These Paper Walls

by Magan Vernon

  The only thing we had in the living room was a set of outdoor folding chairs that I used for tailgating. I kept telling myself that we'd get new furniture after I refinished the wood floor and painted, but now I was wondering if I'd ever finish the floor or paint...or have the money to buy furniture.

  I sighed and slumped down on one of the chairs, facing the old brick fireplace. That needed to be fixed as well. I ran my hands over my face and shook my head. "When the hell am I going to get this all done and have the money to do it?"

  I could keep staying up every night and work on it, but if my drooping eyelids were any indication, that wasn't going to work.

  Maybe this new job would bring in some money. Maybe this week I'd get paid more than I thought and I could surprise Libby with a trip to Elsbury Furniture and let her pick out a sofa set.

  Or maybe I would just sleep...

  ***

  "Blaine? Blaine?"

  The bright light hit my eyes and I squinted, opening them slowly to see Libby leaning over me and examining me as if I were some sort of science experiment. "Were you seriously passed out?"

  I shook my head, rubbing my eyes. "No. I mean. Yes. I mean. What the hell time is it anyway?"

  She raised an eyebrow. "It's eleven. I thought I'd find you in bed by now. Are you okay?"

  Shit. Did I really sleep for that long?

  "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired I guess."

  She folded her arms across her chest, frowning. "Well, at least you're almost done with this job. Dina said that Jackson got some breezy job filling potholes on Main. Did you get your new assignment, too?"

  I tried not to wince. I didn't want to have this conversation. Not when I was half asleep and really not ever. "No, not yet. Hopefully tomorrow."

  She dropped her hands and nodded. "Good. Hopefully it's a good one."

  I stood up. "Yeah, I guess we could use a break."

  "Are you going to come to come to bed with me?" she asked, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her finger.

  I smiled. "Well, I guess being with you in bed is better than this chair."

  She put her hand out and I took it, getting out of the chair and following her to the bedroom. It was the only room of the house we really did any updating to and that wasn't by choice. Instead of using our wedding money for a honeymoon or anything else spectacular, we found out that we had major plumbing issues in the master bathroom. We only found that out because we tried taking a shower after the wedding and have a little romance, but only ended up with a fallen shower head and water dripping from the ceiling in the bedroom.

  But at least now it was sort of an oasis, when everything else was crumbling in the house. We painted the walls a light gray that complimented the old white wainscoting and wooden beams on the ceiling. I even had to admit that the yellow bedding set that Libby made us register for made my old bed look a little more adult.

  "Do you want to take a shower with me?" Libby asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "Are you saying I smell?"

  She pulled me closer, biting down on her bottom lip. "You smell fine, but I smell like a pregnant woman that has been sweating in the late June heat and need one, so you can join me or not."

  I looped my arms around her waist and splayed my hands across her lower back, ever slowly guiding my fingers up, relishing in the feel of her warm skin under her shirt. "I'd love nothing more than to see you wet."

  She giggled, biting down on that lip even harder. I responded by kissing her fiercely. She could turn me on with just one look and it had been a while since we'd been anything close to intimate.

  I broke the kiss slightly, only to pull her shirt over her head and then toss mine aside as well. She pulled me back to her, capturing my bottom lip in her teeth, which caused me to moan before licking her lips and kissing her again. She pressed her body to mine; even pregnant, her skin felt amazing against me. Every little move of her hands set my body on fire and I wanted her naked as soon as possible.

  Libby must have been thinking the same thing because she broke the kiss only to loop her fingers through my belt loops and walk backwards, pulling me into the bathroom until she stopped at the shower. We'd gotten rid of Meemaw's old tub when the bathroom flooded, so now we had a larger walk in shower with a seat. Libby said it would be great for baby bathing, but I just thought about shower sex.

  She let go of my belt loops and slowly peeled off her shorts and underwear. No matter how many times I'd seen her naked, and even with her growing belly, she still turned me on with all of her tanned skin and the new curves of her hips and chest. Maybe she'd let me finally grab the new boobs if I got her in the shower.

  She turned away from me and turned on the water, so I shucked off my pants and underwear as quickly as I could before pressing into her back and looping my arms around her waist. I kissed a line from her neck down her shoulders. She tilted her head back and put her hand to my face, grinding her butt into my groin as she moaned.

  If I wasn't already hard, I was more than ready, feeling all of her against me.

  Just when I thought she might turn around to get closer, she stepped forward and into the shower.

  "Awww, come on, baby!" I groaned.

  She smiled and tugged my arm until I fell forward, catching myself on the glass wall before closing the door behind us. The waterfall showerhead fell over us, heating up my sore muscles that I didn't even know were sore until I started moving. But it was hard to concentrate on anything else when Libby moved her wet hair from her face as droplets fell down her lips and to the curve of her breast.

  I couldn't help myself as I leaned forward and licked each falling drop from her breast and swirled my tongue around her nipple. Libby moaned in response, arching her back and digging her core into me. I glanced up to see her eyes closed and damn if she wasn't biting on that bottom lip again.

  This was the most she'd let me touch her since our wedding and damn if I wasn't going to take advantage of every part of it. With a tentative hand, I trailed my fingers down the curve of her hip and then tip-toed to her center, running my thumb down her sensitive flesh before curving a finger inside of her.

  She cried out, bucking her hips forward over and over again until she was coming hard on my finger.

  I smiled, licking my way up her breast to her collarbone and neck until my lips were at her ear. "I need to be inside of you, now," I growled.

  She responded by pushing my fingers deeper into her and crying out again.

  Slowly, I moved my hand and she whimpered softly, as if she was already missing the loss of having me inside her. But that wasn't going to last long. I grabbed her thigh and moved her leg to the shower bench. I kept my other hand firmly on her other leg, before slowly pushing my way inside of her.

  Before she got pregnant, well except for the time we didn't, we'd always been careful. Always used protection. Now there was no need for it and damn, feeling every part of her on me made it hard to last, especially when she was so wet, so ready.

  I held onto her thigh with one hand and splayed my other one on the shower wall beside her head, moving my lips to hers and kissing her deeply. She moaned into my mouth as I slowly thrusted inside of her while her hands gripped firmly onto my ass.

  She felt amazing. With the water dripping over us she was glistening and the little sounds that escaped her mouth into mine made my whole body ripple with pleasure. She clenched around me as I felt her body shake again and she tilted her head back as she came hard around me and I followed soon after.

  We stood there for a minute, just holding each other as the water fell over us. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever.

  But just like our future, things were going to change and I couldn't hold onto things.

  "Need me to help you get washed up?" she asked, staring at me with a large grin on her face.

  I laughed. "Always."

  Chapter 3

  I should have probably told Libby about the new job, but after sh
e scrubbed me down in the shower and I returned the favor, it was past midnight and I passed the hell out, only to get up again in a few hours to get ready for work.

  At least I only had a few days left before the Fourth of July holiday.

  A year ago, Libby and I had gotten into one of the biggest fights of our relationship on the Fourth. One that was half my fault, okay, mostly my fault. I hoped that wasn't what she always thought about on the Fourth. Or my even bigger fuck up in our relationship.

  "She loves you, you fucking idiot. She told you that she loved you and you fought with her and came running here instead of saying it back?"

  "I know. I know. I'm a dumbass." I ran my hand over my face.

  Jackson and I stood in his kitchen. He was in the middle of cooking dinner, but turned off the burner and handed me a beer as soon as I walked in.

  I should have just turned back around and gone to Libby's or done something, but instead I found myself driving down the gravel path to Jackson's place.

  "Well, what the hell are you going to do about it? Ain't you supposed to fly to Chicago with her tomorrow?"

  I took a long pull of my beer. "Yeah. That's probably not going to happen."

  Jackson raised his eyebrows. "So you're going to break the girl's heart again? That sounds like a major dick move, even for you."

  I shook my head. "You know I ain't never going to be good enough for her. She can't fall in love with me, you know as well as I do that nothing good is going to come of her staying with me."

  "Then why do you stay with her? Why, if you seem to think that this is a bad idea, do you stay with her?"

  I raked my fingers through my hair. "I don't know! Maybe I'm stupid? A glutton for punishment."

  Jackson pointed his beer at me. "Or maybe you love her too and that scares the shit out of you."

  I blew out a deep breath. "I don't even know what the hell love is."

  He shook his head. "I think love is different for each person, but I think the one thing it has in common is putting the other person's feelings before yours. If you're so worried about Libby loving you, isn't that the same thing?"

  I shook my head. "Don't get all philosophical on me right now, Jacks."

  He put his hands up. "I'm just saying. I've seen the way you are with her. You know you love her, I just wish you weren't so stupid and you'd put down your beer and drive back over there to apologize."

  "We both know I'm not going to do that."

  He set his beer down on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "Then what are you going to do? Are you going to completely break this girl's heart? Go home and maybe call up one of your past hussies to see if they'll help you get over her, but you know they won't? Why don't you just man up, buddy, for once in your life."

  "Fuck you, Jackson," I spat.

  "No need to resort to language. I'm just telling you the truth."

  "Thanks for the beer," I muttered, setting the half-empty bottle down on the counter before turning and walking out of his house.

  He didn't follow. He didn't say anything else. He just let me think on his words.

  I lay in bed, unable to sleep, just staring at the ceiling. The same ceiling that not long ago I'm sure Libby had been staring at when I was inside of her.

  Now I was alone. Really alone.

  And I missed her. I fucking missed her. I missed the way her hair fell over face. The way she bit her lip when she was nervous. Everything.

  I shut my eyes, trying to block out her smile, but I couldn't. There was no way to block her out.

  I was fucking in love with Libby Gentry, which was dangerous.

  I'd seen the hotel her friend was getting married at. I looked up the suburb her parents lived in. They were millionaires and I was just a redneck from southern Louisiana. I'd never be enough.

  I shook my head. The best thing was just to end this now before either of us got hurt anymore than we already were.

  I somehow managed to pass out and not wake up until my alarm went off. Maybe it was because Libby gave me a workout in the shower, or maybe it was because I tried to completely shut off my brain.

  Granted, I should have told Libby about the new job, but with her lying on my chest, her blonde hair splayed on the pillow next to me, I didn't want to do anything to disturb her.

  I took another shower, got dressed, and made some coffee all without Libby ever waking up. We had a set of French doors that led out back where the wrap-around porch met our backyard. I opened the door and stepped outside. I had mowed Meemaw's lawn for as long as I could remember. It wasn't a huge yard, but it was surrounded by weeping willows that always provided enough shade so I wasn't dying in the summer heat.

  The sun hadn't risen yet, so the yard was still dark. It was calm. Almost peaceful.

  I had a few minutes before I had to leave for work. I could have started working on something in the living room, but instead I took a seat on the back porch steps and sipped my coffee.

  My eyes trailed to the trees at the end of the yard where the branches slowly swayed. A buck appeared. One of the biggest I'd ever seen.

  It wasn't deer hunting season, but like hell I was going to let something like that go to waste.

  Slowly, I set my coffee cup down and stood up, keeping my eyes on the deer. He barely moved, just bent his head down ever so slightly, then looked each way.

  I kept my eyes on him, creeping into the house, then going in a full sprint to the hall closet where I grabbed my shotgun and a few shells. I ran back out to the back porch, half-expecting the deer to have fled, but he was still there. It was like he was waiting for me.

  My adrenaline kicked in and my hands were shaking as I loaded the gun.

  "Get your shit together, Crabtree. It hasn't been that long since you've shot anything."

  But it had been. I didn't go hunting last fall and I knew I probably wouldn't be again for awhile. This might have been my only chance to get a deer.

  I steadied my arm and aimed for the deer, squinting one eye, and zeroing in on him as I steadied my breath, resting my hand on the trigger.

  One breath in and shoot on the way out.

  In.

  "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

  I shot and missed completely, my breath catching in my throat before I turned around to see a wide-eyed Libby staring back at me.

  I glanced back to see the deer running into the woods, then I looked back at Libby. "Dammit, you made me miss!"

  "Are you trying to shoot a deer off our back porch? What the hell?"

  I turned the safety on and set my gun down. "Yeah. That was at least a five pointer, maybe six. We could have gotten enough meat from him to last us months! We wouldn't have had to worry about food at all when the baby got here."

  She frowned. "Because your first thought was the baby when you shot a giant gun off our back porch? What if it wasn't me behind you? What if our son crawled up your leg and you misfired and shot him?"

  I shook my head and let out a deep breath out of my nose. "Baby, that wouldn't happen. I know what I'm doing."

  She crossed her arms over her chest and kept the scowl on her face. "But you've never had a baby; you don't know what he could do. Hell, we haven't even picked a name for him yet and instead you're off trying to kill him a deer."

  I arched an eyebrow. "What the hell does his name have to do with anything?"

  She groaned and threw her arms up in the air. "Ugh! You don't get it at all! All you care about is what is in it for you when it comes to our family."

  I growled. "What the hell are you talking about? I work my ass off five days a week in the sweltering heat to provide us a paycheck. Then, when I'm not working my regular job, I'm here, working on this house so it's in the best condition."

  "Yeah, and you don't have to be working on the house. You know we could hire someone and have it done within a few weeks."

  I groaned, feeling all the tension build up in my arms and my neck. "And who the hell is going to pay for
us to get in some workers? You? Are you going to use some of your minimum wage paycheck from Dee's shop?"

  She narrowed her eyes. "Maybe I will."

  I laughed, even though it wasn't funny, but I couldn't stop. My chest tightened and I could barely breathe as I bent over.

  "It's not funny! God, you're such an asshole!" she screeched before opening the door and slamming it behind her.

  "Baby! Wait!" I opened the door and followed her, but was only greeted with our bedroom door shutting in my face.

  "Libby...I'm sorry...come on, open up." I knocked, but she didn't answer, so I knocked again.

  I glanced at the time on the big grandfather clock. I had to leave soon, but I didn't want to leave angry. "Come on, baby, at least come out and give me a goodbye kiss."

  Still no answer.

  I waited as long as I could. Even five minutes later than I would have normally left, but she didn't come out.

  "Okay, baby, I'm leaving now. I'll be home around three, then we can talk."

  I watched the door, walking backwards, even pausing when I was on the front porch. But the bedroom door didn't open and I left for work with a very angry wife.

  Chapter 4

  "Man, you look like shit," Jackson said as soon as I walked up to the site.

  "Thanks, man, you don't look so great either," I grumbled.

  He put his hands up. "Hey, just saying, maybe you should try to get some sleep in before the baby comes. Or if you ain't sleeping anyway, you could come out with me and some of the guys tomorrow night."

  I raised an eyebrow. "How the hell is that going to help me?"

  Jackson shrugged. "I don't know, but it couldn't hurt. Ever since you found out Libby was pregnant, you haven't hung out with us once. Hell, even before that you've been so puppy-dog whipped that we barely saw you."

  I shoved his shoulder. "I'm not fucking whipped, man."

  He put his arms up. "I'm just saying, it would be nice to see you once in a while."

  I licked my lips. "Yeah. I'll think about it. Maybe a quick game of pool or something after work at Reesey's."