by Max Monroe
Her brows scrunched, and her eyes searched mine, deep and unrelenting.
And then, after what felt like an eternity, she said the one word that nearly knocked me on my ass and had my heart pounding so hard I thought it might jump out of my chest and into hers.
“Yes.”
“How much farther until we get to my soon-to-be in-laws’ house?”
I glanced over toward the driver’s seat, taking in the relaxed posture of the motherfucking one-upper sitting beside me.
Thatch drove down the highway with one hand on the wheel and the other holding mine, the crowded edges of the street filled with trees rather than people. It was like a different world up here outside of the city, the only bonding characteristic the name of the state.
But my concentration on nature was next to none thanks to Thatch.
I knew what he was doing. The occasional tap or soft caress of his fingers to my left ring finger. Yeah, I knew. He was trying to egg me on, to make sure I couldn’t forget what I’d agreed to or what this trip meant. Maybe he should have been soothing my nerves or whispering encouraging mantras into my ear, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have been if the roles were reversed.
All I knew was, despite our attitudes toward nearly everything, the proposal had felt serious. Serious in nature and serious in meaning. Of course, I hadn’t asked him about it like a fucking coward. It was so unlike me, but…everything was so good. And I didn’t want to ruin it with details.
This just meant I had to figure out where to go with this little prank war next. I wasn’t sure about the particulars, but the possibilities lay somewhere between an unplanned pregnancy, hiring Dean as my wedding planner, or me wearing a strap-on, and this time, the war would be waged outward—against our friends—as a unit.
I was positive I’d find a perfect middle ground—or a nice balance of all three.
Although, I wasn’t sure if a pregnant woman wearing a strap-on was a violation of some unspoken rules of morality. I’d have to Google it when we got home.
Thatch grinned beside me. “About twenty minutes or so, honey. You getting nervous?”
“Me? Nervous?” I scoffed. “I haven’t been this excited since Magic Mike XXL came out, and even that feels a little lame in comparison. And that’s saying something, Thatcher. I almost caught a glimpse of Channing’s cock in that one.”
“You’re excited to meet my parents?”
I tapped the handle of the passenger door. “Oh, yeah, baby. I get to meet my future in-laws. Check out teenage Thatch’s masturbation suite. Talk your mom into showing me pictures of baby Thatch. I feel like you’re taking me to a sex shop,” I said with a waggle of my brows. “I won’t even know where to start.” I was excited and surprisingly comfortable, given the situation. But Thatch was at ease, so I was too.
“I should’ve strip-searched you before you got in the car. If you pull a black light and white gloves out of that suitcase you call a purse, I’m carrying your ass straight back to the car.”
“Shut up. You’re making me horny,” I said, and he winked. The music faded with a quick flick of my wrist, and I grabbed my phone from the console. “Did you tell Kline about our engagement yet?”
He shook his head.
Hmm. The gossip train had slowed. Though, I guess it had been only a couple of days since he’d demanded I enter the ultimate lifelong prank war. Because that’s what a marriage between Thatch and me would mean—a lifetime of one-upmanship and laughs. My chest felt warm and heavy at the possibility.
“Perfect.” I hit Georgia’s number in my contacts and prepared myself for one of the best conversations I would probably ever have with her.
“Put her on speaker. I need to hear this.”
My body buzzed with the thrill of having a ready and willing accomplice while I tortured people. I tapped the speaker icon, and Thatch and I waited, practically bouncing in our seats, until Georgia picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Cass!” she greeted in her normal bubbly voice. Thatch smiled out of the corner of my eye. “What are you up to?”
“Oh, not too much. Just heading to meet the parents.” Thatch smiled again, and I decided right then maybe solo gigs were better. This fucker’s attractiveness was distracting.
Everything in my head slowed as I tried to force my concentration back to the conversation with Georgie.
“You’re on a plane right now?” Confusion swirled up and out of the phone like tear gas.
“Not my parents.”
“Then whose parents?”
“Thatcher’s parents. Who else’s parents would I be meeting?”
She laughed. “Honestly, I’m not sure. But I didn’t think you’d be on your way to meet his either. I need to get my calendar and mark this date down. This is a momentous occasion that should be documented.”
Thatch flashed me a smirk as he got off the exit for Frogsneck.
“Go ahead and keep that calendar out, because there’s a few other dates I need you to mark down.”
She groaned. “I’m not watching Phil. I’m busy. Every day until I die.”
I grinned, and Thatch squeezed my knee. “How does October 28th sound for a wedding? Will that give you enough time to plan my bachelorette party?”
Part of me fluttered at the thought of walking down a multicolored leaf-covered aisle toward Thatch at sunset. I focused on Georgia instead of putting the cart before the horse. Pranking our friends was one thing, but we hadn’t even discussed this in any real terms yet. Planning it in my head might jinx it.
“Huh?”
“Will you be my matron of honor?” A few fake tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. Fuck, they must be missing me in Hollywood.
“Matron of honor?” She sounded baffled, and it made me smile more.
“Are you going to answer every one of my questions with another question? If that’s the case, it’s going to be really fucking hard to accomplish anything in this conversation.”
“Are you having a stroke?”
“Are you having a stroke?” I repeated.
“What are the signs? I think I might be,” she muttered.
“Kline really needs to stop banging you into the headboard, G. I think you’re losing brain cells,” I teased.
“I agree, sweetheart,” Thatch chimed in. “You’re not as quick as you used to be.”
“What in the hell is going on right now? Kline!” Georgia called away from the phone. “Kline! Get your ass in here!”
A few seconds later, Kline’s voice was muffled in the background. “Jesus Christ, Benny. What’s wrong?”
“I think something is wrong with Cassie and Thatch!” she continued to shout.
Thatch and I grinned at one another.
“What?” It was Kline’s turn to sound confused.
“Something is wrong with Cassie and Thatch! I think they’ve been abducted by aliens. Or possessed. Call a priest! I know zilch about exorcisms, but I know we need a priest. Get Maureen on the phone. I bet she knows a Catholic priest who can help them,” she rambled.
“Give me the phone, baby,” Kline coaxed in a calm voice.
A rustling noise echoed from the receiver, and then he was on the line. “Why is my wife looking through the yellow pages for priests right now?”
“Why does your wife have a phone book is what I wanna know?” Thatch chimed in. “I haven’t seen one of those since 2005.”
I ignored him and started a conversation of my own. “Hey, Big Dick, how’s it hanging? Thatch has a big question to ask you.”
“Fuck, honey, I haven’t decided yet,” he played along. “Can I have two best men?”
GEORGIA would like FaceTime popped up on my phone. I showed it to Thatch, and he nodded with an amused glint in his eyes.
Two seconds later, Kline’s face filled my screen. “What is happening?”
“Get excited, Brooks,” I said with a smile. “Because Thatch and I are getting married!”
Kline’s eyes narrowed, but before he could say anyt
hing, Georgia’s face replaced his. Her blue eyes were practically bugging out of her head. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“Of course not, Wheorgie. I thought you’d be more excited about this. Aren’t you happy for us?” I feigned concern.
“No. No. No.” She kept shaking her head. “There’s just no way. I know you’re screwing with me.”
Thatch tilted the screen toward his face. “We’re not screwing with you, Georgia girl. Your beautiful best friend is going to be my wife.”
I turned the phone back to me, and I had to fight the urge to laugh when I saw Georgia’s face scrunched up in absolute shock. “How many months do you need to plan my bachelorette party? I know you’re busy at work, and I don’t want to overwhelm—”
Her jaw headed straight for the floor. “You’re serious?”
I nodded.
She looked away from the screen and took a deep breath. Eventually, her eyes met mine again. “He asked you to marry him?”
I nodded again. “Yes.”
“And you said yes?”
“Yes.”
“And you want me to be your matron of honor? Because you’re really getting married?”
“Yes.”
“How are you being so calm about this right now? This is, like, a big step, Cass. Like, the biggest step you can possibly take into a pool of lava that will swallow your soul for life.”
“Hey!” Kline said through a laugh in the background. She turned to him with a soft smirk and wild eyes. “Except us. Our marriage isn’t like that.”
Kline shook his head. “Yeah, right.”
I shrugged and bit back my smile as I went in for the kill. “You know, the marriage part isn’t scary to me. The unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, not gonna lie, that scares me a little bit. But it has nothing to do with Thatch being my baby daddy and more so with the fact that my boobs are already big. I mean, can you imagine what they’re—”
She looked like she sucked on a lemon. “You’re pregnant?”
“I can’t be one hundred percent sure yet. But—”
“You’re pregnant?”
“The wedding makes sense now,” Kline muttered in the background.
I ignored him and focused on Georgia, giving in a little and changing the storyline just slightly. “Well, no, not yet. But I think I’m ovulating, and Thatch is like real virile, if you know what I’m sayin’.”
She put a distressed hand to her face. “I think I need to lie down.”
“Will you and Kline be the godparents?”
The screen flashed across their kitchen in a blur until it hit the ground with a loud thud. Footsteps echoed across the hardwood until Kline’s face came into view again. “I’m convinced you’re trying to kill my wife.”
I couldn’t hold back the laughter. “Okay, so the pregnancy thing was a joke, but I couldn’t help myself.”
His face turned skeptical. “You two are really getting married?”
Thatch tilted the phone toward himself again. “I want Vegas for my bachelor party, K. But I think Wes should plan it. No offense, but his pockets are deep and won’t have us cruising the Strip in a minivan.”
“You’ve got to be shitting me right now.”
“Just hang up the phone, Kline!” Georgia shouted in the background. “Just hang it up and call 911. I think they’ve pranked each other into having nervous breakdowns.”
Thatch chuckled and I smirked.
“I want to hear you say it,” Kline said, his blue eyes scrutinizing Thatch’s face. “Tell me you’re getting married.”
Thatch stopped at a red light and gave Kline his full attention. “I’m getting married.”
“Tell me you asked Cassie to marry you.”
“I asked Cassie to marry me.”
“Tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with her.”
Thatch paused for a few seconds, and then his face lit up with a soft grin. “I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
My breath caught in my lungs when I heard those words pass his lips. His response felt way too genuine to just be playing along. Half of me had begged the gods to make him serious, while the other half lobbied for the exact opposite. Because I needed both to be a reality. Him joking was the only thing keeping me from freaking out.
He’s not joking, the little voice in my head told me, and then answered itself with, thank God.
What in the fuck was happening to me?
My brain screamed one word: love.
My stomach clenched in response.
I fought the urge to slap Thatch in the dick. Or in the face. Or maybe I needed to slap myself. Someone in this car needed to have some sense knocked into them.
But my heart? Yeah, it motherfucking smiled.
Kline stayed quiet for a minute, and then his face morphed into a huge smile. “Holy. Shit.” His smile got even bigger. “Dude?”
Thatch returned the smile. “Dude.”
“Well, I’ll be damned. Congrats, buddy. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, man,” Thatch answered. “We’re almost to my parents’ house. Give Georgia girl a kiss for me, okay?”
Kline flipped him off. “Tell Cass I’ll have my wife call her when she’s wrapped her head around this and forgiven you guys.”
I ended the call as Thatch took a right onto a dirt road.
And before I could slip my phone back into my purse, it pinged with a text notification.
Georgia: We’re not friends anymore.
Me: Yes, we are.
Georgia: You should’ve worn a bra to meet his parents.
Me: I know your game, G.
Georgia: His mom is going to think you’re a floozy.
Yeah, she was definitely trying to freak me out as payback.
Me: I’m not taking the bait on this one.
Georgia: You really want me to be your matron of honor?
Me: And my future child’s godmother.
Georgia: Even though I hate you right now, I love you. I’ll be anything you need me to be. Even if I think you’ve lost your mind. You better call me tomorrow. You’ve got some serious explaining to do.
Me: I love you too, Wheorgie. We’ll chat tomorrow.
A few minutes later, we pulled up in front of his parents’ house, and he shut off the engine. He turned in his seat and took me in with amused eyes. “That was actually more fun than I thought it would be.”
“I know, right?” I laughed. “I should probably feel a little bad about it, but man, I can’t help myself. Georgia is easily one of my favorite people to mess with.”
He glanced toward his parents’ house and back at me. “You ready?”
Shutters and window boxes framed the summery floral wreath on the front door. Before I could think of what that might mean about Thatch’s mom, I took a little breath and dove in with both feet.
“Let’s do the damn thing. Let’s show Ken and Sally I’m actually a really nice girl who just so happens to have a fabulous rack.”
“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves,” he teased, and I flipped him off.
He laughed in response, but he hopped out of the car and walked around the front to open my door and help me out. “Come on, honey,” he said as he led me up the porch steps. My feet felt a little heavier than normal, so I leaned on him a little extra. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”
I tilted my head to the side, confused, but I didn’t get a chance to question him. The door swung open, and both of his parents greeted us with wide smiles.
“Mom, Dad, this is my fiancée, Cassie,” Thatch introduced us.
Wow. Introducing me as his fiancée right from the get-go. Definitely not joking, my brain taunted.
I held my breath for his mother’s reaction to turn from welcoming to murderous—because, yeah, I generally made a great first impression, but my tits weren’t usually mom-friendly, if you know what I mean. But she did the complete opposite of what I had expected. She ignored Thatch completely and made a beeline f
or me, pulling me straight into her arms.
“Cassie, it is so great to finally meet you!” she exclaimed and hugged me tightly. She leaned back and took me in with soft eyes and an easy smile. “I can’t tell you how excited I am to finally meet the woman who can keep my Thatcher in line.”
“Finally?” I blurted without thinking. We hadn’t been together long enough to use words like finally.
“He’s been talking about you since Kline got married.”
I whipped my head to the side.
Thatch’s deep chuckles filled my ears, and a barely-there blush rosied the cheeks under his scruff.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs. Kelly,” I answered as I pulled myself together. My smile was confused but genuine. The idea of being on his mind that long made my chest ache.
“Please, call me Sally.”
Thatch pouted. “No hug for me, Mom?”
She waved him off and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Isn’t she gorgeous, Ken?” she asked her husband.
“Too pretty for Thatch, that’s for damn sure,” Ken remarked with a smirk. “Seriously, Cassie? Is he blackmailing you? Do we need to alert the authorities? Blink twice if he kidnapped you. Three times if you fear for your life.”
The teasing personality was a family trait. I loved his parents already.
I blinked three times, and his dad cracked up.
“Turncoats,” Thatch responded. “You’ve known her for all of two minutes, and immediately, you’re on her side.”
Both of his parents grinned, and his mom finally wrapped him up in a loving hug. “I’m glad you’re home, sweetie. But I have a feeling she’s less trouble than you are.”
“Thanks, Mom,” he replied with a grimace before smiling down at her with affectionate eyes. Right off the bat, it was apparent he was very close with his folks. The idea warmed my heart. “But she’s definitely not less trouble.”
My warm heart felt ragey all of a sudden.
“Well, let’s go inside,” Sally insisted, unfazed. “Dinner is almost ready.”
“Dinner was delicious.” I dried off the last dish and set it in the cabinet carefully. Sally had served us dinner on the good china, and a constant film reel played in my mind of somehow shattering all of them. But I wanted to make a good first impression, and if I knew anything from Rom Coms and my first encounter with Claire, helping a woman clean up when no one else did usually racked up serious points.