by M. J. O'Shea
“I’m sorry, Ben. So, so sorry.” Rory looked at the ground and fiddled with his fingers. His words seemed to echo in the vaulted empty spaces overhead. Ben was sorry too, for a lot of things. But he had to hear it. No matter how much he wanted to run away from it, he needed closure. Stupid word, closure, especially when there was nothing closed about the way Ben felt. There never was going to be.
“Why?” Ben said again. It seemed like the only word his mouth knew how to form. “Why are you sorry?” he finally forced out. He stood quietly and watched Rory fidget. It was painful, in a way, but glorious at the same time, as feeling spread through his body again, from his heart through his legs and arms, until even his fingertips were no longer numb.
“Because I’m an idiot,” Rory said. He stepped closer, tentatively, as if he didn’t quite have the right. “Because I took so damn long to come to my senses.”
Come to his senses? What? Ben figured he was in shock. It felt like that night so, so, so many years ago when Rory had told Ben he felt the same, that he wanted everything Ben wanted. It couldn’t possibly be that….
“I’m sorry because I wasted so much damn time pretending I wasn’t still stupidly in love with you.” He cleared his throat in the painful, echoing silence of the huge room. The sound shattered in Ben’s body, breaking the frozen blood in his limbs, shattering the ice until it raced hot and out of control through his veins. “I am, you know. In love with you. I never stopped.”
And that’s all it took. Ben lunged at Rory, closing the distance, sealing them together. “I love you too. Fuck. Please.” Ben plastered his lips to Rory’s, kissing and sucking and licking into his mouth, desperate to feel again, to taste and love and be totally, completely, and ridiculously happy like he hadn’t been in fucking years.
Rory sank his fingers into Ben’s hair and shuddered hard. “Love you. Yes. Too long,” he mumbled against Ben’s mouth between kisses and tastes.
Ben could hardly believe it was real. He clung to Rory’s slender waist, gripped his shirt, and squeezed his eyes shut. It couldn’t be a hallucination, but if it was, Ben didn’t want it to end. They finally drifted apart, breathing hard and shuddery into each other’s necks.
“How long?” Ben asked.
“How long what?”
“When did you know you still felt it?” he asked. Part of him was scared to say anything, scared he’d break whatever spell had brought Rory to his door. It was too late, though. The question was out.
Rory took a deep breath and wrapped his arms tighter around Ben’s shoulders. It felt like a dream still.
“I meant it when I said I never stopped.” He leaned back and cupped Ben’s cheek. His eyes were wet and glossy, and he grinned like he couldn’t stop. “I loved you when we were kids, when we were off at different schools hundreds of miles away from each other. I loved you when I wouldn’t talk to you and when you wouldn’t talk to me. It’s never gone away. Never.”
Ben’s arms convulsed around Rory. “Ro,” he murmured. “Me too. Always.”
They kissed again, with the intense evening sun slanting through high gallery windows and beating against their skin. Ben skimmed his palms along Rory’s arms, his back, his sun-warmed hair. He still couldn’t believe it was real.
“How long do I get you?” Ben finally whispered.
“As long as you want me. I’m back for good.”
Ben choked a little at that and buried his face in Rory’s neck. “No, I mean: how long are you here? When do you have to go home?”
Chico was still home. It always would be, especially with Rory there. “Oh.” Rory’s face fell a little. “I have a plane ticket for Monday. I can change it but I didn’t know how this was going to work out, but I figured I could at least wander around for a couple of days if, well….”
“No.” Ben didn’t want to hear it. “No. I love you.” He pressed a kiss to Rory’s lips just to make sure he understood. A weekend wasn’t enough, not even close, but Ben would take what he could get. “Come on. I was just about to lock up. You’re probably hungry. We can get dinner.” Ben didn’t know how to act, what to say. He had Rory, and it came out of nowhere. He’d never thought he would hear those words, feel Rory’s kiss again. It was so surreal.
Rory shook his head. “I’m not hungry. Not unless you are.”
No. He’d just offered because it seemed like the right thing to do, or maybe because he didn’t know what to do. Honestly, food was the last thing on Ben’s mind. He’d probably be ready to eat an elephant in a few hours, but all he wanted was Rory’s skin, his kiss, just him.
“So… you want to go to my place?” he asked tentatively.
Rory grinned. “You have no idea how much.”
BEN’S HANDS shook as he tried to unlock the door to his place. “It isn’t very nice,” he warned. He’d never really settled in, didn’t see the point of trying to make the place feel like home.
“I don’t care,” Rory muttered. He crowded against Ben and kissed the back of his neck. Ben shuddered. It had been nearly two months since he’d felt Rory against him, trembled at Rory’s lips brushing against his neck. He turned the key in the lock and led Rory into his place, locking the door behind them. He was nervous; he didn’t know what to do, how to begin… fuck it. He couldn’t take another second of separation.
Ben pushed Rory up against the wall and slammed their mouths together. Rory groaned into the kiss and grabbed Ben, hauling them together until his head thumped on the plaster.
“Missed this. Fuck. Love you,” Rory mumbled against Ben’s mouth.
Ben was beyond speech. He sucked at Rory’s lips, tried to touch, inhale, memorize the moment with every cell in his body. “I need you,” he finally said, out of breath, his forehead plastered to Rory’s.
“Yeah. Yes.” Rory yanked at the buttons of Ben’s shirt, pushed at his khakis, keened impatiently when rubbery fingers couldn’t get to skin.
“C’mon,” Ben muttered. “This way.” His bedroom was tiny, and not much to speak of, but there was a bed there. A bed where he could get Rory naked again and touch his fill.
IT WAS like everything was suspended in golden warm light. The heat was there; it had been from the beginning, but over it, surrounding it, was this glow. It was nothing Ben had felt before. Every touch was fire; every kiss melted its way through him. Ben shuddered when their skin touched, nothing between them, not even misunderstandings and the past. It was so different, but still felt just like Rory and Ben. Just like it should feel.
“I love you,” Rory murmured against Ben’s skin.
Ben tangled his fingers in the warm fall of Rory’s hair. “Love you, too. I want you.”
Rory’s fingers traced up Ben’s body and back down again. He kissed him long and deep. “I want you, too.”
“Now. Okay?”
Rory’s breath caught, and he nodded. “Yeah. I don’t want to wait. Do you have anything?”
He did. Ben had planned to find a man or ten to help him forget Rory. It hadn’t happened, but at least he’d been prepared.
“Yeah. Hold on.”
He rummaged through the drawer of his small nightstand until he brandished lube and condoms in his hand. “Sorry. They were buried.”
Rory smiled. “I think I probably like that they were.”
“Yeah. Me too.” And he did. No matter what Ben’s intentions had been, he was glad he hadn’t followed through on them.
Especially when he lay back against his pillows and Rory leaned over him, face intent and serious. “You know it always meant something,” Rory said. “Every time we were together, it meant the world to me. I’m sorry if I gave you the idea that it didn’t.”
Ben reached up to cup Rory’s face. “Later, okay? Let’s do that talk later. I need you.”
Rory nodded and leaned down for another long, heated kiss. He drew back and slicked his fingers up. “It’s been a while. We’re taking this slow.” His fingers drifted to Ben’s entrance where he gently and steadily press
ed one in.
Ben gulped at the invasion and nodded.
“Good?” Rory asked.
“I’m not a virgin,” Ben said with a soft laugh. “More.”
Rory raised one expressive eyebrow but wordlessly sank another finger in. “Like that?”
The stretch felt good. Ben had missed it. “Yes. Like that. Jesus.”
He dragged Rory down for another kiss. Kissing felt different somehow when Rory was inside him, more urgent, more necessary, like none of it was complete without their lips connected. He didn’t know how long the kiss lasted, how long he was at the mercy of Rory’s long, dexterous, torturous fingers, moaning into Rory’s mouth before he broke into shudders.
“I can’t anymore. I need you. Please?”
Rory was panting against Ben’s mouth, hot and hard and leaking on his stomach. They were both ready. More than ready.
With shaky hands, Rory tore open a condom packet. He stared at Ben the entire time he rolled it down. “It feels different this time,” he said. “Like I’m nervous or something.” He smiled a little.
“Yeah. I know. Come here. It’s fine. It’s amazing.”
Ben guided Rory to him and lifted his hips as Rory sunk in slowly. It was fine and amazing, and everything he’d said. Just like everything else about him, Rory’s body felt like home.
“I love you, Ben,” Rory whispered into his ear. “You feel so good.”
Ben didn’t answer, just pulled Rory as deep as he could get him. He wanted to feel it for days. Wanted to feel it forever. They moved slow, making love for real, and yeah, Ben had always hated those words, thought they were cheesy as hell, but he didn’t know what else to call it. Slow, slick slides and sweet kisses and the way Rory fucking looked at him like he was everything perfect in the world. Ben could barely stand it. He wouldn’t have been able to stand losing it either.
So he kissed and stared and loved right back until they shuddered and froze in each other’s arms.
“TOO LONG,” Rory said quietly.
“Hmmm?” It was hard to even talk.
“I don’t want to go without you that long again, okay? I hated it.” Rory pulled out slowly, wincing slightly, and flopped down next to Ben in the sweltering evening heat. He reached out and tangled their fingers together as if he couldn’t even stand that much separation. Ben got it. He didn’t even want to get up and rinse off. He didn’t want to move.
“I hated it too. I don’t want to do it again.”
They lay there in sweaty, happy silence for a long while, playing with each other’s fingers, weaving them together, pulling apart again, squeezing, touching. It was everything he’d wanted for years, but still nowhere near enough.
“This sucks,” Ben muttered after a few minutes. He rolled over in his lumpy, uncomfortable, rented bed and pulled Rory against him. He didn’t care that it was too hot for physical contact and he was still sweaty and gross and probably looked like some sort of deranged, melted swamp monster. He wasn’t going to waste a single second. Not ever again.
“I think it’s pretty amazing,” Rory mumbled. He nuzzled his face into Ben’s neck and cupped his butt possessively. Ben winced a little, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Not today,” he answered. “Not now. This is perfect. I mean next week and September, and—”
Rory kissed Ben, long and deep. “We’ll figure it out.”
“I can’t leave. I can’t just pack up and go home and say ‘oops, I changed my mind.’”
Rory threaded his fingers through Ben’s hair and pushed it off his sweaty forehead. “I wouldn’t want you to. This is an amazing opportunity. You’ve earned it.”
“But it’s so long.”
“Only a year. Not as bad as eight. We’ll have holidays and weekend trips and lots of creative Skyping.” Ben raised his eyebrow, and Rory chuckled. “We’ll get through it, babe. Make it work. It’ll be okay.”
Rory hadn’t called him that in years. Ben fought a grin. “And you’ll wait for me?” Yeah, a huge part of him was still worried. He didn’t want to be worried, but the thought of Rory slipping through his grasp was enough for panic to well up in his gut, dark and cold.
“Ben.” Rory shook his head.
“What? I’m just scared, you know? I don’t want to lose you now that you’re finally here.”
“You won’t lose me. Not unless you want to. I’ve been waiting for you for years. Even when I was with someone else, even when I wanted nothing to do with you, you were always there.” He closed his eyes. “We’re supposed to be with each other. We knew it when we were kids. Why do you think that’s changed?”
“It hasn’t. Not for me.” He’d never want anyone the way he wanted Rory, with all the romance and flowers and sunsets, but the boring every day stuff too, having kids someday, and teasing each other when their hair started to turn gray, holding hands on a park bench when neither of them could do much more. He wanted Rory like that. ’Til the end.
“Not for me either. You’re it, Ben. It. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
Ben’s chest swelled, tight and uncomfortable but so fucking happy he didn’t know what to think or say or do. “I love you,” he whispered. It was the only thing that made sense.
“Always have,” Rory answered. He trailed a finger down Ben’s nose, ran it softly across his lips. Ben’s chest grew tight, his throat choked up, but he had to finish it. He had to.
“Always will,” he said. “Always.”
About the Author
M.J. O’SHEA grew up and still lives in sunny Washington state, and while she loves to visit other places, she can’t imagine calling anywhere else home. M.J. spent her childhood writing stories. Sometime in her early teens, the stories turned to romance. Most of those stories were about her, her friends, and their favorite cute TV stars. She hopes she’s come a long way since then…
When M.J.’s not writing, she loves to play the piano and cook and paint pictures, and, of course, read. She likes sparkly girly girl things, owns at least twenty different colored headbands, and she has a little white dog with a ginger eye spot who sits with her when she writes. Sometimes her dog comes up with the best ideas for stories… when she’s not busy napping.
Visit M.J. at her blogs, http://mjoshea.com/
and http://mjandpiper.blogspot.com
E-mail her at [email protected]
or follow her on Twitter.
By M.J. O’SHEA
NOVELS
Blood Moon
Catch My Breath
Cross Bones
ROCK BAY SERIES
Coming Home
Letting Go
Finding Shelter
ONE THING SERIES WITH PIPER VAUGHN
One Small Thing
One True Thing
NOVELLAS
Newton’s Laws of Attraction
Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also by M.J. O’SHEA
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also by M.J. O’SHEA
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Copyright
Published by
Dreamspinner Press
5032 Capital Circle SW
Suite 2, PMB# 279
Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886
USA
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Newton’s Laws of Attraction
© 2013 M.J. O’Shea.
Cover Art
© 2013 L.C. Chase.
http://www.lcchase.com
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.
All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication
or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/.
Digital ISBN: 978-1-62798-278-8
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition
November 2013