by Gina Azzi
It's late when Jax walks me to my front door. The light outside flickered on hours ago, and I feel the same giddy butterflies from my teenage years take flight into my ribs. I'm standing on my porch with Jax.
And he's going to kiss me.
The thought fills me with anxiety, excitement, dread and hope. It’s such a confusing combination that I don’t want to focus on any one feeling and instead count in my head to regulate my breathing. If Jax tries to kiss me, I’m scared I’ll freak out. If he doesn’t, I might cry from his rejection. There are too many thoughts clattering for attention in my brain and –
“Evie?” Jax asks, interrupting the volcano swirling in my head. He leans the side of his right hand against the doorframe, pressing his weight into it as his face angles to the left. He studies me, his eyes trailing over my face, as if memorizing my features, my expression, me. The left corner of his mouth ticks up as his eyes grow tender. For a beat, he looks just like he did seven years ago. More boy than man. More sweet than spice. “It’s just me.”
“I know.”
"I had fun tonight," he says, his voice low like he's confessing a secret.
"Me too." I take a deep breath as my whirling thoughts quiet down and hope spikes in my chest.
"Maybe we could do it again sometime?" He grins now, his eyes brightening in amusement, and he pushes off the doorframe, standing to his full height before me.
"I'd like that."
"Sometime soon?"
I nod.
"Good." He takes a small step forward, his left thumb brushing against my cheekbone as his right hand cups the back of my neck. "Would you forgive me if I reneged on my Boy Scout Oath?”
“Hmm?” I’m lost in the depth of his eyes. The color darkening with each passing second.
“I'm going to kiss you now." His voice is unhurried as his eyes bore into mine for…permission?
A sigh falls from my lips and Jax blinks slowly, the left side of his mouth tugging up slightly before his lips descend toward mine.
The butterflies beat their wings rapidly in my stomach, and my heart gallops in my chest. I close my eyes, feeling Jax's breath fan across my lips. I breathe him in, partly from memory and partly from the moment, a familiar scent blending with a new, spicy, all-male aroma. I shiver, goosebumps breaking out on my arms. I forgot what this feeling is like, the giddy nervousness of a first kiss. Transported back to high school, my eyes flutter closed as I clench my hands, unsure of how to proceed. I haven’t done this in so long and Jax must have been with so many –
His mouth captures mine, a sweet pressure that fuses our lips together the same way it did when we were seventeen.
I stand still, rigid even, as my mind links my first kiss with Jax to the present.
His hands grip my shoulders and I relax into him. He kisses me again, increasing the pressure, and I start to melt. It's been so long since I've been kissed. So long since I wanted to be kissed.
Jax's hand slides from my shoulder to the base of my neck to my cheek as my hands come up to rest against his chest. I step into him, and he angles my jaw, deepening our kiss, and dipping his tongue into my mouth.
I try to swallow back my moan but fail miserably, and Jax pulls back, a full-on smile crossing his lips as his eyes gleam.
I blink slowly, as if coming out of a haze. Breathing deeply, my eyes latch onto Jax and I feel cherished in a way I thought I’d never experience again.
"Thank you for tonight, my Maywood." He lets his hand drop from my face, his fingertips trailing down my arm softly.
I nod, my brain foggy, my skin heated.
"Goodnight." He rocks back on his heels, stuffing his hands into his front pockets. "I'll call you soon about that next date."
"Okay." I stare at him, relieved that I didn’t freak out, giddy that he kissed me. My heart swells as feelings from the past, emotions I’ve buried, slowly come back.
Moments tick by as the smile on Jax's face grows, and I continue to stare at him, processing my thoughts and sorting out my emotions.
Jax... kissed me.
After a moment, I realize that I'm an idiot and need to unlock my front door, disappear inside of it, and then crawl under the hardwood floors, never to be heard from again. I can’t believe I’m standing here and staring at him like an absolute moron over one, PG-13 rated kiss. But God, it was so good. It felt right. His hands on my shoulders, my neck, my face, were comforting, and not at all invasive like I feared. His kiss was sweet not brutal. He made me feel…safe.
Jeez. My face flames as I feel around in my purse for my keys. Shoving the key into the lock, I turn it quickly before pushing inside. Looking at Jax over my shoulder, I suddenly feel shy. "Thank you again for tonight."
"Sleep well, Evie."
I lift my hand in a small wave, closing the door behind me and turning the locks until the three bolts are in place. Leaning against the door, I slide down until I'm sitting on the floor, my back pressed against it, and my purse next to me. I place my fingertips against my lips, still feeling Jax's kiss linger there.
I kissed Jaxon Kane.
Hours later, when I close my eyes, I wait for the flashbacks to flood my mind. I expect to wake from nightmares. I anticipate the cold dread to pool at the base of my neck and drip down my back. But none of that happens. Whereas the last date I went on ended with me almost slapping the guy after a goodnight peck and filled me with an overwhelming dread that left me reeling for weeks, tonight, I sleep soundly.
"How was your date?" Jenny slides onto the barstool next to me.
I look at her from the corner of my eye, my fingers shredding a paper straw wrapper into tiny pieces. "How'd you know about that?"
"Carter." She huffs. "You could have told me, you know?"
I turn to face her, taking in the flash of annoyance crossing her features. "I know. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, and I didn't even know how I felt about it, so..."
Jenny raises her eyebrows expectantly. "So?"
"So?"
She narrows her eyes at me. "How'd it go? What do you think now? Apology accepted, by the way. I'm way too interested to know what happened to be hung up on the fact that you're a liar by omission."
"It went well."
"That sounds like a job interview. What is wrong with you? Were there fireworks? Tension? Something worth mentioning? Like, oh I don’t know, I went out with my ex-boyfriend and it was incredible and we had hot, passionate sex all night long."
I take a sip of the water Lenny poured for me when I sat down at the bar. "It was nice. Comfortable. I had a good time."
"Well, Hallelujah for small miracles. Hey, Len, can I get a Jack and Coke?"
"Jack and Coke? It's three in the afternoon."
"Don't be judgey. It's Saturday. And I've had a crappy week."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"I lost a patient last night."
I reach out my hand, dropping it to her forearm. "I'm sorry, Jenny."
"He was so, so young. Still had his whole life ahead of him, you know?"
"What happened?"
"Overdose."
I shudder. I don't know how Jenny does it. Nursing is such a noble profession, but working in the ER, seeing how accidents affect people day after day, night after night, it's heartbreaking.
She thanks Lenny as he drops the drink in front of her. "You're a peach."
"You're still sober," Lenny reminds her, reaching over to pinch her cheek. "You know compliments from sober girls are just creepy."
Jenny and I laugh as Lenny is called away to refill a pint of Bud.
"Are you going to see him again?"
"Jax?"
"No, the other hot guy you've recently started dating."
"Shut up."
"Well, are you?"
I bite back my smile, nodding.
Jenny giggles and bumps her shoulder with mine. “Good.”
"It is, isn't it?"
She rolls her eyes. "No need to go on and on ab
out it, Evie. Whew, with all these details, I can hardly contain my excitement."
I throw my paper shreds at her.
She swats them away. "Yes, it's good. It's really, really great."
"Aw, look at y'all sittin’ over here, gossipin’ and... drinkin’." Carter amps up his southern drawl as he drops his elbow onto the bar next to Jenny, leaning over to sniff her glass. "Jack Daniels. Rough week?" He tilts his head to study her.
Jenny’s expression sobers. “I lost a patient last night. It was an overdose.”
Carter blanches. “Shit. I’m sorry, Jenny. That fucking blows.”
"Orders up," Lenny announces, placing a basket of fries in front of me.
"Really, who are you today?" Jenny asks, shaking off her sorrow and nabbing a fry. "I haven't seen you eat anything remotely delicious in... actually, I can't remember the last time I saw you eat anything at all."
"I eat," I say, biting into a fry to prove my point.
"Must have been that date," Carter teases, grabbing a fry and popping it into his mouth. His eyes twinkle. Yes, they literally twinkle.
I watch him warily, knowing that he knows I've gone out of my way to avoid him for years now. That doesn't mean he's ever stopped being friendly toward me. Nope. Only Carter would continue to act like nothing between us has changed when the truth is, he's seen me at my absolute worst. I cringe just thinking about it.
"How've you been, Evie?" He carries on like I'm not avoiding him.
"Fine."
"That's good. Have fun out with Jax?"
Take a deep breath. Stop being so rude. I force my eyes to meet his. "Yes."
His seafoam green eyes lighten and the warmth in his expression causes a pang of guilt in my stomach. "He did, too."
A lightness sweeps through me hearing Carter’s confirmation. Jax had fun, too. Jax and I went on a date. And then we kissed.
Gah! I'm seriously in high school all over again.
"Anyway, I gotta go. I'll let y'all continue talking about how the Kane brothers are the best looking guys in this town."
Jenny snorts but doesn't say anything. Probably because it's true.
"Don't drink too much," he warns, giving her a stern look.
She picks up her glass and takes a sip in response.
"And you, keep eating French fries. And mint chocolate chip ice cream sundaes." He winks at me.
"'Bye Carter," I manage to mumble out.
"'Bye Evie."
I turn my gaze back to Jenny, who is looking at me incredulously. Her eyes are nearly popping out of her face.
"What?"
"You ate ice cream?"
I throw a fry at her. "Shut up."
“A whole scoop?” She teases before pulling me into a side hug.
I pinch her side and she jumps back, flipping me the middle finger. We both crack up, our laughter causing other customers to look at us and smile.
Down the bar, Lenny's head swivels toward us, and he rolls his eyes. "Here we go," he mutters, causing Jenny and I to laugh even harder.
15
Jax
"You wanna go on a hike?" I call out as I cut across the parking lot of Morris and see Evie leaning against the building, her cell phone in hand.
Her eyebrows shoot up when she notices me. "A hike?"
"Yeah."
"Since when do you hike?" Her back straightens as she pushes off the building and stares at me, trying to figure out if I'm for real or not.
"Since I spent countless hours hauling around a shit ton of equipment patrolling sand."
"This from the same man who once told me, a member of the high school track team, that running isn't a sport; it's merely exercise."
"I used to be competitive. And I still don't get how most of the time, y'all just ran against a clock, hoping to win against yourselves."
Her eyebrows dip over her beautiful eyes as she fights curling her lips into a smile.
"Fine. I am competitive. I'll race you to the top of the hill on our hike," I offer.
Her laughter spills out and I grin in response. I'd say anything to get her to laugh like that. It punctures my chest with good times and sweet memories. She needs to do it more.
"You're really pulling out all the stops, you know?"
"How’s that?"
"All these little excursions: movies, hiking, stopping by my house." She scratches her nose, and I can tell she's walking a thin line between friendly and flirty and isn't sure which way it's going to go.
I'd pick flirty. Any day of the week. Every single time.
Dropping my voice, I lean closer to her. "I want to spend time with you. I'll do that any way you're willing to. So go hiking with me. And if you're a good sport, I'll let you win the race."
Her eyes flash, a darkening of azure reminding me she once was just as competitive. If not more so. "You'll let me?"
I shrug, keeping my face blank. God, I love teasing her. "Only if you can keep up."
Insulted and indignant, her temper begins to flare, and I want to wrap my arms around her.
"Oh, I can more than keep up. I may not have been traipsing around the desert in a billion degrees, but I've got other tricks up my sleeve."
"Like what?"
"Like... yoga!"
I crack up, bending over as laughter grips my ribs. "Yoga? You do yoga?"
"Yes, its calming and relaxing. It's peaceful." Her back stiffens, her posture defensive. “Besides, it keeps my ass tight.” She blinks at me, her signature sass dancing in her eyes as she keeps her face blank.
My mouth literally drops open. She’s definitely flirting with me now.
"You’ve always had a great ass.” I chuckle, amused by her candidness. She blushes, her eyes still shining playfully. “I just never pictured you as someone being so... zen."
"Yeah, well," she sticks her tongue out at me, "we'll see how much you're laughing when you realize how flexible I am." Her eyebrows rise, challenging me.
I stop laughing, clamping my mouth shut as a torrent of images of her in tight yoga pants, contorting her body into impossible positions appear in my mind. They have me battling a surge of jealousy over every fucker in her yoga class and a hard-on all at once.
I blow her a kiss. "There's my rattlesnake."
And what does she do?
She freaking hisses at me.
I sling my arm over her shoulders pulling her against my chest and messing up her hair as we both dissolve in laughter that’s as instinctive as it is refreshing. I’ve missed her feistiness.
She pushes back against my chest, shaking her head at me and wiping the back of her fingers against her eyes as moisture collects there. "God, I've missed you." She bites her lip as soon as the words are out, regarding me with wary eyes as if she's not sure how I'll react.
"Trust me, I've missed you more," I tell her truthfully.
Her cheeks redden again, and her eyes dart away. I can tell she's growing anxious now. Gone are the playful moments of teasing and poking. She's on guard again.
"How about tomorrow?" I ask, trying to put her at ease.
“For the hike?"
“Yeah.”
"Okay. Tomorrow."
"Pick you up at eleven."
"I'll make sandwiches. For lunch," she offers sweetly.
"That sounds great. Don't forget to add potato chips to mine."
She snorts, covering her eyes with a hand and peeking at me through her fingers, playful once more. "Don't remind me. Get out of here, you big ogre."
I drop a kiss to her cheek before she can react, and I'm surprised, and relieved, when she doesn't flinch or step away. "See you tomorrow," I remind her, leaving before she can add anything.
Walking into Morris, I let the memory popping into my head unfold.
Adrenaline is still racing in my veins, causing me to walk as fast as possible when I leave the locker room. I can't believe we fucking won. Actually, I can. I just didn't think we would. Not with the first half going so shitty. But man, that pass to
Diego! It was like freaking magic. The door thuds closed behind me, and my eyes scan the parking lot, looking for...
"Good game." She approaches me from the side, wrapping her arms around my middle and squeezing me tightly.
I drop a kiss to the crown of her head, breathing her in.
Jesus. I am a lucky guy. A win like that and a girl like her. Who the hell ever thought it would be like this for me?
"Are you tired? Hungry? Sore?" she continues, peppering my collarbone with small kisses as she snuggles closer, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder, hugging her into me.
"Excited and relieved."
"You should be."
"There's a party at Hudson's. You wanna go?" I look down at her, so I can read her expression.
She wrinkles her nose in the most adorable way possible. "Not really. But please, don't let me hold you back from celebrating with your team. We can do pancakes tomorrow morning or something else over the weekend."
"No way. I'd much rather spend the night with my girl than at a sausage party anyway."
She blushes the lightest shade of pink, compelling me to kiss the corner of her mouth until she turns her face, letting me slant my mouth over hers and dip my tongue in between her lips.
She pulls away, breathless. "What do you want to do?"
"Want to get a bite to eat?"
"Okay."
"I know a place."
"Whatever you want."
Tucking her hand into the crook of my arm like an old couple, we walk to Denver's SUV and climb inside. I chatter on and on about the game and the plays, coming down from the natural high that is Friday night football in a small town in the South. As the starting quarterback, everyone says I can go anywhere I want next year and play football at the D-1 level. But so far, all my scholarship offers have been for partial tuition and I definitely can’t swing the prices of a private university. Not even partial payment. Not even for fucking books. Not that it matters, I’m going to New York with Evie anyway.
"We're at your house," she states as we pull up in front.
"We are."