by Lynne Graham
”You’re kidding me? What age were you’?’
”Thirteen. He’d been living with us a couple of months when it happened.’ She grimaced. ‘something about him gave me the creeps, but 1 could never work out what it was.
Then one night, when Mum was out, he started coming on to me and 1 went up to bed to get away. If Mum hadn’t come back early and found him in my room, 1 don’t know what would’ve happened.’
‘1 do-and if you’d been raped 1 imagine your mother would’ve found some way to blame you for that too! ‘ Cristiano cut in with contempt.
Lydia winced.
‘Don’t say that.You’ve got to understand how upset she was! She was hoping to marry him.’
‘Her first loyalty should still have been to you.’
Cristiano smoothed a surprisingly gentle forefinger down over her cheekbone and studied her.
‘No wonder you were still a virgin, after that frightening introduction to the adult world of sex! 1 was an insensitive bastard as well. 1 was so hot for you 1 had no patience.’
‘l just all feels different with you,’ she muttered, unable to find the words to describe how that was when she didn’t understand it herself.
‘1 want to hear that it feels earth-shattering with me, gioia mia, ‘ he breathed in a low pitched undertone that skimmed her spine like a caress.
As she was smiling helplessly at that shameless invitation to boost an ego that required no such encouragement, Cristiano flipped back from her without warning, his lean, darkly handsome features set taut. He swore rawly in his own language.
”What’s wrong’?’ Lydia demanded anxiously.
Cristiano stared at her with bemused golden eyes.
‘I didn’t use a condom. For the first time in my life, ‘I forgot’ Lydia tensed.
‘l’m not taking anything …’
Still evidently dumbstruck by his oversight in the contraceptive stakes, Cristiano squared his aggressive jawline.”When will we know whether or not you’re pregnant’?’
She reddened, and shut her eyes to recall dates and count. ‘In about two weeks.’
‘so right now you’re at your most fertile’?’ he deduced.
‘How do you feel about babies’?’
‘Never thought about them.’
‘Neither have 1,’ Cristiano admitted, still deep in shock at his own carelessness.
‘But if we’re unlucky-‘
‘lsn’t it funny how a single word can say so much? Unlucky…’ Lydia was pale.
‘Well, 1 meant to say was that 1‘11 look after you…and the baby,’ he tacked on, his accent very thick.
‘SO you don’t need to worry about that angle.’
‘l’m not worrying,’ she lied, thinking how dreadful it would be to end up unintentionally pregnant by a guy whose sole source of interest in her was her ability to amuse him in bed.
‘But 1 could go to the doctor and ask for the morning-after pill.’
‘No.’ Cristiano’s rejection of that suggestion was immediate.
‘That wouldn’t sit well with me. We’ll wait and see.’
Cristiano settled back against the pillows, scrutinized her taut profile, and then eased an arm round her to pull her up against him again.
‘Get some sleep and stop worrying,’ he instructed huskily.
”We’re heading back to Italy tomorrow.’
‘1 wish 1 qualified for air miles.’
He laughed in surprise and appreciation and doused the lights.
She snuggled in to him, imagining herself with a buggy.
She really quite liked the idea, and blinked in confusion in the darkness. It would be a disaster if she had conceived, she reminded herself in consternation. She couldn’t act like a silly kid and daydream about motherhood without considering the realities. What was happening to her? Furthermore, what had happened to that hatred she had been so certain she felt? That terrible bitterness had ebbed, although the same fear of hurt lived on inside her, she acknowledged ruefully. Was she falling for him again? Cristiano ran a possessive hand down over a slender hip.
‘How tired are you’?’
‘Not that tired,’ she whispered breathlessly, excitement licking at her between one breath and the next, and all serious thought suspended.
A wonderful pair of stylish diamond earrings sparkled up at Lydia. She paled and, pushing the case back across the table, spun away.
‘1 can’t accept these…1 can’t! ‘
Cristiano gave her an exasperated appraisal. ”What’s the matter with you? It’s a gift…you can’t refuse it’
”You’ve given me a necklace, a bracelet, a watch…now these. And 1 bet they’re worth a fortune! ‘
‘So I’m not cheap, bella mia. I’m generous. It’s a character trait, and it’s supposed to be plus in my favour.’ Cristiano closed his hands over her slender wrists and tugged her inexorably closer.
Lydia resisted the temptation to point out that he needed no more pluses in his favour. She was hugely uncomfortable with the outrageous number of extravagant presents he was giving her. Did he think she expected such riches? Did he feel he had to pay for her services? Wasn’t the vast sum he had paid out to the Happy Holidays charity sufficient? Whatever, her jewel box-an extremely expensive miniature antique trunk that had also been a gift-was full to overflowing with dazzling diamonds and sapphires!
‘Maybe it makes me feel cheap,’ she muttered accusingly. ‘some people would call those diamonds the wages of sin’
Cristiano groaned in disbelief. ”You can be such a drama queen.’
”Who made me sign that horrible contract’?’
Cristiano did not want to think about the contract. He locked her to him and claimed her soft pink lips with a devastating hunger that had not abated, even though they had been together without a break for weeks.
‘1 like structure and I misjudged you. There’s much more than a legal agreement operating between us now’
Lydia wanted so badly to believe him.
The phone rang and he set her free to answer it. Strolling over to the boundary wall of the terrace, she sat down.
The golden sunlight was wonderfully warm on her skin. The same glorious, timeless view of the green valley of fields and vineyards had greeted her every morning and everting for almost three weeks. She could hardly believe that she had been in Tuscany with Cristiano for so long.
The days had flown, when she would have preferred every moment to pass by at a snail’s pace because she was so incredibly happy.
No longer was she trying to convince herself of her undying hatred for him. She had accepted that she loved him and she wasn’t ashamed of her feelings any more.
When he walked into a room it was as if the sun came out inside her. When he smiled it gave her a floaty feeling.
When she wakened in his arms in the morning she felt safe and contented. When he touched her, emotion and sensation came together so powerfully she had felt tears sting her eyes more than once.
It was his fault she had fallen for him, she reflected ruefully. He had been so incredibly attentive, affectionate and romantic. He might not do love, but he did do candlelit dinners, moonlight walks through the gardens, picnics in secret glades in the forest. They had walked hand in hand through medieval hill towns, sat in sleepy restaurants talking for hours. He had taken her to see a dietician and had had to grudgingly accept that, while a few extra pounds of weight would do her no harm, she was naturally thin.
He had patiently helped her with her Italian lessons. He had flown her to Pads for a concert given by her favourite singer and taken her to view the two famous gardens in the vicinity.
Was it any wonder that once or twice she had wondered if he was the same guy she had first met? After all, when they had dated he had been an incurable workaholic who would not spare the time to get to know her. But now he was continually cutting short his working hours to be with her. The change in his attitude meant a lot to her. She had decided that si
nce she was happy, and happiness was not that easy to find, she should live for the moment and strive to forget their relationship’s questionable beginnings.
Just two clouds marred her contentment. The apprehension that Cristiano’s moment of forgetfulness in bed might have fertile consequences did worry her. She had tried not to worry too much, for she had persuaded herself that there was only a very small risk of such a development.
Even so, she was firmly convinced that an unplanned pregnancy would destroy their relationship, for no male appreciated his freedom more than Cristiano.
Her greatest concern, however, related to her mother, who had still to get back in touch with her. Lydia had phoned everyone with a connection to the older woman, and had been surprised that so many of those people had told her that they hadn’t seen or spoken to Virginia in months or even years. Her failure to establish a single lead to her mother’s whereabouts had left Lydia feeling that she didn’t know the older woman as well as she had believed.
Surely her mother could not have intended to disappear from her daughter’s life so completely? Cristiano breathed. ‘Tell me what’s up.’
She sighed.
‘l’m worried about my mum. I’m starting to think that she’s disappeared off the face of this earth! ‘
‘From when’?’
‘since just before 1 was arrested. She was afraid she’d be accused with me, and got in a panic.’
”Why? Was she involved in the fashion show as well’?’
Cristiano directed a look of polite enquiry at her, and she relaxed a little and advanced further details in answer to his questions.
‘Would you like me to see if 1 can find out anything for you’?’
”Yes …but 1 don’t see how.’
‘1 have great resources.’
Cristiano thought it likely that the results of the checks he had ordered on Lydia might well contain some useful leads. He had left that report sitting unopened and unread in London, because investigating Lydia without her knowledge had belatedly struck him as unethical. He would have it forwarded.
‘l’d be really grateful. I’m worried sick about her,’ Lydia admitted honestly.
‘Her marriage broke up shortly before she went away, so goodness knows what sort of state of mind she might be in.’
‘1’ll find her for you, cara mia.’ Cristiano consulted his watch, slanting ebony brows drawing together. ‘But right now we have an appointment to keep, and we should make a move.’
Lydia gave him a puzzled glance.
‘What appointment’?’
Cristiano shrugged with a shade less cool than was usual.
‘1 think it makes sense for you to have a pregnancy test done by a doctor, so I’ve gone ahead and organised it.’
Lydia was truly taken aback.
‘But that’s crazy…1 can easily buy a test.’
‘A test you perform yourself might give a false result.’
Lydia flushed and lowered her lashes. Obviously he was really worried that she might have conceived. He had hidden the fact well, only casually alluding to the possibility on a couple of occasions since that night. But now it was clear that he was not prepared to wait even another couple of days to see if there was cause for a test to be done.
‘lf you prefer this way of going about things…that’s fine,’ she muttered uncomfortably.
‘It’s something we should share,’ Cristiano decreed with assurance.
The appointment was at a private clinic. The doctor, a suave gynaecologist, left them in his smart office and reappeared with a grave expression.
”The test was negative.
You’re not pregnant, Powell.’
Lydia was quite unprepared for the sharp stab of disappointment that afflicted her in response to that news.
Cristiano was stunned. He had firmly believed that she would be pregnant. They were both young and healthy. For fifteen years he had assiduously guarded against any possibility of conception. He had never taken a risk, made a mistake or had an accident. Was it any wonder that he had been fully convinced that one contraceptive oversight new to him, it should still be a huge relief to receive the news that he was not to become a father.
Lydia was struggling to feel equally relieved. It occurred to her that in recent weeks Mother nature had been playing games with her subconscious mind. While on the surface she had maintained a sensible attitude to the concept of an unplanned pregnancy, little daydreams, doubtless fuelled by sneaky female hormones, had made her consider the possibility of motherhood for the very first time. And the truth was that she had really warmed to the idea of having a baby.
‘l’m sure you must be pleased that we don’t have anything to worry about any more,’ she muttered tautly when they were back in the limo.
Cristiano said nothing in response to that leading question.
Lean, strong face impassive, he was deep in thought.
Her eyes were stinging. She was seriously embarrassed, and terrified he would notice that she was upset. A lump formed in her throat and she tried and failed to swallow.
She blinked back tears furiously.
‘perhaps it is human nature to want what has been denied,’
Cristiano commented.
”You’re disappointed, aren’t out?’
‘No, I’m not! ‘ she gasped cockily, rifling through all his pockets to find a hanky and then burying her face in it.
‘lt’s just the tension, that’s all…and now I’m feeling a little tearful.’
‘l’d like to have a baby with you, gioia mia’
Cristiano told her, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
CHAPTER NINE
THE hanky dropped from Lydia’s nerveless fingers. Her tear-drenched blue eyes locked to his lean, darkly handsome features with dazed uncertainty, for she was unable to credit that he meant what he had said. ‘Are you teasing me’?’
‘lt’s not a joking matter. 1 am very much in earnest,’ Cristiano asserted in his dark deep drawl.
‘l’ve realized that 1 would like a child.’
‘Oh… ‘ It was all she could think of to say. The thought of having a baby with Cristiano was making nonsense of all rational thought, for at that moment he was offering her what she most wanted on earth. Indeed, it shook her that her desire for a child could have gone so deep.
‘1 suppose it is natural.’ Cristiano shifted a lean brown hand in a graceful gesture of acceptance.
‘l’ve reached a stage in life where I’m ready to be a father. This little drama of ours has simply brought that truth home to me’.
‘1, too, was disappointed when we learned that there was not to be a child.’
‘1 honestly didn’t know I’d feel like that,’ she admitted in a rush, attempting to put her thoughts in order.
‘l just can’t believe that you feel the same way’
Enquiring golden eyes rested on hers.
”Why not’?’
She could’ve told him fifty reasons why not. Babies weren’t cool lifestyle choices. Babies didn’t travel well and he never stopped. But, most of all, babies deserved two parents. Although that wasn’t always possible, it was definitely an objective that required serious consideration.
Her thoughts were spinning like whirling dervishes, leaving her dizzy. t1 don’t fancy being a single parent,’ she admitted abruptly.
The silence simmered and bubbled like a witch’s cauldron on the boil.
Cristiano surveyed her with inhuman calm.
‘So…you have a point to make’?’ Lydia went very pink and studied her linked hands.
Just weeks ago he had proposed. She had shouted no on principle, and that had been that. She had let pride and bitterness do her talking for her. It had since occurred to her that she might have been more than a little hasty in giving him that spirited negative response. Yes, she would love to be valued for something more than her ability to entertain him in bed several times a day. On the other hand, it w
ould be grossly unjust of her not to acknowledge that she was pleasing herself there too. Everything in the bedroom department was absolutely amazing, and she had no complaints whatsoever. In fact, on every level, life with Cristiano was wildly exceeding her expectations. He treated her so well. He made her feel incredibly happy. But she could not rely on that. He didn’t love her, and inevitably their affair would run its course and come to an end.
‘Lydia…?’
‘Hush…1’m thinking very hard here.’ She sighed, thinking worriedly that it would be very wrong to even consider having a baby in such an insecure relationship.
It didn’t matter that she believed that a child would be a comfort to her when he had gone from her life. That would be a very selfish way to look at parenting, she decided shamefacedly. She had to act like a responsible adult. She might love him and want his baby but only the commitment of marriage would give them both security. How much did he want to be a father? Enough to marry her?
‘can 1 help’?’ Cristiano enquired gently.
Before she could lose her nerve, Lydia breathed in very deep, and just tired the words at him.
‘1’ll be happy to have a baby with you. But there’s a condition.’
‘No pain, no gain,’
Cristiano quipped, lush black lashes low over shouldering golden eyes as he let a caressing masculine fingertip slowly skate a provocative trail down over her slender thigh, smiling when she shivered.
‘But we could shelve the negotiation until sunset, and spend the afternoon working on the project, carissima. ‘
Her heart skipped a beat, and then raced with a sad lack of self-control. She shot him a sidewise glance, tummy flipping when she met his stunning eyes.
‘l’m trying to have a serious talk here… What 1 want to say is that 1‘11 have a baby if you marry me…’
Cristiano elevated a sleek ebony brow in apparent surprise.
‘SO what happened to love’?’ Lydia blinked.
‘l beg your pardon’?’
‘You said you would only marry for love,’ he reminded her smoothly.
Lydia blushed to the roots of her hair and shifted uneasily on her seat.
‘Well, perhaps that was a bit…er…fanciful,’ she selected in desperation.