by B. Love
“If you are, I guess this is the perfect time for us to practice emotional intimacy. How are you feeling right now? What’s on your mind?”
Deciding to give her tea a moment to cool, Luna placed it on the table and turned to the side, pulling her leg underneath her and sitting on it. The moment she stared into his beautifully light brown eyes, she immediately felt herself shifting from being in her head to in her heart.
“Just… the usual. Trying to convince myself of reasons why it’s unsafe for me to trust you. I keep telling myself that you mean and meant me well, but I’m so triggered by my parents that it’s hard for that to be enough. For years I watched her be hot and cold for him. Wait for him to come back and love her. Worry over the next time he would leave.
“My mother didn’t have real peace until she released him from her life and heart. And even though that hurt me like hell, a part of me felt peace, too. Because I didn’t have to worry about his inconsistency either. It was easier to live without ever expecting him to show up again. That’s not to say I expect you to do the same thing, I just… can’t give you the chance to.”
Her eyes watered quickly. So quickly she hardly had time to keep her tears from falling.
“The first man that I loved and was supposed to teach me how to do this love shit… how to choose the right man… broke my heart.” Her head shook as her tears began to fall. “I can’t…” Her voice cracked, but she inhaled a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself. “Feel that again, Cade. And I… opened up to you and gave you access to a heart that had been closed since him. I just can’t wait for the day you hurt me again, Sun.”
Cade took her hand into his. He didn’t speak right away, and Luna was appreciative of that. It gave her time to come down from the tip of the emotional rollercoaster she was about to tumble down. Lifting her hand to his lips, Cade kissed her palm tenderly. Softly. Softer than he’d ever kissed her before. Her body shivered immediately. Pussy pulsed. Heart skipped a beat as he stared into her eyes.
His voice, smooth as velvet, said softly, “I’m not him. And you’re not her.” Luna tried to remove her hand from his, but he held it tighter. “I apologize on his behalf, but don’t punish me for the games he played. If you want to punish me for breaking up with you, I’m cool with that. But it’s been ten years, Moon. Haven’t I served my time?”
He was right, but she very well couldn’t say that. Instead, Luna ripped her hand from his and stood. Turning her back to him, she crossed her hands over her chest as she muttered, “I didn’t force you to serve time. You chose to stick around.”
Luna didn’t hear him get up from the couch, but she felt him before she actually felt him. The moment he made his way behind her and wrapped her inside of his embrace she melted into his chest. Cade placed a kiss to both sides of her neck.
“I chose to, you’re right. Because I love you. More today than I did ten years ago. As perfect as you thought I was, I was still learning how to love. How to be a man. I did what I thought was best, and I will never apologize for that. You graduated with an A, top of your class, the way you were supposed to. Cutting you off cold turkey may have seemed a bit extreme, but if that’s what it took for you to learn that you could live and succeed without me, I’ll accept that charge.”
Slowly, Cade turned her in his arms. “I just… didn’t mean for you to live without me forever.”
Her mouth opened, but the words were seemingly stuck in her throat. She swallowed, hoping to clear the space needed for them to come out.
“I didn’t want to, either. Just felt like I needed to. That was easier than needing you.”
“What about now?”
“Now… I think we were so much alike that we became one in the sense of me losing myself in you, and I needed that space to get back to myself. All this time really. I’ve just now started to feel confident enough in myself and my life to invite another person in. And truthfully, I put the blame and pressure on you, but I’m really just afraid to lose myself in you again.”
Cade smiled softly with the left side of his mouth as his hands cupped her face.
“Do you trust me, Lu?” Clenching her jaw, she nodded and licked her lips as she swallowed hard. “I could promise to never intentionally hurt you and give you my all in this relationship, but I know they will just be words to you at this point. Instead, I’m only going to ask that you consider giving me the chance to prove that you’re safe with me. That I am too connected to and afraid of God to ever try and take His place in your life. I don’t want to be your life; I just want to be in it.”
Nibbling on her bottom lip, Luna resisted the urge to stand on the tips of her toes and taste him. Though at this moment, she’d kill to kiss his lips. His words were flowing like the sweetest honey. Like a balm needed to soothe her weary soul and bruised heart. But the truth of the matter was, Cade wasn’t the reason her heart was still bruised. She’d long since forgiven him.
This was all her. Her mother was stern on the fact that the best way to keep a man from causing new pain was to consistently remember the old pain. Every day of her life she held on to how she felt the night they broke up, making sure nothing could ever top that feeling again. And Luna was now beginning to realize the damage that had been done to her mentality and her heart because of it.
“Besides, we’re older now. More mature. We have things going on within our personal lives, and I think it’s sexy as fuck that you’re so about your business as am I. I just want us to meet in the middle with love,” he finished.
Stepping closer, Luna stood on the tips of her toes and tilted her head back. With a smile, Cade lowered himself to her lips, and as soon as he did, Luna made the mental note to send Macy flowers Monday. The conversation starter list she gave them encouraged them to talk about their fears, pasts, wounds, issues, and healing. Though the conversation was still just one sided, it had already lifted a weight from her shoulders and pulled them closer.
When Luna pulled away from Cade, she asked, “Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling now. I want to know about your wants and needs, too. Your desires. Your–” The act of him lifting her into the air and tossing her over his shoulder completely took away her train of thought. “Cade,” she yelled before giggling and wrapping her arms around his waist.
“All I want and need right now is you.” He smacked her ass. “To be deep in that pussy. All this talking and shit can wait.”
After stripping her down, Cade put Luna on the edge of the bed. She was on her hands and knees, ass tooted up just the way he fucking liked. Her pussy was already glistening, but that didn’t stop him from getting on his knees and licking between her folds. Luna was ready. Already. She pressed back into him as she inhaled a sharp breath.
As he licked and slurped her clit, he massaged her pussy with his middle finger. Once it was coated, he removed it and slowly slid it inside her ass. She cried out, cursing under her breath as his thumb entered her pussy. Her moans grew louder and louder, bouncing against the walls and permeating the room as he slowly finger fucked both of her holes. Pussy juice dripped down onto his nose, mouth, and beard as he feasted on her clit. And in hardly no time, her walls were closing against him as she came.
But Cade wasn’t the average man. An orgasm wasn’t a red light for him to stop and move on to the next thing. If anything, it was a green light for him to continue what he was doing. He continued to pleasure her, alternating from slow to fast. Getting pure pleasure from the different sounds the speeds and suckling of his mouth could pull out of her. It wasn’t until he pulled a third orgasm out of her and she was falling into the bed did Cade stop.
He looked down at her. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth hung open as she struggled to regulate her breathing. Cade pulled his shirt over his head, and she looked back at him with a smile as he used it to wipe the remnants of her off that had covered the bottom half of his face.
“Nasty ass,” he teased, voice low and husky.
Luna giggled, swearing, “I
t’s your fault I’m like this. Hurry up and give me that dick.”
There was no part of Cade that wanted to make her wait. As he took off the rest of his clothes, he told her, “Turn around so your feet are by the pillows. I want you to look in the mirror so I can watch you watch me fuck the shit out of you.”
A quiet moan escaped her as she did what she was told. By the time she was in position, Cade was done removing the rest of her clothes. Luna was on all fours again, but he pushed her down so that her body was flat on the bed. He took one of the pillows and placed it underneath her. It lifted her hips and ass off the bed just enough for the arch to allow him to graze her spot with each stroke.
And Luna knew it too.
Caution laced her voice when she quietly called his name.
Ignoring her, Cade bent and pushed her right leg up slightly before sliding into her and pressing down on the small of her back. Her breathing hitched immediately, and the only sounds that could be heard came from her pussy coating his dick and his pelvis smacking against her ass.
Their eyes locked in the mirror, but that didn’t last long. As her moans began to pour, Luna’s eyes started to close. She buried her face in the bed. With a handful of her curls wrapped around his hand, Cade lifted her head from the bed.
“Look at me, Lu. Let me see them eyes.”
She tried. God knows she tried. But the slow, deep feel of his shaft constantly entering and exiting her became too much to take. Constant curses began to flow from her mouth as she fought to keep her eyes open. The second he smacked her ass and growled that was it. Her eyes sealed shut as her walls heated and wrapped even tighter around him.
At that point, Cade didn’t even give a damn. He was too caught up in how good she felt. How good she looked. And when she began to squeeze his dick with her walls, he knew the end was near.
“Shake that ass on this dick,” he ordered, smacking it again.
Her whimper turned into a quick, “Yes, Cade,” as she looked back at him – watching him watch as her ass cheeks clapped while he continued to drill her.
Biting back his groan, Cade’s head tilted back briefly as he surrendered to the pleasure. When she began to convulse underneath him, he gave her his attention again. He spread her ass cheeks wide, watching in amazement how her pussy pulsed and leaked against him as she came. But that didn’t last long, because her pleasure pleased him so much that he began to throb and release inside of her.
Day 3
His nostrils were filled with the smell of bacon, causing a smile to cover Cade’s face. Opening his eyes slowly, his smile widened even more. Luna may have thought it was because she was standing there with a tray of food for him, but it was more so because of the sight of her. Back in the day, they took turns serving each other breakfast in bed. She had all of his favorite things from the hotel restaurants menu along with tea and orange juice.
“Morning, sleepy head,” she greeted as he sat up.
Cade gave her a nod as he reached for the juice. He waited until he swirled it around his mouth and swallowed to say, “Morning, beautiful. How long have you been up?”
“Just long enough to take care of my hygiene and head down to the restaurant,” she answered, placing the tray on his lap.
“Where’s yours?”
“I ate downstairs. Did you still want to go to church? If so, I’ll go on and get ready while you eat.”
“Yea, that’s cool.”
They’d already agreed to go their separate ways this evening so they could see their families before they left town, but Cade was starting to miss her already. While he felt as if they’d made a lot of good progress, he wasn’t sure if it was enough to replace the fear she had of being hurt with the courage to allow him to love her again. As anxious as he was for her answer, Cade decided not to question her about it until tonight.
Cade watched her ass as she walked away, giving his attention to his food only when she closed the bathroom door. He made the mental note to find her therapist and send her a bouquet of flowers. While he knew it wouldn’t take more than an opening to get to Luna, he also knew she wouldn’t willingly give that. In fact, she’d fight it with every fiber of her being. It surprised him at first to hear that she was finally ready to try and settle down because she’d made it clear over the years that that was something she wanted nothing to do with.
But she wouldn’t hear any complaints from Cade.
It was about damn time that she gave a man a real chance to treat her like the Queen she was, and Cade would be damned if that man wasn’t him.
This was literally the beginning of an entirely new journey for them, and Cade couldn’t wait to get to know her and fall in love with her all over again.
He couldn’t keep himself from smiling the entire time he ate. Cade didn’t want to get too ahead of himself, but this was definitely looking promising. If he could just keep Luna from overthinking and preparing for the worst instead of enjoying the moment they were in… they would be straight.
It took them both about two hours to finish getting ready, then they headed to Cade’s church. Before they went in, he asked her if she was sure about this. His parents, sister, and brother would be there. When they saw them together, they would ask her a million questions. Cade waited until he was sure that she was prepared for it, then he got out and led her into the church.
Seeing him there was enough to make his mother cry, and when she saw Luna standing behind him, they had to keep her from running around the church. She almost pushed Cade out of the way trying to get to Luna, making them both laugh. After everyone scooted down and made room for them on the bench, Cade allowed Luna to sit between him and his mother.
They waved at the rest of his family that was seated on their row before promising to join them for dinner and giving their attention to the praise and worship team. It felt like old times, being with his family and his woman at the same time. Pastor Orr delivered an on-time word about making sure you’re prepared for what you pray for.
Once service was over, they all headed outside, where more hugs and greetings were tossed around. Things were perfect… until Luna received a phone call from her mother. They were about three minutes away from his parents’ place, and Cade hoped to God that Jada didn’t say anything to ruin Luna’s mood.
“Hey, Ma,” Luna answered, looking out of the window as she reached for Cade’s hand across the center console. “I was going to stop by today and surprise you. Who called from the church and told you they saw me?” Rolling her eyes, Luna shook her head. “Mother Bessie didn’t even speak to me, but she couldn’t wait to call you and gossip.” There was a long pause before Luna spoke again. Her grip on Cade’s hand loosened as she said, “I know that, Ma. Yes, I know what he did to you, but Cade isn’t… well yes, that did hurt me, but it wasn’t intentional.” Removing her hand from his, Luna sat up in her seat. “That’s not fair, and I’m sick of it quite frankly. Just because he hurt you doesn’t mean every man I come in contact with is going to hurt me.” Her voice softened when she said, “I’m sorry, Ma. I know you’re only looking out for me, but I’m okay.” Shoulders slumped; Luna hung her head. “No, there’s no way I can guarantee that he won’t hurt me. But there’s no guarantee that he will either.” She looked over at Cade briefly. “The past is not an indicator of what he’s capable of. And if it is, it’s an indicator that he’s capable of loving and cherishing me. He did far more of that than he did hurti–” With a growl, Luna slammed her hand against the dashboard. “Dammit, Ma! I will talk to you later, okay?” It didn’t seem like she gave her much time to agree before she was disconnecting the call.
Cade pulled into his parents’ driveway and put the car in park, but he didn’t bother cutting it off. Looking over at her, he took in her strained frame. Folded arms. Wrinkled brows. Tight jaw. Flaring nostrils.
“You wanna… just go back to the room?”
Her eyes blinked rapidly as she licked the corner of her mouth. All she gave him was a nod. Relea
sing a heavy sigh, Cade pulled his phone out of his pocket. After reversing out of the driveway, he texted his father and told him to have their places cleared at the table. Of course his father wanted to know what was going on, and Cade promised to call him later whenever the hell he figured it out.
The ride back to the hotel was silent, and Luna hopped out of the car so quickly she hadn’t even thought to wait for him to come and open her door. Even though she briskly walked down the hall, Cade was able to keep up with her with his slow stride because her legs were so damn short. As soon as they made it inside of the room, Cade grabbed a blunt and headed out to the patio. Technically they’d requested a nonsmoking room, but he didn’t feel like walking all the way downstairs to light up. Deciding the bill would be worth it, he sat down and sparked up – hoping the weed would unravel his nerves before Luna could fully push his buttons.
On one hand, he wanted to be upset with her for allowing her mother to get to her. On the other hand, he should have expected this. It was easy for Luna to be open with them spending their time locked away together. Yes, all they needed was time, communication, and openness, but that was literally just the foundation. A relationship between them would require so much more. And while his family was happy to see the two of them together, Cade should have known her mother would have a fit.
He was so upset he couldn’t even surrender to the high the weed was trying to give him. Instead, he went back into the room, fully prepared to ask Luna if she was ready for them to go their separate ways. Just as he was about to knock on the bathroom door, his fist froze in the air when he heard her say…
“I feel like a coward, Dr. Adams.” Was she on the phone with her therapist? This felt like a total invasion of privacy. And as much as Cade knew he needed to walk away, he couldn’t will his feet to move. The sound of her sniffles were like daggers to his heart. Cade weakly leaned his back against the wall. “I know that my life is my own, but she gets to me. I was fine and looking forward to building with Cade until I talked to her. Now she has me second guessing myself and wondering if I’m even built for love. Built to be with a man in this manner. It just… seems so much easier to be single and safe.” Her breath came out shaky before the sniffles started again. “Yes, Dr. Adams. Nothing worth having is easy, I know. Yes, Cade would be worth it. I know love with any man will be a risk. That’s what I’m saying – maybe I just shouldn’t take that risk. Cade doesn’t deserve this. I’m broken, incapable of being fixed. This weekend has shown me all over again just how amazing he is, and I have to love him enough to free him so that he can find a woman secure enough to accept and never question his love.”