We're No Angels

by David Mamet

  OLD WOMAN (voice-over): Prob'ly threw my back out . . . Oh hell . . .

  37Angle: The three of them looking down at the deer.

  OLD WOMAN: What in the hell you doin’ here on the road?

  NED: We're looking for a ride into town.

  OLD WOMAN: Are you indeed. Why should I give you one? I don't know who the hell you are. . . .

  NED: We're going down to town to see the Shrine.

  OLD WOMAN: You prob'ly scared the damn deer out into the road. What're you doing in the woods? Who are you?

  Pause.

  JIM: “DO not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews thirteen: one.

  38Angle: OLD WOMAN looking at them.

  39Angle—Her Point of View: The dark coats over the doctors’ smocks make them look as if they are wearing clerical collars.

  40Angle: The three.

  OLD WOMAN: What are you, priests?

  NED: That's right.

  OLD WOMAN: Well, you help me move the deer, I'll give you a ride. (The car starts.)

  The OLD WOMAN goes back into the car, comes out with the shotgun, hands it to NED.

  OLD WOMAN (to herself): Stay away, or he'll kick you to death.

  41Close-up: JIM looking at the doe.

  42Point of View: The doe's head. Large, terrified eyes.

  43Close-up: JIM looking down. He looks to the side. NED points the shotgun at the doe, fires. Then he quickly points the barrel at the chains between their legs, fires again. The chain shatters.

  43AAngle: NED looks at JIM.

  JIM (sotto): Whatta we going to do about the old broad?

  NED: She thinks we're priests.

  He hands the shotgun back to her, and she puts it in the gun rack.

  NED (sotto to JIM): Yeah, we brought a little religion into that broad's life. . . .

  44Interior: Car/Country Road—Day.

  NED, with a bandanna, trying to clean the blood off his clothes, JIM beside him.

  NED (sotto): . . . into the town, across the bridge, and we're free.

  OLD WOMAN (offscreen): I'm sure they're looking for you.

  NED turns to her.

  NED: What . . . ?

  45Angle: The three of them.

  OLD WOMAN: I'm sure they're looking for you.

  NED: Who's looking for us?

  OLD WOMAN: At the monastery. Your fellow priests.

  NED: Yes, I'm sure they're looking for us.

  OLD WOMAN: What are you, missing morning prayers?

  NED: Yeah, we're missing the whole program, what do you care . . . ?

  OLD WOMAN: I don't care a damn thing, I tol’ you, it's all superstition, far as I'm concerned.

  NED: That's fine. Now you just drop us in the town. . . .

  OLD WOMAN: And I'll tell you what else, get people worked up . . .

  She turns to the backseat to talk to them.

  OLD WOMAN: Get people worked up over that Shrine of yours . . . “The Weeping Virgin.”

  46Exterior: Town—Day.

  Angle: The town which they are just entering, coming down a hill, a small bridge, two border checkpoints on either end.

  47Angle: The three passengers in the car.

  NED: We'll get out here.

  OLD WOMAN: Won't be one more minute, I'll have you down.

  NED: No, we'll get out here.

  OLD WOMAN: Well, I could use your help, carry my deer to the butcher.

  She stops the car.

  NED: I tell you what, you go down, we'll meet you at the garage, carry your deer for you.

  OLD WOMAN: Whyn't you just come down with me?

  NED: I think we need a moment to compose our thoughts.

  OLD WOMAN: Weren't for you I never'd'a killed that deer.

  NED: Uh-huh. Well, thank you for your courtesy. God bless you, and all that.

  NED and JIM get out of the car.

  48Exterior: Town Square—Day.

  The doe seen in the back, the two convicts get out. The car drives off. They look across the river.

  49Exterior: Shantytown—Riverbank—Day.

  Their Point of View: The bridge. The far side of the river.

  50Angle: The two convicts.

  NED: Can you swim, Jimmy?

  JIM: No.

  NED: Me neither. Come on.

  CAMERA FOLLOWS them down the hill through the beginning of the small town. NED stops in front of a window, looks at his reflection.

  JIM: You think Bob made it?

  NED: Not looking like this he didn't; we're covered in blood. . . . Come on, we got to ditch these togs.

  50AExterior: Shantytown—Boardwalk—Day.

  CAMERA FOLLOWS them around to the back of a house. Rows of laundry stretch from the houses before them.

  JIM: Whaddaya gonna do on Free Street, Neddy?

  NED: I'm gonna do it all, pal. (Beat.) And then I'm gonna do it again—and I'm gonna get two the best of everything—and anybody muck with me is going down.

  CAMERA FOLLOWS them as they start taking the laundry off the various lines. They hungrily dress themselves in the warm clothes. NED moves on, dressing himself, offscreen. JIMMY stops, looking at something.

  51Point of View: The window beyond the line. A mother is serving breakfast to two little kids, hugging them.

  52Close-up: JIM‘S face, wistful.

  53Angle: NED moves down the line, dressing himself. He takes down a shirt, sees something beyond it.

  54Point of View: Another window. A beautiful naked young woman, heating water at her stove, pours it into her washbowl. She ties her hair up with a large yellow ribbon, starts washing her face. This is MOLLY.

  JIM (offscreen): Maan, what I wouldn't give, what I wouldn't give . . .

  55Angle: NED looks at the naked young woman. JIM looks in the opposite direction, putting on a vest he has just taken down from the line.

  JIM: What I wouldn't give for a cigarette. . . .

  NED (turning away): Let's get out of here. . . .

  55AExterior: Town Square—Alley—Day.

  The two men move down Main Street to alley between hotel and barbershop. NED plucks down a heavy woolen over shirt. They stop. Beyond them, traffic just starting to move. They stand in the shade of the alley. A monk driving a tractor passes by.

  NED: You ready . . . ?

  JIM: I wonder what happened to Bob, I wonder did he get across. . . .

  NED: What happened to him happened to him, Jim.

  JIM: Maybe they got him back, but I'm not going back there.

  NED: That's right. We're not going back.

  JIM: We look, hey, we look like a couple of Hoosiers. . . .

  NED: That's right. Let's go.

  They start out into the street. JIM sees something, motions NED to stop. He scampers up a short staircase and puts on a heavy woolen coat hanging on a peg outside SHOPKEEPER‘S back door. He comes down.

  JIM: Okay; let's go. . . .

  As they walk out, they pass under a banner across the street. It reads, CELEBRATE THE FEAST OF OUR LADY OF THE SORROWS.

  56Exterior: Town Square—Day.

  The two convicts come out onto the street. They walk purposefully forward.

  57Their Point of View: The bridge. Up ahead, the customs shed, the barrier.

  58Angle: The convicts. JIM starts to whistle. He jingles coins.

  JIM (producing coins from his pocket): Hey, coins in the pocket, that's good luck. That's good luck, don't you think . . . ?

  JIMMY sees something before him.

  59Point of View: The SHERIFF walking over to the customs shed, distributing leaflets.

  JIM (offscreen): Oh, God, oh, God . . .

  60Angle: JIMMY and NED.

  NED: It's okay; it's going to be okay.

  A drayman is coming up the street in his horse-drawn truck. He CRACKS the whip over the horse. JIM winces; his hand goes to rub his back.

  JIM: I'm not going back, Ned.

  NED: Nobody's going back. I
t's going to be fine.

  JIM wipes his forehead.

  JIM: I need a smoke, Ned, I'm telling you. . . .

  NED: Okay. We'll get you a smoke, and then we go across.

  JIM: You'll take care of me, Ned, ‘cause I got to get across.

  NED: Just keep walking. . . .

  They veer off in their progress toward the bridge. CAMERA FOLLOWS them to the sidewall, to a general store. The owner, inside, is just seen turning the CLOSED sign to OPEN.

  61Interior: General Store—Day.

  NED and JIM enter. The SHOPKEEPER is in the back with a customer.

  SHOPKEEPER (looking up): Right with you.

  JIM, looking nervous, nudges NED. NED looks.

  62Point of View: A wanted notice tacked on the wall behind a display, with three crudely drawn faces on it, the same poster the sheriff was distributing earlier.

  63Angle: NED and JIM.

  NED (to SHOPKEEPER): Just a pack of tailor-mades . . .

  SHOPKEEPER: Right with you.

  JIM looks out the window.

  64Point of View: The border crossing. The sheriff's deputies look intently at people going across.

  65Angle: JIM turns back to the store. He and NED look down; something catches their interest.

  66Point of View: The display counter full of handguns, a Colt display.

  67Angle: JIM looks at NED, catches his eye, then looks at the guns again.

  SHOPKEEPER (offscreen): Buncha nonsense, all them damn priests in towns, the Shrine, don't buy a damn thing, but they want something, you better have it on hand. . . . I'll be with you gents in a second.

  NED: We just want a packet of smokes. . . .

  JIM turns his back on the SHOPKEEPER, slides toward the guns. He picks up a promotional pamphlet off the top of the counter. Holds it up. It reads Colt on the Trail. It has pictures of revolvers on the cover. He opens it, reads, “Have you ever been completely alone, with no one to rely on . . . ?”

  SHOPKEEPER (offscreen): Mementos of the Shrine, postcards . . .

  68Angle: The SHOPKEEPER opens a carton of souvenirs. He holds one up.

  SHOPKEEPER: Key chains of the Weeping Virgin . . . not a penny in it, but they want it every year, priests and the tourists . . . put on that dumb show.

  SOUND of the shop bell ringing. MOLLY, the girl with the yellow ribbon in her hair, enters the store. Walks past NED, over to the counter. She picks up two containers of oatmeal.

  MOLLY (to the SHOPKEEPER): Two packages oatmeal, set it down, will you?

  SHOPKEEPER: Account's gettin’ a bit long. . . .

  MOLLY: Well, I need it, set it down.

  SHOPKEEPER: . . . Uh . . .

  MOLLY: I got a hungry kid. You'll catch me later.

  She picks up the two packages, starts out of the store. NED is looking at her.

  MOLLY: What're you looking at?

  He holds up his hands—i.e., “No offense.”

  MOLLY: . . . That's right. . . .

  She exits.

  SHOPKEEPER (to NED): Special kind of smokes?

  He turns back.

  NED: Camel's'll do. . . .

  SHOPKEEPER: The Shrine, talking about it. Didn't mean to offend you, now ‘n’ I probably put my foot in it ‘n’ you're tourists, come to see the Shrine. . . .

  Beat. CAMERA PANS WITH the SHOPKEEPER as he turns to the cigarette display, picks a pack of smokes out of it, and stops. Tacked next to the cigarette display is the wanted poster. Beat.

  SHOPKEEPER: . . . Where are you folks from . . . ?

  The SHOPKEEPER turns with the smokes to NED; JIM is in the background, with the pamphlet, trying to reach behind to steal a gun.

  NED: Oh, here and there . . .

  SHOPKEEPER (to JIM): Something I can interest you in that case . . . ?

  He walks over to JIM.

  NED: Oh, we should be ‘bout going. . . .

  NED pays for the smokes.

  NED (to JIM): . . . We should be ‘bout going now . . . .

  JIM folds the pamphlet, puts it into his coat; they start to edge toward the door.

  SHOPKEEPER: You forgot your change.

  NED: Oh, that's okay. . . .

  At the door they freeze.

  69Point of View: The SHERIFF outside the door, talking to his deputy.

  70Angle: The two turning back toward the SHOPKEEPER.

  NED: Yessir, change. Lessee if we can't spend it in your store.

  The SHOPKEEPER hands the change to NED.

  SHOPKEEPER: You folks hear about the jailbreak . . . ?

  NED: No, I can't say that we have.

  Pause. The SHOPKEEPER looks at them. He looks at the poster.

  SHOPKEEPER: Where'd you say you were from . . . ?

  71Close-up: NED. He looks outside. The SHERIFF is right outside the door.

  72Angle: NED looks at JIM. JIM starts to edge toward the gun case.

  73Angle: The SHOPKEEPER, behind the counter, edges toward a pistol lying on a low shelf.

  SHOPKEEPER: Yessir, it seems there were these three convicts . . . shot their way out. . . .

  He starts to pick up the gun. We hear DOORBELL JINGLING.

  OLD WOMAN (offscreen): There you are.

  74Angle: The OLD WOMAN has just come into the shop.

  OLD WOMAN: I told you I needed your help.

  SHOPKEEPER: These friends of yours . . . ?

  NED: . . . my help . . . ?

  OLD WOMAN: My car's stalled, down at the garage, ‘n’ I need you to haul that deer down to the butchers.

  SHOPKEEPER: You know these folks?

  OLD WOMAN: Know ‘em, yeah, they're priests. This is Father . . . I didn't catch your name. . . .

  SHOPKEEPER: Priests? Oh, God, oh, God, I'm sorry I'm sorry, what I'm saying . . . gentlemen, Father, ramblin’ on, and now I've offended you. No, no, no hard feelings. . . .

  NED: That's fine.

  OLD WOMAN: You going to help me with that deer . . . ?

  SHOPKEEPER: I mean, I'die ‘f I thought I offended you . . .

  NED: No, we'll forget it.

  SHOPKEEPER: Or anyone associated with the Shrine . . .

  He comes around the corner, picks up handfuls of Shrine key chains, and presses them on NED and JIM.

  SHOPKEEPER: Well, here, little token. Take ‘em . . . please take some back for your friends, we got the Shrine on one side, ‘n’ a thermometer on the other. . . .

  75Insert: The key chain. It shows the Shrine of the Weeping Virgin. NED turns it over in his hand, and we see the thermometer.

  76Angle: The OLD WOMAN, ushering the two convicts out the door.

  SHOPKEEPER: Awfully handy, really. (He glances at the thermometer.) Cool day today! Button up!

  He waves.

  JIM: Yes, indeed.

  SHOPKEEPER (smiling): No hard feelings . . . Father . . .

  JIM: Go with God.

  SHOPKEEPER (pointing at JIM): I have that same coat!

  They all smile at each other cheerily. The OLD WOMAN turns back to the SHOPKEEPER, hands him a piece of paper.

  OLD WOMAN: Harry, here's a list, and I'll also need a few shells for that old twelve-gauge.

  The three start out of the door.

  77Exterior: Town Square—Day.

  The three walking down the street.

  OLD WOMAN: Damn car's all stove in, need a new radiator, how'm I going to afford that . . . ? I should turn in a bill to your church, I swear to God.

  NED: Why don't you . . . ?

  OLD WOMAN: Everything so expensive . . . canned goods.

  They pass by a wanted poster, showing the faces of the three wanted convicts. They come up to the garage. In the background, the car, with the deer in it.

  OLD WOMAN: . . . Cheaper to shop in Canada . . .

  NED: Well, why don't you . . . ?

  OLD WOMAN: I would, ‘cept my car's wrecked, ‘n’ I walk over, how'm I going to get my groceries back?

  NED looks over at the border.

  78Point of View: Several people l
ined up to get across, being interrogated by the DEPUTY.

  79Angle: NED, JIM, the OLD WOMAN.

  NED: After what you've done for us, we'll go with you and fetch your things back.

  They change their course and walk toward the border.

  OLD WOMAN: That's very Christian of you.

  JIM: Well, you know what it says in the Bible . . .

  OLD WOMAN: What's that?

  JIM: You know . . .

  OLD WOMAN: Matter of fact, I usually do my shopping over there, though I wouldn't let on to Harry. You think that's dishonesty, you just go on and think it. . . .

  They draw closer to the border. JIM begins to look afraid. He leans down to hitch up his leg iron; the chains CLINK as he does it.

  JIM (sotto, to NED): I can't do it.

  NED (sotto): Yes, you can, Jim. It's a piece of cake.

  JIM (sotto): I can't do it.

  NED (sotto): Now, you want to kill yourself, that's fine. But there's two of us here, ‘n’ I'm counting on you, so you buck up, Jimmy, ‘n’ you act like a priest.

  They look toward the border.

  80Point of View: The border guard checking faces against the wanted poster.

  81Insert: JIM‘S hand takes the key chain out of his pocket.

  JIM (offscreen, very softly): . . . Hail Mary, full of grace . . .

  He holds the key chain like a rosary and continues with his prayer as they approach the border.

  DEPUTY (offscreen): Morning, ma'am.

  OLD WOMAN (offscreen): How are you today, you working hard. . . ?

  DEPUTY (offscreen): Well, we're looking for those convicts escaped . . .

  82Angle: JIM watches the DEPUTY walk the OLD WOMAN toward the border. NED reaches into the OLD WOMAN‘S shopping bag, takes out her spectacles, puts them on. JIM pulls his hat down lower.

  OLD WOMAN: Convicts, convicts. . . Oh! I found them for you!

  JIM and NED are at the border, scared.

  OLD WOMAN: I found them for you!

  JIM and NED look trapped. JIM looks at the BORDER GUARD with a shotgun. NED turns his head.

  83Exterior: Canadian Customs/Border—Day.

  His Point of View.

  84Angle: NED hangs his head.

  OLD WOMAN (offscreen): Come over here, I found your lost ones . . . !

  85Angle: The border station. The two convicts and the OLD WOMAN, who has just corralled an old priest in long skirts who is carrying a shopping bag.

  OLD WOMAN: You see, you see, they were lost and I found them.

  FATHER LEVESQUE (old priest): Good morning, Caroline, you found whom?