by B. Love
“Put me to bed, Lu.”
As he waited for her to agree, Cade stood from the edge of his bed and climbed inside, pulling the comforter over his entire body.
“You know I don’t like talking on the phone.”
“I know,” Cade grumbled, placing his hand to his chest. “Just wanted to hear your voice. Hear you breathe. That’ll put me to sleep.”
Luna released a shaky breath as Cade closed his eyes, holding on to her silence hoping she would agree.
“Okay. I can at least lead you through some breathing exercises, too. Help you relax a little more.”
For a few seconds, Cade smiled. Eventually, he whispered a low, “Okay,” in agreement.
Closing his eyes, he followed the breathing exercises as Luna instructed. And though Cade had no idea how long they were on the phone, it didn’t take long for him to slowly drift off to sleep.
Luna and her therapist, Macy, stared at each other like that famous meme of Diddy and Elijah from The Four. Though Luna knew exactly what Macy was waiting for, she didn’t plan to willingly give it. This subject had been off limits for the past three years of their arrangement, and Luna wasn’t sure why Macy wanted to change that now.
Well, she knew, she just didn’t want to do it.
Didn’t want to talk about him.
Cade was that special, sacred part of her memory that she didn’t want to share with anyone – not even all of herself. The only part of herself that she allowed access to Cade, was every present moment they were together. Beyond that, she didn’t think about him and only talked to him when she absolutely had to. That was the only way to keep those beautiful memories tucked away and secure.
Macy finally gave in and sighed as she removed her glasses. Placing them on her desk with a shake of her head, Macy asked, “Will you help me understand why you refuse to discuss him when he’s the key to your wholeness?”
Luna crossed her left leg over the right and sat further in her seat. “I don’t understand why you think he’s the key to my wholeness.”
“Luna.” Cupping her hands together on top of the desk, Macy tried her hardest to maintain her composure. For the most part, she was always able to remain calm and professional, but Luna’s stubbornness regarding Cade Ingram had become a true trigger.
While Luna understood Macy wanted her to discuss him so she could fully heal, it never happened.
“I just don’t see the need.”
“You don’t see the need because you don’t want to see the need. Every other area of your life, outside of your love life, is perfect. You have literally everything you want. Now, you come into my office complaining about not being able to find and nurture love to start your own family, but you dodge the source of your conflict.”
With a pout, Luna crossed her arms over her chest as Macy continued.
“Cade is the key to your wholeness because your love life is the only area you are experiencing lack. You will never be able to find healthy love with any man while you continue to entertain this toxic un-relationship with Cade. There are only two options; you must completely let him go or give him a genuine chance, but this… sex only agreement you two have will not lead to the life you’re trying to build.”
Luna’s eyes watered as she looked away. She wouldn’t dare shed another tear over Cade. Those days stopped a week after he broke up with her, and she promised to never cry over him again. To never give him a chance to hurt her again. In essence, Luna was also choosing to never love him again… because pain was a fucked up possibility of love. One that she simply refused to allow any man to cause within her.
It had been hard, only experiencing Cade sexually for so long. Every part of her wanted all of him, but Luna would never give him a second chance. For a year straight after she graduated, he tried his very hardest to make things right between them. And it was only her love for him that granted Luna the courage to see him one or two weekends out of the month for their sexual rendezvous. She told herself that was all she could handle for so long that she honestly believed it at this point.
She honestly believed that her heart was incapable of accepting Cade’s love.
For the risk of him randomly deciding to take it away again was too much.
“I don’t like to talk about him because…” Luna paused and released a heavy exhale. “I like to keep the memories of us pleasant. And mine. From when we were in college. A part of me feels like if I think about them too long or talk to someone about it, they will be tainted. For quite some time, those memories sustained me and my need for love. It hadn’t felt like it wasn’t enough until recently.”
“And that’s why you’ve decided to try and be in a real relationship with someone else?” Luna nodded. “I will honor your desire to keep those memories to yourself, but I want to ask you a few questions and you answer truthfully.”
Instinctively, Luna wrapped her hand around the Sun necklace that was wrapped around her neck. For their one-year anniversary years ago, Cade purchased a sun and moon necklace set. He would always say that she was his moon, so Luna said he was her sun. Her calm to his light. The necklaces were their way of being in each other’s presence even when they were apart, and they promised to never take them off until they were one hundred percent done with each other.
And the fact that she still wore it was proof that Luna was still attached to his heart, but she simply didn’t want to accept that truth.
With a nod, Luna gave Macy permission to ask, “Do you honestly think the man you would want to spend the rest of your life with would be okay with you having sex with another man?”
Clenching her jaw, Luna’s eyes fluttered briefly. “No.”
“Do you want to be with another man?”
That question was a bit more difficult to answer. Her mind said yes, but her heart said no. No matter what her heart said, though, she promised to never give him her all again.
When Macy realized Luna wasn’t going to answer, she scribbled a few lines down on her legal pad.
“How about this.” Macy put her glasses back on. “You’re going to see him this weekend, right?” Luna nodded. “I want you to be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with him. I can give you a list of intimacy challenges and conversation starters that will help you open up. If you spend seventy-two hours with him in this capacity, you will be forced to come to grips with how you feel for him – good or bad. At the end of your weekend with him, I want you to decide to either commit to your desire and right to love, marriage, and family by cutting him off or stopping this charade and pursue those things with him. Because at the end of the day, you can come here twice a week for years, but until you produce change and put in the work, you will never have what you want.”
Thinking over Macy’s solution, Luna tapped her fingers along her thigh. This was risky. She vowed to never give Cade access to anything beyond her pussy, mainly because she knew she’d fall victim to him all over again. She would always tell him that he was hers to have, not to keep. Seemingly brainwashing herself over the years was the only way Luna knew to keep it safe.
But now, the idea of spending time with Cade doing something other than sex had her nervous. Unsure of herself and her ability to release him. To remain detached from him. To remain in control.
“I don’t know about this,” Luna hesitated, running her now wet palms down her slacks. “Besides, he may not even agree to it.”
Luna knew that was bullshit before she even finished getting it out. Cade would have loved the chance to prove that he was worthy of more than three nights in her bed at a time. Because every time she would tell him that he was hers to have not to keep, Cade would remind her that she was his to keep forever. No matter the capacity, there was no doubt in his mind that they would grow old together.
Maybe Macy was right.
Maybe that was wrong.
Maybe there would never be a chance of her getting the relationship she wanted as long as she dealt with Cade.
�
�There’s literally only one way for us to find out. Call him.”
“Now,” Luna shrieked, sitting up in her seat.
“Yes.” Macy chuckled. “Now.”
Their stare down began again but Luna caved quickly with a groan and pulled her phone out of her purse. The last time she talked to Cade was two nights ago when he couldn’t sleep. It surprised her that he called because they did the bulk of their communicating via text, but it didn’t surprise her that he wanted her help to get to sleep.
Licking her lips, Luna avoided Macy’s eyes. Standing, she walked over to the window and stared through the open blinds, turning her back to Macy.
“Luna?” Cade answered, causing her to close her eyes and swallow hard at the sound of his voice.
His low, southern drawl always caused her heart to skip a beat. Cade’s voice was naturally deep and husky, but it lowered even more when they made love. Just the thought of his voice in and breath on her ear had Luna biting down on her lip as her brows wrinkled.
“Yea. Um. Hi.”
A beat of seconds passed before Cade muttered, “Hey.”
Lowering her head, Luna fought back a blush. “I’m with my therapist. She has this idea that…” Luna paused and looked back at Macy who was looking over the notes on her legal pad, but Luna was sure she was listening in. “I um, need to get closure with you in order to move on and find love.”
Turning back around, Luna hoped Cade wouldn’t ask too many questions.
“Find love? That’s what you want now? Or have you always wanted it, just not with me?”
“I don’t know, Cade. Either way, I won’t be able to have a healthy relationship with any man fucking with you. So she’s going to give us some stuff to do and talk about to see if we need to end things altogether or try to make a relationship work, but you know how I feel about second chances.”
“So you have no intention of actually giving this a shot? You’re coming solely for closure?”
Hearing him say it made her heart burn. Her expression softened as her eyes lowered.
“I guess. Yes. Are you okay with that?”
“What other choice do I have, Moon?”
She didn’t reply right away, but when she did, Luna said, “I will understand if you don’t come, but if you do, I guess I’ll see you Friday.”
A few seconds passed before Cade disconnected the call, and Luna held it to her ear long after. Stuck in a trance. It wasn’t until she heard Macy’s soft voice that Luna was able to return to reality. When she did, she was stuck with the pain of the potential ending of her affair with Cade. And for some reason, that thought hurt her to her core.
Day 1
The week seemed to fly by. Ever since she woke up this morning, anxiousness began to torment Luna. For the first time in ten years, she would allow Cade access to her heart. Not only that, but she would be allowing herself the opportunity to finally make her way back inside of his. Sure, he’d kept it open for her over the years, but she’d never made the effort to make her home there again.
For their weekends together, they met at the same hotel in Memphis. In the same room. When Luna arrived, she didn’t even bother asking if Cade had already checked in and gotten his key. She didn’t need to. The moment she stood at the door of room 306 she smelled his scent. Since meeting him, Cade wore the same Givenchy cologne. And it didn’t matter how many other men tried, it always smelled the best on him.
She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath. This weekend would change everything. And though on one hand she wanted to be able to walk away with closure, there was a nagging voice in the back of her mind that told her she would be a damn fool to let Cade slip away. Opening her eyes, Luna released the breath she was holding in, then slid her key into the lock.
Once the light switched from red to green, she lightly turned the handle and opened the door. Unable to resist, Luna leaned against the door after rolling her luggage in and setting it off to the side with her purse on top. At first, Nipsey Hussle was playing in the background, but at the sound of the door opening and closing Cade cut it off. Briefly, Luna refamiliarized herself with the layout and décor of the room before slowly making her way towards the bedroom area.
As soon as she turned to the left and looked into the bedroom, her feet froze at the sight of Cade. He was standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist, staring at her.
Three weeks had passed since the last time she’d seen him, so her eyes took in every inch of his tall, wide, muscular frame. His smooth tobacco brown skin. Tapered, nappy ‘fro with the sides and back shaved low. Both of his ears were pierced along with both nostrils. The left nostril had a stud while the right had a ring. A long and thick freshly washed and oiled beard wrapped around plump, heart shaped lips.
Lips that Luna couldn’t wait to kiss. The bottom one was a dark pink while the top was brown, proof of his years of smoking. Luna’s eyes trailed up his triangular nose in an attempt to connect with his light brown eyes, but she couldn’t, because Cade was too busy looking her over as well. She then allowed her eyes to settle on his chest and stomach – where he had a large tattoo of a moon in her honor.
Every time she saw that tattoo… ran her fingers across it… her heart would try and force its way out of her chest and into his arms. Seemingly not caring that she would die if it were no longer in her possession. Her eyes trailed up some to the moon necklace around his neck, but they lowered again the moment his pecks jumped. Lifting her eyes to his immediately, Luna gritted her teeth at the sight of his grin.
“Get over here,” he demanded with a quiet yet firm tone, tossing the shea butter he was using to moisturize his skin onto the nightstand.
Without her permission, Luna’s eyes lowered to the print between his towel. It did not do a good job hiding his hardened shaft. Her shoulders caved as her heart began to palpitate. The closer she got to him, the hotter her body grew.
Cade was always getting some kind of reaction out of her, and she was sick of the hold he had on her quite frankly. That frustration had her brows wrinkling and nostrils flaring as she finally stepped in front of him. But as usual, she turned into complete mush the second he touched her.
His hands went to her jaw, and Cade tilted her head slightly. Though she ached to feel his lips on hers, Luna wouldn’t dare stand on the tips of her toes and rush him. No. She received too much pleasure from the intense desire to be devoured by him. Her nipples hardened as chill bumps pebbled her skin. Mouth partially open, Luna stared into his beautifully light brown eyes as they darkened in desire.
“I missed you,” Cade confessed, lowering his eyes to her lips.
“Ca–” Before she could finish saying his name, his lips were connecting with hers.
His kiss was a raw act of possession, and Luna savored the feeling of satisfaction mixed with brewing desire that it filled her with. The moment his tongue forced her lips open, Luna moaned into his mouth, ripping the towel from around his waist simultaneously.
Cade effortlessly scooped her up and wrapped her legs around him, then dropped her onto the bed. He busied himself with removing her clothing while she steadied the double minded thoughts going at war inside of her. Eventually, that small voice inside of her that told her having sex with him this weekend would only make this harder was drowned out by that bigger voice that told her there was no way in hell she could ever be around Cade and not let him inside of her.
By the time Cade had made it to her panties, Luna was back in the moment. She helped him by lifting her hips from the bed so he could slide them off while she unlatched her bra. Spreading her legs wide, Luna showed him what three weeks away from him did – made her so fucking wet there was no need for foreplay. Or even sweet talk. As always, her pussy was wet, warm, and waiting to receive him.
Cade went from licking his lips to biting down on the bottom one as he made his way between her legs. He didn’t slide right in like she expected him to. Instead, Cade lowered himself to her and gave her another
sweet ass kiss that made those chill bumps return again. Pecking her lips, Cade teased her folds with the head of his dick. Her essence coated him. Unable to take anymore, Luna reached between them and wrapped her hand around his dick. Slowly, she pushed him inside of her, biting down on his bottom lip in an attempt to stifle her moan.
But all that did was cause her to swallow his lust ridden groan.
Once inside of her completely, Cade began to kiss her deeply. His strokes her long and deep, snatching her breath and making it hard for her to kiss him back. Lips lowering, he sucked and licked on her neck before nibbling on her nipples. Her pussy grew even wetter as he alternated from one nipple to the other, causing Luna to arch her back and hold her widely spread legs to keep them from closing.
Cade’s hands went to her waist as he continued to stroke her with the same methodical pace. He looked down at her, locking their eyes in a way that made this way too intimate of a thing. But that was always the case between them. It didn’t matter how many times Luna tried to convince herself that it was just a fuck – she and Cade always made love. Nasty, freaky love… but love, nonetheless.
Luna’s eyes lowered to the connection of them as the sound of him entering her grew louder. It always amazed her to see how her body reacted to him. Sure, she’d been with other men. But none of them pleasured her body as good as Cade. None of them were so in tune with her locked away heart and emotions as Cade. Her brows wrinkled and mouth formed an O shape as the clear coating along his shaft slowly began to turn a creamy white color.
“You like watching this dick dive deep in your pussy?” Cade asked, getting a quiet moan out of her. “You like watching me swim?”
“Yes, Cade,” she moaned, grabbing her shaking legs even tighter. She’d never ran from the dick, and would be damned if she didn’t…
“Take every inch of this long ass dick, Moon.”