by M. J. O'Shea
“Fen knows. He wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him what was up after we acted so weird around each other on staff day.”
Rory nodded. “Fantastic.”
“No, it’s on me. I mean, he thought I was a big asshole for picking sports and popularity over us. I think I’m a big asshole for it.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Rory muttered. “It’s fine you didn’t tell Mary Beth the truth. Please don’t encourage any of them, though.”
“I would never….” Like Ben wanted to see some chick’s hands all over Rory. Or anyone’s. He was shocked how proprietary he felt over Rory still. After all these years. It was like no time at all had passed. “Listen, I wanted to say sorry for the rest of it too. I know you don’t deserve to deal with this, you didn’t deserve any of it, but can we at least try to be friends?” Ben finished on a whisper.
“Friends?” Rory choked out.
“I was hoping maybe you and I could just start over.”
“No.” Rory put his head in his hands. “I don’t think that’s going to work. I can’t do the friends thing with you. I just can’t.”
“I’ve really missed you. I’m so sorry.”
“You need to go. We can’t do this.” Rory walked over and put his hands on Ben’s shoulders. Ben tried not to feel how warm his touch was, how familiar, how easily he could smell Rory, lean over and just—Rory turned him around and started leading him back to the doorway of the classroom. “We work together now, that’s unavoidable. I’m not going to be an ass, but coworkers is about the best I can give you.”
They reached the doorway of the classroom, and Ben turned around. “Why? Can’t we just—”
“Because you broke my damn heart, Ben. Completely broken. For years, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone else because I was afraid of getting hurt like that again. When we were kids, I honestly thought I was gonna marry you someday. B-but you just dropped me like I didn’t mean a damn thing to you.”
Ben’s throat went dry when Rory said he’d wanted to marry him. “You did. You have no idea how much you meant.”
“Go, Ben. Just… go, okay?”
“Ro—”
Rory held up his hand. “Just go. I said I don’t want to do this, and I don’t.”
Ben nodded. There wasn’t anything more he could say. Rory didn’t want to hear his apology. To be honest, Ben didn’t blame him.
“HEY, MR. Parsons, I wanted to ask about the shading technique you were teaching us this morning. I think I need a little bit of help.” It was Carly. One of his third-period students. She stood in his door, a mixture of hope and tentative worry.
Ben’s stomach growled. He didn’t look at the clock, though. As much as he wanted to get out of his room and anywhere in the vicinity of his lunch, he didn’t believe in shutting kids down when they really wanted to improve.
So he didn’t.
He stayed and helped Carly erase and reshade her floral arrangement until it looked so real it nearly jumped off the page at him.
“That’s fantastic, Carly. You’re really getting it.”
Carly beamed. “Thanks, Mr. Parsons. Sorry I took up part of your lunch. I’ll take off so you can eat.”
About damn time, his stomach growled at him. Ben still smiled and told her it wasn’t a problem and of course she could come to him any time she needed help. Her grateful nod was worth his loss of free time. Mostly.
Ben grabbed his lunch bag and headed for the lounge at a half jog. Fen and Jeremy were probably mostly finished with their lunches by then, but damned if he was going to cram a sandwich in his face with zero adult interaction. He’d had a long morning. He needed a laugh. Ben’s steps quickened when he reached the staff lounge, smile already growing on his face. He heard laughter. Good. That’s exactly what he needed. Fen in one of his jokey moods.
Ben tossed the door open to see Fen and Jeremy laughing… with Rory. All three of them were in the room joking around like they’d known each other forever, and Ben couldn’t help but think of what Rory had said to him the other day. We can’t be friends. How was he supposed to sit there and watch his best friend make friends with other people in front of his face when he wouldn’t even talk to him? Ben turned to go.
“Seriously, dude?” Fen shoved out a chair with a grunt. “Sit the fuck down. I haven’t seen you since yesterday.”
“Sorry. Didn’t want to interrupt,” Ben said quietly.
“It’s okay,” Rory said softly, pulling out the chair further. “Fen was just telling us about this one time you and he streaked around the block down by Beaver’s.”
Ben snorted out a laugh. It was a good thing he hadn’t taken a chug of his soda. “Jesus, Fen. Can’t a girl have any secrets?”
“Not if they’re funny.”
“Fine, fine,” Ben conceded. He unwrapped his lunch and started to eat quietly, the voices of his friends, and Rory, washing over him.
Ben wasn’t ready to give up. It wasn’t the time to push again, not after the conversation the day before, but he wasn’t going to give up. No. Just being around Rory was enough to drive Ben nuts. Yeah, he knew Rory’s answer didn’t bode well, but Ben had always been persistent. If there was any time to not give up, this was it. He’d find a way to win Rory back. He had to get him back… somehow.
SOMEHOW DIDN’T happen the first week of school. Or the second. Not even the third. They came to an uncomfortable agreement in which they shared custody of the lounge, and of Fen and Jeremy, but they never really spoke. And, yeah, Jeremy noticed. Fen made significant faces and hand gestures at Ben behind Rory’s back, and it got worse instead of better. He hated it. At the same time, if his choice was awkward, painful, slightly polite silences between him and Rory or nothing at all? The pain choice was the sadly obvious one. Ben hated to admit that he snuck glances at Rory, when he was out in the hallway greeting students as they came in, when he chuckled at some dumb thing Fen said at lunch, when waves and springy half curls slipped out of his neatly tied stub of a ponytail and landed on his neck. Ben wanted to push them gently behind his ear, kiss the skin where they’d been, and keep kissing. Most of his thoughts about Rory seemed to end that way—kissing. Of course, that wasn’t anything new. Back in high school, most of his thoughts about Rory had been about kissing him as well. At least Ben was consistent.
He tried to talk to Rory a few more times, not about anything really, at least nothing important. But he’d make comments, smile, wave. Rory returned his waves and his smiles politely but distantly. He was a coworker but definitely not a friend. It sucked a whole hell of a lot. Ben figured he had until June to work whatever magic he wanted to work, because there wasn’t any guarantee of a next year. Especially since Rory seemed to want to get as far away from him as possible most of the time.
“DUDE, WHAT are you doing tonight?” Ben asked Fen as he watched him lock up his classroom for the weekend. School had been in for just over a month. Ben hadn’t been going out much lately, mostly just collapsing on his couch on the weekends and visiting his mom.
“Ummmm….”
“What?” Ben chuckled. “Hot date?”
“Sort of.”
They had to walk past Rory’s room and Ben’s to get to the door. Ben clenched his jaw and kind of held his breath. Things hadn’t been awful between him and Rory, per se, but they hadn’t gotten any friendlier. Mostly they were just somewhat polite strangers who avoided each other when they could. Ben pretty much hated the hell out of it and wanted it to stop. Only, he just didn’t know how to stop it. Of course Rory happened to be locking up his room and leaving just as they started to pass. Ben’s luck was, if not good, at least predictable.
“Hey, see you later?” Rory asked softly.
Fen froze, a really weird smile on his face. “See you later?” Ben asked. “Oh. You guys are hanging out. That’s cool. You know, I’m just going to go. Have a great weekend. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Wait. Fen, you didn’t invite him?” Rory asked.
“Things have just been super weird between you two, and this was your idea.” Fen shrugged. He looked like he was in pain. “I didn’t know what to do. Sorry, bro.” He looked at Ben.
I deserve it, don’t I? He didn’t like how it felt to be left out. It sucked that Rory got his friends and he didn’t, but it was nothing compared to what he’d done, so—
“Ben. You should come. We’re just going bowling.” Rory flashed a small smile. “I remember how much you liked to win.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want to barge in.”
Rory reached out and touched his elbow. “If you don’t have any other plans, I’d really like if you came.”
How can he be so nice? Ben knew Rory didn’t really want him there. He didn’t want to be friends; he didn’t want to be anything but slightly polite coworkers. That’s what he’d said. But Ben didn’t want to be stubborn either. He didn’t have a damn thing to do that night, and he had zero chance of convincing Rory that he missed him if he was hardly ever in the same room as him.
“Sure. Paradise Lanes?” he asked.
“Yeah, we’re meeting there at eight,” Fen said. He looked relieved. Fen hadn’t ever been good with conflict. “Bring money. We’re betting.”
Ben nearly spit his water out of his nose. He liked to win, but he rarely did. Which was fine. The other two were very competitive, though. Fen and Jeremy were about to get fleeced. He connected glances with Rory for a moment, and they shared an actual genuine smile. Rory lifted his finger up to his lips behind Fen’s back, and Ben bit back a laugh.
“Eight o’clock. See you there.”
Chapter Five
BEN WANTED to skip right over practice and straight to later that night. But he had a whole team of girls waiting for him who couldn’t afford the missed field time. He hauled his gear to the staff bathroom to change, then hiked down to the soccer field to meet his team. They’d already divided into partners and were passing balls back and forth by the time he got there, a bit out of breath from running, pulse still high from his encounter with Rory.
“Sorry, ladies! Had a few things to do in my room. Go ahead and take your warm-up laps if you haven’t yet.”
His team kicked their balls to a central location and jogged off to the track to take their two warm-up laps. Ben used that time to collect his thoughts. He’d had a few new drills to work with the girls all planned, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember a damn one. All he could think about was Rory’s tentative smile, his sweet warm eyes, the way he’d touched him…. Snap out of it, moron. You’re not a teenager anymore. Too bad his body didn’t know that his years of mooning over a crush were long gone.
They started with some passing, always one of the things he noticed the girls lost first when they had some time off. Accuracy and speed were equally important. The team complained about the running, but they needed that too. Even the girls who’d kept in decent shape weren’t where they needed to be by the first few games. He worked with his defense on slide tackles, with the strikers on dribbling and shooting, and sprinting, always more sprinting. By two-thirds of the way through practice, the girls were tired and sweaty. Far more so than they should be.
“We have some work to do,” Ben said to his bedraggled circle of players when they gathered around him. “But I see amazing potential. I think we can be great this year.” Ben got a few tired smiles. “Okay, just another fifteen minutes or so, then we can take off for the weekend.”
He ended practice with a short half-field scrimmage. It was a good way for Ben to see where the girls were in actual play. Marissa of massive attitude and flawless field technique flew effortlessly down the pitch, getting past a sweeper and scoring easily against his starting keeper quite a few times. Ben knew he had to work on his defense. He couldn’t let Marissa carry the team. She was talented, but unpredictable. He needed a solid base behind her. Ben was busy watching a few of his defenders on the opposing side when he heard giggles coming from Marissa and her friends.
“Head in the game, ladies!” he called and turned to see what they were looking at. He should’ve known. Rory had just loped onto the track in a thin T-shirt and low-slung Adidas pants. His long-legged stride ate up track at a leisurely pace; his hair glowed amber brown in the afternoon sun. He was fucking beautiful.
Shit. Pay attention to practice. Ben felt like he was worse than his girls. Was he some teenaged kid who couldn’t control his raging hormones? Probably. At least he seemed to have been ever since he ran into Rory again. Maybe that’s how Rory would always affect him. He wrenched his eyes back to the field.
“Carrie! Look at your opening. You can score on Jessica right now.”
Carrie, one of his better forwards, although nowhere near as good as Marissa, took her opportunity and jetted down the field. She probably would’ve been stopped near the goal if his damn defenders weren’t distracted by Rory. Again. Carrie scored, and her team clapped and cheered.
“Ladies, run that play again. This time can I get a little defense, please? I’ll be right back.”
He jogged over to where Rory was rounding a corner on the track and waved at him to stop.
“What’s up?” Rory asked. His face looked noticeably friendlier than it had in their previous encounters.
“Man, you’ve gotta stop jogging during practice. You’re distracting my girls.”
Rory let out a laugh. “Seriously?”
“Yes. I swear to God one of my midfielders is about to come over here and propose to you.”
“You can tell them I’m gay.” Rory snorted. “That should make them lose interest pretty quick.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “At this point, not likely.”
Rory laughed again. “Listen, I just want to do a mile or so, then I’m out. I’ll see you tonight?”
“Yeah. Eight. Are you going to tell the other guys that you’re really good before they bet?”
“Nope.” Rory grinned. “Fen talks a big game. It’ll be fun to take him down a peg or two. He’ll figure it out pretty quickly, though.”
“You’re awful.” Ben punched Rory lightly on the arm before he remembered for the millionth time that he couldn’t freaking do that anymore. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay. See you later.” Rory jogged back out to the main track and resumed his run. Ben tried to finish practice with whatever self-respect he had left.
Don’t stare, act normal. He tried, at least. Put up a decent fight. Hopefully, the girls didn’t notice.
BOWLING… WITH Rory. Ben tried not to get nervous. Okay, it was bowling with Rory, and Fen and Jeremy. Still. Rory. He’d smiled at Ben for once and gone out of his way to make him feel welcome. Ben took it as a good sign. Truthfully, he took every little scrap as a good sign because that’s really the only thing he could do. If he didn’t have hope, he didn’t have a damn thing other than wanting someone day in and day out who would never want him again. Ben didn’t think he was ready to face that.
Ben booked home after practice and hopped in the shower. He had time for some dinner before he had to get ready to go. He didn’t want to look like he’d tried too hard, or tried at all really, but he wanted to look good. Good, like someone Rory wouldn’t want to say no to. Ben figured he at least had the chance for that—maybe Rory didn’t like him, but there was attraction there; Ben felt it, and there was no way it was one-sided. He’d been around the block enough times to know that much.
HE TRIED to tell himself he wasn’t nervous when he pulled up to the bowling alley, but the raging palpable relief at Fen’s presence told him he was full of shit. It felt like a first date and final exams and the biggest game of the season all rolled into one.
Don’t be a dumb ass. You’re just bowling. With the guys… and him.
He took a deep breath and tried to act cool, like this was just the same as every other random Friday night he’d spent with Fen and Jeremy. The walk to the front entrance of the bowling alley didn’t take nearly enough time. Before he knew it, Ben wa
s inside, weakly waving to Fen who was jumping up and down, beckoning him to their lane.
“How much you gonna put down, dude? Jeremy and I are doing twenty.”
Ben knew that money was as good as gone, but twenty bucks was more than worth it for him to spend a whole evening with Rory.
“Sure. Twenty’s cool.” He dug the cash out of his pocket and went to pick up shoes and a ball.
IT DIDN’T take Fen and Jeremy long to realize they didn’t have a chance against Rory either.
“What the hell are you?” Jeremy grumbled after a beer or two. “A pro?”
Rory laughed. “No, I just had friends on the bowling team, and I came here a lot when….”
You came here a lot when I was at practice. Then you’d meet me at my house, and we’d spend the rest of the night making out on my bed. Yeah, Rory probably wasn’t planning on telling the guys the second part, but there was no other way that sentence could’ve ended. Because that was exactly how it used to go. Rory would bowl, Ben would play soccer, and then they’d meet at his house where Rory would grumble about how sweaty he was but end up kissing the hell out of him anyway before he managed to make it into the shower.
Ben sighed. “He used to kick my ass all the time too, guys. Don’t feel bad.” It was his turn, so he grabbed his ball and headed to the lane. Ben sucked at bowling, but he didn’t really care. It was fun and a good way to let loose. Usually.
Luckily, the awkward moment passed, and a few beers equaled good times all around. Ben didn’t drink much. He was pretty self-conscious about the way he acted in front of Rory, and more than a drink or two might cause him to say or do something that he’d regret. He laughed, though, at Fen and Jeremy’s antics, at the way they made Rory groan. He and Rory even shared a few laughing glances when Fen broke into the running man after he managed to get a strike.