by Parker, Ali
Over the last five days, I’d analyzed my relationship with Olivia a million times. She was the core cause of all the other failed relationships in my life. I could almost pinpoint the moment in each where I realized the girl wasn’t anything like my first love, and I would kick her out. It was almost pathetic how often it had happened over the years.
“You’re a really good guy.” Annie sat down in the chair in front of my desk and brushed her hair back as if trying to get the stray hair to rejoin the others in her bun. “What’s going on? You’ve been a little off your game all week.”
“Have I?” I had no emotion to offer to the conversation, but I needed perspective. Though Annie might not be the best person to help me get it, she was the only one that got into the office before eight. Lucky her.
“Yeah. Did something happen over the weekend that you’re not sharing?” She lifted her eyebrows and studied me.
“No. Yes. Maybe.” I ran my fingers through my hair and got up, walking over to my filing cabinet and fingering through a few files. “I just heard from a good friend that my high school sweetheart was doing really well. She’s got a great career and a guy that isn’t the best, but he’s an okay dude. He’ll take care of her for sure. Financially at least—and physically.” The word coming out of my mouth felt like a kick to the gut and I hoped Annie didn’t detect the sour note in my tone. It was hard to think of not having Olivia. It was harder to think of Luke having her in intimate ways. “I don’t know. I just—”
“Feel cheated?” Annie asked.
“Yeah. Big time.” I paused with the tips of my fingers lingering on the file tabs in the drawer and hung my head. “She was supposed to be mine. Forever.”
“You’re such a softie. Where is that guy in the middle of the staff meetings when Luke is raining terror on everyone? You’re always there for us, Caden. One of these days, a girl who appreciates that is going to come along and you’ll forget all about this high school sweetheart of yours. I don’t know what we’d do here without you. Luke would bully us all into submission, I suppose.”
I laughed and pulled out the Parkmount account file. “You guys deserve that shit most of the time, and you know it.”
“True.” She stood up and didn’t bother to fix the hemline of her skirt, which had inched a little higher up her milky thighs. The girl was not secretive about the fact that she wanted more from our working relationship. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she felt the same way about Luke. But ever since she’d found out he had a girlfriend, she’d backed off. A little. “I’m here if you want to talk or if you need anything.”
Talk? No. I wasn’t interested in getting into the details with Annie. I didn’t want to be too forthcoming and risk her finding out the girl I was pining over was Luke’s Olivia, the girl of his wildest fantasies. The girl who would be working with us and inevitably saying I do while I stood over Luke’s right shoulder as the world’s most defeated and heartbroken best man of all time.
The thought alone made my stomach try to climb up my throat and out of my mouth.
God. How was I going to get through this? How was I going to pretend that all of this was normal? What were holidays going to look like? Would all of us head back to Houston for Christmas? Would I sit across the table from her and Luke at all family dinners and events while they held hands and whispered sweet nothings to each other?
And what would happen when they decided to have children?
I nearly swayed on the spot.
Annie rapped her knuckles softly on the doorframe as if to remind me she was standing there. “Caden? Are you sure this is all just about some girl?”
I swallowed in a desperate attempt to settle my stomach. “Don’t worry about me, Annie. Just having an off day. I appreciate your concern.” I offered her the most genuine smile I could muster. “I do need you to book me a flight and hotel stay for a night in Houston. I’m leaving next week.”
“A date would be helpful.” She smirked.
“True. Let me talk to Luke when he gets in. His new advisor might be going with me.”
“You mean his woman?” She shook her head and walked to the door. “Someone needs to tell that poor girl that he’s not exactly on the up and up with his sexual dealings.”
“What?” I half-choked on a laugh. “And how would you—wait. I don’t want to know.”
“No, you don’t. Better to leave the past in the past.” She wagged her eyebrows and walked out, closing my door behind her.
Annie? Really? Who else was my brother sleeping with? And was he really sleeping with someone while dating Olivia or were his exploits in the past? I had to know. She had to know. Where I couldn’t honestly fathom anything happening between the two of us, I wanted it so fucking badly I could almost taste it. Perhaps that was just the bile in my stomach.
But either way, she needed to know if Luke was sleeping around on her. Nothing could be worse to find out on her own.
“Except having someone you love tell the whole fucking high school that you have a shrimp dick and were the worst lay in the universe and she only fucked you because she felt sorry for you.” Anger burned through me at the memory of the day after we’d lost our virginity together. I was on cloud nine and more than sure that we would get married right after college. I’d planned on proposing at our graduation party, though she would give me hell for getting the ring, but no, I wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
Or she was a great liar.
“Bitch,” I muttered under my breath and dropped down into my chair. I was more angry with myself for diving back into the memory than at her for ripping me to shreds with her rumors. She’d never been the kind of girl to do something like that, or maybe I just didn’t know her at all.
I grabbed my phone from the desk and flipped through the numbers, looking for Jake. I could talk with Jeremy, but honestly, the last thing I needed was him slipping in front of my brother and spilling the truth. That would be a conversation that I’d rather not have.
Luke wouldn’t understand. And I didn’t expect him to. Olivia was part of my past, and now she was his future, and some way or another, I was going to have to figure out how to manage that truth.
“Hey, man!” Jake’s voice caused my lips to lift in a smile.
“Hey, Jake. How are you, old friend?” I leaned back in my chair and let my angst drain away.
“Better now.” He laughed. “What are you doing besides ruling Wall Street?”
“I’m actually going home for an extended weekend next week.”
“Oh shit, really? I’m actually home all week next week too. Paw Paw is turning a hundred. Scary, man.”
“Wow. A hundred?” Where had the time gone? When was the last time I’d even managed to get back to Houston and the friends I had there? When was the last time I’d bothered to visit my old man? “That’s great. Let’s see if we can’t get together. I’ll give you a buzz next week and we’ll set something up.”
“Sounds like a plan to me. If the dates work out, you could tag along for the party. I mean, Paw Paw probably won’t recognize you. But then again, he hardly recognizes me on a good day. But some of the family would be there and I’m sure they’d be thrilled to see you again. It’s been what? Three or four years?”
“Sounds about right.”
“Shit, man. That’s way too long.”
“Amen,” I agreed.
There was an even pause on the other end of the line before Jake drew a breath. “So what’s bothering you?”
I chuckled and brushed my hand down my face as the sound fell flat. “You can sense it even through a phone line?”
“You’ve never been very good at keeping disappointment out of your voice. Are you okay? Is everyone in one piece?”
“Yeah. Yeah of course.” Suddenly, my problem sounded extremely petty. “Nobody’s sick or anything like that. I just—ah, nothing is wrong, man. Sorry. Work is just getting to me, I suppose.”
“Something is wrong for sure. Spill brot
her. It’s me.”
He was the only one in the world I would ever open up to about something as personal as this. Having him only a stone’s throw away in Maine should have had me visiting him far more often, and yet I couldn’t seem to get away from the office long enough to catch my breath. We’d built an empire but almost lost ourselves in the process. At least I had. Luke seemed to have a great grasp on everything in his life, work included.
He might have a great grasp on Olivia’s ass right now in that king-sized bed of his—
I shook my head. Stop it.
“You ready for this bomb?” I sat up and turned toward the windows at the far end of my office.
“You’re getting married?”
I let out a bitter laugh and moved toward the window, where I stood with my back to the office looking out at the high rises all around. “No. Luke has a new girl that he’s bringing here to the office to become an investment advisor with us.”
“That sounds like a shit storm in the making. Doesn’t he know how incapable he is of managing relationships with women out of the office? What makes him think he can handle the same chick in the sheets and at work? Unless he’s planning on screwing her—”
“Dude please.”
“What? This is fucked up. Luke is a serial dater. It’s a terrible idea.”
“Right, but here’s the kicker. It’s Olivia Desmant.”
The sound of Jake choking on something would have normally caused me to laugh, but the situation left me numb and aching far more than I wanted to admit.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Your Olivia is dating Luke?”
“Yeah, bro. Fucked up, right?” I pressed my shoulder to the glass and let my eyes move across the skyline. The sun was shining and blasting through the windows. The warmth on my face and arms did nothing to ease the chill in my soul.
“So far beyond fucked up. I can’t even. How did… Damn, man.”
“Yeah. I came face to face with her last week on Friday night at the company party, and Jake, shit, she’s so damn beautiful. So far beyond what I imagined she would become. I feel like someone has poured a variation of poison and fire ants down my throat. One minute, I’m hurting so bad I could fucking fall over, and the next, my skin is crawling. I keep trying to stop myself from imagining her with Luke, but he’s been talking about her for three years. I don’t know why I didn’t ask him who she was. I just didn’t want to know. The things they do together—” My lungs constricted as I pressed my forehead to the window. “I still love her. God, I feel like such a puss, but I love her so goddamn much.”
“Shit, Caden. You need to figure this out then. Caring about someone after they hurt you the way she did means that it’s gotta be love. The fact that six years later you’re still twisted over her means that you need to go after her. She’s supposed to be yours, man.”
“She’s Luke’s girlfriend. I can’t do that to my brother. He would never forgive me.”
“Your brother is a piece of shit and you know it. He’s not a good guy at all. An excellent businessman? Sure. But a quality man worthy of a woman like Olivia? Let’s be honest with ourselves. He isn’t and never will be that guy. Whether you end up with Olivia or not, you need to tell her about Luke. You owe that to her for the good years you guys had together.”
Did I owe her that? I wasn’t so sure.
And what did that mean I owed my brother? Sure, Luke could be a foul prick sometimes—all right, a lot of the time—but he was my brother and I’d been by his side these past few years when things went sideways. Business was booming. Our lives were on track. He had connections with big money people and his future was practically laid out for him down a long sparkling yellow brick road.
But he’d had his bad times, too. His mother had passed away from a long fight against cancer four years ago, probably six or so months before Olivia would have come into the picture. Her death had stripped Luke down to a shell of a man. My father too. I’d had to be the one to stay strong for the both of them. It wasn’t easy.
I’d been fresh meat at the firm. I was still in the midst of learning the ropes after graduating and I definitely wasn’t ready to be the lead guy. Luckily, Perry had been there as a guiding light to throw some more money at the situation when things started to look a little dicey. Without him, I never would have managed it all.
Kirsten’s death had nearly destroyed Luke. He’d been knocked off his game for a while there. And then Olivia came into the picture and the pep in his step returned. Little by little, he regained his momentum, returned to work, and settled back into the egotistical man child he was. And I’d been grateful for it. It meant I didn’t have to man the business ship on my own. And it meant I didn’t have to drive to Luke’s place in the middle of the night after receiving drunken calls to make sure he hadn’t swallowed a bottle of pills or drowned in his own liquor stash.
Even though he could be an ass, he still deserved happiness. He still deserved love.
Who was I to take that away from him?
“I wanna forgive her,” I said, “but every time I think about walking into that locker room the morning after we got together for the first time, I want to yell bloody murder at her.”
“Then work through your anger and consider the same thing I’ve been asking you to consider for years. Maybe she didn’t say those things. That’s not the girl I knew, at least. She wasn’t vindictive. She—”
“Made a laughingstock of me.”
Jake was quiet for a moment. “Some day, you’re going to have to put it to bed, man. And now that she’s back in your life, I recommend you figure out how to do so sooner rather than later.”
He was right. Of course, he was right. But it was easier said than done. I turned my back on the windows and the sunlight and braced my hip against the ledge beneath the window. “Tell me what’s going on in your world. You still dating that pretty photographer?”
“Hmm, so you’re going to change the subject on me, I see.”
“It’s a ninja trick. You should try it from time to time.” I pushed off the sill and walked back to my desk as the door opened and Luke poked his head in, motioning for me to come see him when I got done.
I nodded and Luke mouthed, who is that? I waved him out with a frown. He didn’t need to know all my business.
“Kari and I are still dating,” Jake said. “I’m actually thinking about popping the question but I want to wait until Christmas. She’s for sure got me wrapped around her little finger. Last year, she taught me how to gift wrap. I can curl fucking ribbons like a pro now.”
I laughed. “Sounds like true love, man. I’m happy for you.”
“She’s got a heart of gold. A family that makes me feel like I’m one of them. An insatiable need to give back and capture beauty.” Jake sighed. I could hear the love in his voice. “She’s incredible, Caden.”
“I bet. Is she going to be with you next week?”
“Yeah. You’ll get to meet her. And I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to meet you, too. I’ve told her a lot about you.”
“I’ll be on my best behavior. We could all go for drinks or something. Olivia might be with me, too. Just confirming some dates and flights and what not. Maybe she’ll tag along. But she might prefer to visit her mother while she’s in Houston.”
“Shame. I would love to see her again.” He cleared his throat. “Hey?”
“What?”
“Not to beat an already dead horse, but you need to consider having a heart to heart with her and clearing this shit up. It doesn’t mean anything is going to change, but at least you can be friends again. That’s going to be important if she ends up with Luke.”
“God help her.” I tapped the desk and checked the clock. “I gotta run, but I’ll see you next week. Thanks for listening to me whine about the same old shit.”
“Second verse, same as the first. Fix it, man. Go find out what happened. Don’t roll over and take this lying down.”
“I know what happe
ned.”
“I don’t think you do.”
We said our goodbyes and I walked to Luke’s office, half expecting to see Olivia in there with him. She was supposed to start the day before, but she never came in, and I didn’t want to appear overly eager with my questions, so I let it go. I hadn’t seen any signs of him setting up an office or anything for her either though. Knowing my brother, he was probably going to share his office with her. I’d not be able to be in the same building with them if that happened.
“Hey, I’m back here.” Luke’s voice surprised me as I turned in the hall toward my brother.
“Is Olivia starting today?”
“Yeah. I got her an office at the other end of the hall near Jeremy. He’s going to help get her set up with IT and will be a good mentor about our way of doing things when you and I are busy. She was going to start yesterday but had a few last-minute things to wrap up. I told her to close the doors to her past and show up fresh and ready to take on the world with us.” He gave me a cocky grin.
“Great. I need to finish booking the trip to Texas. Is she going with me or not?” I wasn’t sure what end result I was hoping for, but when he nodded, I almost sighed with relief.
“All right. I’ll finish getting the rooms and flights booked.”
“Two rooms please.” Luke laughed and walked past me, as if the idea of the two of us staying in a room together was comical. Funny would be the last emotion I could imagine experiencing.
If I was stuck in the same room as Olivia Desmant, I didn’t know what would happen. One thing was certain. The conversation Jake wanted me to have with her would go down. Words would be said. Fresh wounds would be pulled wide open and exposed.
And maybe, just maybe, we’d be able to return to New York with clear minds and a clean slate.
Or not.
I’d never been betrayed the way Olivia betrayed me and I wasn’t interested in reliving everything that had gone down between us.
I moved down the hall with my eyes averted. “Is it too much to ask for her to disappear back into the past?”