Fire And Ash

by Nia Davenport

  I slam the door shut and he starts the car and furiously drives away.

  And this is why we can’t be friends. Scratch that, this is why it will never work if we try to be more than friends because we can’t even be friends. The thought is more stinging than it should be. It’s nothing new.

  We drive in angry silence all the way back to Cal’s where I left my car parked.

  I slam his car door again when I get out because I know how much he hates it.

  When I get home it’s only Dad and Grandma there.

  Both of them ask me what’s wrong and if I’m okay and I snap at them that I’m fine. I stomp up the stairs and take a shower that is near boiling because standing under the spray of hot water most of the time relaxes my nerves. It doesn’t this time. When I get back to my room my cell phone dings indicating a message came through while I was in the bathroom. I look at the screen. It’s from a number I don’t know. The words Thank you Ash are beneath it. I roll my eyes and put the phone back on the table beside my bed. I climb into bed, try to fall asleep, and then pick my phone back up when the attempt is unsuccessful.

  You’re not welcome. I send the message then fall asleep.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Fireworks

  Of course Derek opens the door when I go over to hangout with Cassie the next day.

  Neither of us speak at first. I look and him and he looks back at me.

  “Hey,” he finally says after a beat.

  “Hey,” I tell him back with more than a little attitude.

  “Ash! Oh my God you will not believe who just texted me!” Cassie comes running down the stairs. She pushes Derek aside and pulls me into the house.

  “Look!” She shoves her cell phone in my face. I assume she wants me to read what’s on the screen but she doesn’t give me a chance to. “It’s from Matt!” She says excitedly. “He wants to know if I’m free to hangout out in Highland Village today. There’s a Labor Day event going on in one of the parks with a couple of local bands from Denver and a fireworks display at the end of the night. He says Brent is meeting up with a girl there who lives in Highland Village and wants to know if I want to go with them.”

  “Sounds like fun. What time are y’all going?”

  Cassie’s excitement deflates a notch. “I haven’t texted him back to tell him I am going yet.”

  “Why not?” If she is so excited about him wanting to hang out with her it seems like her response would be a no brainer.

  “Because it might be weird. I don’t know really know Matt or Brent and I won’t know the girl Brent’s meeting at all. I don’t want it to be weird.” She worries her bottom lip for a moment. Then her eyes light up. “Hey what are you doing tonight?”

  “Umm…nothing,” I answer not sure I’m going to like where things are headed.

  “Perfect! You can come too. That way I’ll have somebody I know with me.”

  “No, I can’t,” I tell her. “I’m not playing fifth wheel to y’all double date. That would be weird.”

  “Come on Ash, please!”

  “You’re my girl Cass, but No. I’m not going.”

  “What if Derek comes too? Then it will be more like a group thing than a double date.”

  “Derek isn’t going to go,” I snort. Derek didn’t even want to come downstairs when she had the party. Cass is the social butterfly. Derek is not.

  “I’ll go,” Derek says surprising the hell out of me. “That is if you’re not still mad at me and if you want me to.”

  I cut my eyes at him. “Yes, I’m still mad at you but if you want to go and I’m going to go then that’s cool.”

  “Alright then I guess I’m going,” Derek says cooly.

  Cass volleys her head from me to him looking at us like we’ve both grown a tail or something. “Wait, did I miss something?”

  I shrug and he does too. I’m not answering her first. I want to see what Derek says. He remains quiet to and I get the feeling that he’s waiting to see what I’ll say.

  Cassie’s eyes go wide. “There is something going on between you too! And it just happened like yesterday after breakfast because neither of you were acting like this during breakfast.”

  I look at Derek and he looks back at me.

  “Derek!” Mrs. Jensen calls from the backyard. “Come here for a second. I need your help with the this water pump.”

  “You can tell her… or not. Either way is cool,” he tells me then leaves the room to go help his mom.

  I get the feeling that him leaving the decision to me is about much more than telling Cassie about whatever we might be becoming or not. He just left the ball in my court to define what we are or might be. What if I’m thinking something and he’s not and then I end up with egg of my face. Or what if I say something to down play things and he’s thinking more but then goes along with what I say simply because I said it. Damn him! I don’t like this.

  “Ash! If you don’t start talking now I am going to shake you!” Case’s voice cuts through my thoughts.

  “Oh umm…” I’ll just stick to the facts. That’s telling her about us without defining us. That’s the safest way to play this. “Derek was at the gym yesterday when I went to teach my class. He stuck around and we went to get something to eat at Cal’s together when it was over. Afterwards, we went to Lake Leeland and took a fishing boat out to the middle of it. We kissed again and I guess we decided to maybe see if we could end up as something more than…um…what we are.” Yeah that sounded totally clear and to the point.

  “So you and Derek are dating now? Or are y’all more like friends with benefits? Or are y’all like boyfriend and girlfriend?”

  “Definitely not the last two but more of the first one I think.”

  “Cool,” Cass smiles. The she furrows her brow. “On second thought I don’t think I like this development as much as I thought I would. I foresee myself ending up as you and Derek’s third wheel all of the time and being forced to watch you two hook up. I don’t know if my eyes can take another round of what happened in the pool Saturday night.”

  “Me either,” he jabs at her as he walks back into the living room from helping his mom.

  Cassie narrows her eyes at him. “Shut up Derek.” She turns her back to him in a huff. “Do you want to go up and help me find something to wear?” She asks me.

  “I’m not going to be good for much,” I say motioning my hand over the pair of ripped skinny jeans and black racerback tank I’m wearing to make my point, “but sure.” Of the two of us, she’s the one with all of the fashion sense. Me, I’m good with a pair or worn jeans and a tank top or running shorts and a tank top or really anything as long as it can go with a tank top.

  “Before you go…” Derek grabs my hand and pulls me towards him. He kisses me deep and thoroughly. “There,” he says after a long moment that was not nearly long enough. “I’ve been wanting to do that since I opened the door. But I didn’t know how well received it would have been considering yesterday.”

  “Oh God,” Cass mumbles off to the side of us. “I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is definitely going to take some getting used to.”

  Derek’s kiss throws me for a loop and her latter words echo my thoughts exactly. Whatever we’ve started between us, it is definitely going to take some getting used to. Especially, if it’s going to leave me feeling breathless with butterflies in my stomach after every time he kisses me.

  ******

  The six of us, Me, Cassie, Derek, Matt, Brent, and his date Andrea lounge around on a picnic blanket Andrea had the foresight to bring along the park. There are people scattered all over the surrounding grass doing the same. An indie pop band from Denver is on the third song of their set.

  “Did you guys hear about Camille on the news?” Brent asks.

  “Yeah it’s pretty wild what happened to her,” Matt responds.

  “I heard about that too,” Andrea says. “Don’t they think she got mauled by a wolf or a coyote or something when she sto
pped because of a flat tire?”

  “Yeah,” Brent says. “It would suck to die in a freak incident like that.”

  “Did any of y’all know her?”

  “Everybody kind of knows of everybody at Laurel Springs but I don’t think any of us was close to her. Camille really only mostly associated with the other seniors.”

  “After those kids from Highland died over the summer, there were grief counselors available at the school for the first couple of weeks for people to talk to about it and stuff. I bet Laurel will have them too when you go back tomorrow.”

  Of the 6 of us, Matt looks the most uncomfortable after Brent and Andrea’s exchange.

  “Is anybody up for a game of touch football?” he says holding the ball beside him in the air. It’s an obvious attempt to lighten the mood and change the subject.

  “Sure,” Cassie says.

  Everybody else agrees too.

  We find an open space on the lawn on the other side of the hill from where the band is playing. You can still hear the music from the stage across the park, but it’s not as deafening. There also aren’t as many people farther from the stage. Most of the people on this side of the park are engaged in various activities instead of sprawling out on the grass. A few people are roller blading on the concrete trail that circles the park, there is a group to our right playing ultimate frisbee and another one to our left kicking a soccer ball around.

  We end up playing guys versus girls after Matt makes an offhanded comment about how doing so would be unfair, Brent follows it up by saying it would be too easy, and Derek agrees saying the game would be over before it began.

  Oh it was so on.

  Derek is my assigned man and I smile sweetly at him every time Matt hands the ball off to him or Brent throws him the ball. It’s the same smile I gave him in Mick’s gym when I almost broke his nose. He is quick but I’m lighter and therefore more agile. Whenever he fails to avoid contact with me I make sure my touch is forceful enough to elicit a grunt from him.

  The guys end up winning but only because they knew the rules of the game a little bit better than us. But Derek should have a nice sore spot on his back and in between his third and fourth ribs and that’s a victory for me. That will teach him to be sexist.

  “Next time we’re in the ring at Mick’s I owe you one,” Derek says as he rubs the last touch he took to his abs.

  “You can try,” I throw his favorite phrase at him.

  When the sun sets we all find a spot on top of one of the taller hills in the park and wait for the fireworks to begin. Cassie and Matt leave to find pizza among one of the food vendors crowding the park before they start. Brent and Andrea disappear too under the guise that they are going to look for the restrooms.

  “So I’m…um…kind of new at this,” I admit to Derek while we are alone. “Tomorrow at school what are we?”

  I am glad we are sitting side by side on the hill because he can’t see the extent to which my entire face warms when I ask the question.

  “The same thing you told Cass. We’re dating.”

  “Oh okay.” Hearing him say it makes me feel the same butterflies I do when he kisses me. Then I remember his parade of random girls over the summer and the butterflies turn into a heavy rock.

  “Derek?” I say still looking straight ahead and not at him. Though I can see him out of the corner of my eye and he is definitely looking at me.

  “Yes?”

  “You know I like to play with sharp and pointy objects right?”

  “Mmhmm. I’m pretty sure you’ve threatened to stab me a number of times.” Good. I’m glad he remembers.

  “Well if you think we’re going to date and you’re going to be like you were over the summer it won’t just be a threat. I will stab you and possibly them.”

  I see his lips twitch in my peripheral. “I figured as much. I have no intentions of ending up like that wolf last night. I like my eye not having a knife thrust through it just fine. When I die, it will regenerate good as new but it would still hurt like a bitch.”

  “Just making sure,” I say swallowing a smile.

  “What changed?” I ask next figuring I might as well go for broke while I’m on a role.

  “Actually, nothing.”

  The response catches me off guard. I turn to face him straight on.

  “After Saturday and even more so after Sunday I figured why continue to fight it? I know what you are, you know what I am, and you’ve turned out to be not at all what I initially assumed.”

  Fireworks start going off in the background, but I don’t turn my face up to look at them. My focus remains on Derek. He is exactly what I assumed him to be. He can be abrasive, he is always arrogant, and he is at times completely obstinate. But he also has a sense of duty about him and an unwavering loyalty to it and those he feels it is his duty to protect. Since I’ve met him I’ve seen two sides to Derek. The side he showed me initially and the person he is with Cass and his Mom. The latter Derek is the one I am finally getting to know. They are both intriguing. Together, the two sides make Derek wholly unique.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  More Monster or More Human?

  School isn’t as somber as I thought it might be on Tuesday morning. The seniors who were close to Camille mourn her death but other than the few “that is so messed up,” or “I feel so bad for her friends,” comments that I overhear in passing all most people are talking about is Cassie’s pool party over the weekend and how the hot new guy Derek hooked up with Becca’s friend.

  I’d become used to and even comfortable with being known as Becca’s friend instead of Ash over the years. She was the social one, I wasn’t. Neither was Miranda when it was the three of us. We were both perfectly happy keeping to our little trio. When it broke a part Miranda changed but I didn’t. It’s not that I’m shy like Casey Carmichael or socially awkward, it’s just that I’m the type of person who would rather have a few real friends who genuinely know me than a lot of fake ones who don’t know a thing about me.

  “Is Victor Frankenstein’s creation more Human or more Monster?” Mrs. Peters poses the question to class after we take a quiz over Mary Shelley’s book we were supposed to have finished reading over the weekend.

  “More Monster,” I say. “It’s evidenced by the sheer number of innocent people he kills.”

  Derek snorts beside me.

  “Do you have a different opinion Mr. Jensen?” She asks him.

  “Yes, his creation is a murderer but he kills out of rage that is caused by his creator giving him life and then abandoning him. His kills could be considered crimes of passion, a very Human thing to do.”

  He makes a good point. I grudgingly concede to it.

  I scowl at Derek as the bell rings and he slides his butt on my desk.

  “You’re a sore loser you know that,” he grins down at me.

  “I am not.”

  “Really?” He says arching a brow at me. “How’d you react yesterday when I beat you at football or how many times have you tried to break something of mine in the ring when I’ve already clearly bested you by subduing you.”

  My scowl deepens. “Whatever Derek.”

  He grins wider touching his finger to my nose. “You’re cute when you frown.”

  I forcefully hit his hand away. “I am not cute. Ten year old girls are cute.”

  “Yeah that’s right. Ashley Jacobs is a badass,” he drawls in response. I can see the mirth dancing within his eyes. He’s teasing me.

  “Don’t patronize me,” I say shoving him off my desk.

  If he were anybody else he would have lost his balance and landed on his butt. But Derek’s reflexes are too quick. He shifts his center of gravity and gracefully catches himself on his feet.

  “Nice nice,” he laughs then slings an arm around my shoulder when I stand.

  When I try to shrug out of his hold he tightens it and pulls me closer to his side.

  “I figured I’d walk you to second period.”


  I elbow him in his ribs, but gently. “I don’t think the gesture means the same thing Romeo when you are headed to the same place yourself.”

  “Sure it does,” he scoffs.

  “You do realize,” I can’t help but to point out as we walk down the hall, “that the last time we were like this, we’d just tried to kill each other at Mick’s and you were purposely bearing down on the bruised shoulder you’d tried to wrench out of its socket.”

  Derek doesn’t look the least bit of ashamed or guilty at the reminder. “I didn’t like you very much then.”

  I bark out a laugh. “You didn’t like me at all.”

  “Says the girl who elbowed me hard in the ribs she’d tried to break.”

  “You deserved it. In fact I’m tempted to do it again just thinking about how badly my shoulder ached for a week.”

  I pretend like I am going to and he shifts his torso out of my elbows reach laughing as he does.

  He stops walking and looks down at me. His eyes say I like you now.

  Mine say I like you now too.

  Our lips move together and everything else around us fades into the background.

  Cassie makes a nauseated noise beside us.

  “Aren’t you about to be late to class,” Derek tells her still moving his lips against mine.

  “Aren’t you two?” She bumps Derek out of the way.

  The warning bell rings interrupting what she is about to tell me. “Nevermind. I’ll tell you in third period.” She cuts her eyes at Derek then flounces away.

  ******

  “So what I was trying to tell you in the hall way-“

  “Miss Jensen,” Hamilton stops his lecture to call out Cassie for talking during it. “Would you and Miss Jacobs like to share what you are discussing with the rest of the class?”