much, waking up several times frightened, as if he was still facing Barbatos. When Marina opened her eyes in the morning, it was his turn to sleep deeply and relaxed at last. She decided to let him slumber while she stood quiet, watching him.
Things had crashed in an unexpected way the night before and she had the feeling that nothing would be the same as before. She didn’t remember everything that had occurred. For example, what had happened after the sword pierced her? Recalling the blade made her shiver. She hoped to never have to go through anything like that ever again; it hurt like hell. In a thoughtless gesture, she passed a hand on the spot where the blade had spiked her. A daunting thought loomed her spirit - she should be dead. The blow was fatal, still there she was, alive. How she had survived was another question she wanted to put to Lucas. And him, how would things be for him from then on? When he woke up, they would have a long conversation.
It was a few minutes to noon when Lucas began to awaken. Marina placed a resounding kiss on his cheek, and said in a low voice, “Good-morning, my love.”
Lucas smiled with his eyes still shut and put his arms around her, while saying in a sleepy way, “Good-morning to you too, my light.”
Marina sat in bed and pulled the blanket up to protect herself from the cold; Lucas mimicked her. There were too many issues to approach, nonetheless it was almost lunch time and that should be the first thing to be taken care of. Curious, Marina asked, “When you were here the last time, you had a snack with me. Do the Lost Ones really feed or was it something you did just because of your disguise?”
Startled by the question, Lucas stopped rubbing his eyes. He turned to her and answered, “It's not something we have to do, but yes, we do eat. Why?”
“Because I’m going to prepare an excellent lunch for us. Do you have any special requests? What’s your favorite food?”
Lucas reflected a little and replied “Lasagna.”
“Perfect! I have one in the fridge. I'll cook it right away. Meet me in the kitchen in a few minutes. Ah! Check the bottom drawer of my dresser: I have some clothes there that were my father’s. Maybe one of his training-suits will fit you. See you soon!”
She kissed him on the cheek and leaped up, to halt immediately while uttering a silenced "ouch". She had forgotten about her injuries. She shook her body in a short assessment of her state and all the muscles complained - it seemed that she had taken a major beating last night. And, indeed, she had. With extra care, she walked into the kitchen. She took the lasagna out of the fridge, cut it into two parts and stuck the first half in the microwave. Next, she arranged the table.
When she was about to finish everything, Lucas showed up in the kitchen, wearing only the pants of a training-suit. Marina couldn’t avoid approaching him: he was a magnet and she was made of metal, thus there was no way to escape him.
She touched lightly on his scars. He had healed well enough, although the mark above his heart didn’t look much better. The microwave bell rang, stealing her from her thoughts. Marina picked up the second plate and put it in the place beside hers, motioning for Lucas to sit there. She sat down beside him. Before starting to eat, she watched Lucas cutting a piece of lasagna and taking the fork to his mouth. His reaction was delightful: he shook his head a lot as he let out little "hums" of approval. It was fantastic! It seemed that he had regained his palate and he was loving to taste lasagna. Marina encouraged him to eat the rest and she also had her share.
Back in her bedroom, after cleaning the kitchen, Marina put on some tight jeans and high boots over the trousers. Next, she took off the top of her pajamas and began to remove the bandages on her injuries one by one. In general, the scars looked better. She cleaned them, applied a new dose of ointment and recovered them with new bandages. After grabbing a warm turtle neck sweater from the dresser, she pulled it on.
Lucas rose from the mattress to hold her in an embrace so tight that it almost choked her. Marina returned the gesture, although she didn’t expect that reaction. Hesitant, she quizzed, “Is everything okay?”
&nb
sp; Lucas stared at the floor, embarrassed and mad at the same time. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry for not having protected you as I should. Those injuries... you have them because of me, it’s my fault.”
Marina shook her head in disagreement. She held him with intensity and underlined, “Who gave me these wounds was Barbatos, not you. Forget it, I'll be fine. Can you pass me the brush to comb my hair?”
Lucas handed her the brush and Marina started combing her hair, closing the topic of blame. They would have to talk about what had happened, but not there.
The girl finished getting ready, while Lucas made the bed. It was funny to see him doing something as mundane as that. Maybe he could achieve his dream of having a life very close to normality.
With the bedroom tidy, Marina put on a coat, grabbed the umbrella and the house key. Turning to Lucas, she questioned, “Let’s go?”
“Where do you want to go?” he inquired in return.
“To save myself from a huge lecture. Yesterday, when I found you, I covered you with a coat that I got recently. If my mother finds out that I don’t have it with me, she will kill me. Believe me when I say that I don’t feel like going back to that ill-fated place so soon, but I must do it. Will you come with me?”
Lucas also seemed to have no desire to return there. He hesitated, but ended up nodding. Marina handed him a T-shirt and the coat of the training-suit, as she clarified that she had put his pants in the washing and they should be ready in the evening.
They went out to the street hand in hand. The weather still looked unfriendly: the overflowing grey clouds occupied the sky, and they seemed to fight with each other for the best place. The wind wasn’t blowing as strong as the previous day, but when it did, it showed its temper with a sharp frosty breeze. Marina gave thanks for wearing warm clothes. They crossed the bridge and walked to their destination.
Lucas froze near the cement bench in front of the half pipe. Dismayed, he dropped down on it with an expression of guilt and dread. Marina, however, and despite everything that had happened there, had coolness and discernment enough to collect the bloody rags she found and place them in the nearest dustbin. She returned to the lateral side of the half pipe and searched for her coat. Luckily it was still there, although it was soaked and filthy. When she got home, she would have put it in the washing machine right away before her mother saw it. She picked it up with three fingers to not get herself dirty and headed to Lucas.
She sat beside him and glanced at the skate park. As it was painful to look there, she rotated in order to be in front of her beloved. She clutched the boy’s hands with firmness, and announced in a tranquil and affectionate voice, “It's now, Lucas. Now it's the time for you to tell me everything from the beginning.”
Lucas vacillated. He turned on the seat, facing her, and fixed his gaze on their clasped hands, as if trying to remember something that happened so long ago that its contours had faded. He gulped, took a deep breath and launched himself into a monologue that Marina tried not to interrupt, so that she wouldn’t miss a thing.
“I remember almost nothing before I died. I know that my name was Lucas, I was 19, and my parents were always trying to get me to join some group to honor our Purepecha ancestors. Everything else remains a question mark. If you ask me how I died, I have no idea what to answer you. I don’t know what happened.
“I was very young and I wish I had the opportunity to continue to enjoy the pleasures of life. I had plans, many plans. That feeling always walks with me, although those plans were swept from my mind. Maybe it was the usual stuff that everyone wants: a career, a family, a happy life. Everything was left behind when I died.
“My soul was lost in limbo and wandered around there for a long time. I don’t know how or why, but I eventually end up in Hell and then... that's when you forget about yourself: who you were, about your family, your ambitions. It’s as if you were born at that time, everything else it’s simply pulled out of your memory. When I say that things are pulled out, they literally are. I don’t know how long I was in Hell under torture until I became a Lost One, though it seemed like centuries to me. It's indescribable the horror that happens down there. You can yell for help at will and no one will save you - this is the only certainty you have. At a certain point, we forget all feelings, including pain. It’s when you forget the pain that you’re officially a Lost One. From then on, we have so much frustration, sorrow and anger inside us, that we just want to share it with the world of the living, and believe me, that’s not in the best sense of the word.
“When we die, time ceases to make sense, so I have no idea of how many years I passed away. However, I know that my time as a Lost One is less than a decade. What do the years matter when you’re aware that you'll have an eternal miserable existence? I just stopped counting.
“I ended up in one of Barbatos’ legions. The king who commanded my legion was assigned with a task, whose nature is unknown to me, and Barbatos himself took the command till the return of the regent. It was then that he instructed me with the mission to recruit souls to Hell, to be under his control. Basically, Barbatos chose the targets and I had to...”
Lucas' eyes filled with tears. Marina didn’t want to interrupt him so that he wouldn’t lose the courage to tell her everything, nevertheless she felt that he wasn’t well. She wanted to hug him and tell him that he could carry on with his story, but Lucas seemed to have erected an invisible barrier between them, as if to stay away from her as much as possible or he wouldn’t have the audacity to proceed. She just fondled his hand. Lucas didn’t take his eyes off the floor. He sighed and continued.
“Barbatos chose the targets and I had to do whatever was necessary to raise those souls for him. By rule, he chose adolescents. He said something about how much more valuable the souls were before they turn 18 and officially become adults. I'm not sure what he was referring to, but I think it had something to do with their innocence and purity. I recruited many souls and I did… horrible things. I'm not proud of any of them, yet I had no choice. I owed him loyalty and I followed him without questioning him. And who would dare to? He was the Master of thirty legions; he hadn’t got there by luck.
“As time passes by, some Lost Ones assume this identity forever. However, others simply… disappear. I’d like to know what happened to them, but this was never discussed. The important thing is, this question made me think for the first time since my transformation: if they didn’t come back, wouldn’t that mean that there was an alternative to this kind of existence? I found myself believing in it, but with whom could I talk about it? Lost Ones and demons aren’t friends. Angels, saints and other divine entities also aren’t interested in us. In fact, if they cared a single bit, I wouldn’t have ended up in Hell when I spent so much time in Limbo, waiting for a way to be shown to me.
“It was then that Barbatos called me to his presence. He told me that he had a new assignment for me, and that this time I would have to hurry, because the target was about to turn 18 and then would no longer be so precious. The target he presented to me at that time... was you.”
Lucas glanced at Marina for the first time since he had started to tell her his story. Marina shuddered, sure that she wouldn’t like what would follow. However, she felt that she had to listen to him so that nothing could come between them- she wanted no more secrets. She pressed her lips in a nervous gesture and continued to caress his hand, encouraging him to advance. Lucas did so.
“Barbatos warned me that it might be a difficult task, so I had to integrate myself fully into your life, like a double agent, you know? Quite dubiously, my registration was done in school and I was put in your class. I hadn’t seen you before, but when I passed by you and Ana running. It may have been only for a split second, but I picked up something shining brightly in you right away, and it seemed to call me. Let me tell you that I loved your presentation speech in Philosophy: while everyone talked about futilities, you did introspection and said that you wanted to get as far as possi
ble. That caught my attention. You were nothing like the hare-brained teenagers I used to be assigned to in the usual missions. In part, I identified myself with you. Do you remember that I told you that I had many plans? I think that’s what I recognized in you. At that instant, I found myself craving for… more. That’s why, by the end of the day when you went up to the bridge, I followed you and observed you as you admired the landscape. You looked so strong and resolute, as if nothing in the world could stop you. I confess that I felt… caught up.”
Lucas put a hand to his chest, while he looked at the bridge and recalled the scene. He had an expression of ecstasy, as if he had seen the most beautiful thing ever. It seemed to be a wonderful remembrance. However, the joy on his face was soon replaced by something resembling concern. He held her hand harder as he proceeded.
“I knew that I was recovering some remnants of my humanity - I could feel again. I didn’t take long to realize the threat that it represented to my Master. I was sure that he wouldn’t allow me to change and he would take measures accordingly. I just had to look at the opposite side of the bridge to see his negative influence extend to the two men that were coming towards you. Yes, it was the pernicious influence of my Master that brought them to you and caused you to be thrown into the water. I felt your distress in every particle of my being while you debated with the water. Something within me cried out, saying that I didn’t want to lose you when I had just found you, so I jumped. I rebelled against Barbatos and did what I could to save you.
“When I returned to Hell, I expected Barbatos to punish me severely, except he faced it as a game, a new challenge. He ordered me to go on with my mission. I was supposed to make you fall in love with me and, when you did, I had to make you suffer a lot, in order for you to embrace your death willingly. I accepted it, but I knew I wouldn’t fulfill those orders.
“When we had our first kiss... I know this sounds quite lame for a guy, but it was very important to me. Later, I felt completely destroyed when you said that everything was over between us. I knew that I should stay away, maybe Barbatos would forget about you, nonetheless I knew him too well...
“I came to the conclusion that I would only have a free choice about my existence if I got rid of him. I started to do multiple searches on the sly. I walked through the confines of the underworld, asked questions to the elders and oracles, until someone told me about Gadrel, a fallen angel who had taught that angels could be hurt with a sword. Getting such a sword wasn’t easy and I had no opportunity to learn to handle it properly, because, by that time, Barbatos offered you a false choice: me or your family. It was obvious that your choice would fall on the second one. I don’t judge you for that, in fact, it only makes me more proud of you. I thought I’d spare you that decision if I turned myself in and that's what I did.
“My ‘deviation’ was becoming an embarrassment to Barbatos and it was beginning to raise several questions among other Lost Ones. If I disappeared, those issues would increase, so he opted to ‘reprogram’ me: a new dose of flagella until I got back to being an irrational demon that followed him around and did everything he wanted. As you noticed, it worked. You didn’t find me by chance near the Auditorium - my Master had sent me there to test me. When I realized that you knew me from somewhere, there was a switch within me that turned on, but the current was slow to shed light… Only at the very instant when I was ordered to kill you, did the memories begin to emerge. I truly regret to have hurt you. I didn’t want to, and if I was myself, I wouldn’t have done it. Forgive me, please…”
For the third time, Marina saw her beloved crying. She knew that it was Barbatos who controlled him back then and that his influence was so strong that it had taken an overwhelming feeling to shut him up once and for all. Everything that Lucas had done for her since the moment he recovered his memory confirmed how deep his feelings for her were, and it erased what had happened.
“Of course I forgive you,” she murmured.
Marina wrapped her arms around him. He had hurt her, but he had saved her in the end. It was him who had finished Barbatos, a being more powerful than any of them. Speaking of him, how would he have died? She didn’t remember much after the sword turned them into a ‘human-demon skewer’. Intrigued, she questioned, “What happened to Barbatos?”
Lucas glanced in the direction where his Master had been reduced to ashes. He didn’t talk, until he felt ready to tackle the issue. “I hadn’t understood how the sword worked. I wanted to impose it physically, but only when everything was near the end for us, I learnt that the power resided in what linked us. It was the strength of the feeling that unites us that made the sword free us and kill Barbatos. I just had to indicate the obstacle that stood between us. He was disintegrated and his ashes were carried away by rainwater.”
Marina tried to recollect what had happened, but her memory only recorded an empty spot. It was as if she had really died at that instant and, therefore, she had no memories of anything else. Perhaps it was better to keep those memories buried forever. Animated, she said, “Never mind, it was all worth it. And I still say you’re worth being saved. Do you think that is possible?”
“Maybe,” Lucas replied, a little insecure. Then he smiled, brushed a hand along her face and added, “Anyway, I believe that you have already saved me. I no longer feel that I’m a Lost One, but I'm not human. I’m still a lifeless being, yet I'm recovering some aspects of my humanity. This is all very new to me, I don’t know what I will become. If I could find another Lost One that had gone through the same experience...”
Marina nodded. She understood that it could be a change too confusing for him. He needed someone who had passed through the same, to help him, but who? She had never heard of Lost Ones until she met him and the information about them wasn't abundant. Maybe Lucifer counted that his success, one day, was based on the ignorance of all creatures that he lodged in the crevices.
A drop of water fell right on Marina’s nose, making her keep in mind that the weather was uncertain and it was best not to linger on the street. Getting back home wasn’t the most attractive option, as her mother wouldn’t take long to arrive. What then? She would send Lucas away? There were still many pending issues to be resolved… The most pressing one had to be approached right away. Marina rose from the bench, turned to him and, as she folded her filthy coat, she asked “Lucas, I know that, before, when you disappeared, you went to Hell. What about now? Do you have somewhere to go?”
He looked thoughtful, as if he still hadn’t thought about it. Ina weak note, he admitted, “I lost some of my powers, but, as a lost soul, I might still able to get in and out of Hell when I want. However, I shouldn’t do it the next times, since I just made one of Astaroth’s assistants vanish…”
“But do you still have the power to make yourself invisible to humans?”
“I think so,” he replied while cocking an eyebrow. “Why? What are you thinking?”
A smile danced on Marina’s red lips as she informed, “I think you'll spend a good season in my house.”
Lucas shook his head right away. “Don’t worry about it. I still have other powers, such as persuasion. It won’t be hard to convince someone to let me rent an apartment or a room here in town.”
“Don’t you want to stay with me?”
“Of course I do, but I don’t want to overload you. I just want to be your boyfriend and that we have a regular relationship.”
Boyfriend? The internal bell of Marina rang inside her. She had asked herself so many times if he wanted to be her boyfriend and had been martyred by this question... and what for? There he was, telling her that he wanted to be it. Would there be anything more phenomenal than such good news? Not for her.
She extended her hand for him to get up from the bench and so he did. She pulled him to her, until their bodies touched, and made her fingers go up his t-shirt to his chin, which she held delicately. With a perky and provocative expression, she teased, “So, you want to be my boyfriend... In
that case, can we flirt for a while?”
Lucas showed a grin devoid of decency. He answered by closing the gap between them and giving her a kiss so intense that it left her breathless. Marina responded eagerly and her arms intertwined around his neck to hold him there. The light rain that was falling almost evaporated when it touched her skin, for being so hot - that kiss had increased her internal temperature to 1000F!.
She wanted more, nonetheless Lucas parted from her by a few inches. He gazed at her with a mischievous expression and commented, “For someone who almost died yesterday and is still sore, you’re very energetic.”
Marina giggled. It was true that she had experienced terrible pain before; however, and although only a few hours had passed since then, it seemed as distant as if it had happened in another lifetime. She opened her umbrella to protect them from the rain, and justified, “Happiness is stronger than any pain.”
The drizzle threatened to become a downpour, so they hurried to go back home. They got in and headed to the living-room, where Lucas settled by the window. He leaned his shoulder against one of the walls that skirted the window, stuck his hands in the pockets of his pants and surrendered to his thoughts while Marina took care of her coat.
After putting the machine to work, she joined Lucas. She made him open his forearms slightly and wrapped him in a hug, letting her hands rest on his chest. She propped her chin on his shoulder and stared at the landscape he beheld. She took a deep breath and asked, “I know that you’ll look for a house for you, but can you stay with me tonight again? Please...?”
Lucas picked up one of her hands and took it to his lips to kiss it. He smiled as he replied, “Sure. I think another night won’t hurt, though I think you'll like that I have my own place. We'll be more comfortable for... dating.”
The last term made her blush. Still, she would have to agree with him: at her home, she would always be worried about the arrival of her mother and her control. If he had his own place, they would be much more at ease and they wouldn’t need to be that restrained nor would have to try to disguise a conversation when they wanted to talk about something related to the supernatural dimension. And they could spend time alone… Marina rushed to hide her face in his back so that he didn’t see her blushing. She closed her eyes briefly and let herself stay like that, holding him in her arms. His scent was exhilarating. She had never thought that she could love someone that much.
After releasing a sigh, Marina turned to open her eyelids and inquired, “What about now? What will happen?”
Lucas shrugged, as he stared at the horizon that progressively clarified as the black clouds dissipated. With a secure and clear voice, he replied, “I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I promise you this: I’ll do everything for us to stay together. I already challenged Hell once for you, I will do it again if necessary.”
And Lucas knew that he would have to do it. What they had done would never be forgotten or ignored. The consequences would find them one day and they would be a challenge almost impossible to overcome. He shook his head, to send away such dark thoughts. He turned to Marina and kissed her, while the dark clouds gradually disappeared, taking all of bad memories.