A Father's Pledge

by Eleanor Jones

  Locking the door again and making a mental note to get something to spray into the partially seized lock, she headed back to Number Three Cove Cottages with the tote bag over her arm. This afternoon, she intended to try to contact Mollie Jackson. Mike might not approve, and Luke certainly didn’t, but she didn’t need their permission; therapists were allowed to contact the students’ family members to discuss their treatment and progress.

  Thinking about Ben took her mind straight back to yesterday at the beach. Back to Luke. Her cheeks burned as she remembered that kiss; how could she have let herself make such an unprofessional mistake? Well, it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, Luke had been the perfect gentleman about it.

  In fact, apart from feeling a bit awkward, she’d enjoyed the rest of their outing. Ben had loved the whole day; that was the main thing. On the way home he had chattered on and on about his bike.

  It was only as they arrived back at Flight that he’d withdrawn, but when she’d asked what was wrong he’d refused to answer. Luke had been more insistent, telling Ben he was being rude, and that he would not put up with rudeness. That had only made Ben sulk, which had put a disappointing hitch in their otherwise productive outing. Hopefully, though, that negative moment hadn’t detracted from the overall progress Ben and Luke had made in their relationship.

  After Kat dropped off the sea items, she headed to Flight, partly to check on what therapy sessions she had the next day and partly in the hope of seeing Ben. Most of the kids were playing outside, groups of them spread across the grounds, making the most of the beautiful day. Of course, she realized, heading around the back of the main building, Ben would probably be in or around the bike shed giving his new acquisition a loving polish or maybe taking it out for a ride. She cut across the newly mowed lawn, breathing in the aroma of cut grass and thinking how fortunate she was to work in such a beautiful place. Her other option had been a smaller school farther inland. It had been a huge step for her to return to the sea, as it held so many sad memories of her childhood gone wrong, but it was a step she was so glad she’d taken...even with Luke Travis to contend with. Anyway, she was sure Luke wouldn’t be a problem anymore. They’d had their “moment” and gotten past it, and it had helped them see just how much they each cared about doing what was right for Ben.

  As she’d expected, Ben was in the bike shed, kneeling and rubbing his fenders with a large rag. When she entered, he looked up, smiling. “Hello.”

  “Hello,” she replied. “Still like it?”

  His smile broadened. “I love it and I’m going to ride it in a minute. You can watch if you like.”

  “Thanks. Is your dad coming to watch, too?”

  Ignoring her, Ben went back to his polishing, proudly rubbing the already gleaming metal. It was nice to see him so animated.

  “I’m glad you’ve settled in so well, Ben,” she said. “You do like living here, don’t you?”

  Kat waited for a response, trying to appear casual about it.

  Ben frowned. “It’s all right...but I liked being at home better. Especially when Granddad was...there.”

  “So where’s your granddad now?” she asked.

  “Don’t want to talk about it,” he responded, going back to his bike.

  “Is it far, your grandparents’ house? Maybe I could take you for a visit.”

  “It’s not very far. High House Farm in Arkholme. It’s not really a farm anymore, though, just a house with a field and a big garden. Granddad used to like doing the garden. Will you really take me for a visit?”

  “I’ll talk to Mike about it,” Kat promised. “So why doesn’t your granddad do the garden anymore, if he used to love it so much?”

  Ben ignored her question, so she changed the subject. Asking about his grandfather directly was getting her nowhere. “I’d really love to watch you ride your bike... After school tomorrow would be good, if that’s okay. And, Ben, if I let you in on a secret, will you promise not to tell anyone else just yet?”

  Ben’s eyes lit up. “A secret?”

  She nodded. “Yes, a good one.”

  “What is it?”

  “Well...you know how we do the sea sessions, on the shore?”

  “Yes...”

  “I’m going to start another type of session soon. With animals. I think I’ve found somewhere to keep them.”

  “So where are they now...all your animals?” Ben asked eagerly. “Have you got lots of them?”

  Kat shook her head. It was silly of her to talk about the animal therapy when she didn’t have any actual animals yet. But she couldn’t hold in her enthusiasm, and she told herself it would be good for Ben to have something to look forward to. “No, but I’m going to start looking for some now that I have a place to put them.”

  “Can I help?” Ben asked, and she took hold of both his hands.

  “Of course you can. You can help care for them and you can learn about them...and play with them.”

  Ben tilted his head. “Will you have a dog?”

  “Yes,” Kat said, suddenly decided. “In fact, I think that might be the first animal I get. But the dog will live with me... Oh, and I have another idea, too.”

  “What—what is it?”

  “I thought that I might take some of you mudlarking next weekend.”

  “Mudlarking,” repeated Ben, frowning. “What’s that?”

  “Well, it’s a bit like the sea sessions we’ve been doing. You know, searching for special things around the shore.”

  “In the flotsam and jetsam?”

  “Yes, that’s right, except with mudlarking you go down on the shore just as the tide’s going out and search for things in the sand. Sometimes they’ve been there for years and when the sea goes out it pulls away some of the sand and reveals them.”

  “So why isn’t it called sandlarking?” asked Ben.

  Kat laughed. “I guess some of the sand seems pretty muddy. And people do it in rivers, too, where they have muddy banks. Perhaps that’s where it started.”

  “Okay,” he agreed, appearing excited by the prospect. “I’ll have to ride my bike first, though.”

  “You could ride it down the path to the beach,” suggested Kat. “With me, of course.”

  The bell rang, calling the children into the dining room. Ben pushed his cloth into his pocket, taking one final look at his bike before turning to her.

  “I’d like to go mudlarking,” he said with a broad grin. “And don’t worry—I won’t tell anyone about our animal secret, but you will show me the dog first, won’t you?”

  “Of course I will,” she called as he ran off across the lawn.

  Hopefully she would be able to talk to Mollie this evening and find out what was really troubling Ben. There was something that worried him, deep down, something he wouldn’t face up to; she’d seen it too many times before to miss the signals.

  Kat finished her preparation for Monday’s therapy sessions around one thirty, and she almost bumped into Luke as she ran out the doors. Her heart jumped when she saw him, and when he smiled at her the breath caught in her throat.

  “You heading home?” he asked. “Fancy a a coffee first? I could do with a chat about Ben.”

  She glanced at her watch. “Actually... I have an appointment.”

  He looked at her imploringly. “It’ll only take a minute.”

  Kat hesitated. Though she was determined to keep their relationship professional, her reaction to running into him didn’t bode well. The feelings she had for Luke weren’t acceptable, and too much time spent in his company could be dangerous. This was her workplace, and for them to ever be more than colleagues would be both ethically fraught and unfair to Ben. He had enough confusion in his life already. Plus, she and Luke still didn’t agree on anything, including her methods of therapy; when Luke found
out that she was going ahead with her animal venture he wasn’t going to be happy. Cozy chats with him definitely shouldn’t be on her agenda, but they had agreed to work together for Ben’s sake.

  “Okay, just a few minutes,” she said. “I’ll skip the coffee, though, if you don’t mind.”

  They walked over to a bench near the front gates and sat, so close and yet so far apart. Her whole body tingled with his nearness but her tone when she spoke was cool.

  “So what can I help you with?” she asked, acutely aware of the sunshine on the bright green of the grass. Beyond the cliff top she could hear the sea crashing against the rocks, and way above them a single gull shrieked out its lonely cry.

  “I thought I was really getting somewhere yesterday,” Luke sadly admitted. “But this morning I tried to have a chat with him and he was...well, surly and uncooperative. He needs to learn to be more polite.”

  “You’re disappointed,” Kat said. “I get that, but you knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing. Give him some time and stop worrying about discipline and manners. Ben’s confused about lots of things, but yesterday he showed some real progress. That’s still meaningful, even if he was withdrawn again today. And I intend to try and find out exactly what’s going on in his head. It’s what I do.”

  Luke related the basics of his conversation with Ben, and she could see he was hurting. She was about to offer more words of comfort, but when she opened her mouth, he raised his hand to stop her.

  “I know you’re going to tell me that I should have dealt with it differently, but I do feel that, no matter what, Ben still needs to learn to be civil and acquire some basic manners. All kids do. Once he sees the rewards and consequences for good and bad behavior—”

  “If you already know what I think, why are you even telling me this?” she interrupted.

  For a moment, Luke was silent, contemplating her question. “Because you are supposed to know kids,” he eventually said. “And I want you to explain to me exactly why teaching basic manners and decent behavior has somehow become lost with modern therapy techniques. All you seem to want to do is pamper kids, not teach them how to behave so that they can learn to deal with life.”

  “Basic manners and decent behavior haven’t been lost,” she told him. “Kids develop them through love and respect, not force. Children have to have discipline, of course they do, but they also have to know that they are loved and cared for. They need security, Luke, and I think a lack of security is Ben’s basic problem.”

  “But I told you what his background was like,” Luke insisted. “Doting grandparents who I’m sure bought him literally anything he wanted and a lovely home with gardens to play in. How could that make him insecure?”

  “Security, emotional security, isn’t always about money and possessions, you know,” Kat said. “It’s about knowing someone is there for you, that you have stability in your life...and that you’re loved. It helps children develop confidence in themselves, and without that, they can’t grow.”

  Luke just stared at her, his face filled with confusion and doubt. “But what if I don’t have the capacity to provide all that love and security? What if I’m not capable of being a good father...? What if I let him down?”

  “Did your father let you down?” There, she’d said it, the question she’d pondered over again and again.

  Luke glared at her. “You’re trying to counsel me,” he accused her. “This is about Ben, not me. Was your life perfect?”

  Kat stayed quiet for a moment. She usually tried to avoid talking about her past. But she had to give Luke something. She wanted desperately to help him understand what she was trying to say. His relationship with Ben depended on it.

  “My mother committed suicide,” she said eventually. “When I was fifteen. I went into care and I’ve never forgiven myself for not stopping it.”

  She bowed her head and on impulse Luke reached out and gently took her hand. When she didn’t resist, he held it firmly. “And that’s why you went into child therapy?”

  “I guess... Maybe I thought I had something to offer because I’ve been there myself. Anyway, this isn’t about me. It’s about you...and Ben.”

  Luke looked out across the bay. When he spoke, his tone was reflective. “My dad was tough but fair—an army man. He lived by the rules. It was just me and him, and we muddled along okay.”

  “Look, Luke—” Kat placed her other hand over his. “Muddling along is sometimes what you need to do to survive. Nothing wrong with that. You didn’t have control over it when you were a kid. But life isn’t just about rules. You need to learn how to love and be loved...and I think you’re afraid of it.”

  To her dismay, Luke’s tanned face turned a deep shade of red. He dropped her hand and jumped to his feet. “I already told you not to counsel me,” he snapped. “I’m not one of your protégés and I won’t have you questioning my upbringing. Stick to what you’re supposed to, if you even know how to do that.”

  As Kat watched him rush off, all she felt was sympathy. Luke doubted himself, but he’d never admit it—he was terrified of fatherhood and failing, simple as that. Blaming her was just his way of avoiding the real issues.

  He wouldn’t be able to build a strong relationship with Ben until he faced those demons, she thought sadly. But there was still something she could do to help Ben. Kat headed around the side of the school, hurrying toward the path so she could go home and pick up her car to visit Mollie Jackson.

  “Kat!”

  She turned in surprise.

  Luke was coming toward her with a determined step. He stopped right in front of her. “I couldn’t let you go without...well, apologizing, I guess.”

  “It’s okay.” She smiled. “I suppose I did overstep the mark a bit. I had no right to try and analyze you like that.”

  “You were a bit off with your opinions, but I suppose once a therapist, always a therapist. And you can’t always get it right.”

  Kat knew full well that she was right but decided to let his comments pass. “Truce, then,” she said, holding out her hand.

  “There is one more thing,” he said, not taking her hand. Her heart fell at the tone of his voice. “I was going to tell you before, but...” He took a breath. “I think it would be a good idea to keep the children away from the shore for a while. The young couple you saw... They’ve found the boat.”

  For a moment, Kat felt as if the earth beneath her feet was rocking.

  Luke frowned. “You okay?”

  Blood pounded in her temples. “Have they found...anything else?”

  “No, not yet. The boat could have just gone adrift, though, you know.”

  “Oh, I hope so,” murmured Kat, thinking of the love and joy she’d seen as the young couple had boarded the boat and put out so happily to sea.

  “Still, it’s probably best to postpone your sea sessions for a while. Until... Well, you know what I mean.”

  Her eyes filled with tears as she grasped his insinuation. “That’s an awful thought.”

  Her hand had fallen back to her side and Luke reached out and took it. “Don’t worry,” he urged. “It is just a precaution, that’s all. For all we know, they just dumped the boat and went off somewhere.”

  Kat looked up at him, her eyes brimming, and when he tightened his hold on her hand, drawing her toward him, she leaned her head against his chest as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “Oh, Kat,” he murmured. “You are such a difficult person to know. One minute you are judgmental and tough, and in the next you’re loving and caring, especially to Ben, and now you’re showing me an emotional side I would never have believed existed.”

  Warmth flowed between them. She raised her head to look up at him and couldn’t look away. His eyes were a deep and fathomless brown. He placed his thumb and forefinger beneath her chin, t
ilting her face up toward his. She didn’t resist when he drew her even closer.

  “Who are you, Kat?” he whispered, peering into her eyes.

  The world seemed to stop. There was no one but the two of them, and when his lips touched hers, soft and tender, she found herself wishing that things were different. If only they’d met in another time and place, she could well have fallen in love with Luke Travis.

  * * *

  BEN RAN UP the stairs to his room two at a time. All the kids were supposed to tidy their rooms on Sundays, and as soon as he was finished, he wanted to go and ride his bike around the grounds before tea. Gwen had told him it was all right as long as he promised not to go outside the front gates. He saw Luke and Kat from his bedroom window as he grabbed his jacket, and he pressed his face against the glass to watch them, his bike temporarily forgotten.

  They were standing very close together and he could tell that Miss was upset; he wanted to open the window and yell at Luke to leave her alone, but he didn’t. He just watched him put his arm around her, holding her close as she pressed her face against him. And when he leaned down to kiss Miss properly on the lips, and she let him, a red-hot anger bloomed inside him. He wasn’t going to let this man, the man they said was his dad, take his friend away from him. It was Luke who had to go.

  A plan formed in his mind as he burst out of his room and ran down the stairs. If Luke had nowhere to live, Ben decided, then he would have to leave. There were no more staff bedrooms for him to stay in; he’d heard Mike telling someone that just yesterday.

  The plan was set.

  He just needed the right materials to put it into action.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  LUKE COULDN’T SEEM to get Kat out of his head. The way she’d rested her face against his chest when he’d told her about the boat being found had touched him in a way that made his heart ache. And that kiss... He wasn’t used to feeling emotional, and he didn’t like losing control of his senses like that. He needed to focus on being professional when he was in her company; she was in charge of his son’s mental stability, and Ben needed their full attention, with no complications.