by Payne, Jenna
As the men around him laughed and reminisced about the group event, Logan sat there furious. He knew it was stupid, but he felt something special for Cassie. Now, all he could think of is those eyes looking up at swollen members, ready to take their loads as soon as possible.
Phillip must have noticed his mood change. “Hey, dude,” he said as he clutched his arm gently. “It’s okay, man. She ain’t worth getting upset over.”
“Yeah man,” said Ricky. “She’s a fucking whore.” Logan hated to, but he was starting to believe what they were saying about her. What else would you call someone like that? Logan just sipped his beer and pretended be too stunned to talk. Occasionally, he would join in and tell them what a good lay she was, but it made him sick to his stomach that he would associate with someone like that so easily. When they were sufficiently drunk, Logan and Kevin bid farewell to their new friends and headed back to the dorm. The campus was very quiet at 2 AM, with only a few students walking around. Kevin was deep in conversation about something he was interested in, but Logan could think of one thing: he was determined to never let Cassie get too close to him again.
*****
Freshmen orientation week was so boring that it made Logan want to head to class. His only saving grace was football practice causing him to miss the early morning activities. Still, four hours of bullshit lectures about rules and regulations was enough to drive him up a wall.
Logan arrived at class a little earlier than expected. Since he knew he was not great in school, he made it a point to look good in front of the professor. Especially since this was going to be his toughest class: English. Specifically, world literature. His father used to joke and say that he should not struggle since he speaks the language, but Logan had barely passed any of his high school English classes. He found them incredibly boring and pointless and he knew this was going to be no different.
Logan posted himself in the middle of the lecture hall. Not so far away that he would get distracted, but close enough that he would probably never be called on to share his opinion. He wanted to get in and out as painlessly as possible. However, he soon realized that it was not going to be that easy.
He looked up at the door to see Cassie walking in. Logan was confused, since this was a freshmen level class. His immediate thought was that she was stalking him, but he completely wiped it from his mind. He watched her take a seat at a small desk to the side of the board and take out her laptop. She had large stereo headphones on and was gently bopping her head to the music as if nothing around her existed. He started to wonder if she had just entered the wrong classroom. Logan’s thoughts of Cassie vanished completely once the professor, Ms. McCoy, entered and started class.
“Good morning everyone,” she said. “Welcome to World Literature, I’m your professor, Ms. McCoy. To my right, here, is one of my most talented writers: Ms. Cassie Franklin. She is my teaching assistant this semester and she will be available to assist in your research papers that you will do over the course of the semester.”
Cassie looked up and waved politely at the class. With so many people, it was clear she did not see Logan, but he couldn’t help feeling nervous when she looked in his direction. However, his fears were irrational. What should he have to fear? It was her reputation that was at stake. Logan decided to sit back and try to focus on the task at hand. No sooner had he thought that, Cassie was handed a stack of syllabi for the class and was instructed to pass them out. Logan tried to slump in his chair as best he could as Cassie passed around the syllabi.
His heart beat faster as she got closer. The closer she approached, the better he saw her and began to think just how pretty she was this morning. When she arrived at his row, she passed down the papers and before moving glanced up and locked eyes with Logan. Time seemed to stand still for both of them. Logan felt himself hardly able to breathe until Cassie turned away and continued her job. It was incredible. Like the party, Cassie’s eyes seemed to have a hypnotizing effect on him. He could not help but get lost in her eyes. If she truly did act whorish and slutty, her eyes did not hurt in getting her any guy she wanted.
The class felt like an eternity. Logan could have sworn he saw Cassie staring at him from time to time. He also was getting a strange vibe from her body language. She looked almost on edge, but he knew that could not be. Everything he had been told about her made him think that she was not the type of person to feel uneasy about seeing someone she slept with formerly. When Ms. McCoy dismissed the class, he watched as Cassie darted from the room as quickly as she could. He did not know what was wrong with her, but now he knew that something didn’t quite add up about the story he had been told by Phillip.
Cassie slammed the stall door shut behind her as she began to breathe heavily. She knew that there was a chance she would see Logan again, but she did not think she would have to see him. Out of the four English professors teaching, he chose the one that happened to be her mentor.
Cassie felt sick to her stomach and was almost on the verge of tears. She couldn’t stay in that class with him staring at her the entire time. Perhaps he was trying to figure out if she would be down to have sex once again. It wasn’t uncommon. After the party her freshmen year, Cassie was hit up by every single frat brother of Nu Epsilon; asking her if she would like to come over and “smash”. It disgusted her and for a time she thought about leaving. But how could she admit to her parents that she had done such a stupid thing? So she stayed, haunted by the mistakes of one night.
Cassie closed her eyes tightly as she wished for her body to just disappear and she could be truly invisible. But that would never happen, and the mere thought of that made things even worse.
Every other day, Logan attended class and tried to pay attention to the lecture at hand. His mind, however, kept drifting back to Cassie, who kept track of the notes and graded papers while Ms. McCoy taught. Cassie avoided him constantly, even going so far as to “accidently” forget his paper on Ms. McCoy’s table.
When he wasn’t in class, he was at practice. The knowledge that he had bedded “Nasty Cassie” made him very popular with the football team. They kept saying how good a catch that was and asking all sorts of intimate details: how long did she suck him off? Did she ever give him a tit-job? What about anal? All of these questions made Logan uneasy, but he tried to answer as best he could.
He did not want to tarnish her reputation any more than what it already was, but part of him felt like he had no choice in the matter. These were his teammates and Nu Epsilon could help him with his future. It wasn’t right, but he convinced himself that this was how the world must work.
One day, in his dorm room while he was surfing the net, he stumbled on Cassie’s picture on a social media site. His heart felt heavier in his chest as he opened up her profile page and started to scroll through her pictures. Each picture was incredibly artistic and despite being classified as an English major, she most definitely could have found success being a photographer. Every once in a while, he managed to find a picture of her. It was equally as artistic, but with a hint of sadness. He did find one, however, with her smiling. She seemed to be at a coffee house with some friends. Her hair was as large and fluffy as the brothers of Nu Epsilon described. He realized that this was a picture before the infamous orgy. He stared at her a long while as Kevin approached behind him. Logan was startled when he finally felt Kevin’s presence over his shoulder.
“Jeeze, dude!” he cried.
“Oh, shut up,” replied Kevin. “What are you doing?”
Logan quickly attempted to close the window. “Nothing. Research!” But Kevin wasn’t buying it. He quickly grabbed Logan’s wrist before he could drag the mouse and exit out of the browser window when he saw her.
“Is that her?” he asked. Logan sighed and nodded sheepishly. Kevin smirked. “She’s cute.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man,” he said, offended.
Kevin frowned. “What did I say?” he asked.
Logan turned arou
nd and got in his face. “Look, just because you want the Nu Epsilon guys to like you more, doesn’t mean you have to join in making fun of her!” he cried.
Kevin looked at Logan in confusion. “All I said was she’s cute!” he said defensively. “What’s your deal?”
“My deal?” Logan asked. “My deal is that ever since I first got here, the only thing people seem to want to discuss is me having sex with some random girl who left me in a room after fucking me!”
Kevin’s eyebrows raised. “Wait,” he said. “What do you mean? She… she just had sex with you and then left?”
Logan nodded. “Everyone has been assuming that I left her alone up there, but that’s why I was looking for her at the party. Something was up so I wanted to make sure she was okay,” he said. “And now she won’t even look at me and I have no idea why.”
Kevin sat down on the bed and began to think deeply. “That doesn’t really add up,” he said. “I thought she was supposed to be miss party girl.”
Logan shook his head. “If you met her in a normal situation, that’s probably the last thing you’d think.”
“So why didn’t you say something?” asked Kevin. “You know, when everyone was asking for details.” Logan scoffed.
“Are you kidding me?” he asked. “I didn’t get here because of my brains like you did, Kevin. All my life, I’ve had to rely on my ability to be able to either charm or work around the system. I’m not throwing my future away at the very beginning just because I feel bad.”
Kevin sighed. “That seems a little cold, man,” he said as he went back to his own desk. “But it’s your decision. I’m not going to talk you out of anything.” Kevin turned around and looked at his roommate and friend. “Just know that you can talk to me if you need to.” Logan looked at Kevin surprised. It had only been two weeks since the semester started, but here was Kevin; willing to keep his secret. He already liked Kevin before, but he knew now that he truly had an ally in his roommate.
Kevin, however, did have a point. What Logan was doing was not right, and it demanded to be remedied. He didn’t need to confront his brothers of Nu Epsilon, but there was one person he knew that deserved to be spoken to.
*****
On Thursdays, Cassie was one of the tutors for the writing center, which was attached to the library. Her ability to be invisible seemed to work well, as no one wanted help from the black girl with the almost shaved head. She didn’t mind it, though. After the incident, Cassie was no longer interested in making new friends at school. She had a few acquaintances and a few people she would even study with, but Cassie was the very definition of a loner.
Her head bopped along to the music she was listening when suddenly she tapped on the shoulder. Cassie jumped in her seat and turned around to see the source of her new nightmare’s standing in front of her. Logan smiled awkwardly at her as she slowly lowered her headphones.
“Uhm, hi!” he said. “Remember me?” he asked. Cassie raised an eyebrow. Did he seriously just ask that question? How does one forget who they’ve slept with?!
“Yes,” she said. “Can I help you?”
Logan took in a deep breath. “Well, I was hoping I could see you again…” That struck a nerve. Cassie wanted so much to slap the hell out of him. Acting like they were strangers and that nothing happened between them was one thing, but for him to now hope to have sex was just insulting.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she snapped. “After all, I think we get our fill in class, don’t you?”
Logan’s face turned bright red. “Wait, you think…” Logan took a deep breath. If she wasn’t mad at him, she would have thought this little show was adorable. As it was, however, she found it incredibly annoying. “I’m not trying to ask you for…you know,” he said glancing over his shoulder as if he were in some spy movie. “I was hoping you could help me with my papers.”
Cassie’s face relaxed. It had not occurred to her that he might need actual assistance. Now she was the one with egg on her face. Cassie shuffled a few of her papers out of the way.
“Oh my gosh,” she said. “I’m really sorry. I just thought… I mean …”
Logan smiled sheepishly. “It’s cool,” he said. “I can’t blame you for thinking that way.” He took a seat next to her at the table. She could feel his nervous energy as it mingled with her. Logan took out his notebook and handed to her.
“I’ve been failing my last couple of papers,” he started.
“I know,” she said matter-of-factly. They both laughed sheepishly.
“Right, of course,” he said. “I…figured who better to help me get better than the person who grades them, right?”
Cassie nodded. “Makes sense to me,” she said as she opened his notebook. “What’s your paper on?”
“Sports and Education,” he said proudly. Cassie raised her eyebrows.
“Shocking,” she mumbled.
Logan smirked. “Too much of a cliché?” he asked.
Cassie looked stunned, “What? That the jock chose to write a paper he should be able to write in his sleep?” she asked. “No not at all.” They laughed, but this time there was no nervous energy to it. “Let’s take a look at what you have here.”
Cassie diligently dove into Logan’s paper and it what seemed like no time, she was done reading. Logan looked pleased with himself.
“Well, at least it’s an easy read,” he joked. “And you didn’t even mark it up.” Cassie dug into her backpack and pulled out a red pen. Logan groaned.
“Oh come on!” he cried a little too loud for the library. Cassie smirked as she shushed him, and began to apply corrections.
“It’s not my fault if you’re a shitty writer,” she said. Logan smiled at her, but Cassie pretended not to notice. She still felt awkward about being near him and she had to sit here, she was going to try and get through this cruel and unusual punishment as quickly as possible.
This was not Logan’s first idea in order to connect with Cassie. It was actually his only idea. Trying to catch Cassie after class was not going to work as she seemed to make it a point to either leave class early or engage in private conversations that could not be entered easily.
When the writing center opened, Logan made sure to find out what day Cassie was going to be working and that she would be alone. Fortunately for him, she didn’t seem to ever have tutees. Still, the plan seemed to be working nicely. Cassie opened up to him quite quickly and pretty soon they were talking just as they had before the party. However, Logan could sense that she was trying to hurry him along. If he was going to get to the bottom of this, his window of opportunity was quickly shrinking.
“You’re pretty good at this stuff,” he said. Cassie flashed a cool smile.
“This stuff is my major,” she said. “I better be good at it.”
Logan chuckled. “You sound like my dad,” he said.
Cassie looked at him. “I guess you’re not doing too hot in your own major?” she asked. “What is your major, anyway?”
Logan sighed. “Psychology,” he said.
Cassie raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck are you going to do with a degree in psychology?” she asked.
Logan laughed. “And now you sound like my mom,” he said.
Cassie chuckled. “I’m sorry!” she said. “But you have to admit that it’s a legit question.”
“Look,” he said. “It was one of the career choices they said I’d be good in.”
Cassie nodded. “Ok, ok,” she said. “Well, I don’t know you that well, but I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“Thanks,” said Logan flatly.
Cassie bit her lip. “Hey, you at least have your football.” Logan smiled.
“I’m sure you come to all the games,” he said sarcastically.
Cassie rolled her eyes. “I don’t have to come to all the games to know that you are good. People talk about you around campus.”
Logan nodded. “Well, thanks,” he said. “I mean it.” Al
l of a sudden, Logan’s stomach began to growl loudly. Cassie giggled.
“Hungry?” she asked.
Logan nodded. “I didn’t really eat today.” Cassie stared at him for a moment before checking her phone for the time.
“Looks like my time for today is up,” she said. Logan looked at her wide-eyed, but then glanced at his own phone and noticed that had been there an hour.
“Oh,” he said. “All right. Should I come by tomorrow?” Cassie laughed.
“Yeah, I think that would be a smart idea,” she said. “In the meantime, you need to get some food. You…like pizza?” Logan looked at her aghast.
“Uhm… yeah, I do,” he said. Cassie looked at her phone and pretended to be searching for something.
“I know this cool pizzeria downtown that we can go to,” she said. “I’m kind of hungry too, so…I could go with you if you want.” Logan could not believe what he was hearing, but knew that this was the opening he was waiting for.
“Sure,” he said. “Let’s do it.”
*****
Despite opening up to each other, it was clear there was a lot of ground to cover. Cassie loved to tell jokes with Logan and vice versa, but nothing serious was being talked about. Eventually, the topic of what happened at the party would have to come up.