Jerry stood. Arthur took the cue. They went to the hallway to allow Ms. Kingston to consider their new offer.
They stood by the water cooler. Arthur asked, “You think they’ll take the deal?”
“I can’t imagine they would try to counter.”
Five minutes later Ms. Kingston came out and said, “Well played, Jerry. You’ve got a deal.” She shook his hand and Arthur’s and said, “You were a little hard on my client. It was probably good for her.”
Arthur gave her a grin. Ms. Kingston didn’t seem so scary when she took off her game face.
CHAPTER FORTY
President Grosvenor wore the suit his wife had custom made for him in London. The cobalt blue tie gave him a sense of invincibility though his face told a different tale. He could hear the chants from both sides.
Two hours before, at the president’s request, the head of campus security had requested help from the town’s police chief. Because Grosvenor anticipated a crowd, the hearing had been moved to the main auditorium with a capacity of four hundred. Every seat was taken thirty minutes before they were to begin.
Outside, all the major networks had crews on hand. At least two dozen local outlets from around the state were in the mix, too. It was estimated that at least 3,000 students split about 60 – 40 in favor of putting Arthur’s head on a stick. The chanting was great for B-roll, but it grated on Grosvenor’s nerves.
Mary was huddled in a corner with her two staff adjudicators who had been selected for their mental acumen and unwavering belief in kissing her butt at all times. All three demonstrated an unwillingness to make eye contact with the president.
Grosvenor cleared his throat with an authority that would have made Churchill proud. Mary excused herself from the others.
“Glad you could make it, Jonathan.”
“Is this how you imagined things going?”
“I’ll admit it’s better than I could have hoped. The article about the lawsuit was a bit of luck. We will be rid of him before you can say lickety-split.”
“I would never say that. Are you at all concerned about the reaction from the students?”
“There are more on our side than his.”
“Oh really? Have you looked at the “Burn Arthur at the Stake” crowd?”
“What do you mean?”
“They don’t look like students. I’m not sure where they came from but it wasn’t the dorms.”
“It doesn’t matter. It will all be over shortly. I think you’ll enjoy watching his head roll.”
“Someone’s head is going to roll today. That I can promise you.”
President Grosvenor left Mary to consider the stakes. He took his seat in the front row.
***
Arthur and Jerry got out of the blue Cadillac Jerry had hired. The media pounced and hurled questions at them as the security forced a path to the stairs. It was slow going.
Robert slipped from out of the crowd, climbed the stairs, and shook Arthur’s hand. Jerry reached out to open the door, stopped, and turned around. He raised his hand, and silence fell over the media. The protestors, both for and against, kept yelling.
Jerry said, “As you know, we are here for the hearing regarding Dr. Arthur’s Byrne’s alleged breaking of the morals clause. I’m confident that the fair and impartial committee will use their considerable intellect to look through the rumor and innuendo to see the truth shining brightly on the other side.”
Arthur resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the verbose statement to the press.
Jerry continued, “Of course, you have many questions, and I’m sure there will be even more after the hearing. We intend to address them at that time.”
The yelling exploded again, but Jerry didn’t take the bait.
***
The tables were set in an inverted “V” shape. The one on stage right was longer and had a linen on it. Arthur and Jerry were shown to the smaller, uglier table. It had a single microphone while the other table had three and one gavel. At center stage was a lectern.
Arthur surveyed the crowd. All his TAs were sitting together. Wen smiled and gave him a quick double thumbs up. She was adorable. Kurt and Lawrence looked worried. A. was playing with his phone and Susan mouthed “good luck.”
The appointed time arrived. Arthur saw Mary peer out at the crowd from back stage. She made everyone wait five more minutes.
The audience was at full murmur when Dr. Weaverson, Mr. Evans, and Mary filed out from behind the curtain. Mary’s first expression was surprise when the crowd erupted in both boos and cheers. It was followed by a look of uncertainty but only for a moment.
She took the lectern and said, “If I could have everyone’s attention.” She waited, but the yelling continued, so she added, “Please, may I have some quiet.” There would be no quiet.
Someone yelled, “You’re a hag!” There were post-jeer snickers. Arthur smiled.
Dean Mary Shingle raised her voice and said, “We are going to begin, and I need every one to settle down.”
When they did, she continued with a prepared and far too lengthy monologue about the history of the school. She wielded the words “quality, honor, and responsibility” as if they were holy relics from the Crusades.
Arthur mentally noted three brilliant retorts that he would save for later. As she blathered on, he considered whether they could be woven into his current novel. It seemed plausible. His mind soon wandered far away from the ridiculousness that was going on before him.
As his mental voyage drew to a close, he noticed President Grosvenor for the first time. He was sitting in the first row but on the same side of the auditorium as their table, so Arthur hadn’t seen him. Grosvenor seemed to be tiring of the history lesson.
Mary wound down her introduction and said, “And so it is with heavy heart that I call to order this hearing to discuss Dr. Byrne’s future as a member of our faculty.”
Silence hung over the auditorium as she walked back to her table. Arthur was surprised. He expected either cheers or jeers, possibly both, that the proceedings were proceeding, but most of the crowd seemed to have lapsed into a coma during her remarks.
Upon sitting and striking her gavel Mary said, “We shall now begin. For the record, Dr. Byrne, will you please introduce the person sitting with you.”
Jerry said, “I can introduce myself, thank you. I’m the attorney representing Dr. Byrne in this hearing and all future suits that arise from this point forward.”
Mary looked perturbed and shot back, “I addressed Dr. Byrne! You will get your chance, sir.”
Arthur said, “This is Jerry. He is my attorney for this hearing and all future suits that arise from this point forward.”
A few people chuckled.
A woman had appeared during Mary’s opening remarks and now sat at the end of the table taking notes.
Mary said, “Well, then let us begin. We are here because of a lascivious photo of you and a partially naked woman that ran in the school newspaper. You were cavorting with students in a public drinking house...”
Jerry interrupted, “Neither of the women pictured are current students.”
Mary shot back, “I’ll thank you to wait until it is your turn to speak, sir.”
Arthur whispered to Jerry, “Who says ‘public drinking house’?” Since he was on stage, his voice carried. Those within earshot laughed.
Mary’s face turned red, but she continued, “The photo, on its own, probably warrants no more than a reprimand and a warning. Sadly, the recent revelation that you have been accused of sexual harassment by a former subordinate and that your proclivity for unacceptable behavior is going to be exposed in a court of law and, no doubt, subsequently rehashed on the TV news stations across the country leads me to the conclusion that...”
Arthur said, “Brevity is a lost art?”
The pro-Arthur crowd exploded in cheers. Many of them stood.
Mary banged her gavel repeatedly, which only made them cheer louder.
His supporters quieted.
Mary started as soon as it got quiet but couldn’t remember where she had left off. She looked at her notes. It was obvious she had written out every word.
Arthur said, “You were about to say I should be dismissed?”
Mary blushed and said, “Yes, but...”
Arthur asked, “I’m to be given a chance to make a statement on my behalf according to the by-laws, correct?”
“Yes, that is correct. You may proceed Dr. Byrne. Then we will give our ruling.”
Arthur waved off the smattering of boos. The anti-Arthur crowd seemed to be saving themselves for the verdict. “Neither woman pictured was a current student. I believe both of them are here today. Would you stand?”
Cheryl and Crystal stood.
Arthur said, “Please state for the record. Are either of you students?”
They both said, “No.”
Arthur continued, “Cheryl, in the aforementioned picture that ran in the student paper, you are sitting on my lap, and your blouse seems to have opted out of the photo shoot. Could you explain the events leading to that image being taken?”
Cheryl said, “I had been drinking...a lot.”
The crowd laughed and someone yelled, “Show us your tits.”
Mary looked up and banged the gavel so hard that it broke.
Cheryl said, “Maybe later. Anyway, before the photo was taken I was standing next to the table pictured. Dr. Byrne and I were having a conversation about music. Some guy grabbed my butt. I turned around and slapped him. His girlfriend threw beer at me, and it soaked my blouse. Dr. Byrne stepped in and stopped me from kicking her ass.”
More cheers.
Cheryl continued, “So, while he was standing between us, I took off my shirt, which was see-through after it was soaked anyway, and I threw it in the skank’s face. It continued to escalate, but Dr. Byrne calmed every one down, and the fight was avoided. After he sat down, I yelled something about him being my hero and threw myself on his lap and gave him a kiss. It was all quite innocent, well except for me wanting to kill that...”
Mary said, “Yes, that will be quite enough. Thank you, miss, you may sit down.”
Arthur asked, “Can the committee see where it was all just a terrible misunderstanding?”
Mary sat motionless while Dr. Weaverson and Mr. Evans nodded. Arthur guessed that Evans and Weaverson were hoping the witness might show everyone her tits...in the interest of justice, of course.
Arthur said, “The alleged...you forgot to use that word on the record, if I recall...”
Jerry nodded and said, “Yes, she did. It was somewhat inflammatory the way she described it.”
Arthur continued, “The alleged sexual harassment case doesn’t exist.” Arthur looked at Crystal and gave a nod.
Crystal stood and said, “I’m the woman who was sitting next to Arthur in the picture, and it was I who filed the suit, but I’ve since withdrawn it. He never harassed me. That reporter,” she said pointing to Rebecca who was in the third row just behind President Grosvenor, “kept badgering me to do it. I never wanted to, and I knew it was a lie, but she said I would get lots of money.”
The woman taking notes was writing furiously. Her pencil could be heard scrawling on the pad. Not a soul moved.
Crystal said, “I’m sorry. I apologized to Arthur, er, Dr. Byrne, this morning. There isn’t any lawsuit, and there never should have been.”
Lawrence yelled, “Free Dr. Byrne!” It turned into a chant. The feminists shook their collective heads in disgust and started to file out.
Mary reached for her gavel, but the head had rolled off the table, and she had nothing to pound. Arthur’s fans were now on their feet chanting. Though Mary tried to talk over them, it just didn’t matter.
President Grosvenor crossed the stage and stood before the lectern. He said nothing. The chanters sensed they were about to get their victory and fell silent.
Grosvenor said, “It is clear that the suspension was a terrible overreaction. I would like to offer you an apology on Dean Shingle’s behalf.” He looked down, bent over, picked up the head of the gavel and said, “This review is over. Dr. Byrne, you are reinstated.”
The TA’s began to clap and cheer and everyone followed suit, except the panel and Rebecca.
President Grosvenor walked to the table where Mary was packing her notes. He shook his head and said, “I’d like to see you in my office on Monday.” Before Mary could say anything, he dropped the gavel head back on the floor and walked off stage left.
Arthur looked at Robert who was sitting near the back. Robert gave him a nod and a broad smile.
Arthur yelled, “Who wants to go to Edgar’s Pit for shots? I’m buying!”
His students, many of whom were tweeting the results, were more than willing to go to Edgar’s. Dr. Byrne’s offer was later known as the “Shots Tweeted Round the World.”
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
Outside the auditorium the media waited for their sound bite.
Arthur let them quiet down and said, "I'm pleased to get this whole misunderstanding sorted out."
One reporter yelled, "Will you be pursuing any further legal action?"
Jerry said, "We are considering all of our options but have no further comment on the actions of any media outlets that may have libeled my client."
Another reporter asked, "Do you feel vindicated by today's results?"
Arthur said, "Yes. I'd rather focus on the future than worry about the past...two weeks." He looked at Robert and smiled.
The next volley of questions were ignored.
Robert stepped forward and said, "Today, we are pleased to announce that Arthur Byrne has signed a one-book deal for his new novel."
A one-beat pause was followed by a cacophony of questions. Over the next fifteen minutes Arthur and Robert hinted at the plot, discussed his long absence, and revealed that the advance was in the low seven figure range.
Susan, who had built up a nice following on her blog, was the first to get the story of Arthur’s new book deal out. It went viral, and her subscriptions grew by nearly eight thousand over the next few days.
A. started dating Susan. Arthur never did learn his real name or give him any additional letters.
The crowd at Edgar's Pit became a massive social media meeting. Everyone worked their smartphones, laptops, and iPads overtime. People wanted to hear about the new book, which Arthur gladly described in as much detail as he could. Robert had asked that he not give too much away.
Much less binge drinking occurred than one might have imagined. The bar manager gave away hot wings all night long. At least a dozen people wrote blog posts. Arthur declared that they would all be getting extra credit in SM 301.
Arthur sat in the booth where the problems had started. Wen sat next to him, her laptop open, and said, "You need to start answering some of your tweets."
Arthur put his arm around her and said, "What are these tweets you speak of? I'm a wordsmith. I can't be bothered with such trivialities."
Wen elbowed him sharply in the ribs. "It wasn't a request, bub." She swung the computer so that the keyboard was within Arthur's reach. "Here, I've got Tweetdeck up. It is logged onto your account, so go."
"I don't think this social media stuff is going to catch on."
"You may be right, but there are almost three dozen people congratulating you on your new book." She gave him a look that was three parts scary, one part cute as a button, and one dash of pending celibacy.
Arthur shivered a little, ordered a scotch, and typed, "Thanks, I appreciate it. I've been away too long. I hope I can still craft an interesting tale." He hit send.
Wen nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Keep going."
A young man two tables over yelled, "I got a reply from the famous author Arthur Byrne on Twitter."
Everyone laughed.
Across the bar, in a quiet booth, Emily and Eric were midway through their second pitcher when they stopped kissing long enough to get back together.
Somewhere around midnight Wen let Arthur stop with his correspondence. Lawrence was sober and offered to drive Arthur home. Wen came along, too.
Kurt and his boyfriend were outside the bar smoking. He gave Arthur one last congrats on his triumph.
***
Wen came out of the bedroom wearing one of Arthur's tee-shirts. "Are you coming to bed?"
Arthur sat at his typewriter staring at a blank piece of paper. Next to him sat the completed manuscript. "You know the irony of all of this?"
She kissed him on the neck and said, "No."
"I was trapped here. Other than playing with Maltese some each day, all there was to do was write. I don't think I've ever been so productive. Even the drive to New York gave me time to figure out the rest of the story."
She rubbed his shoulders and said, "What are you going to put on that blank piece of paper? And why don't you use your computer?"
"I don't use the computer because I like the sound the Underwood makes. As for this white space, it doesn't haunt me like before. What Robert didn't mention is that there is a second, secret book deal."
Wen sort of hugged and wiggled onto his lap. "I can keep a secret."
"You promise."
"Cross my heart."
"Well, I've always wanted to know if I could do it again."
"What?"
"Write a book that people would buy."
"Didn't you just do that?"
"Yes and no. The book will sell because of all the attention I've gotten. There will be people who liked the last one and some new folks, but what I want to know is if I can sell a book as someone nobody has heard of."
"I don't understand."
"The secret book deal is for a manuscript under a pseudonym."
"What a fun idea. I'm sure it will be great."
"I'm going to need to do all the marketing, probably use that social media stuff all the kids are talking about, and do it anonymously. I might need some help."
Underwood, Scotch, and Wry Page 16