“Mm.” He chewed his thumbnail.
A nervous habit of his I found irritating. I didn’t feel any better about the situation between Kyle and me. I thought my forgiveness would clear the air and set things right. Instead, I felt as if I’d made things worse.
He wouldn’t look at me. He jiggled his leg resting on the crate. “Is that it?”
“Yeah. I suppose so.” I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to hear something more from Kyle, but he acted as a brick wall more than usual. “Oh, hey, my dad said something really weird when I talked to him a little while ago.”
“Oh?”
Maybe Kyle knew what my dad had been rambling about. “He mentioned some kind of map. Do you know anything about that?”
“A map? What do you mean, like a road map?”
“No, a map of the Sound.” I mulled over the conversation, thinking about how much I wanted to share with Kyle. “He seemed really anxious about it.”
Kyle shrugged. “No, I don’t remember anything like that.” He popped up and walked me to the door. “Sorry I can’t help.”
“Oh well, thought it was worth a try.” I scanned the junk-filled interior of the Quonset hut. “I wasn’t sure if he was talking about something real or if it was the drugs or something.”
“I get you.”
We stood awkwardly at the door. Our relationship seemed a world away. Eons ago. By the end, we’d been more like ‘friends with benefits.’ More about needs than true feelings for each other.
He gave me an odd stare as I headed back to my dad’s truck.
Maybe my father’s accident had more of an impact on him than I’d originally thought.
*
Stella had moved from the kitchen to my father’s well-worn easy chair when I returned. The pizza box had been relocated to the living room coffee table.
“What took you so long?” Stella asked the minute I stepped in the door.
“Oh, I stopped by Kyle’s for a few.” I went to get another beer from the fridge.
“Kyle’s place.” Stella raised her brows. “Interesting.”
I sighed. “It’s not what you think. I went there to thank him for helping out at the docks today, and we talked a little bit about my dad.”
“Oh?” She moved from the easy chair to the couch to sit closer to me or maybe to borrow some of the ranch dressing I liked to dip my pizza crusts in.
I shrugged. “I’m tired of being angry, I guess. Accidents happen, right?”
“Right.”
I spied the five-gallon bucket near the front door. “Crap. I forgot about the mats we brought home.”
“Maybe you were distracted by Ben’s pecs,” Stella teased.
“Oh, Lord.” I rolled my eyes. But in the back of my mind I knew she wasn’t wrong. There had been a strong attraction between Ben and me. Or had it been one-sided? He’d appeared to find the whole thing quite humorous, to be honest. Maybe it had been all a big joke to him. The ‘boss’ hitting on him.
I set down my beer and got up to rinse the mats so we could use them tomorrow. I’d had to do it in the tub before. At times like these, I missed the ease of clean up at Kyle’s. He had the space and a cement floor that could handle the mess.
“What’s the deal with him?” Stella followed me to the bathroom. “Did you ask him about his fiancée? The murder accusation?”
“No. Are you crazy?” Ben had drained the tub, so I was able to set the bucket in it. I grabbed the removable shower head and washed concentrates from the mat into the bucket. “How would I bring that up in casual conversation exactly?”
“What about: Did you murder your fiancée?”
“You are crazy, Stel. I couldn’t do that.” I ran the shower head between each groove in the mat, washing black sand and, hopefully, some gold, into the bottom of the bucket. As the bucket filled, the clean water ran over and emptied out into the tub. “Right now I’m relying on him to get me through the season. I don’t really have time to piss him off or whatever. What if we’re wrong? I need him to trust me.”
“And you need to trust him. How can you do that if you don’t know the truth?”
I set a clean mat in the tub and started on another. “Maybe we should pay the $9.99 and access the news site. Would that satisfy you?”
“That’s a start.” Stella played with one of her curls, stretching it out straight and then letting it spring back into position.
“All right. Well, let me finish here.” I was about halfway through the second mat.
“Deal.” Stella’s face lit up. She loved internet sleuthing more than anything.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I grabbed my laptop off the charger and opened it up.
The mats were clean and ready for tomorrow. The concentrates from today’s gold hunt waited for a clean out, but the potential looked good. Doing a clean-up without all the crew present was atypical, but Ben was new to the game. He probably hadn’t even thought of that when I dropped him off at his ATV. No worries. If he distrusted the result, I could use Stella as my witness. I set the thought aside and focused in on finding out more about Ben’s mysterious past.
Stella took the laptop away from me and typed in the search terms she’d used last time. “I know what I’m looking for. I can do it faster.”
She was right. I knew for a fact my typing skills weren’t as good as hers.
“Here.” She clicked from the news website’s main page to the subscription page. “Give me your credit card.” She held out a hand.
I dug into my purse and found my Visa. The one that still had credit left on it. “Want me to read the numbers?”
“Sure.”
Ten dollars seemed a cheap price to dig into Ben’s life some more. In the back of my mind, a pang of guilt lurked. Sneaking around behind his back didn’t feel good. I already knew too much about him. I had been tempted to bring up the topic of his fiancée earlier. What if he got angry at me once he found out what I knew? What if the facts of the case were more than I could handle? If I screwed up our relationship, I’d be worse off than before.
Stella entered my billing ZIP Code and maneuvered the cursor to the purchase button.
“Wait.” I had a thickness in my throat.
“Wait?” Stella’s round, pink face glowed even pinker in the light of the laptop. I knew she was dying to push that button.
“I can’t do it.”
“Yes, you can.”
I took the laptop out of her hands and snapped it shut. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to find out more just yet.”
“What? You’re making no sense. He could be a murderer. He could be dangerous. He could be on the run.” Lines of concern etched the corners of her mouth. “And now you’re wanting to stay in the dark?”
“It’s not quite like that, Stel.” I put the laptop back on its charger.
“I don’t get you.” Her curls vibrated with nervous energy. “Ben’s a total stranger. For heaven’s sake, he only showed up in Nome last week. Nobody’s heard of him. Nobody knows where he came from. Who does that? Who just shows up in Nome all by himself and jumps right into everything?”
“Lots of people,” I pointed out. “Every summer for dredging season.”
“That’s a load of baloney.” Stella took her empty beer can to the sink. “It’s August. Everyone has their teams together. Divers don’t show up at the end of the summer to strike it rich. That’s a man who has something to hide.”
“If it were something I needed to know, he’d tell me.” Tonight I’d felt enough of a connection I wanted to believe that. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me. Maybe he found me silly and goofy and nothing like the gorgeous beautiful Laura Snow. But I’d felt something. I hadn’t made it up in my mind. My feelings had been real.
“Seriously, Rory? How can you be so naive?” Stella cleaned up pizza crusts and put away the Ranch dressing. “Why would Ben confide in you? Why would he feel any loyalty to you at all or any smidgen of guilt that he’d want to ‘fess
up to you? He could be dangerous.”
“He’s not dangerous.” I picked up Ben’s plate and set it in the sink.
“I don’t understand you, Rory. This isn’t like you at all.” She wrapped up a leftover pizza slice in some tinfoil. “What would your dad say if he knew? I have half a mind to call him and tell him what you’re up to. You’re not making any sense.”
Those words made my hackles stand up. “Don’t you dare.”
“What? Call Buck?” She opened the fridge and tossed in the tinfoil package. “Why not?”
“He’s not in a stable condition.” I thought of the strange conversation I’d had with him earlier. He hadn’t made any sense. His mind was addled. I needed my father to rest and not worry. He didn’t need to be dragged into my complicated life.
“Someone’s gotta talk some sense into you.” She wiped off her hands on a paper towel. “And if you won’t listen to me, I know you’ll listen to Buck. He’ll set you straight.”
“I’m not a child, Stella.” My voice grew cold. “And I’d really prefer it if you’d stay out of it.”
Stella crossed her arms. “Really.” Her usual jovial expression had hardened. Her sunny, bubbly personality squashed by my harshness. “Hey, I thought I was being helpful here. If you don’t want my help, then I’ll get out of your way.”
Stella grabbed her jacket and slipped on her shoes. I didn’t stop her.
“You know where to find the information. Up to you whether you care to find out more.” She shrugged. “Don’t blame me if something happens. I warned you.”
The door shut behind her.
*
I’d driven Ben away by inviting Stella over. I’d driven Stella away by not going along with her need to dig for information. And Kyle, although he accepted my apology, had given me the cold shoulder. Not the best night I’d ever had. I wished I had the luxury of taking a sick day tomorrow, so I could linger in my negative emotional state while I ate a carton of ice cream and streamed corny romance flicks with only saccharine sweet happy endings.
I picked up my cell phone, scrolled to my sister, Zoe’s number, and dialed.
“Hey, Rory. Kinda late isn’t it?”
I looked at the clock. 10 pm. Washington State was an hour ahead. Whoops. “Sorry, Zoe.”
“Everything okay? I haven’t heard from you since, well…”
We’d ended our last conversation on a bad note, and I supposed she hadn’t expected me to reach out so soon. “I had a pretty crappy day and needed someone to talk to.” She was my sister after all. We weren’t big on heart-to-hearts, but she’d been a decent sounding board in the past for girl-type topics that Buck couldn’t even begin to understand. I hoped I could draw on that past to get rid of the negative feelings that lingered.
“Okay,” she sighed. “What happened?”
Zoe might not enjoy listening to my freak-outs, but she’d had to play the role of ‘mom’ many times over the last twelve years. When my mother had run off oldest daughter, Zoe, had borne the full brunt of the responsibilities she’d left behind.
“I broke it off with Kyle, and now he’s mad at me.” Days of stress and worry flooded out of me. “Stella and I had a fight over something stupid. I don’t know if I can do this by myself anymore.” The tears welled up. I didn’t like to admit any kind of weakness, especially not to my older and thinks-she-wiser sister.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Zoe soothed. “This doesn’t sound like the girl from last week who told me to shove off when I suggested you sell the dredge.” She paused for a moment. “Are you changing your mind about my idea?”
“No.” Annoyance pricked at me. “I’m just frustrated is all.”
“Oh. Okay. I thought maybe this was a call about coming back home.” Zoe had fantasies for years about reassembling our destroyed family. “You know dad’s door is always open.”
“I’m not changing my mind about anything. I wanted to blow off some steam.” The last thing I wanted to do was go back in time and re-live a similar conversation we’d had years ago when I decided to stay in Nome.
“I thought you wanted a solution or something.” Her voice lowered. “I’m sorry.”
I could’ve let my emotions get the better of me. I could’ve hung up on her and continued sulking that Zoe and Henry didn’t see my life the way I did. But where would that get me? I would only wall off more people and dig myself a deeper, lonelier hole. “It’s okay, Zoe. I appreciate your ideas, even if they might not be ones I’d agree with.” I took a deep breath to dial it back a notch. “It’s good to know I’ve got a back-up if everything did blow up in my face.”
“Have you heard from John or the hospital?”
Her change of subject surprised me. Her stance had been as long as I could remember that I’d abandoned my ‘real’ father—Henry—for a Disneyland Dad scenario. To Zoe, DNA did not a dad make. “I spoke with his doctor and got a chance to talk to him on the phone. He sounded good.” I lied. He had sounded lost and confused, but she didn’t need to know everything.
“That’s great. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way, Rory.” She added with feeling, “You always do.”
And Zoe was right. After my mother had disappeared, most twelve-year-old girls would be in a state of shock, devastated. Not me, I’d shrugged it off and made a batch of very burned chocolate chip cookies. My mother had never really shown me a lot of affection, so what exactly was I missing with her being gone? I decided not much. Sure, maybe inside I felt unlovable and unwanted by my own mother, but I didn’t let it show. I never let it show. And when I’d arrived in Nome, a motherless girl in the wrong clothes, I leapt into my new life with vigor. I’d gone from suburbanite middle schooler Aurora to hard as nails Rory who could shoot a .22 as well as the boys and even dive for gold, when no other girls my age went anywhere near the cold Bering Sea.
“Maybe after all of this is over, I’ll fly down for a visit.” I could barely believe the words came out of my mouth. I hadn’t been back to Seattle for years.
“Dad and I would really like that.” Zoe’s voice, usually practical and snappy, came across as warm and sincere.
Her words soothed, which surprised me. Somehow the chip I’d carried on my shoulder had gotten smaller. I’d carried around a lot of resentment toward my stepfather. For what, I had a hard time defining. The feeling just existed. A wall of emotion that I couldn’t seem to break through. I guess my stepfather represented everything I’d felt about my mother. I no longer had my mother around to make her into a target of my hurt, so I’d turned it on Henry. I reflected back on my whiny request for financial help last week. As if Henry owed me anything—or Buck.
Henry had never even met the man. My stepfather had put me on the plane when I was twelve, and in his mind I was his daughter. He’d raised me as his child since I was born. It dawned on me how much my stepfather had already sacrificed for me, and I’d wanted to take even more from him. How much that must have pained him.
Zoe and I said our goodbyes and, even though she hadn’t really helped me figure out any of my problems, the weight of my life had lightened. She was right. I’d find a way to make it all work out. I wasn’t about to give up. Even if I’d ticked off my best friend, my ex and my very much needed diver, I had no choice but to plow forward. I couldn’t give up.
I made up my bed on the couch, and as I laid my head down to sleep I caught the familiar aroma of peppermint and gasoline. Even after his dunking from the docks, Ben had left his mark. I breathed it in as I drifted off and dreamed of finding a wide river of gold beneath the waves, Ben at my side, his blue-eyed gaze burning into me.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ben knocked on the driver’s side window, startling me. “Everything all right?”
I’d pulled into the parking lot at the docks with butterflies in my stomach. Last night had ended badly. The lingering feeling of my lips on Ben’s put me in a very awkward place.
Our gazes met.
My face heated.
He smiled a different smile than he had before. A knowing smile.
My heart thudded.
“Yep. Just checking the weather.” I showed him the open weather app on my phone.
“We good?” He’d tied back his mass of brown hair and trimmed his beard. The defined edges of his face stood out. Angled jaw line. A bit of a crooked nose. Very masculine. And very, very sexy.
I opened the door. “Looks like the wind’s going to behave for now.”
He held out a hand to help me down.
I wore an old sweatshirt, my favorite pair of camo shorts and probably had sleep marks on my face.
Perfect.
I placed my hand in his. I imagined the warmth of his palm sliding over my body. Finding dips and valleys.
“I’m glad,” Ben said, his voice a low rumble.
We danced around the conversation I’d wanted to have. It was all body language talking now. The words were meaningless.
A blaze of heat erupted in my core. I’d never felt attraction quite like this before.
Lord, help me, I wanted this man.
No matter how attracted I was, it didn’t change the fact I’d hired Ben to do a job, and I didn’t need to mess that up. If I wanted to prove to the rest of Nome that Aurora Darling could hack it out on the water with the rest of the dredgers, then I needed to keep a distance between Ben and me.
Shut it down, Rory.
The whole of the dredging community had their eyes on me. More trucks and ATVs pulled in. Other miners suited up for the day, prepared equipment and watched the drama play out between Buck Darling’s daughter and her hired hand.
“Let’s get moving. Daylight’s burning.” My voice shifted to a colder tone. I squared my shoulders and removed buckets and a cooler from the truck bed.
“Here,” Ben offered. “Let me get that.”
“I got it.” My words clipped and remote. “Why don’t you get the engine warmed up and check the lines? I’ll be there in a minute.”
“All right,” Ben said. His blue eyes hardened to black.
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