Jim nodded. “I do. Should I hold out hope?” He smiled.
“You know, it’s a funny thing about divorce. It’s important to be truthful. After all we went through, I still love him.” Chi Chi realized that she had nervously balled up the lace mantilla. “I’m sorry.”
“You should never apologize for loving someone,” Jim said. “It’s what makes life worth living.”
Chi Chi stood up on her toes and gave Jim LaMarca a kiss. She was reminded in one kiss of what might have been a different life for her, a better one, with a man who respected her, and loved her so much that no other woman who came across his path could turn his head. That was not what fate had provided, and now, it seemed almost silly to try again, to prove that what had not been could be.
Jim opened her car door and helped her inside, closing the door behind her. She watched him walk down the street, and for a moment she wondered if she had made the same mistake twice.
* * *
Lucille stood at the front window of Chi Chi’s living room. “They’re here.”
“Let’s all paste fake smiles on our faces,” Barbara said.
Lucille kept her eyes peeled out the window. “Cheech, Tammy is wearing very tight clamdiggers and an even tighter blouse. Ugh. My God, woman. Go up a size, will ya?”
Chi Chi removed the Saran wrap off the sandwich platter. “The word of the day is tight, and I haven’t had a drink yet.”
“I can’t believe you’ve invited her.” Barbara stacked hot dog buns on a tray.
“I don’t want to be that kind of ex-wife. And, I expect my sisters to be nice to her, too.”
“I’ll need a mug of Brioschi to pull that off,” Lucille said. “Because frankly, I’d like to throw up.”
“Hey. Not allowed! Class act. That’s what we are. The Donatelli Sisters. Nothing short of perfection.” Chi Chi lifted the platter to carry it to the backyard, and watched as her ex-husband and his new wife took the path down the side of the house. It was as if she were watching someone else’s life happen outside her window.
“Let’s go,” Lucille said, lifting the platter of cold cuts. “I’m on my best behavior.”
“Me, too.” Barbara said.
“That leaves me,” Chi Chi joked.
* * *
The summer of 1961 had been one of Chi Chi’s best. The children were settled, her mother was in good health, and her sisters and their husbands and families were close. No arguments. Even the ex-husband front had been calm; Tammy Twiford was nice to the children, and on the road with Tony. The sky over Sea Isle Beach was sapphire-blue and the ocean was calm; the waves unfurled like a bolt of peacock-blue velvet.
Chi Chi stood at the bluff and watched Tony play with their son. Leone ran down the beach as Tony lobbed a football toward him, then ran it back to his father. When a group of Leone’s friends charged over the bluff to join him, Leone took the ball and ran down the beach with his pals. He stopped and turned to his father.
“Thanks, Pop!” he hollered before running off.
Chi Chi shimmied down the bluff and walked across the beach to join Tony. Maybe it was the sand, or the sky, or the warmth of the sun, but whenever Chi Chi was on the beach with Tony, it didn’t matter where in the world the ocean might be, somehow he still belonged to her. She would chase away the feelings, but somehow they would hover in the distance like the low clouds over the water.
Tony watched Chi Chi walk toward him on the beach. She was barefoot, as she was most of the summer. She wore a white sundress, and her hair was loose around her shoulders.
“I left your wife with my sisters.”
“Will she make it out alive?” Tony joked.
“You never know.”
“You look good, Cheech,” Tony said sincerely.
“So how’s it going? How’s Tammy?”
“Expensive.”
“I know, Savvy. I see the bills.”
“Was it wise of me to let my ex-wife remain my business manager?”
“Yes,” they said in unison, and laughed.
“That feels good,” he said.
“To laugh?”
“To hear someone call me Savvy.”
Chi Chi didn’t know how to respond. The moment felt intimate, but how could it not be? They had known each other for most of their lives.
Tony looked down the beach. “Leone is doing all right, isn’t he?”
“He has good friends. He’s doing fine in school.”
“I mean, without me around.”
“He doesn’t remember much,” Chi Chi said. “Or he doesn’t talk about it.”
Tony looked hurt. “How about the girls?”
“Sunny is bitter, and Rosie is a saint.”
“As it should be with twins.” Tony moved some seaweed on the sand with the toe of his sneaker. “You seeing anybody?”
“Honestly, Saverio,” Chi Chi said dismissively. “Let’s get back to the house. I need help making the ice cream.”
“I know I don’t have any right.”
“No, you don’t. But the answer is, I’m not. I thought I might, and then I didn’t.”
“Anybody interesting?”
“I wish Leone had a brother. The twins have each other, and he’s all alone.”
“I was an only child, and I did okay.”
Chi Chi turned and looked at her ex-husband in disbelief. “You have struggled every step of the way.”
“So I struggle. That doesn’t mean things didn’t turn out all right. Our son will be fine, won’t he?”
“I think so. You know, I thought Leone would fix our marriage,” Chi Chi admitted. “But he’s actually bigger than that. He’s going to fix the world. He can talk to anybody. When a child cries on the playground, he’s the first one on the scene to comfort him. I’ve never seen anything quite like him. He has a pure heart. But he’s a boy, and he needs his father.”
“I could take him,” Tony offered. “I’m sure Tammy would agree.”
“Your schedule is nuts. Maybe you could get down to see him more often?”
“Sure. Is Leone keeping up with his music?”
“I’m teaching him the piano, but he likes the drums. I bought earplugs for the girls and me.”
“He still plays the trumpet?”
“Blows it like Gabriel. It’s a noisy house.”
“I miss the noise.”
“Do you and Tammy have any plans for Christmas?”
“We’ll be in Florida. I have a gig at the Fontainebleau.”
“Nice. When are you planning on seeing the children?”
“Before I go. I thought we’d do Christmas a little early.”
“When do you leave?”
“December first.”
“That’s not Christmas, Savvy, it’s Thanksgiving.”
Chi Chi could see that any discussion of a schedule perturbed him. “I can’t do anything right,” he said.
“Sure you could. You could tell the hotel you have three children you need to see during the holidays.”
“I’m trying to make bank for the kids. You know that.”
“I understand. But you know I do all right with the songs. And the investments. You don’t have to drive yourself into the ground.”
“You don’t understand.”
“What’s the matter, Saverio?”
“I can’t control Tammy. She spends every penny I make.”
“That’s the problem with wives—they are allowed to spend every penny you make. When you marry, the spouse becomes your blood relative.”
“No kidding.”
“That’s the law.”
“There won’t be anything left for the kids.”
Chi Chi understood. “Ah. Okay. Now it’s my business.”
“I want you to manage my money.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you handled it when we were married, and you’re good at it. You can take a cut so our kids will be secure. And you can put the kid on a budget.”
“By �
�kid,’ you mean Tammy.”
“Of course.”
“She told Dorothy Kilgallen you were planning to have a family.”
“I can’t control what she says to reporters. Besides, we can’t have children. I mean, I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t? You have three children with me.”
“After Leone, I had the procedure.”
Chi Chi felt faint. She sat down in the sand. Tony sat down next to her. “What’s the matter, Cheech?”
“Why did you do that?”
“We had our family: three children is perfect.”
“But we didn’t discuss it.”
“You had your hands full with the kids, and I could see you were done with me.”
Chi Chi began to cry. Tony fished out his handkerchief.
“All the things I’ve done, and this makes you cry?”
“It’s the end of something. I don’t know. It’s sad.”
“I thought the information would please you. To know that our family was it. The twins and Leone. Done.”
Chi Chi was surprised by her reaction as much as Tony was. “I don’t know why this gets me,” she admitted as she pulled her knees to her chest. And then a thought struck her. “Wait a second. You didn’t tell Tammy.”
Tony nodded that he hadn’t.
“But she’s your wife. She needs to know.”
Tony looked away.
“It’s not right, Sav.”
Tony shrugged. “I have my reasons. Believe me.”
“A marriage without trust isn’t a marriage. Haven’t you learned that? You should talk to someone. I mean it.”
“A head shrinker? No, thank you. I have all the answers, Cheech. I just don’t like them.” Tony stood up and extended his hand to his wife. She stood next to him.
He couldn’t let go of her hand. “This is the beach where we met.”
“Not here, Sav. You have a terrible sense of direction.” She pointed. “All the way down there. See the Ferris wheel?”
“It’s all the same.”
“Yes, but the scene of the crime was about a mile away,” Chi Chi insisted. “I did your nails, and it was the nail in my coffin.”
“You’re funny,” he said. “Funniest girl I ever met.” A gust of wind blew Chi Chi’s hair into her eyes, and Tony brushed it away. “Do you really feel that way? Because I don’t.”
His hand lingered on her face. Chi Chi thought that he might kiss her, so she stepped back. “Oh, no, no, no.” She shook her head. “Step away, Savvy.”
Tony grinned. “What?”
“You know exactly what.”
* * *
When Tony, Chi Chi, and Leone returned from the beach, the backyard was empty.
“Where are the girls?” Chi Chi asked Barbara.
“In the house,” Barbara reported. “Tammy wanted to see their room.”
The bedroom Sunny and Rosie shared was decorated in pink and purple paisley. The café curtains were trimmed in rickrack; the bedspreads had layers of ruffles, and each twin bed had a pillow with their initials monogrammed on the headboards.
Tammy Twiford Arma stood back and surveyed the books on Rosie and Sunny’s shelves. “You girls read an awful lot.”
“It can’t hurt,” Rosie said.
“I guess not.”
“You should come down one Saturday when we go to the library,” Sunny suggested. “They have guest lectures.”
“You’re inviting me?” Tammy sounded surprised.
The twins exchanged a glance. “Sure.”
“Thank you, Sunny.”
Lucille poked her head in the door, delivering two bowls of ice cream to her nieces. “Tammy, would you like to come down to the pool? We’re having dessert. Tony is back from the beach. Leone too. Chi Chi is making s’mores.”
“Sounds great.” Tammy followed Lucille down the stairs.
Sunny sat up on her bed to make sure Tammy was out of earshot. “Can you believe how nonchalant Mom is acting? How about the aunts?”
“They have to get along,” Rosie said practically. “They don’t want to upset us.”
“Maybe they really like her.”
“Not a chance. It’s all an act. I can’t believe you like that woman,” Rosie said, keeping her eyes on the bracelet she was weaving out of ribbons.
“She’s Pop’s wife.” Sunny plunged a spoon into the ice cream. “We can’t just shun her. We have to be nice.”
“Wait until she has a bunch of kids and we get put out on the curb like an old sofa. See how you like her then.”
“That would never happen. Besides, we’ll be in college in a couple of years and what will we care?”
“You’re so naive.”
“Family is forever.”
“I don’t think she is. Tammy is not a keeper. Look at the blouse she’s wearing. That bra looks like it’s made out of party hats. Mom would never wear something like that.”
Sunny shrugged. “Maybe she should.”
“I don’t want a mother like that. I don’t want a stepmother either.”
“Well, guess what? You got one. I know a lot more about divorce than you do.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I read the decree. Mom and Dad’s.”
“What did it say?” Rosie asked in a voice that inferred she both wanted and didn’t want to know the contents of the document.
“Mom has full custody. I think she forced Pop to give up custody because he had the girlfriend.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Rosie said. “And getting chummy with Tammy isn’t going to help you. She got Mom out of the way, and it’s much easier to get rid of his kids.”
“It will not happen. I’ll fake it. I’ll be really nice. When I want to see Dad, I’ll call her. And she’ll make arrangements. She won’t help if we treat her like dirt.”
Rosie thought for a moment. “You have a point.”
“Rosie, listen to me. Mom is not going to let us do anything. We need Dad. And she cut him out completely. Our only hope is to cut him back in somehow.”
* * *
“I could use some help in the kitchen. What are you girls whispering about?” Chi Chi asked as she walked to the closet with the girls’ laundry on hangers. She hung their skirts and blouses on the rack and closed the doors.
“Nothing,” the twins said in unison.
Chi Chi sat down on Sunny’s bed. “You invited Tammy upstairs to talk. That was nice of you.”
“Glad you approve.” Sunny opened her book and turned away from her mother on the bed, but she couldn’t settle down yet. “You should have never let her steal Daddy. She’s not even that pretty. Or that smart. How could you let this happen?”
“Watch your mouth, Sunny,” Chi Chi said.
“She doesn’t mean it, Mom,” Rosie said.
“Don’t speak for me,” Sunny said.
“Mom needs to know you read the divorce decree, and you know that Dad has been denied custody of us.”
Chi Chi sighed. “Sunny, why do you snoop? No good comes from it.”
“You don’t tell us anything. None of the good parts anyway.”
“I was waiting until you were older.”
“We’re sixteen. Now is the time.”
“Sorry, honey. I’m new at this, too.”
“That’s not an excuse,” Sunny said grudgingly.
“You’re right. It isn’t. But I’m not going to take any lip from you either. You were raised to have respect and good manners, and I’m not going to let everything fall apart.”
“Because everything has?” Sunny flipped around. “Our lives are ruined.”
“I don’t think so, Mom.” Rosie glared at her twin. “We’re okay.”
“I want my girls to be better than okay,” Chi Chi said.
“What’s wrong with Dad?”
Chi Chi hesitated before she answered. “He has a stressful life.”
“Terri’s dad works in a slate quarry and han
dles the explosives,” Sunny said. “Handling dynamite in a cave is more stressful than singing songs about rolling pins.”
“You win,” Chi Chi said. “You have all the answers. Why don’t you be the mother and I’ll be the daughter and you run the world?”
“I wouldn’t do things like you do them. When I have a family, I won’t drive the family into the ground like you and Dad did. What are we even doing back in Jersey? Who even wants to live here when they can live in California? I miss my friends and my school. This is the worst.”
“When you grow up and graduate from college, you can move back to California, if you still feel that way.”
“You better believe I will.”
“You’re so rude to Mom,” Rosie said. “Can’t you see Mom’s suffering too?”
“She’s not suffering. She pushed Dad out the door like he had wheels on his shoes.”
Chi Chi had had enough. “Sunny, I put up with a lot from you, but it ends here. Your father and I loved each other, and we still do. But he wants a life on the road. And that’s no place to raise a family. Try and have a little empathy for him and a little compassion for me. Where is your Christian charity? That tuition I’m paying to the Salesian nuns might as well be going to make fertilizer.” Chi Chi got up and left their room.
“You’re evil,” Rosie said to her twin, pulling an Oh Henry! bar out of her nightstand drawer.
“She’s ridiculous.”
“She’s trying.”
Sunny rolled over. “She needs to try harder.”
Rosie munched on her candy bar and opened Giant by Edna Ferber. As she read and chewed, she got lost in the story of the Texas oil family. It did not take much to distract her from anything unpleasant.
Sunny turned away from her sister and pretended to sleep, keeping her face to the wall. That way, her twin couldn’t see the tears fall.
* * *
Chi Chi mastered the art of coparenting by becoming an expert traveler out of necessity. Tony had relocated to Rome when offers in the States dried up. In the early 1960s, Italy offered sanctuary for American artists in need of reinvention, including singing actors like Tony Arma.
Chi Chi peered out the window of the Pan Am jet as it began its descent into Rome. Leone, thirteen, anxiously clutched both arms of the seat. Chi Chi looked over at her son and gave him a reassuring smile. She knew it was only a matter of time before her son would pretend to be fearless, so she treasured these final moments of his boyhood when he still needed her.
Tony's Wife Page 34