“It can’t be.” I shake my head, not understanding.
How could nearly three months have passed? It’s been three months since I saw her. Mi corazoncito. Mi cielo bonita. My Leia.
She’s probably done searching for me. She’s probably moved on with that pretty boy, that little malparido hijueputa.
“Sir, we don’t even know who you are,” she adds, her smile fading, her happiness at my surviving growing dim as she realizes just what I survived. She grips the keyboard slightly, almost in fear, almost as if she knows Los Desolados is behind this.
It’s not a secret. They’re notorious for “drop offs,” as Danté likes to call them. They’re more known for their brazen display of dead people. They aren’t scared to show what they do to those who betray them.
“Silas Esparza,” I enunciate, knowing my name is fairly known. It’s not my first stint here, and it’s not unusual for my name to pop up in newspapers and on TV for the crimes I’ve committed. Even if it’s been years.
But she doesn’t falter. She merely shrugs, has me speak to the nurse and fill out the forms. She also lets me know I’m not leaving any time soon.
The same doctor comes back in later, letting me know she called my next of kin. It’s Xo, not my sisters, who I listed to contact before I left Esperanza the first time. There’s no way I would have chanced their safety after the first round of beatings.
When the phone rings later that night, I’m unsure how to answer. Is she going to know? It’s not like I’ve ever told her how much or how far Leia and I have gone. She’s still her mamá.
“Silas!” she nearly screams when I pick up. “Where have you been? Are you okay? What happened? Did someone die? Are your sisters okay? The twins? How could you just disappear and not talk to me?!” Her voice raises with each question, her accent coming out in full, and I can imagine her face is red with her eyebrows nearly touching her hairline.
And it makes me smile.
This woman, the one I’ve been to hell and back for—literally. The one I’ve cared for, protected, and provided for, still cares enough to yell at me.
“Calm down,” I mutter, my voice still hoarse from underuse. “He got to me,” I add.
I wait for her next outburst, but instead, all I hear are heavy sobs. All I want to do is comfort her, so I do. I whisper that I’m okay, that she’s safe, that he won’t hurt her or Leia, that I’m coming home, and that it isn’t her fault. When she’s finally done crying, she lets me know she’s on the next flight out.
But not once does she mention mi corazoncito. Not once does she mention what’s happened. Not once does the awareness of being too late leave my battered body.
I’m coming for you, Leia.
It was perfect.
The entire night filled with our joined sounds of satisfaction. He worked me over until I tapped out. He’s really good with his mouth, his hands, fingers, and even with his body. We never made it to dinner. We barely made it out of the bed the entire night.
He’s everything I hoped for in a partner, yet something is still missing. It’s the piece of me that’s always been saved for him, the man who owns my soul. My Sy.
But I’m trying.
I’m trying to be here for Brax, to soak in the beauty of our relationship, but it’s hard. It’s hard when half of me will always belong to my ghost, the man who will always possess me.
Even if I haven’t seen him, haven’t heard from him or fed my addiction to anything Silas-related, he continues to haunt me.
I’ll dream of him, of his body, of the love he gave me without words.
The love he showed me without promising anything.
The love he offered until breaking my heart.
My body aches as I get up and head for the shower. It’s early morning, and Brax’s sleeping form has me grinning. I stop at the door, turning to openly gawk at him
He’s incredibly sexy. It’s insane to me that I never noticed before. His hair has grown out since we were in high school. It’s more unkempt now. His face has hair, and it gives him an edgy feel. He still has his boyish eyes, the ones that haven’t experienced the horror of lost love. It’s refreshing to see hope in his face. Lord knows I need it. His lips have double spider bite piercings. Those plus the tongue ring and dick piercing make me come in many different ways. The one on his dick, though… Last night was the first time I felt it inside me. It took sex to an entire new level.
Brax started getting tattoos when he started at Sinthe’s shop. Half of his right shoulder is decorated in tattoos of strength and growth that snake around his biceps seductively, which have also filled out in the best ways. His body is covered in muscles, each dip and hump lickable. He’s mesmerizing. I’ve spent the better half of these six months exploring his new and strong body.
Brax might not realize it, but his nipples are his most erogenous zone. I nip and tug on them with my teeth, playing with his little bars, and he’s growling within seconds.
His thighs are thick with corded muscles, and he has his first Viper tattoo wrapped around his upper thigh that snakes all the way around to his calf like it’s squeezing the life out of him. The tattoos, though few, make him look manlier and harsher than before. I enjoy licking them, tracing each line with my tongue.
His eyes open slowly. Then he’s smiling at me, amused with my unabashed ogling. “With the way you’re looking at me, I’m sure you’re ready to fuck again.”
The brazen way he says fuck is unlike it used to be. It’s sure and cocky, making me clench my thighs together to hide my arousal. We don’t have time for messing around. Brax has work and I have early cleanup at the Den.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I tease.
I worry my lip between my teeth. I’m not sure what has changed in Brax, but I love it. He’s freer since we moved out, more carefree and confident. It may have a lot to do with him prospecting, which, I don’t approve of, but it’s a nice change.
“I would,” he growls before throwing off the covers, naked for me, and chasing me to the bathroom.
When he catches me, he squeezes my middle and leans in, nipping the apple of my ear. I squirm in his grip, giggling and ticklish, and he knows it. Soon, the grabbing turns molten, and the bites turn hungry. Suddenly, his cock presses against the crease of my ass, emitting another growl from him.
“Brax,” I whisper.
“I’m going to take you here one day,” he confesses, grinding into me, pushing me to our glass shower. After opening the door, he lifts me, pressing me against the far wall.
“You’re insatiable.” My words come out breathier than the teasing intended, but whenever he’s this close, my voice loses all ability to sound anything but aroused.
“And you’re irresistible,” he rebuts, licking my throat.
His hiked-up leg holds my weight while his free hand grips my pussy. He sinks two fingers in me, causing me to arch upward while holding onto his biceps roughly. My nails dig into his skin as he torments me by avoiding the bundle of nerves between my thighs. He rhythmically rubs himself against me, torturing us both effectively.
“I can’t stop wanting you, Lele. I’ve tried for years, and now that I’ve sunk inside your sweet cunt, I won’t ever be able to stop.”
He gives into me. His thumb circles my clit twice, and my body tenses with orgasm. He swallows my moans with his lips and lashes his tongue against mine, showing his dominance. This Brax… I’ll never get used to him.
I’ve waited over three months since getting back from P.R. to heal, to plan, to come back stronger. To be the man she deserves.
She’s lucky I didn’t march back and take her.
She’s mine. She’s always been mine, and it’s time to remind her.
She moved out of Xo’s. She moved away from me.
When I got back, it took everything in me not to hunt her down and throw her over my shoulder, reminding her exactly who owns her.
But I waited.
I got my life in order, and I m
ade sure, this time, no one could take her away from me.
I knew saying all that shit to her would ruin everything, but I couldn't risk not destroying her. Not with the weight of D’s threats, or worse, Absinthe finally finding out about Xo marrying me being false. He only gave her an inch when she told him we were engaged. But, now, after a grueling recovery from hell, I’m certain Danté’s done with me. There’s nothing left to fear.
I saw it in his eyes even if mine were nearly blind from what he did. He regretted it. His selfishness out-won his mind. That’s what happens when you choose power and money over family. You lose everything.
I won’t make any more sacrifices for them.
It’s my turn to love and have her.
And nothing in this fucking world will stop me.
As I head to the Den, my fingers tap the steering wheel. My nerves are shot, my heart racing unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and since deciding to go, my dick hasn’t softened.
It’s been six months since I’ve had sex and over a year before that. After Leia and I got into a fight and I told her I fucked other women to get her off my mind, I stopped. I haven’t touched another woman since.
She doesn’t even know that I staved off my lust by stroking myself with her in mind. Not once did I fall into bed with another woman. I’m ravenous now, especially with the news that she ran off with that fuckboy.
Braxton.
Once upon a time, I might’ve asked him into bed with me. I would’ve taken them both, him as an added prize and her as the jewel.
But I’ve become greedy, selfish even. I want her. Only her.
And tonight is the first mark in my plan.
I turn into the parking lot of the Den, seeing the line of bikes across the front. My car sticks out almost like a sore thumb, but as I round the back, I see there are other cars there as well. This must be a power thing, having their bikes in a designated area.
Who knows? I’ve only spoken with Absinthe on very few occasions. The biker culture isn’t something I’m too familiar with.
As I park, my stomach buzzes. It has more to do with nerves of finally seeing her rather than the excitement I know I’m bound to feel when our skin finally touches again.
I miss her long and sensual throat, how I could grip it for hours and stake claim on it for as long as I wanted. Or how her thighs would grip my steel length and bring me to pleasure. Her lips, fuck, I miss her lips. Not just for the way she left her mark on me, but for the way they went into a small circle when she screamed my name.
Her eyes. Those, I miss most. The lightest blue that reminds me of the April sky above, how it’s a little stormy, a little lighter, but with hope of the summer.
My cock stirs in my jeans. It’s nearly unbearable.
I’ve missed mi corazoncito more than I’ve ever allowed myself to. I’m willing to be vulnerable now to give her everything and more.
Anything for her.
Anything for us.
Unbuckling my seatbelt, I haul myself out of the car. Taking deep breaths, I rub a palm down my face. Nearby, I hear a whistle and notice someone smoking on the side of the bar. When I get closer, I recognize the girl, or rather, the woman she’s become.
“Pilar,” I say, barely recognizing the girl I’d first met all those years ago.
“Sy,” she purrs, licking her glossed lips. She offers the cigarette to me with a suggestive smirk.
“Don’t smoke,” I reply, stuffing my hands in my pockets.
Once upon a time, Pilar could have satisfied this angry monster in my jeans. She could’ve given me that release. Not anymore. There’s only one woman for me, and she’s inside this bar.
“Aren’t you going to give me a hug?” she simpers, giving me eyes she shouldn’t.
The chill that runs through me isn’t excitement. It’s uncomfortable and wrong.
She places a hand on her hip, waiting for me to be like I once was. It’s not going to happen.
“Only if you can keep your hands to yourself,” I respond gruffly, not willing to let her paw at me.
“Oooh,” she coos, ogling me appreciatively. “Find someone finally?”
“Yes, and I’ll never fuck that up for you to get your rocks off.”
“Hmm. That’s no fun, but I understand.” Once those words leave, she drops her sexed-up doll act and drops the bud onto the gravel, smashing it with her boot. “I’m sorry for that.”
I throw my hands up. “It’s fine. It’s who you always were.”
“You know that’s not true,” she defends, her face scrunched in a somber frown.
“Fine. It’s who you pretend to be because you’re a commitment-phobe with daddy issues. That better?”
She scoffs as if I’ve offended her, but I see it in her face. I’m right.
“When will you stop and give him a chance?” I offer. She knows exactly who I’m talking about. The guy has been pining after her for years.
“I have no clue who you’re talking about.”
“Cut the bullshit for once,” I bark, gripping her chin. “One day, when he’s found someone else and gets married… Imagine that. Fucking imagine him loving someone else, giving her the babies you’ve always wanted, giving himself to her.”
Her eyes darken, and she smacks my hand away. “Fuck you, Silas. Why’d you even come here?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Fuck you.”
“Been there, done that. Next.” I move beside her, planting one foot on the wall while leaning against it. “It’s what I did. Well, almost did. I let my girl go to protect her. Now, she’s moved on, and I’m not sure if I’m too late or just in time to save us.”
“That’s fucked,” she mutters, tipping her head to the sky. “She must be some girl for you to finally keep your dick in your pants.”
“She’s my reason for breathing. The love of my life,” I confess. “It took nearly dying for me to realize I love her. It took too long, and I’ve done some really dumb shit in the meantime.”
“Who is she anyway?” she asks, curiosity in her eyes.
“Leia.”
“L-Leia Soltero?” she sputters, her eyes wide, her face more surprised than I expected.
“Yes.”
“She’s fucking jailbait, Sy. What’s wrong with you? She’s a baby!”
It’s more alarm in her tone than disgust. We both know Deaftone is a lot older than her, and she’s in love with him.
“Shut it,” I hiss, rolling my eyes. “She’s more mature than you are.”
She nods a few times. “Whether that’s true or not, you’re as old as her father.”
“And she fucks me anyway,” I growl, my hackles rising. It’s weird talking about her openly, and my anger probably has more to do with my need for Leia than actual annoyance with Pilar.
“Wow.” She lets out an exaggerated breath. “I had no clue. Does Xo and D know?”
“Yup,” I respond, my lip popping the ‘P.’
“They’re okay with it?”
“Regardless of if they are or aren’t, Pilar, she’s mine, and no one will stop me. Not even you.”
“Down, boy,” she mocks, slapping my chest softly. “Go get your girl before Venom sees you. We both know he thinks you’re with Xiomara and not her daughter. Best yet, Leia and Braxton are together.”
“What of it? He’s nothing.”
“He’s a prospect, Sy. Vipers protect their own, and she loves him. I can tell. They’re good for each other.”
“Fuck that.”
“Hurry up then,” she says cheerily, as if she didn’t plant the biggest seed of doubt in my chest.
Love?
Love?
She loves him? Since when?
I’ve just started my shift when Pilar tells me she’s going to smoke. I roll my eyes. She needs to quit. I swear the more she avoids Bird, the more she smokes. If she’d get her head out of her ass, she might save her lungs. Brax, on the other hand, won’t quit to save his life. I’ve stop
ped trying. It’s like he’s using smoking to ebb something worse away. I’m just not sure what that something is.
“Leia,” Tonto calls out.
I give him what I assume is a confused look, since he never speaks to me.
“What’s up?” I ask, wondering what the hell he could possibly want with me.
“C’mere.” He waves to the booth in the back.
People don’t generally come here this early, so it’s dead. Good thing. Otherwise, I’d never walk away from the bar.
As soon as I sit across from him, I feel weird. Tonto’s gotta be the weirdest prospect in the bunch. He’s always quiet, reserved, analyzing everyone and everything without saying a word. It’s off-putting. Brax seems to like him, which means I can somewhat trust him.
“That man, the one who came into the bar on Wednesday, what did he say exactly?” he questions.
Instantly, my hackles rise. Prospects aren’t privy to information like Bird, Sinthe, and the others. They’re on a need-to-know basis and nothing more.
I stare at him, trying to put on a good poker face.
“Why are you interested?” I ask sweetly, leaning in a little, forcing my boobs to squeeze up my shirt a bit.
His eyes immediately drop to them, and when he licks his lips, it takes everything in me not to cringe and knee him in the balls.
“If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya,” he jokes, but I see it in the flicker that crosses his eyes; he’s not joking at all.
“Oh, come on, Tonty,” I coo, placing my hand on his tattoo-covered one, giving it a little squeeze. I wink for good measure, smiling extra big. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“Well, supposedly, he’s a part of the Audere est Facere.” His eyes twinkle. He’s in awe over some Latin term I’m not sure of.
“What’s it mean?” I feign coy, but I am interested in his loyalties.
“To dare is to do.”
“Wicked,” I reply, playing it cool. I need more information. Squeezing his palm a little, I reach over the table, my belly ring sliding across the surface, my breasts spilling out of my shirt, nearly up to my nipples. “He told me he’s planning a war.”
Always (Cape Hill Book 3) Page 6