Did I hear that right? Suddenly everything I just swallowed is now being flushed out from my mouth and into the table.
My friends pull away in time, and again I’m the talk of the town as all heads turn toward my direction.
Kathy pats my back and ties my hair in a bow. “Let’s go to the nurse. You don’t look too good.”
Good is the last thing I feel. How can Mr. Florentino be engaged? There’s no way this is happening. I need to do something about it.
Later that evening, my mom sits beside my bedside and strokes my hair. She seems more interested in my life now. Perhaps a part of her feels she is losing me and doesn’t want me to grow up. Little does she know all the years of neglect from them have piled up. I feel so awful, especially knowing Mr. Florentino is engaged.
I need to come up with a plan. A strategy to keep Mr. Florentino from marrying his fiancé’. He belongs to me. He doesn’t know it yet, but I am the best choice for him.
“You know when I was about your age, I had a best friend.” My mom shares.
“Had?” I raise my eyebrows. All my life living in Hacienda Hermosa, not once did I meet a close friend of my mom and she never seemed to be chummy with anyone.
“She moved to another country.” Her eyes are guarded and I suspect she’s trying to hide something.
I pretend to be interested. Maybe there’s something I can learn from my mom and why she’s so unhappy. “Why did she move?”
A sorrow look crosses her face. “Her father was a businessman and got assigned somewhere else. I never saw her again.”
It seems like there’s more to what she’s saying. I lean closer. “Did you write her letters? I mean, she’s your best friend, you must have shared a lot together.”
A wave of sadness overwhelms my heart. I may have new friends in school, but I long for a best friend, someone who can understand me and what I went through being alone all this time.
“I wrote her letters but they all came back to me. She must have moved again.” She chokes on her tears. “I miss her a lot. We would go horseback riding, and she’d sleep over here at the house. She was the best.”
This is the first time my mom opened up to me. She always appeared stiff and aloof, yet knowing there was a different side to her who went horseback riding reveals she used to be cool. “What is her name? Perhaps we can look for her.”
She dries her eyes and composes herself. “Her name is Marisol . . . Marisol Suarez. That was a long time ago. No use looking for her now.”
In a split second, my mother is back to the version I know of her, but I’m so pleased she showed me her vulnerability. If she doesn’t want to look for Marisol Suarez, then I will. I’m curious to know who this Marisol is and what she can tell me about my mother. I want to bring back that smile on her face.
Ms. Garcia is bright and early in the classroom and already has instructions written on the board.
“Good morning, class. I’m Ms. Garcia. I’m sure you’re aware that Ms. Lopez will be giving birth soon and needs to prepare for her delivery.”
The class gives a sleepy hello as they settle in their seat.
“I’ve read through the notes Ms. Lopez left me, and I believe she has assigned each one of you to come up with an essay about what you want to take up for college. The essay is due next Monday, so if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
College? I’m just new to high school. How can I think of college? I study Ms. Garcia’s expression, her movements and try to analyze what she has that Mr. Florentino likes. She’s indeed beautiful with her long black hair, glowing skin and matching curves. When she speaks, she demands authority and is confident in her demeanor. The more I look at her, I believe I have less of a chance with Mr. Florentino. My heart sinks like a deflated balloon.
The next classes are like a blur to me. I don’t have Philosophy class today, but I spot Mr. Florentino in the hallway busy chatting with the other teachers. He steals a glance and nods at me. I pretend not to care, when deep inside I’m flattered that he acknowledges me.
The bell rings for recess and Kathy catches up with me. “Hey, I don’t think I can join you for Art class.” Her gaze shifts to the tall guy chewing gum. She giggles exposing her dimples. “I’m going on a date with Mark.”
Mark winks at her.
“You’re cutting class?”
“Sshh.” She nudges me. “It’s not like I’m the only one doing it. Besides. . . ” She winks back at Mark. “I surely think he’s hot.”
I shrug, not knowing what to say. After all, I’m new to all of this. My parents surely deprived me from having fun.
“See you later.” She waves goodbye while I retreat to my next class.
I don’t know how Kathy can miss Art class. For me, working with my hands is therapeutic. Mixing colors and getting lost in the craft is one of the many favorite things I can do. I get to daydream about Mr. Florentino and imagine what it would be like to have our bare hands working on clay to form a pottery.
The bell rings and we break for lunch, but I’m not hungry and the cafeteria is the last place I want to be. I stroll the soccer field until I reach the very end where it’s far from the building. There’s nobody around and the cool November breeze brushes against my cheek.
Squatting on the grass, I close my eyes imagining what it would be like to have Mr. Florentino by my side. Almost all the girls in my school have boyfriends and Kathy is most likely making out with Mark. I’m probably the last virgin alive.
I overheard my father telling my mother that I don’t need to go to college because I’m better off marrying James. They have practically planned my life since birth. Now what the hell am I supposed to write on my essay? That I ain’t going to college because I’m marrying James. People will think I’m a freak again since my family is stuck in the dark ages.
A soft voice interrupts my thoughts. “What are you doing here?”
Rubbing my eyes open, I spot Mr. Florentino standing in front of me. I rise and straighten up my skirt. What is he doing here? “Sorry, I wasn’t in the mood to eat.”
“It’s okay, you’re entitled to do what you want during your break. I just presumed you’d have more fun with your friends.”
Friends? Yes, I do have friends but why am I still lonely? “I just want to be alone today.”
“Lotus, if there’s anything that’s bothering you, then please let me know.”
How can I tell him that I’m in love with him? I don’t even know the meaning of love, but I can’t get him out of my mind.
I’m at a loss of words, but then remember the essay I’m supposed to write. “Ms. Garcia wants me to write an essay about what I want to take up in college . . .” I pause not wanting to continue.
He’s standing right in front of me and I can smell the strong musky perfume that draws me closer to him. I want to get lost in his arms and melt in his kisses but instead I stand still.
“Yes, what do you want to take up in college?”
All I ever wanted to do was work with my hands. I enjoy weaving at the factory behind my parents back and maybe someday I can open my own boutique, but then I remember what my father said about me and begin to cry.
He reaches out to comfort me. “I’m sorry, but I hope you’re not feeling too pressured in school. You’re a straight A student. and I don’t think an essay will be that difficult for you.”
I lean my head on his shoulder so I can smell his sweet aroma then sob some more. “It’s so difficult knowing my parents have other plans for me.”
He embraces me tight then slowly releases. “What do you mean?”
“I overheard my father telling my mother that I don’t need to go to college as long as I marry a rich man. He wants me to marry James.”
“James?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Yes.”
�
��I don’t understand, why would your father want to deprive you of an education? You’re a star student.”
Glancing at my watch, I see that we have ample time to chat. He squats beside me while I narrate my life story.
When I’m done, he shakes his head in disbelief. “And I thought stories like this only existed in fairytales. For crying out loud, this is the 21st century.”
Laughter explodes from my mouth, and I can’t control myself. He joins in and we look like two old friends who haven’t seen each other in years, laughing about the past.
“Seriously, I’m sorry you had to go through eighteen years of your life in solitary confinement.”
“I guess everyone has a crazy story, what’s yours?” I ask him.
“Mine is pretty boring compared to yours. I grew up with three older sisters and one younger brother. It was a riot in the house and we always fought over food. We’d have pillow fights, movie nights with lots of popcorn and our parents often took us to the bea . . .” He stopped when he saw I wasn’t smiling. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to―”
I wave my hands in the air to reassure him I’m fine, when deep inside, I feel like shit. “It’s okay, you were only sharing about your childhood. I have to accept that I’m not like the normal kids in school.”
“Define what’s normal.” He points at me. “Weren’t you the one who shared that normal is subjective?” He reminds me of the first day of school when everyone thought I was a freak, yet that very speech I gave was what made me stand out.
A smile plays on my lips and I realize how much I need him. He’s the only one who understands me. “Thank you for being there for me.”
“Hey, I told you, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. Now back to your essay, despite your parents plans, have you given much thought about what you want to do?”
At the moment all I can think of is working with my hands.
He continues. “Because I think you’d make a good lawyer. You know how to convince people and can win a case effortlessly.”
A wave of excitement arises from within. Here is this man whom I just met, yet he knows me more than I know myself.
“Is it too much to process?” He flashes a grin.
He’s absolutely right, I mean even if I’m good with my hands, I already know how to weave, but a lawyer in the courtroom sounds appealing to me. Plus, that can take me away from home―far from my parents. “I think your idea is brilliant, and I can now write my essay.”
“You need to devote the next eighteen years of your life to what makes you happy. After all, it’s your life and nobody else’s.”
Again, here is this man teaching me to make my own decisions, paving the path of growth for me. How can I ever thank him? “I don’t know what to say.”
“Remember this, Lotus, you’re allowed to think for yourself. You’re allowed to feel and be happy. You’re allowed to plan your future. Don’t hold back.”
With that said, I lost all my inhibitions and jumped to my knees to kiss him smack on the lips, feeling the softness and I wanted to linger at that moment, but I knew the bell was going to ring soon and there was not enough time.
Mr. Florentino looked off guard after I kissed him, but I immediately turned around to head back to class. This was the happiest moment of my life. He is my hero.
The next morning, I turn in my essay to Ms. Garcia with conviction.
“You look extremely happy today,” she says studying my expression.
“I am. Writing this essay was such an eye opener for me. I know what I want to take up in college.”
“Good. Sometimes it’s better to write things down.”
“I agree.”
She collects the rest of the papers, then gathers them together in a folder and lays them on her desk. “I’ll be reading your essays one by one and I’ll make sure to return it to you next week.
For a moment, I don’t envy Ms. Garcia, in fact, I need to find a strategy to use her to my advantage.
I can still feel Mr. Florentino’s soft lips against mine.
The bell rings and I exit the classroom to head to my Philosophy class. I can’t wait to see Mr. Florentino again. Each day brings me closer to him. I imagine what it would feel to be his wife. I’m positive he won’t deprive me from pursuing my dreams. A lawyer and a teacher make the perfect combination.
We settle in our seats as he greets the class. I notice he’s quite jumpy today as beads of sweat form in his forehead and can’t look me in the eye.
“Today I want you all to spend quiet time reading Chapter Four, and after completing the chapter, you’ll need to write your thoughts about it.”
I flip the page to Chapter Four and browse at the topic. Destiny. I glance at my fellow classmates to see what they’re up to. Some of them are yawning while the rest are reading the book. Mr. Florentino smiles at me, and all I want to do is get lost in his gaze. Hmmm, he is my destiny.
To impress him, I immediately dive in and read the chapter. I’ve been reading all my life so have mastered the art of speed reading.
Later at recess, the girls are excited for the high school dance. I’ve never been to a dance before yet. I’m also excited.
“What are you going to wear, Lotus?” Cynthia asks.
“Silly, of course she’s going to wear one of her woven dresses that she always wears to school,” Kathy answers on my behalf.
“Oh c’mon, Lotus, this is your time to shine. Why don’t you wear something sexier and more revealing,” Angela adds. “How the hell are you going to attract the boys if you look so prudent with your outfit?”
They all have a point. Perhaps Mr. Florentino will get to notice me more if I dress up in a mature way. As it is, he probably thinks I’m just a teenager. I need to change that and show him, I too can be a woman he desires.
“I agree, ladies, so when are we going shopping?”
They all shriek in unison.
Later that evening, James and his family are seated at the dining table for dinner. I’m busy concentrating on my roasted chicken, when my mother comes up with a stupid idea.
“Carlos, why don’t we all take a vacation. James and Lotus are doing so well in school and wouldn’t it be fun for James and Lotus to get to know each other more?”
James gets all giddy while I almost choke on my food. “I think it would be better if James and I spend time alone getting to know each other.”
A smile plays on James lips. He looks like he won the lottery, while I just burst out with sarcasm. There is no way they are planning my future and this was my way of showing I can do what I want and please.
My father clears his throat and is about to say something, when a slap lands on my face. The look on my mother’s face is indescribable. “¡Qué bastos eres! ¡Leche! How could you say such a thing?”
My mother likes to mix her Tagalog slang words with Spanish. At times, I don’t know the difference anymore.
“You and Papa keep saying I’m going to marry James after high school, so might as well get it over with because once I marry James, I can guarantee you won’t ever see me again.” I storm out of the table, rush to my bedroom and lock the door.
I dig inside my bag and reach for my essay. Ms. Garcia gave me an A+, but I know I will never be able to fulfill my dreams if I continue to live in this hell hole. I crumple the paper and toss it in the wastebasket. It slips and lands on the floor, but I don’t bother to pick it up.
A couple of hours later, a knock intrudes my thoughts. I don’t open the door but the knocks get louder.
My mom inserts the key and enters my bedroom. She’s careful as she approaches me on the bed. I wrap the blanket above my face so she won’t see me, but she gently pulls it down.
“Why, mother? Why did you lock me up in this mansion for eighteen years? Why did you limit me to see the outside world? Don
’t you think I had every right to view the world with my own perspective? Don’t you even value my dreams and ambitions?”
She strokes my cheek and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry, Lotus. I know your father and I have been very strict, but we only want what’s best for you.”
“Stop saying that. You’re both miserable souls who forced yourself to be together. You don’t care to ask what I want, think or do. All my life, I’ve submitted to all your requests. This ends now. Today, I will make my own decisions and that includes going to college and not marrying James.”
I’m so angry that all the tears continue to flow. How could I have allowed myself to suffer this long?
My mother doesn’t say a word. Instead she picks up the paper on the floor, opens it and reads it. The last thing I hear are sniffles before she exits my bedroom.
This is my first time to go to a boutique with friends and I never realized how picking a dress can cause so much stress and confusion. I’m in awe with the various selections and vibrant colors.
Kathy, Cynthia and Angela giggle as they peruse different styles.
Kathy grabs a black dress with a low neckline and hands it to me. “You gotta try this, Lotus, show some flesh, my dear.”
“This one too,” Angela chimes in as she pulls a short A-line red dress.
The sales ladies are also hovering around me and I’m now the center of attention. My mother never mentioned anything about what happened the night before. Instead, she gave me lots of cash to buy a new dress. I have never been rebellious by nature, but I know it’s time I start living my life.
I try on the dresses and pose in front of my friends who are now my cheering squad.
“I like the black one,” Kathy says.
“No, I prefer the red one.” Cynthia nods at me.
“Ladies, I appreciate your input, but I feel more inclined to wear the red one.” I need some color in my life. “So red it is.”
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