“Do you remember the name of the professional barrel racer who used to be a camper here?” Shannon asked. “I wanted to get in contact with her and see if she would be willing to attend our horse show.”
“You’re talking about Violet Byrd.” Macy tugged her phone from her pocket. “I have her number if you want it. Or I can call her for you.”
“I’ll call her.” Shannon felt her pockets but couldn’t locate her phone. The last time she remembered having it, she had been at the barn with Carter.
Macy’s eyebrow rose. “Lose something?”
Shannon shook her head. “I just left my phone somewhere.”
“Before you got here we were all talking, and Rhett said money was missing from his wallet the other day and Wade had a pair of expensive sunglasses go missing,” Macy said. “We were trying to figure out if it was coincidence or something we should be concerned about.”
“Wade has a habit of misplacing things. I’m sure his sunglasses will turn up.” Shannon found a receipt on the table and flipped it over, copying down Violet’s phone number.
Macy lifted her fork, cutting into the pie. She sighed. “I know Cassidy loves her fruit desserts but sometimes I just want some chocolate. Especially now.” She glanced down at her baby bump. Being a petite person, Macy was beginning to look uncomfortably pregnant at seven months.
Shannon swallowed a small bite of the pie. It was cool and tangy, with just the right amount of sweetness. Chocolate was more to Shannon’s liking, too, but anything Cassidy made was good. “How have you been feeling?”
Macy rubbed her stomach as a soft smile played across her face. “Some days I can’t wait to meet him, and other days I’m a little afraid of all the changes and responsibilities his arrival will bring.”
Shannon laid her hand on Macy’s arm. “You and Rhett are going to be amazing parents. Just look at him.” Shannon jutted her chin in her eldest brother’s direction. Piper had launched herself at Rhett and had her arms looped around his neck. Rhett spun her around and a tickle war began. Piper shrieked and called for her dad to join her side of the battle.
Wade laughed. “Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m afraid Rhett could pin us both at once, even if I tried.” He crossed to where his wife was sitting and looped an arm around her shoulders as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“No way, I’m going to win.” Piper’s brow set into a line of determination seconds before she scrambled around to Rhett’s back. With dramatic flair, Rhett fell forward and pretended that Piper was holding him to the ground. Piper whooped in triumph and looked to her parents.
Macy hid a grin behind her hand. “He’s a natural, isn’t he? It’s so sweet.”
Once they finished their dessert, Macy ended up joining Rhett to cuddle together in a large overstuffed chair as they started a superhero movie. Cassidy had her head on Wade’s shoulder and Piper was draped over both of their laps on the couch. Their mother had dozed off in her reclining chair.
Thickness coated Shannon’s throat as she gazed at all of them. As much as she tried to accept the fact that perhaps she wasn’t meant to find love, her heart still longed for it. Looking down, she studied the grains in the kitchen table. She couldn’t sit here with her family, not tonight. Not when being around them and seeing their happiness made her physically ache.
Quietly, Shannon rose from the table and slipped on her shoes. She crossed to the living room and set a hand on Wade’s shoulder. “I’m heading out. Love you, guys.”
He grinned up at her. “You still don’t like action movies, do you?”
Old-fashioned romance movies were more her style but that realization made her sad. Words clogging in her throat, she waved at everyone and headed outside. Shannon hugged her middle on her way down the front steps. Darkness had gathered over the ranch while she had been inside the old family home. She squinted past the field to the row of staff houses, where she lived. Light from the horse barn drew her attention. Had Carter forgotten to turn it off?
Not ready to be alone at her house, Shannon veered toward the barn.
* * *
“I guess that medicine helped you a bit, huh?” Carter leaned over the stall door so he could trail his fingertips along Tater Tot’s tan shoulder. The buckskin had started to worry him a few hours ago, but for now the horse was calm. Still, when it came to horses, colic could go from nothing to a death sentence quickly, and Carter wasn’t about to take any chances. “Too bad for you, though.” He scratched Tater Tot’s forehead. “You’re stuck with me all night.”
Wing Crosby rose and trailed after Carter as he made his way to the office and started the coffee maker. He’d unearthed the machine when he had cleaned and reorganized the space earlier that day. Then Carter headed to where hay bales were stacked like a giant pyramid against the far wall of the barn. When he dropped down onto one, the goose shook his tail feathers before hopping up beside Carter on the bale. Pressing close to Carter’s thigh, Wing made himself comfortable.
“You’re like a parasite. You know that?” Carter petted the goose’s white feathers. The bird had followed on his heels most of the day. “I can’t seem to shake you.”
Wing gave a tired little honk and nestled his head onto his back. His blue eyes shuttered to a close as he tucked his beak under one of his wings. Within minutes the gander started letting out small whistling snores.
Carter leaned heavily against the bales behind him. Earlier in the evening, he had watched Shannon cross the field to the big house to spend time with her family. The sight had driven him to his office to pray. Why did God place some people into amazing families like the Jarretts while Carter had been saddled with a dad who had left and a mom who had looked the other way when her children were hurting?
Carter sighed and fished his phone from his back pocket. He went into his contacts and stared at the screen—at his sister’s name. Did she even still use the same number? They hadn’t spoken in two years and he doubted she wanted to hear from him now. If she had blocked his number, he wouldn’t blame her. The last time they had talked she had begged him to attend their mom’s funeral and he had refused. He wouldn’t disturb Amy’s peace now by imposing on her with a call.
But as much as he claimed to be a man who needed no one, Carter longed for connections. How different his life would have been if he had grown up with a tight-knit group of siblings, with a family who had weekly hangout nights as the Jarretts did. His chest hurt with the want of someone to share a tie with.
Like it or not, his dad was all he had.
Without giving it much thought, he pressed the green call button. It was earlier in the evening on the West Coast, where his dad had moved with his other family.
His dad answered on the second ring, his voice hushed. “What do you need?”
A part of Carter wanted to hang up because it wasn’t as if he had something to talk to his dad about. Calling him had been a mistake. Carter pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just wanted to let you know where I’m at these days, since I moved. I’m in Texas now. I can get you the address, if you want.”
“I only have a few minutes. We’re heading into Austin’s favorite restaurant to celebrate his upcoming graduation.”
A stone settled in Carter’s stomach. Of course his dad would be busy celebrating one of his stepbrothers—the family he was proud of. He had ditched Carter and his mom for them, after all. Because of that, Austin and Brooks had known a completely different upbringing than he had. Carter did the math in his head and realized Austin would be graduating college in May and no doubt he would be graduating debt-free on account of their father paying for everything, whereas Carter was drowning in school debt. The same father who had purchased a vacation house in Turks and Caicos, while Carter was living out of a little old lady’s garage trying to scrape together enough money to pay for books for the next semester.
Carter ground his teeth
together. At thirty years old, he shouldn’t still care about his father’s favor or approval and yet here he was. No matter what Carter did, he would never be good enough for his father. Because he would never be Austin or Brooks and nothing else would ever matter about him but that, as far as their father was concerned. He shouldn’t have called.
In fact, he should let go of the desire to connect with his dad altogether.
Dad cleared his throat. “Calling and not saying anything—this is odd behavior, Carter. Even for you. Are you on drugs or something?”
His shoulders tensed. “How can you even ask that?”
“Your mom had been known to dabble and I know that poor excuse for a husband of hers was a full-out druggie.”
“Well, I’ve never touched the stuff.” That or alcohol. Not after seeing what a monster both vices had turned his stepfather into. “Do you think I could have made it through veterinary school high, Dad? Come on.”
“So it’s about your school again, is it? If you’re trying to guilt me or get a loan from me to pay off that school debt, then you have the wrong number, son. If you had chosen to be a real doctor then maybe—but animals? Carter, I don’t know where I went wrong.”
It had probably been when the man had walked out on his wife and twelve-year-old son to start a new family with his much younger mistress. Or before then, when he had constantly belittled his mother until she had the self-worth of an amoeba, which had left her prey to a man like Carter’s stepfather. But Carter knew saying any of those things would only garner him caustic words from his father.
No wonder Carter failed at every relationship he ever attempted to have. His own father didn’t care about him—why should anyone else?
Carter rose and turned toward the hay bales. He fisted his hand. “I’ve never asked you for anything.”
His father let out a humorless laugh. “Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I remember you showing up on my doorstep unannounced, asking for a free ride.”
Carter closed his eyes and let a breath rattle through his chest.
He had been eighteen when he had showed up at his dad’s house. Eighteen and homeless after his stepfather had beaten him to a pulp and kicked him out of the house. All that his biological father had seen when he opened the door were the bruises and broken skin, so he had assumed Carter was getting into fights at school. He had pegged Carter as the aggressor and used his wounds as evidence to support his theory that Carter would be a bad influence on the sons he was raising in his new, perfect family. His father had moved his new family to California soon after that.
Carter’s shoulders caved forward and his voice wavered. “That was almost thirteen years ago. I was just a kid. I was a kid and you turned me out.”
His father made a half-exasperated sound. “You were troubled and I couldn’t have you around Brooks and Austin. They were small and impressionable. You know that.”
“And their big brother might have tainted them, is that it?”
“You’re a grown man,” his dad said. “You need to get over the past.”
“Oh, I’m over it, believe me,” Carter practically growled.
“Well, as fun as this has been, I have to hang up. I need a few minutes to go over the speech I’m giving for your brother. He got his degree in accounting and already has interviews lined up, and he hasn’t even graduated yet. We’re very proud.”
Carter might never call his dad again after this conversation. It had only served to reinforce his belief that no one cared about him or his problems. No one would ever want to love a beat-up version of a person that his own parents hadn’t even been able to care about. This was why Carter had chosen to work with animals—they didn’t have pretense and they loved without needing to know if he was worth loving.
Carter hung up and spun around to sit down but he froze when his eyes met Shannon’s. She stood five feet away from him, her eyes wide.
Carter’s heart rammed against his chest. No one was supposed to know about his sad past, least of all one of the Jarretts.
He cleared his throat. “How much of that did you hear?”
* * *
Shannon’s breath caught the moment Carter turned around. Despite the night’s chill, his cheeks were flushed. His arms were shaking and his chest was visibly rising and falling with jerky breaths. If he had been anyone else, she might have been afraid with the way he looked that he was about to yell at or hurt someone, but instead, everything about him screamed that he was hurting. And that made her heart twist. Her fingers itched to smooth away the deep frown line on his forehead. She wanted to do something to help ease the pain he was so clearly experiencing.
“Enough.” She wound her fingers together. “Your dad?”
Carter’s gaze went to the ground and then moved to the other side of the barn, away from her. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I hope you’re really thankful for the family you have in there.” He gestured in the direction of the main house.
“I thank God for them every single day. I know what I have isn’t the norm for many people.” Shannon took a step closer. “You’re really upset. Will you tell me what’s wrong?” She touched his forearm but he flinched and turned away. Shannon knew how blessed she was to have brothers who would do anything for her and parents who had showed their love for her in a million different ways. Not everyone had that sort of upbringing. Her heart went out to Carter. If he had been one of her brothers, she would have been hugging him already.
But Carter definitely wasn’t one of her brothers.
Gathering her courage, Shannon wrapped her fingers around his bicep and eased him gently in her direction so she could meet his eyes again. “Family doesn’t have to be blood,” she said. “We’re capable of building our own families through friendships, especially as adults.”
Carter’s laugh dripped with bitterness. “I tried that once.” He dropped onto a nearby hay bale, moving out of her touch again. “I’ll spare you the sob story and just say it didn’t go well.”
Hay dust skated through the air, illuminated by the barn lights buzzing above them. Shannon studied the scars along his cheek and jawline, the ones she had thought made him look like a rugged cowboy the first day they met. Today they elicited her sympathy. Despite the warm personality he had displayed and the encouragement he so readily offered, Carter was a man of many scars. Both inside and out.
She fisted her hands to keep herself from reaching out to touch his face. Fisted them against whoever had hurt him, as well. Sucking in a fortifying breath, she sat down next to him, leaving a few inches of space. She waited a heartbeat before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head. “Not now, not ever.”
On Carter’s other side, Wing Crosby swung his head up and drowsily waggled his beak. He let out one long honk. Carter ran his fingers down the gander’s back and Wing leaned into his touch, acting more like a puppy than a bird.
Carter cleared his throat. “Did you know when they’re in a flock and one goose gets sick or injured or if one is shot, two others leave the flock and follow that one to the ground? They will stay with the injured goose to protect it and make sure it’s fed until either it’s better or it dies. But whatever is going on, they don’t leave one of their own alone or unprotected.” He petted Wing Crosby again. “For all the irritating honking, they’re incredibly loyal creatures.”
Shannon knew he was trying to change the subject and maybe she should have let him. But the man she had overheard speaking with his father had been heartbroken and she wanted him to know she was there for him. She could be there for the Carter who wanted to spew facts about animals or the Carter who was in pain. Whatever he needed.
She let her shoulder rub against his. “I’m sorry someone hurt you,” she whispered.
He exhaled a long puff of air and finally relaxed against her. “I’m fine.”
“Clearl
y, you’re not,” she said gently. “And that’s okay, Carter.” She tilted her head to make eye contact with him. He was turned her way, leaning in so he was only a breath away. “I hope you know it’s completely normal to not be okay. It means you have a heart. That you’re human.” Her voice shook a little. “But I know what it’s like to think you’re damaged goods that no one could ever love. I get it, if that’s how your dad makes you feel.”
“You’re wrong,” he whispered. “About the damaged goods part.” His eyes searched hers. “Because you’re very easy to care about, Shannon.” She moistened her lips. If he kissed her, she knew she wouldn’t pull away. The spicy scent of the cologne he wore wrapped around her as she leaned a bit closer.
Suddenly, Carter straightened and jolted to his feet. “I have to check Tater Tot.” He started to cross to the row of stalls. Wing Crosby shot to his feet, too, and shook his tail in an indignant way.
Shannon trailed after Carter. “What’s wrong with him?”
At the first stall, he reached toward the tan horse inside. “Colic,” Carter said. “He was pretty bad earlier. After I turned the rest of the herd out to pasture, I gave him a dose of Banamine. It’s a fairly strong painkiller, so his discomfort level seems to be down, but he’s not out of the woods.”
Shannon edged closer so she could pet Tater Tot, as well. Her fingers traced over his velvety muzzle. “He was my first horse when I was little. I used to ride him every day after school. I’m the one who named him. Well, he came with a different name because he was four when my dad bought him, but I switched it.”
Tater Tot made a waffling noise as they petted him. She noticed a bucket of water in his stall.
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