by Payne, Jenna
“Go to hell.”
“I have to sleep,” he said. My heart leapt in my chest upon his announcement. “You will not try to escape. We are far enough outside of the city that you will never get far enough in the twelve hours of light for me to be unable to get to you.” He walked up the gigantic staircase that must have been magnificent in the house’s heyday. I walked into the parlor that was off of the hallway. I looked through one of the windows, which was boarded up. The sun was coming up in a wash of pinks and yellows, illuminating a long stretch of green grass, leading to a forest, dark against the bright horizon.
We could have been any direction from the city, and any distance. There were woods on all sides of the city but the east, where it was bordered by water. I slid my hands into my back pockets to find one still containing the hunting knife that Mia had given me for backup. Silently, I thanked her as I looked at it. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen, a thick, deadly blade, with one smooth edge and one serrated. It was perfect for punching through a vamp’s sternum. I held it by its sturdy black handle.
From what I had read, if there were any truth in fiction, then vampires were weakest when the sun was at its highest. I sat down on the rickety old sofa that was in the parlor. The stuffing was coming out of it, and although it had once been red, it was faded to pink. I lounged uncomfortably on my side, facing the door, just in case the literature that I was familiar with on vampires was incorrect, and the sun wasn’t a weakening force on them. I put the hunting knife in my back pocket, covering it with my shirt.
I wondered where I would go from here. I was in the middle of nowhere, and my dearest friend was, according to the individual who claimed to have murdered her, dead. I had no one to miss me. What about Garrett? Would he miss me? I thought about it from his point of view. Living unto the ends of the earth, his life stretching on as long as it did, our one night together a flash in the pan for him, even if it had been the most vivifying thing to ever happen to me.
I was too frightened to sleep, although I tried. I kept checking every so often to see where the sun was. Finally, it crept to the very zenith of the sky, lighting the backs of the boards on the windows, streaming through the cracks between them. I left the parlor, following the vampire’s steps up the grand staircase. It was darker upstairs. The boards on the windows in the hall were nailed closer together. I pulled the hunting knife from its sheath, holding it out in front of me in case my kidnapper was waiting for me.
I opened doors, finding empty bedrooms in random states of disrepair. The furniture inside the rooms was in pieces. In one of them, the ceiling had fallen in, leaving crumbled plaster all over the floor. One could see into the attic, where the sunlight filtered in through the holes in the roof. I could hear far away rustling sounds, like birds, taking flight, or mice, shuffling through debris.
He was behind the door at the end of the hallway. It was the last door that I tried, making a small squeaking noise as it swung open on rusted hinges. I was terrified, fear making my pulse race and my palms sweat. He was on his back on a bed with a broken headboard. I walked into the room that smelled of rotting flesh and mold. I wondered if he kept “snacks” nearby. My heart was hammering in my chest. I walked up to the side of the bed, holding the knife over my head. I stared down at him for a second.
He looked so pale, and corpse-like. He wasn’t breathing, I noticed. His hands were clasped over his stomach. I jumped when his eyes opened, and he hissed at me. He reached a hand out for me. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt, tearing it, and raking his nails across my chest. I felt myself bleeding, and I screamed, bringing my hands down, plunging the knife downwards. I missed, plunging the blade down into the mattress, where it was stuck.
He reached for me again, this time grabbing me by the nape of my neck. He pulled me down to him, trying to bite my throat again. I panicked. I had messed everything up, and now, I might not be able to get another chance. I gripped the blade hard, pulling it from the mattress, where the serrated part of the blade kept catching on the fabric.
His teeth descended, and he pulled my neck closer to him, so that he could bite me again. I pulled away from him with all of the strength that I had left, bringing the knife back up again before I yelled, plunging it downward and into his chest.
He let go of me suddenly, and I staggered backward. There was a wet sound, almost a rattle as black ichor oozed from his mouth and the wound in his chest. He was screaming inhumanly, and his body was breaking apart as he began to convulse wildly. He turned slowly to ash as his body drained of ichor, crumbling.
I exhaled, my legs giving way as I realized that I had done it—I had killed a vampire. Garrett would be shocked—a weak, lowly human killing a vampire. I let myself have a moment, breathing heavily.
*****
I stepped outside of the house. It looked to be an ancient plantation house, with a large porch attached. It had once been a beautiful home, but had been neglected by the vampires, and was now well on its way to ruin. I looked up to the sky, closing my eyes and feeling the sun, warm on my face. I was covered in ichor, all over my front, and my arms. But I was alive. I stretched my arms out, feeling the relief and simple joy of it all.
When I opened my eyes, I found that I wasn’t alone. At the edge of the forest, there stood a solitary white and gray wolf, his yellow eyes on me. Garrett ran toward me, shifting to human form as he came closer. He stood three feet away from me.
“I killed the vampire,” I said simply.
“I can see,” he replied. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“I didn’t protect you,” he said. “And I couldn’t get Jessa back.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m stronger than you give me credit for.”
“So I’m learning.”
“Come here,” I said, reaching out to him. He placed his arms around me, and I tucked my head beneath his chin. My ooze-covered shirt stuck to his warm, smooth skin.
“I had no idea,” he said.
“About what?” I asked.
“Mia was in league with the vampires,” he said. “They offered her my head in exchange for anyone that we were sheltering. She had great anger for me so she turned on me. But she’s gone now.”
“Why would she be angry with you?”
“She was in love with me,” he said. “I did not return the feelings. When she saw you with me, she was livid.”
I leaned back in his arms to look at him. Reaching up, I placed my hand on his face. He looked exhausted, dark circles ringing his eyes. He touched the handkerchief that was wrapped around my neck.
“He bit you?” he asked, looking worried.
“Yes,” I said. “I feel weak, but otherwise okay.”
“I am so sorry,” he repeated.
“Apologies are empty,” I said. “Just never leave me behind again.” I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply. He said nothing, returning my kisses. I should have extracted a promise from him.
He took me back to my apartment, where I showered and cleaned the wounds that the vampire had left on me. I let the hot water erase everything from the past forty-eight hours. I walked back out into my bedroom, where Garrett sat, a corner of my sheet covering his lap. He was lounging back against my headboard. His eyes were closed. I dropped my towel to the floor by the door from the bathroom into my bedroom. I walked over to him, wrapping my legs around him. He smiled, not opening his eyes. He let his hands run over me, starting from my breasts, then downward over my hips.
I leaned forward, kissing him, as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I pulled back, supporting myself by keeping my arms encircling his neck.
“Stay with me,” I whispered.
“I will,” he said.
“We don’t have to go back,” I said.
“I do,” he said, looking at me mournfully. “I left my humanity behind long ago.”
“Not all of it,” I said. He laughed bitterly. “Then I’ll come with you.”
“You would give up your human life for one among the werewolves?” his voice was heavy with doubt.
“I would.” I said without any hesitation. “I can’t go back to how things were.”
“You don’t know what you’re proposing,” he said.
“I think I do,” I said. “I haven’t known you long, but I want to be with you, no matter where that is.” His face was dark, sad.
“It wouldn’t be safe, for a human.”
“I’m already not safe,” I said. He pushed a strand of my hair back, and then kissed me gently. I kissed him back, harder, deepening the kiss. He leaned forward, so that he was over me, pushing my body into the mattress. I moaned, feeling his weight, his heat, and the steady beat of his pulse against my skin.
He nuzzled my nose with his own, making me laugh huskily. He then trailed kisses from the delicate skin beneath my ear (being cautious not to touch where the vampire had injured me), and down over my sternum. He took one of my nipples between his teeth, and I inhaled sharply as he sucked it, moaning when he bit it. I wrapped my fingers in his hair, gripping it tightly.
I leaned forward, forcing him with both of my hands to roll over on the bed, guiding him on to his back. I ran a trail of kisses down and over his stomach, watching him respond to me. I placed him in my mouth, keeping my eyes on his as I moved my head up and down. He moaned intensely as I took him deep into my mouth, letting him slide to the back of my throat as he became harder. I looked up at him from where I was, meeting his eyes. He looked at me, his face a mask of hot desire.
I straddled him, guiding him inside of me. I began moving my hips, slowly, up and down, until he was deep inside of me. He placed his hands on my hips, quickening my movements. I placed a hand on his stomach, as I felt strong, in control as I rode him. I arched my back, and he placed a hand on my abdomen, cupping one of my breasts with the other.
He began to rock his hips in order to meet my movements, and our actions began to hit a frenzied high. We were both breathing heavily, crying out, each for the other. He rolled without pulling out of me, tipping me over so that I was on my back. He began to pump harder, as drips of his sweat fell onto my skin. I grabbed his buttocks with my hands, forcing him deeper inside of me. The breaking point was exquisite as we came together. I rolled off of him, hitting the bed beside him. We lay still, breathing heavily, side by side for a moment, and then he took me into his arms. He held me, tight against him. I never wanted him to let go.
He kissed my forehead, and I leaned back to look at him. I brushed back a bit of his hair. Looking into his eyes, I realized that I had found the man for me.
I woke up the next morning in a nest of tousled, sex-rumpled sheets. I looked around me, finding that I was alone. I got up, wrapping myself in a sheet. I walked out into the main area of the apartment to find that it was entirely empty. My heart sank—he was gone. He had left me. On the table in the living room, there was a note.
You are safe here, human. Don’t come find me.
It was offensive in its lack of use of my name and its total lack of allowing me a voice in regard to my fate. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I felt angry and used. He chose time and again to view me as weak. I would find him, I decided. I would figure out which abandoned building the pack resided in. He would never be able to get rid of me.
For several days, I was in a trance. Too sad to move forward, yet full of hope that if I stayed where I was, he might return. I stayed in bed during that time, keeping my eyes closed as I soaked in the sun through the window, imagining that he was there, sitting beside the bed.
Finally, one morning, I went into the living room, and pulled up a map of the city on my computer. I was going to start searching.
I started at the abandoned warehouses in the same district as the one in which Club Walpurgis had met. I reported Jess missing to the police, although I doubted that they’d ever find her. I searched the internet for any sign of Club Walpurgis, finding nothing. I never gave up.
I had more than one reason to find him; however. I began to wake up, early in the morning, sick to my stomach, throwing up. My period never came. My stomach began to round out. I was pregnant. It made me sad.
“I’ll find him,” I promised my growing child. “I’ll find your daddy.”
It took me two months of combing the abandoned warehouses, and when I finally found it, with the tiny shed out in the back, my heart sang. I pushed open the large double doors, looking around eagerly. My stomach sank as I beheld the empty chamber inside. The pack was long gone: the furniture had been taken out, and the tent on the back wall removed.
I crouched down on the floor, tears in my eyes, and I sobbed. It had taken me too long. I regretted those first few days that I had waited for him to return. If I hadn’t waited, then maybe they would have still been here. Finding the warehouse had been my one hope of finding Garrett. I had no hope of finding Club Walpurgis—it was too secretive. Dejected, I held my stomach with one hand, and covered my eyes with the other. I was too caught up in my feelings, so I didn’t hear when Mia came in.
“I’ve been watching this building for a while,” Mia said. “I knew that you’d come here.”
“Mia,” I said, warily.
“I know where you can find him,” Mia said. I stood up, wiping away my tears. I pulled the hunting knife that I still carried with me from the sheath on my hip. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She saw my swollen belly.
“It’s his, isn’t it?” she was utterly defeated; her voice was barely audible.
“What do you want, Mia?” I snapped. “You didn’t hesitate to feed me to the vamps last time.”
“I wanted him to hurt,” she said. “Now I’m a wolf without a pack. It’s the worst thing. Here.” She held out a piece of blue paper. I took it, seeing that it was an invitation to Club Walpurgis. The familiar bronze-colored script made my heart leap.
“When you find them, tell him that I’m sorry,” she said, turning before she heard my response. “Tonight is Lughnasadh. The password is Lupine—like the flower.”
“Mia,” I said. She turned back to face me. “Come with me.” She smiled bitterly and shook her head.
“I can’t be seen with you,” she said. “If the vamps find out I’ve double-crossed them, I will have no one. It’s a long life, you know. Too long to be alone.”
“But long enough to make amends,” I said. “And to be with the ones that you care about.”
“I’ll think on that,” she said, walking away, her hands in the pockets of her dark wash jeans.
I went straight to the address that was on the invitation. When I got there, the sun had set. The woman that was standing at the door looked at me strangely. She was blonde, and her eyes travelled the length of my body.
“Should you even be out?”
“I’m only three months along,” I said. “Baby daddy should be inside.”
“How exciting for him,” she said with a sardonic smirk. “Password?”
“Lupine,” I replied. She nodded, stepping aside to let me in. I entered the building, a large cream-colored townhouse with a gray Mansard roof in the nicer part of the city. It was surrounded by a large, well-kept garden with cypress surrounding it. Inside, the club was well-lit, and people were standing around a punch bowl of cut crystal. The floor was a black and white checkered tile. A huge, impressive staircase led up the back wall of the room to the second and third floors. I noted where everyone was, starting with those nearest to me.
There were vampires, noted from the red light in their eyes, faeries, obvious from the strangeness of their features, witches, who were inhumanly beautiful and cat-like in their motions, and wolves, all of whom were recognizable from my short time among them.
There was, instead of a DJ and electronic dance music, a four-string quartet. The people gathered, both human and supernatural, were dressed in evening wear. I noted several celebrities, and wondered whether they were secretly supernatural.
The two chairs th
at were designated for the high priestess and the king of the werewolves were again on a dais. This time, they were of solid wood, Eavenna’s a pale honey color, and Garrett’s a dark, black finish. My heart leapt at the sight of him, slumped in his chair as Eavenna sat beside him in silence. Eavenna was the first to notice me. Compared to the rest of those gathered, I was under-dressed in a pair of jeans and a roomy t-shirt, my hair gathered in a top-knot. Eavenna leaned toward Garrett, whispering something to him, and pointing in my direction.
His face was one of shock—his eyes were large, and he grew pale. He shot up in his seat, bounding over to me. When he got near, I saw that he had lost weight since I’d last seen him. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, and he looked as though he hadn’t slept in months.
“What are you—” he began before freezing when he noticed my full, rounded belly.
“Mia gave me an invite,” I said. “Probably one of the ones the vampires are using to entice extra ‘food’, but…” I trailed off, seeing that he wasn’t fully paying attention to what was being said.
“Is that…?” Ignoring what I had just said, his gaze was on my stomach. He seemed terrified of saying “mine.”
“Yes,” I replied. “It’s yours.” He looked away from me, with tears in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
“That’s not enough,” I snapped. “You left, and then you never contacted me, not even to check how I was.”
“I thought that, given time, you would choose to return to the human world,” he said. “Choosing this on the strength of a few days, and even after facing a vampire, I thought maybe you would change your mind.”
I frowned at him, placing my hands on my hips.
“I thought that it would be best for you if you weren’t connected to any of this,” he said, gesturing with a hand.