“Of course! I wish I could.”
“Well, you’re right. I do.”
She blinked. “Okay.”
“You can do that by showing me I taught you a thing or two over the years about surviving and thriving, even when the going is tough.”
She stared at her aunt, wondering where this was coming from. “I... What do you mean?”
“Life isn’t meant to be lived in fear, honey,” Mary said.
It was so similar to her recent conversation with Chase that she had to swallow. “I know.”
“Do you?” Mary pressed. “I’m just saying. Chase won’t wait around for you forever, you know.”
Faith pulled her hands from her aunt’s and curled them into fists on her lap. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Mary snorted. “Of the three of you, you were always the worst liar. You know exactly what I mean. That boy is in love with you and has been forever.”
She felt hot and then ice-cold. First Celeste, now Aunt Mary. What had they seen that she had missed all this time?
She wanted to protest but even in her head, any counterargument she tried to formulate sounded stupid and trite. Was it true? Had he been in love with her and had she been so preoccupied with life that she hadn’t realized?
Or worse, much worse, had she realized it on some subconscious level and simply taken it for granted all this time?
“Chase is my best friend, Mary. He’s been like a father to the kids since Travis died. And you and I both know we would have had to sell the ranch if he hadn’t helped me pull it back from the brink.”
Her aunt gave her a hard look. “Seems to me there are worse things to base a relationship on. Not to mention, he’s one good-looking son of a gun.”
She couldn’t deny that. And he kissed like a dream.
“I’m so scared,” she whispered.
Mary made that snorting noise again. “Who isn’t, honey? If you’re not scared sometimes, you’re just plain stupid. The trick is to decide how much of your life you’re willing to sacrifice for those fears.”
Before she could come up with an answer, her aunt rose. “I’m going to turn in and you’ve got kids waiting for you to read to them.”
She rose, as well. “Thank you, Mary.”
She didn’t know if she was thanking her for the advice or the last eighteen years of wisdom. She supposed it didn’t really matter.
Her aunt hugged her. “Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out. Good night, honey. Sleep well.”
She would have laughed if she thought she could pull it off without sounding hysterical.
Something told her more than the wind would be keeping her up that night.
* * *
She didn’t see Chase at all the next week. Maybe he was only giving her space, as she had asked, or maybe he was as busy at his place as she was at the Star N, trying to finish up random jobs before the holidays.
Or maybe he was finally fed up with her cowardice and indecision.
Though she didn’t see him, she did talk to him on the phone twice.
He called her once on Monday morning, the day after the storm and that stunning kiss in the barn, to make sure her ranch hadn’t sustained significant damage from the winds and snows.
On Thursday afternoon, he called to tell her he was driving to Boise to pick up Addie a day earlier than planned and asked if she needed him to bring anything back from Boise for the kids’ stockings.
He had sounded distant and frazzled. She knew how tough it was for him to be separated from Addie over the holidays, which made his thoughtfulness in worrying about Louisa and Barrett even more touching.
Again, she wanted to smack Cindy for her selfishness in booking a cruise over the holidays without consulting him.
He could have withheld permission and the court would have sided with him. After Cindy sprang the news on him, though, he had told Faith he hadn’t wanted to drag Addie into a war between her parents.
As a result, he was planning their own Christmas celebration a few days before the actual holiday, complete with Christmas Eve dinner, presents and all.
“I think we’re covered,” she told him, her heart aching. “Be careful driving back. Oh, and let Addie know she’s still on to sing with Louisa and Olivia. Ella is planning on it.”
“I’ll tell her. She’ll be thrilled. Thanks.”
She wanted to tell him so many other things. That she hadn’t stopped thinking about him. That their kisses seemed to play through her head on an endless loop. That she just needed a little more time. She couldn’t find the courage to say any of it so he ended up telling her goodbye rather abruptly and severing the connection.
There had been times when they stayed on the phone the entire time he drove to Boise to pick up his daughter, never running out of things to talk about.
Were those days gone forever?
She sighed now and headed toward Saint Nicholas Lodge with a couple of letters that had been delivered to the main house by accident, probably because the post office had temporary help handling the holiday mail volume.
Though she waved at the longtime clerk at the gift store, she didn’t stop to chat, heading straight for the office instead, where she found Hope sitting behind her desk.
“Mail delivery,” Faith announced, setting the letters on the desk. “It looks like a bill for reindeer food and one for candy canes. I might have a tough time convincing my accountant those are legitimate expenses for a cattle ranch.”
When Hope didn’t reply, Faith’s gaze sharpened on her sister. Fear suddenly clutched her when she registered her sister’s pale features, her pinched mouth, the haunted eyes. “What is it, honey? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, Faith. I... I was just about to call you.”
Her sister’s last word ended in a sob that she tried to hide but Faith wasn’t fooled. She also suddenly realized her sister’s arms were crossed protectively across her abdomen.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
Hope nodded, tears dripping down the corners of her eyes. “I’ve been having crampy aches all day and I... I just don’t feel good. I was just in the bathroom and...had some spotting. Oh, Faith. I’m afraid I’m losing the baby.”
She burst into tears and Faith instantly went to her side and wrapped her arms around her. Her younger sister was normally so controlled in any crisis. Even when they had been kidnapped, Hope had been calm and cool.
Seeing her lose it like this broke Faith’s heart in two.
“What do you need me to do? I can call Rafe. I can run you into the doctor’s. Whatever you need.”
“I just called Rafe.” Hope wiped at her eyes, though she continued to weep. “He’s on his way and we’re running into Jake Dalton’s office. It might be nothing. I might be overreacting. I hope so.”
“I do, too.” She whispered a prayer that her sister could endure whatever outcome.
She wouldn’t let herself focus on the worst, thinking instead about what a wonderful mother Hope would be. She was made for it. She loved children and had spent much of her adult life following their parents’ examples and trying to help those in need around the world in her own way.
Really, coming home and running The Christmas Ranch had been one more way Hope wanted to help people, by giving them a little bit of holiday spirit in a frazzled word.
“It’s the worst possible time,” Hope said, her eyes distressed. “Within the hour, I’ve got forty kids showing up to practice for the play.”
“That is absolutely the least of your concerns,” Faith said, going into big sister mode. “I forbid you to worry about a single thing at The Christmas Ranch. You’ve got an excellent staff, not to mention a family ready to step in and cover whatever else you might need. Focus on yourself and on the baby. That’s an or
der.”
Hope managed a wobbly smile that did nothing to conceal the fear beneath it. “You’re always so bossy.”
“That’s right.” She squeezed her sister’s fingers. “And right now I’m ordering you to lie down and wait for your husband, this instant.”
Hope went to the low sofa in the office and complied. While she rested, Faith found her sister’s coat and her voluminous tote bag and carried them both to her, then sat holding her hand for a few more moments, until Rafe arrived.
He looked as pale as his wife and hugged her tightly, green eyes murky with worry. “Whatever happens, we’ll be okay,” he assured her.
It took all her strength not to sob at the gentleness of the big, tough former navy SEAL as he all but carried Hope out to his SUV and settled her into the passenger side. Faith handed her the tote bag she had carried along.
“Call me the minute you know anything,” she ordered.
“I will. I promise. Faith, can you stay during rehearsals to make sure Ella has everything she needs?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t tell Barrett and Lou yet. I don’t want them to worry.”
“Nothing to tell,” she said. “Because you and that baby are going to be absolutely fine.”
If she kept saying that, perhaps she could make it true.
She watched them drive away, shivering a little until she realized she had left her own coat in Hope’s office. Before she could go inside for it, she spotted Chase’s familiar pickup truck.
How did he always know when she needed him? she wondered, then realized he must be dropping Addie off for rehearsal.
She didn’t care why he had come. Only that he was there.
She moved across the parking lot without even thinking it through. Desperate for the strength and comfort of his embrace, she barely gave him time to climb out of his vehicle before she was at his side, wrapping her arms tightly around him.
She saw shock and concern flash in his eyes for just an instant before he held her tight against him. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice urgent.
Addie was with him, Faith realized with some dismay. She couldn’t burst into tears, not without the girl wondering about it and then telling Lou and Barrett, contrary to Hope’s wishes.
“It’s Hope,” she whispered in his ear. “She’s threatening a miscarriage.”
He growled a curse that made Addie blink.
“It’s too early to know for sure yet,” Faith said quietly. “Rafe just took her to the doctor.”
“What can I do?”
It was so like him to want to fix everything. The thought would have made her smile if she weren’t so very worried. “I don’t think we can do anything yet. Just hope and pray she and the baby will both be okay.”
“Will she need extra help here at The Christmas Ranch? I can cover you at the Star N if you need to step in here until the New Year.”
Oh, the dear man. He was already doing extra work for their neighbor and now he wanted to add Faith’s workload to his pile, as well.
“I hope I don’t have to take you up on that but it’s too early to say right now.”
“Keep me posted.”
“I will. I... Thank you, Chase.”
“You’re welcome.”
She would have said more but other children started to arrive and the moment was gone.
Chapter Eleven
Chase ended up staying to watch the rehearsal, figuring he could help corral kids if need be.
He had plenty of other things he should be doing but nothing else seemed as important as being here if Faith or her family needed him.
A few minutes after the rehearsal started, Celeste showed up. She went immediately to the office, where Faith was staring into space. The two of them embraced, both wiping tears. Not long after, Mary showed up, too, and the three of them sat together, not saying much.
He wanted to go in there but didn’t quite feel it was his place so he stayed where he was and watched the children sing about Silver Bells and Holly Jolly Christmases and Silent Nights.
About an hour into rehearsal—when he felt more antsy than he ever remembered—Faith took a call on her cell phone. The anxiety and fear on her features cut through him and he couldn’t resist rising to his feet and going to the doorway.
“Are they sure? Yes. Yes. I understand.” Her features softened and she gave a tremulous smile. “That’s the best news, Rafe. The absolute best. Thank you for calling. I’ll tell them. Yes. Give her all our love and tell her to take care of herself and not to worry about a thing. That’s an order. Same goes for you. We love you, too, you know.”
She hung up, her smile incandescent, then she gave a little cry that ended on a sob. “Dr. Dalton says for now everything seems okay with the baby. The heartbeat is strong and all indications are good for a healthy pregnancy.”
“Oh, thank the Lord,” Mary exclaimed.
She nodded and they all spent a silent moment doing just that.
“Jake wants to put her on strict bed rest for the next few weeks to be safe,” Faith said after a moment. “That means the rest of us will have to step up here.”
“I’m available for whatever you need,” Chase offered once more.
She gave him a distracted smile. “I know but, again, you have plenty to do at your own place. We can handle it.”
“I want to help.” He tried to tamp down his annoyance that she was immediately pushing aside his help.
“We actually could use him tomorrow,” Celeste said thoughtfully.
Faith didn’t look convinced. “We’ll just have to cancel that part of the party, under the circumstances. The kids will have to understand.”
“They’re kids,” her sister pointed out. “They won’t understand anything but disappointment.”
“I’ll just do it, then,” Faith said.
“How, when you’re supposed to be helping me with everything else?”
He looked from one to the other without the first idea what they were talking about. “What do you need me to do?”
“I’ve been running a holiday reading contest at the library for the last two months and the children who have read enough pages earned a special party tomorrow at the ranch,” Celeste said. “Sparkle is supposed to make an appearance and we also promised the children wagon rides around the ranch. Our regular driver will be busy taking the regular customers to see the lights so Rafe has been practicing with our backup team so he could help out at the party. Obviously, he needs to be with Hope now. Flynn is coming back tomorrow but he won’t be here in time to help, even if he learns overnight how to drive a team of draft horses.”
Why hadn’t they just asked him in the first place? Was it because things with him and Faith had become so damn complicated?
“I can do it, no problem—as long as you don’t mind if Addie comes along.”
Celeste gave him a grateful smile. “Oh, thank you! And Addie would be more than welcome. She’s such a reader she probably would have earned the party anyway. Olivia, Lou and Faith are my volunteer helpers and I’m sure they would love Addie’s help.”
“Great. I’ll plan on it, then. Just let me know what time.”
They worked out a few more details, all while he was aware of Faith’s stiff expression.
At least he would get to see her the next day, even if she clearly didn’t want him there.
* * *
She lived in the most beautiful place on earth.
Faith lifted her face to the sky, pale lavender with the deepening twilight. As she drove the backup team of draft horses around the Star N barn so she could take them down to the lodge late Sunday afternoon, the moon was a slender crescent above the jagged Teton mountain range to the east and the entire landscape looked
still and peaceful.
Sometimes she had to pinch herself to believe she really lived here.
When she was a girl, she had desperately wanted a place to call her own.
She had spent her entire childhood moving around the world while her parents tried to make a difference. She had loved and respected her parents and understood, even then, that they genuinely wanted to help people as they moved around to impoverished villages setting up medical clinics and providing the training to run them after they left.
She wasn’t sure they understood the toll their self-ordained missionary efforts were taking on their daughters, even before the terrifying events shortly before their deaths.
Faith hadn’t known anything other than their transitory lifestyle. She hadn’t blinked an eye at the primitive conditions, the language barriers, making friends only to have to tearfully leave them a few months later.
Still, some part of her had yearned for this, though she never had a specific spot in mind. All she had really wanted was a place to call her own, anywhere. A loft in the city, a split-level house in the suburbs, a double-wide mobile home somewhere. She hadn’t cared what. She just wanted roots somewhere.
For nearly sixteen years, that had been her secret dream, the one she hadn’t dared share with her parents. That dream had become reality only after a series of traumas and tragedies. The kidnapping. The unspeakable ordeal of their month spent in the rebel camp. Her father’s shocking death during the rescue attempt, then her mother’s cancer diagnosis immediately afterward.
She had been shell-shocked, grieving, frightened out of her mind but trying to put on a brave front for her younger sisters as they traveled to their new home in Idaho to live with relatives they barely knew.
When Claude picked them up at the airport in Boise and drove them here, everything had seemed so strange and new, like they had been thrust into an alien landscape.
Until they drove onto the Star N, anyway.
Faith still remembered the moment they arrived at the ranch and the instant, fierce sense of belonging she had felt.
In the years since, it had never left her. She felt the same way every time she returned to the ranch after spending any amount of time away from it. This was home, each beautiful inch of it. She loved ranching more than she could have dreamed. Whoever would have guessed that she would one day become so comfortable at this life that she could not only hitch up a team of draft horses but drive them, too?
The Holiday Gift Page 13