by Stevens, GJ
She’d be the first victim of the monster waiting to burst out, then I’d end it all. She’d be the one and only.
Opening my eyes, I turned to Alex.
“Never mind,” I said. “Let’s get inside.”
I watched as she smiled, picking up the toolbox before opening the van door and peering either side for a moment.
Soon at the building, she concentrated on the door lock as I moved to the driver’s seat, whilst watching left and right for visitors as I practiced in my mind what I would do when I saw her disappear through the door.
She had the door opened before I’d thought it through. Now was the time and I went to put my hands on the steering wheel, but had to stifle the scream as the pain in my right hand told me of how stupid my plan had been.
Alex was already back out, her face beaming, eyebrows twitching when she saw the grit of my teeth on opening the driver’s door.
“You okay?” she said.
I nodded.
“You'll love this place,” she added, forcing herself to keep her voice low.
I drew a deep breath, pushing up my on-camera smile and let her help me down the tall step; let her guide me through the door as she angled a torch from the toolbox out in front.
Alex’s torch pointed out the corridor with doors to the left and right.
I saw the radiators clinging to the walls, wondering if the pipes would be strong enough to hold the cuffs when I tried to rip my hands free.
Alex shone the light on the storeroom packed with rows of boxes on shelves.
I saw the door banded with steel, trying to figure out where the owners kept the key and if the windows were strong enough to keep Alex safe.
Alex marvelled at the rows of shelves containing boxes of food, much like a supermarket, racks of clothes on rotary hangers, giant numbers corresponding to multipack boxes at their side.
I saw the lack of bolts holding the steel to the concrete floor, knowing I would pull it free. Knowing I would drag it behind me when I turned.
“It’s great, isn’t it?” she said, looking back with almost a skip in her step as she pointed to a row of torches hanging on shelves by their fabric cords as she passed.
“Yeah, great,” I said, my underwhelming words quiet once she’d gone. “A great place to die,” I said, scanning the shelves, not taking any notice of what I’d seen.
I wandered through the aisles, catching sight across the shelves as Alex made trips outside, her gaze finding mine each time she came through the door carrying the plastic equipment boxes from the back of the van.
After locking the door closed, she toured the aisles with her white smile beaming as she bundled blankets, food and water into her arms before heading to the back of the shop.
I slowly toured the aisles, finding scarlet trousers to near enough match the jacket to replace the skirt I wore with the great tear down the side.
After what must have been half an hour, Alex came to find me. She carried two lit torches in her hands and passed one over as she guided me to the rear. I couldn’t stop my mouth forming a smile as she shined her torch beam on the nest she’d been building.
Alex had cleared away racks of clothes, pushing them to the side. In the space she’d piled ten or more blankets on the floor to form two rectangular beds, both spaced a good distance apart. Around each bed she’d placed unlit candles, batteries and boxes of food beside bottles of water and a first aid kit resting on the top of the bed to the left.
My eyebrows raised at the jeans and T-shirt spread in the centre.
I twisted toward her. “Risky business.”
“Huh?” she replied.
“Choosing a lady’s clothes,” I said, and couldn't help letting a gentle laugh trickle after.
“We should change,” she said, her voice quiet and stilled as she watched my eyebrows raise and my face contort as I winced with the lift of my hand from my chest.
“I can…” she said, then stopped, filling the air with a pause. “I can help, if you don’t mind,” she said. The words were slow and broken.
Her voice caught me by surprise. Well, not the voice itself, but my body's reaction. In the silence I could hear her breath; hear mine, too, but I hoped she couldn’t sense the sudden race of the engine in my chest.
This wasn’t a good time for life to get more complicated.
89
My eyes closed despite the darkness when she threw the lit torch to the makeshift bed. Her fingers crept along the hem of my vest. I slowly lifted my arms as her hands climbed, my skin prickling with heat. Goose bumps rushed across my torso and not just because of the cold air licking at my damp skin.
The sensation kept my mind from the pain and I lifted both my hands high before sinking to my knees, the vest rising over my head.
She stood at my back, throwing the top to the pile with the jacket.
I waited, listening to her breath as somehow the calm air brushed across my body to lick away the last of the moisture, my skin alive with sensation; every inch prickling with electricity.
“Your bra?” she said, her words slow and punctuated with a heavy swallow. The deepness of her voice forced a pull of breath.
When I didn’t speak, I felt the tension in the wet strap release.
With a rip of plastic, she pulled a t-shirt from its packet and I knelt in front of her, opening my eyes with my breath catching in my throat when I saw her outline. She was looking with her head shaking from side to side, the room brighter than I’d expected. I could see more detail than I thought possible. So could she.
In the soft light from the torch and with my hands still to the air, I looked up as she concentrated, my body tensing as she guided the fabric first over my bad hand.
I stood, letting my hands relax. She took one side of the hem and I took the other. Together we dragged the top down and I tried not to react as the fabric snagged on my nipples.
The rest I could manage and I let the skirt drop, my left hand hovering at the band of my knickers. I don’t know why my mouth curled or why I’d bitten down on my bottom lip as Alex stared at my silhouette with my shadow looking back.
Eventually she bent to the side and pulled a pair of fresh underwear from the pile.
“Do you…?” she said.
I held back my reply, instead taking a moment to swallow down my thoughts and confusion at my body’s reaction.
“No, thank you. It’s fine,” I said, and took the cotton from her hand and disappeared behind an aisle of clothes to finish dressing. I waited longer than the time it had taken to dress trying to resolve the feelings in my head.
“Thank you,” I said, pretending to myself I felt no disappointment when she’d already changed as I arrived back to see the candles flickering in the clearing.
We ate cold beans from cans without talking. I didn’t care, each mouthful soothing my pain as I listened to the air void of sound other than from my companion eating. Tiredness fogged my thoughts. I hadn’t slept since I didn’t know when and I could feel myself drifting, eyes heavy. My heart rate spiked as I thought of waking and not knowing who I was.
“You need to tie me up.”
Alex sat up straight, not giving a reply.
“I need to sleep,” I said, but she didn’t get my meaning, her brain clearly frozen on the words. “It’s not safe to be around me. You need to tie me up in case I can’t control myself.”
I felt frustration bubbling in my belly; at least I hoped it was the reason for the feeling. I saw the confusion on Alex’s face, along with the smile she was trying to force down.
“I won't fuck you,” I snapped, the raise of my voice echoing across the room. “You’re safe from my advances, but if the medicine I’ve already had isn’t enough, then you won’t know what hit you.”
Her face fell with my words and the abrupt change in mood. She stood, disappearing out of the light. Her voice carried softly from the darkness.
“It’s not like that,” she said. “You’re safe from me, t
oo. I’m not into…”
The words vanished to nothing as I closed my eyes. Letting go of a deep breath, I used my good hand to rub the water from my eyes.
I heard her before I saw her shape in the shadows. I heard the rattle of the chain before I saw its gleam in the flicker of the candle.
By that time I’d already clipped the cuff around my good wrist with the empty bracelet, ready to clip to the free end once its length had encircled the pipes leading up to the radiator on the far wall.
With the bracelets fixed, she hadn’t said a word and I lay down, turning back and forth to find comfort and closed my eyes.
I couldn’t think of her feelings in that moment. All I could concentrate on was what it felt like to feel human and hoping I would see the morning with the same perspective.
***
I opened my eyes.
I was alive. I was me. I was the same as when I’d fallen asleep. I felt no need I hadn’t felt before this all happened. Toni had lied about so much; maybe she was lying about the dose I needed.
An engine revved too hard close by, but it was moving away.
The room was the same, but different in every way. Daylight poured from the skylights I hadn’t noticed last night. I turned for Alex to shout for her to wake, to call out so she would know someone was stealing the van.
Her hand-built bed was empty, the gun missing from where it had rested at her side.
If this wasn’t a dream, I’d made it through the night. But if this wasn’t just inside my head, I’d not only scared away my camera operator, she’d abandoned me and left me for dead.
90
The pain in my hand told me it wasn’t a dream. The dull ache in my swollen fingers was an improvement on the sharp stab with each pump of my heart before I’d slept. The rattle of the chain as I sat up rang high in my ears, confirming it wasn’t the result of chemicals forming pictures in my mind; as did the hunger deep in my belly when I surveyed the ruffled blankets where I’d slept to see if she’d at least left me the key.
She hadn’t.
I should have known. Why had I trusted someone I’d only just met, despite what we’d already been through together in the short time? Maybe Toni had been right all along. Maybe I couldn’t be trusted not to stray given half a chance. Maybe I trusted too easily, despite what I’d seen in my career and the training Toni had inadvertently given me. Why did I throw that experience out of the window any time someone paid me any attention?
I laughed whilst shaking my head. Was it only a day since we’d met? But my thoughts darkened as the sound of the engine faded further into the distance.
Why had she left? I still struggled to think of her as a woman, despite the evidence. Had I damaged her ego when I said those things? The way she reacted to my words. Had I seen things between us, from her, that weren’t there? Had I scared her off with thoughts she didn’t want to bring to the surface?
Or was it all in my head?
Pressure rose in my chest; the knot in my stomach grew at the thought of her not even unlocking my bounds or leaving me the key. She knew I would be at the mercy of the first person to come through the door, alive or otherwise.
Since I’d been a teen, I’d needed no one. Never a man or a woman before now and I hated Toni even more for putting me in this position. I knew she’d always wanted me in her control. Our fights, the end of our serene weeks together came, at least partly, because I am my own person. Toni could never call me hers. I would never submit myself to another. I would never stop being me until my heart ceased beating in my chest.
At least that phrase still had meaning. Although the dead rose, they weren’t the people they were when they’d lived.
Standing, I traced out a semi-circular path the extended chain would allow. I swallowed down the rising bile and tried to reach out for the shelves as the chain links scratched against the pipe jutting to the wall, the metal like an amplifier. Still, I couldn’t reach any of the potential tools my imagination hoped could help free my bounds.
My gaze fell on one of the rugged plastic boxes Alex had opened by her bed and the smallest of the cameras set up on a tripod, the lens pointing down the aisle.
I held my gaze, stopping my survey and taking a deep breath when I saw the manual open on Alex’s makeshift pillow.
Why had she bothered to try and figure out the camera when she was planning to run in the morning?
The thoughts fell as I heard a gunshot outside. A second came soon after with the crunch of gears in the distance. A third followed, with barely a space as another shook the air, turning me to the windows blocked by the shutters.
I pulled hard on the chain, yanking till the tension was too much for my wrist when it hadn’t come loose, hadn’t released its grip.
I drew a deep breath and held still to welcome the silence, suddenly aware of my noise inviting unwelcome guests.
I listened for more gunfire, for engine sounds and I tried to keep still while searching around.
My gaze fell on anything heavy. Water bottles. A can of beans still sealed. Anything I could wield one-handed.
I continued to search for what would give me the best defence against whatever made the slow footsteps coming from the corridor.
91
The tin of beans weighed heavy in my hand, adding to the downward pull of the chain clinging at my wrist. With the footsteps getting near, I daren’t raise the tin high, too afraid the rattle of the metal links would further advertise my presence.
Breath caught as I heard another sound, the drag of something bulky along the floor behind each echoing step. I tried to ignore the worst pictures forming inside my head with each passing moment.
Searching left and right, I was desperate to find a space to hide; to find somewhere to give cover, somewhere I’d overlooked all this time. No matter how much I checked, my gaze flitting around the clearing, no miraculous safe room appeared.
Movement flashed into view through the doorway and I raised the can, the chains coming alive with song as I propelled the tin as best I could towards the figure until the cuffs snapped back at the full extent of my reach. The can bounced off the torso, splitting against the tiles and sending tomato sauce flooding the floor as it skidded to a stop.
I stood open-mouthed, Alex lifting her head as if struggling to raise it. The first stage of a bruise reddened her cheek.
My gaze followed down her arms, skipping from the gun in her right to the bundle of heavy clothes held in her left. A mop of mousey brown hair fell around her hand as she held the bundle by the scruff of a jacket, a trail of blood left in their wake.
I backed away until the chain would let me go no further. Fear raged through my chest until her gaze found mine across the room. Her eyes wide and seeking my attention.
Alex threw the gun to my bed and bent down, turning the sack over and sweeping the hair to reveal a young woman’s dirty face.
Watching on as Alex bent over and slid up the blood-soaked left leg of her own jeans, she looked up as I peered at the black shard of metal stuck in the side of Alex’s ankle below the stark black of a tattoo, whose shape I couldn’t quite make out.
Alex's hand reached out for the first aid kit beside my bed. I rushed over, the chain rattling in my wake.
She shook her head, the pain obvious as she pushed her hand to her pocket and pulled out the handcuff key to swap it for the open green box.
“What happened?” I said, with the key, sticky with her blood, held in my good hand whilst looking at how I was going to get the lock open with the swollen fingers on my left. “I woke and you'd gone. I thought…”
She didn’t reply. Instead, shook her head as she rifled through the contents of the small kit, letting the packages spill to the floor.
As she pulled apart the foil of an antiseptic wipe, she nodded over to the girl who still hadn’t moved.
“Is she okay?” I said, peering over.
“Is she okay?” Alex replied, the words darting from her mouth.
She raised her eyebrows and I raised mine back, mimicking her expression until her face melted to a thin smile.
“You were tossing and turning. That bloody chain kept me awake all night. I ended up spending most of it getting the camera to work.”
My eyes widened, head rising and she nodded in reply.
“When I finally got to sleep, I woke to the sound of the van’s engine. I darted out of bed and there was this little shit driving off in it.”
“You ran after her?” I said, a smile rising.
Alex nodded, turning down to the wound, clenching her teeth as she pulled the jagged triangle of metal and dropped it to the tile with a high clatter.
“She couldn’t get the gears working. I bet she’s never driven before. I caught up with her, yanked the door open.”
“You shot her,” I said, looking back to the gun as I tried to reach out to check her over, but the chain held me back.
“No,” she said, her tone defensive. “She tried to grab the gun and we got into a scuffle. It went off, the bullet bounced off the metal of the van, then this,” she said, looking to the wound.
I looked down at the slumped body which still hadn’t moved and raised my eyebrows.
“Did you hit her?”
“No,” she said, bunching her features in my direction. “As soon as the gun went off, there were creatures coming out of everywhere. We ran and she fell, banged her head. I took two out, but I bet there’s more on their way. We should go,” she said, hurriedly nodding back towards the door.
“If she can’t even drive, then how did she get into the van?”
Alex didn’t reply immediately.
“She can’t drive, but she can hot wire?” I added.