“That’s good,” she said, meaning it.
“Kat... Don’t you think leaving Flight is a bit extreme? Surely we can work something else out. Mike doesn’t want to lose you—I know he doesn’t.”
“I’ve spoken to Mike about my decision, and, yes, you’re right—he doesn’t want to lose me, but he agrees it’s probably for the best.”
Luke stepped toward her. “And do you think it’s for the best, honestly, deep down?”
“I think it’s best for Ben.”
“What about us?” he asked quietly. “Is it the best thing for us?”
“Could there ever really be an us?” she asked with a sudden rush of longing.
Their eyes met and the depth of the emotion in his made her gasp. He stepped toward her and his spicy, masculine aroma made her head swim.
“Perhaps,” he said and his lips curved into the crooked smile that was becoming so familiar to her. “Perhaps you moving away and getting a new job is the answer. We could still see each other, but it would be on neutral ground. And later, when Ben is more settled emotionally...who knows. At least we’d have a chance.” He was standing so close to her that Kat could barely breathe. Could they make it work? The truth hit hard.
“Ben comes first,” she said. “You need to have time together with no distractions. Give it six months or so, and then...”
“Then what?”
“Then...maybe,” she told him, stepping into his arms just one more time.
For a moment, he simply held her, and she rested her face against his chest. His arms around her felt so safe and strong and warm that she never wanted to leave their embrace. They held on to each other as if they were drowning, consumed by an emotion that was way more than desire, an emotion that made her question her decision. Perhaps they didn’t need to wait so long. It was that very question that made her pull away; she mustn’t weaken; it wasn’t fair.
“We can’t do this, Luke,” she said. “We have to stick to what’s right.”
“I know,” he responded, touching his lips to hers.
She drew him closer, drowning in his kiss for a final, endless moment before stepping determinedly away. “Maybe one day,” he said.
“Maybe,” she promised.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
BEN CHECKED OUTSIDE the front door—all clear. He didn’t need to wait for someone to walk him down the pathway to Cove Cottages; he was perfectly capable of going by himself. He’d been mad with Miss for ages, but he missed the time he spent with her. Maybe if he did an extra good job cleaning up after the animals she’d still be his friend and want to keep on looking after him.
He walked quickly along the drive and through the gates, hoping no one would notice him. When he reached the steep pathway that ran from the cliff top to the bay below, he started to run, trying to control his flying legs while reciting the chickens’ names in his head. It was hard to remember them all, and he didn’t want Miss to think he’d forgotten already.
By the time he arrived at Cove Road his breath was coming in gasps and he slowed to a walk, suddenly uneasy. She might have gone out and left the shed locked up; he hadn’t thought about that. What if he couldn’t get in to see April? He’d have to sit on the step and wait until she came back. That wouldn’t be so bad. Or perhaps he could go onto the beach and do some mudlarking all by himself, seeing as she hadn’t kept her promise to take him yet.
He spotted Kat’s car at the end of the row of cottages, covered in a film of sand from when the wind blew it in from the shore. It always seemed windy down on the shore; he liked that. He kicked up piles of sand into clouds as he walked toward her house.
The front door was open, so she must be home. He’d take her by surprise and make her jump, he decided. She’d laugh afterward because Miss was always laughing...or at least she always used to be, before he got angry with her.
He heard the hum of low voices as he peered around the door. Who was there?
Then he saw them and his whole world turned on its head.
They were staring at each other, Miss and...him. Ben wanted to shout at them, to tell him to leave her alone, but somehow he couldn’t get any sound out. Suddenly he was holding her and kissing her and she was holding him back. They were together, like a couple, and there was no room for him. That was why Miss didn’t want to be his friend anymore, Ben realized: she liked his dad better. Oh, how he wished his dad would go away forever. Then Miss would like him again.
He didn’t remember running back to Flight. He just knew that he had to do something to stop them, something to make him go away. The good idea came into his head as he ran down the hall. He crept into the kitchen, sure of what he would do.
Alice was at the stove, stirring something in a pan. She glanced at him and smiled. “What are you up to?”
He shrugged and smiled back. “Just playing.”
When she turned her attention back to her cooking, he seized his chance, grabbing the box of matches from the shelf in the corner and hiding them behind his back. Just in time.
“Are you playing all on your own?” she asked, looking back at him again.
“I’m going down to see to the animals soon,” he said and fled out into the hallway. When she didn’t follow him, he started to breathe again.
His next piece of good luck came when he tried the door to Luke’s room and it opened. He quickly spotted a waste bin full of paper. Perfect. If Luke had nowhere to live, he’d have to leave Flight.
The paper lit easily, flaring up satisfyingly into bright orange flames. For good measure, Ben used a chair to push the bin under the curtains. When the flames curled up the flowered fabric, starting to roar, he fled, afraid of what he’d done but still glad he’d done it.
The hallway was quiet as he slipped back into the main building through the door that connected to the annex, shutting it firmly behind him. The smell of burning filled the air, and he paused. What if the whole house caught fire? It was only Luke’s room that he wanted to destroy; he hadn’t thought about it spreading. What if someone got hurt?
In a panic, Ben started to run. He had to tell someone before the flames got too bad. “Help—there’s a fire!” he yelled over and over.
The alarms began to scream so loud that he couldn’t think. Smoke crept toward him, curling around his legs. His chest hurt, and it was hard to breathe...
Ben struggled down the corridor toward the entrance. Through the window, he saw the fire engines arrive in a melee of flashing blue light and noise. He was there, hollering his name. “Ben! Ben! Ben!”
He reached the doors, finally, and ran outside into the garden to hide, curling up under a bush on the damp earth, sucking in the great gasps of cool, fresh air.
It was a long time before it was over. The noises had just about died down when Luke found him. He just held him, squeezing him tight without saying anything at all. It was all kind of strange, as if it was happening to someone else. Then a fireman and a policeman came and took Ben into the front hallway where the fire hadn’t reached.
“We know you took the matches, son. Tell us why you did it,” said the policeman. Ben looked into his pale gray eyes and told him the truth.
“Miss said she couldn’t look after me anymore because she might be going away, but I saw them and now I know she was lying.”
“Why don’t you just tell us exactly what you saw,” the policeman suggested.
“They lied!” Ben shouted. “He’s taking her away from me! They don’t want me anymore, and I hate them both.”
“But what did you actually see them doing, son?”
Ben huffed. How could he make them understand? “He was kissing her and she was kissing him back. So I had to make him go away. If his room’s all burned then he’ll have to live somewhere else.”
“Oh, Ben...” Luke’
s voice sounded choked and his eyes were all wet. “I was saying goodbye to Miss, that’s all.”
The fireman gave him a stern look. “Well, your plan appears to have worked out—your dad’s room is badly damaged and we’ve had to close that part of the school because of the smoke. You’re lucky the fire didn’t spread past the annex—and that no one got hurt.”
Ben folded his arms across his chest, glaring at them all. The fireman didn’t scare him. He was glad that Luke would have to go and live somewhere else.
He felt something else, though—a tiny prickle when he thought about Luke’s voice calling him, or the fact that he’d just held him instead of telling him off.
Ben didn’t like that feeling. It was strange and uncomfortable. He reminded himself of what he’d seen. What he knew was the truth.
Miss and Luke loved each other.
And Ben had done what he had to do to make sure he’d never be left alone again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
KAT HEADED TOWARD Mike’s office, her heart thumping as she thought about what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. She had nothing to say in her defense; Ben had seen her and Luke kissing, so he’d gone and set fire to the school. And Mike had already given her a warning about being unprofessional.
On top of the consequences for her career, it was over with Luke. In fact, it had never even started. What had they been thinking? Maybe they hadn’t been thinking at all.
She’d have to hand in her resignation, of course; she hoped St. Mary’s would still consider her for their opening once word about this got out. Could she even ask Mike for a reference at this point?
Suddenly, the reality of leaving Flight, not only the school, but also Ben and Luke, overwhelmed her. She let out a gasp. Luke’s face sprang into her mind, his soft brown eyes, his crooked smile...and his expression as he lowered his lips to hers. Maybe if she’d left sooner, she and Luke could have tried to be together. If she had stopped being Ben’s therapist, kept her distance from Flight, could there have been an “us”? Now she’d never find out.
As far as Ben was concerned, she’d totally let him down, and this would be a huge setback for him. She didn’t blame him for making the connections that he had; she could see how that kiss must have appeared to him, after she’d told him she wouldn’t be looking after him for much longer. The bitter irony was that she’d made her choices to help Ben and Luke form a real father-son relationship. Now that would be harder than ever for them.
Mike was waiting impatiently, his disappointment obvious. He launched into his tirade as soon as she sat down, and all Kat could do was put up with it. Every word was true.
“So?” he asked eventually, his face closed and stern. “What do you have to say?”
Kat hesitated. “I’d say...that you have every right to be angry with me. I’m ashamed that it has come to this. You knew, of course, that I was thinking of leaving—to give Ben and Luke a chance—and now I guess I’ll have to speed things up a bit.”
“And where do you stand with Luke? You do realize that this has been traumatic for Ben?”
“Of course I do,” Kat cried. “And there is no ‘me and Luke’—we’ve already hurt Ben too much. I have an interview at St. Mary’s College, to teach in their child-therapy program. I know I can’t expect a glowing reference from you, but—”
Mike held up his hand. “For what it’s worth, Kat, I’m sorry that this had to happen. You are a good therapist but you got distracted from what was right. You behaved unprofessionally, but in your defense...in your defense, it was only human. If you’re not planning on working directly with children for a while, I won’t do anything to hold back your career.”
“Thanks, Mike,” Kat said. “And I’m sorry, too. I’ve loved my time here and I was really looking forward to doing my animal-therapy classes.”
“Will you stay at Cove Cottages?”
“I—I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Kat said. St. Mary’s wasn’t too far from Jenny Brown’s Bay, but the idea of staying so close to Luke and Ben was acutely painful. “Anyway, I’ll give you fair notice. One month, isn’t it? I guess you’ll want it in writing?”
“Yes, thanks,” Mike said. “But for Ben’s sake I think it would be better if you wrapped things up here by the end of the week. Oh, and one other thing, Kat...”
“Yes?”
“It might be best if you brought the sheep and the chickens to Flight. It would be good for Ben to keep on helping with their care, and the other children seem enthusiastic about the animals, too. I thought the small paddock at the back of the buildings might be suitable—there’s a shed that just needs a bit of cleaning up.”
The idea of the animal therapy continuing without her was like a kick in the gut, but Kat knew in her heart of hearts that it was the right thing to do. “Who will look after them when I’ve gone, though? And supervise the children?” she asked, her voice breaking.
“Luke will have to take them over,” Mike said. “And maybe your replacement will be keen to carry on in your footsteps.”
“What...you’ve already replaced me?”
“Look, Kat,” Mike said gently. “After our talk recently, I had to be prepared for the worst-case scenario—not that I expected a fire. I didn’t advertise for the position, but I do keep a list of previous applicants. I have someone who said they’d take the job if it became vacant.”
“Then I guess you can give them a start date,” she said sadly.
Kat left Mike’s office, her spirits low. It was over; everything was over. The job she loved, her relationship with Ben...and whatever she’d had with Luke. Her plans had burned up in that fire, too; her animal-therapy classes would never get off the ground now, at least under her direction.
She tried to console herself with the hope that, with her departure, Luke and Ben could repair their relationship—maybe even let it thrive. If that worked out okay, maybe this would all have been worthwhile. Children had no control over their circumstances, and every child deserved stability and love. She’d had neither, which was why she knew how important they were.
* * *
LUKE SAW KAT leaving Flight as he ran up the stairs to Ben’s room. She looked so sad that he longed to call out to her, to try to make things better. Instead, he forced himself to keep on walking, knowing that to offer her comfort would just complicate matters for everyone.
When Ben explained why he’d started the fire, Luke had never felt so guilty. The repercussions of his and Kat’s relationship, if you could even call it that, were heartbreaking on so many levels. Yet, if he was totally honest, he couldn’t regret it.
Luke thought back to the sheer terror he’d felt when he’d learned Ben was still inside the school. And the unfamiliar burst of joy and relief when he’d found him in the garden and held him tight for the very first time, telling him he wasn’t angry and it would all be okay. In that moment, love had overruled discipline; perhaps Kat had been right all along. And when he’d gone to see Ben later that night, after the boy had had time to reflect on his actions, Ben had apologized and given him a hug. It had made Luke feel as if, somehow, all this heartache and everything with Kat had been worthwhile.
Today Kat was leaving for good, and he felt terrible about that. But he and Ben were going for a walk together, down to the shore. Just the two of them, father and son; that was a good feeling.
The sun was high in the clear blue sky, and a warm breeze caressed their cheeks when they stepped outside. Seagulls swooped and soared and shrieked overhead as they started down the steep pathway together.
“I love it here,” Ben said. “The sea and everything, I mean.”
“I love it, too,” agreed Luke, seeing his surroundings through fresh eyes. “It’s beautiful and wild and free.”
“That’s what Miss used to say,” Ben remarked quietly.
“Are you still angry with her?”
Ben looked down at his feet, scuffing his toes on the tarmac. “I thought she was my friend and you were going to take her away from me...but she didn’t really care about me, either.”
Luke welled up, unable to speak or breathe. This was wrong; everything Kat had done was for Ben. “You mustn’t think like that,” he said. “Miss is a good person and all she wants is what’s best for you.”
“She wants you to be her friend, not me. That’s why she was kissing you. And I burned your room because I thought it was your fault.” Suddenly he stopped, taking hold of Luke’s hand and looking up at him. “I’m glad now that you didn’t have to go away... Bradley says that I might have to, though.”
Luke frowned. “What do you mean, Ben? What did Bradley say?”
“That they might send me to prison.”
“Oh, Ben...” Luke drew his son toward the low wall at the side of the path and sat down beside him, gazing out across the vast expanse of sea and sky. “No one is sending you anywhere. You have to believe that.”
“Bradley Simmons says that starting fires is called ars—He says it’s called arson and I’ll have to go to prison for it.”
“You have my word that you are definitely not going to prison,” Luke said. “You made a mistake, that’s all—a misjudgment. You weren’t trying to hurt anyone. The fire people and the police know that, I’ve spoken to them myself, and they’re not going to punish you at all. They told me so.”
When Ben’s face brightened, Luke smiled and tweaked his son’s nose. “So you have to stop worrying...right?”
“Right,” agreed Ben. “I’ll try.”
“Good,” Luke said. “And, Ben, don’t be too hard on Miss. She really does care about you. Grown-ups mess up, too, sometimes. I certainly have. Just because people sometimes make the wrong decisions it doesn’t mean they’re bad.”
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