by ANDREA SMITH
“It’s about damn time!” I snipped.
My mother was anxious to be relieved of her bedside post as labor coach, I could tell. This transition stage was bloody hell.
“She’s allowed to push now,” she said, heading out. “When they check her, and can see a fifty-cent size portion of the baby’s head, she’ll be taken to delivery. They’re out of birthing rooms. Take care of her, Taz. I’ll be in the waiting room with Slate.”
Whoosh, she was gone.
“Somebody hasn’t been a good patient,” he chided, waggling his finger at me as he walked closer and leaned over the hospital bed. He pressed several kisses to my forehead.
“Ooh, you feel a little sweaty, babe.”
“You think, Trace?”
“Uh oh. You’ve got that bulging-eye thing going on, like when you’re pissed. I got here as soon as I could, sweetie. Were you nasty to your mom? She left like a bat-outta-hell.”
I rolled my eyes, bracing myself for the next contraction which was right on top of me.
“She’ll forgive me,” I said. “Holy Mother of Christ, here comes another one!”
Taz held me up in a squatting position, like we’d learned in class. He coached me on my breathing, and, as the contraction was winding down, he squeezed my hand to start the relaxation breathing.
“That’s my girl,” he said, soothing me. He rubbed my back and I actually started to feel more relaxed. His presence could do that at times.
The nurse came in to check me. She announced that I could be moved to the delivery room.
Taz held my hand as they wheeled my hospital bed down the busy corridor and into the delivery room.
Like clockwork, the doctor was there along with the nurses, getting everything ready to greet Baby Matthews. Taz and I didn’t know the sex of the baby. We both kind of liked surprises.
The room was well-lit and sterile. I’d wanted to do a water birth at home, but Taz had put the “ixnay” on that. I’d read up on all of the natural stuff and it appealed to me.
Taz claimed in a previous life I’d been a ‘hippie.’
I did, however, stand my ground with respect to not allowing the nursing staff to whisk Junior off as soon as he or she made their grand entrance from my womb, to be bathed, weighed, measured, and all of that shit.
We were going to have the baby placed skin-to-skin on top of my stomach for the breast crawl. No bathing for the first six hours.
Everything was a go now, so with Taz’s help, I pushed full-force to deliver. Several minutes later, I saw Taz’s face light up as the doctor assisted our baby into the world.
The baby was placed on my tummy. The doctor was instructing Taz on how to snip the umbilical cord.
I’d never seen such a look of happiness on his face before. My Taz was a proud Daddy and that pleased me more than anything.
“Well, honey?” I asked, waiting for him to fill me in.
“We’ve got a daughter, Lindsey,” he said, beaming. “My baby girl has given me a baby girl.”
“But she doesn’t have any hair,” I commented, as if that rendered the baby’s gender as a girl null and void.
“Some babies don’t,” he replied. “My little sister was bald as a melon and her hair’s as thick as mine now. She’ll grow hair, baby, don’t worry.”
I was curious to see her face. I wondered if she would be all Taz, or all me, or a combination of us both. Mom’s babies were totally Slate.
Taz got his digital camera out to film the baby as she snuggled on my stomach and started squirming. Her little legs were pushing her up and forward on my abdomen to my stomach. Her little feet were digging in to my pelvic region. The doctor explained that helped to expel the placenta and stop the bleeding.
“What color are her eyes?” I asked Taz, since he was close to her face.
He bent down to look. “Blue,” he replied.
“We both have green eyes,” I whined.
“Honey,” the nurse interrupted, from down where she was assisting the doctor between my legs, “her true eye color won’t be evident for a few months.”
I nodded, watching my baby girl squirm around on my belly.
She was on a mission…that much was obvious. Her little head bobbed, her fists clenched in and out as she pushed her way up towards my breasts.
Taz and I watched, fascinated, as we observed everything we had seen in the videos that had been presented in the birthing classes we’d attended.
She moved towards my right breast, her fingers clutching the nipple as she pulled herself towards it. With strength and tenacity, she moved her head towards it, and her mouth opened wide as she latched on. She began to suckle contentedly, her tiny hands fisting my breast.
“Wow,” Taz said, “she did that in less than twelve minutes.”
“I think she may be advanced,” I bragged, putting my arms around her bottom as she nursed.
She was making cute little sucking noises and baby sounds. The feeling of love I had for her was so overwhelming.
The nurse came over and placed a light blanket over the baby to keep her warm as she was pressed skin-to-skin against me. She put a pink knit cap on her head. The baby nestled into me and I knew I was in love with my beautiful daughter. She smelled so good, so naturally sweet.
“Thank you, Trace,” I whispered, gently rubbing her back. “Thank you for my beautiful baby girl.”
“It was my pleasure,” he said, taking his place on the hospital bed beside me.
“So, are we good to go with the name we picked out for a girl?” he asked. “They’re going to want it for her birth certificate.”
I looked down at her gently nursing.
“Absolutely,” I replied. “It fits her perfectly, don’t you think?”
“Harper Trace Matthews,” Taz said. “I like it. I’m glad we finally agreed on a name.
That had been our one and only argument ever, the baby’s name. Taz had been set on “Harley” for his bike. I said no flippin’ way.
I wanted “Harlow” after one of my favorite black and white movie actresses, Jean Harlow.
We had compromised, both loving the name “Harper.”
“Harper Trace Matthews,” I said, “you’re officially our daughter and we love you so much.”
Taz leaned over her, and brushed a kiss against her little bald head as she nursed.
“I think she’s going to be blonde,” he said.
“Yep,” I nodded. “She’s going to be blond-haired with green eyes like yours, Taz.”
“Or yours,” he replied. “I love your eyes, Lindsey.”
“No matter what shade of green her eyes end up, she is going to be exquisite,” I remarked, gazing at my beautiful daughter.
Today was the beginning of little Harper’s life. For Taz and me, it was the beginning of our life together as a family. We were joined in love, and now, we were love plus one.
Bonus Chapter
Lindsey
I gaze down at our beautiful daughter as she’s nestled snugly against me, nursing quietly.
Harper Trace Matthews.
I’ve never felt this kind of love before; and to be honest, I never thought this kind of love even existed. It’s so deep, so perfect and unconditional. I wonder if that’s normal, and immediately I know that it must be.
I love Trace every bit as deeply as I love Harper, but still it is different with a baby, a product of our love and I suppose it’s difficult to articulate.
I sigh, letting my finger trace her soft cheek and she wriggles against me, releasing my nipple for just a moment, her head bobbing a bit before she latches back on and starts suckling a bit harder.
“There are my girls,” Taz says, smiling as he comes into the room and takes a seat on the sofa next to me. His hand touches my cheek gently as he gazes down at our perfect daughter. “Looks like the little shit has taken over my territory,” he remarks with a chuckle.
“Taz,” I s
ay, giving him a wicked smile, “You know we’re going to have to start watching our language around here. Before you know it, she’ll be repeating everything she hears.”
“Don’t you mean my language,” he asks, teasingly. “You’re not nearly as vulgar as me…well except maybe in our bedroom.”
I smack at him with my free hand, and feel my cheeks flush. I can’t believe I can even get embarrassed in front of him anymore, I mean, we’ve gone through so damn much together. Harper is four weeks old today, and though she wasn’t planned, Taz and I both agree that we couldn’t have planned better.
“Who do you think she looks like?” I ask, gazing back down at her chubby little cheeks.
Taz has captured her tiny little hand, and I watch in awe as she manages to wrap her hand around his index finger, gripping it. “She looks like you, baby girl,” he replies, just as he always does when I ask that question. “But she’s strong like me.”
“Did you ever imagine a year ago that we’d be where we’re at right now? Having a beautiful baby girl of our own?”
“Sure didn’t,” he replies, looking over at me, “But I’m happy as hell about it. I’ll be even happier a month from now.”
“I can’t believe our wedding is one month from today,” I say, “Thank God for Darcy and her connections. I never could’ve pulled off the preparations without her.”
“Speaking of that,” he replies, “I need to fill you in on the latest.”
I bring Harper off the breast, and place her against my shoulder, rubbing her back to get a burp out of her. “Oh God, do I want to know?”
At that moment, Harper lets out a loud, long burp. Taz and I both laugh. “Yet another thing she gets from her daddy,” I tease. “So go on, what is the latest?”
He takes Harper from me, and holds her against his shoulder now. “Well, since we had to cut Darin Murphy from the wedding party for obvious reasons, what do you think about having my older brother take his place?”
I truthfully hadn’t considered who Taz would select to be his best man. Slate was giving me away, and since Darcy had returned just recently from Belize, where she’d gone to lick her wounds after finding out that Darin Murphy was a cheating son-of-a-bitch, I had figured Taz would ask another one of his FBI buddies.
“I haven’t met your family yet, Taz. I mean you never really talk about them. Whomever you want is fine with me.”
“It’s just that Dad has sort of been pressuring me to ask Easton to be my best man. I guess he thinks it will make us close. Fat fucking chance.”
I peer over at him while I fold up one of Harper’s receiving blankets. “I don’t understand the dynamics of your family, I guess. Are you and Easton estranged for some reason?”
“He’s actually my half-brother. Spent most of his time with his mother and her family in England. Spent summers with us and what can I say? He was a royal pain in the ass most of the time. Now he’s some venture capitalist and for whatever reason, Dad is intent on including him in our wedding.”
“Well I think that’s a good thing. Hey, is he single?”
“Last I heard he was. Why?”
“Just thought maybe he might be someone to take Darcy’s mind off of douche bag Darin.”
“Oh no, baby girl. Don’t even start with your matchmaking. It’s true I haven’t seen Easton in years, but knowing him as I did, and knowing her as I do? Those two would fucking kill each other.”
“Just a thought,” I reply. “If you only knew how much I wanted a brother or sister growing up, and look at you? You have both but don’t seem to be close to either of them.”
He shrugs and Harper gives us another burp in high definition. “Well baby girl, you’ll be meeting them both soon so I’ll let you be the judge. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“What about your younger sister?”
“Paige?” he says with a chuckle. “Paige is a piece of work in her own right. There’s not a lot she won’t do for attention. Yeah, this should be real interesting.”
“Okay,” I say, giving him an eye roll, “So it sounds as if you’re telling me your whole family is what? Screwed up?”
“No darlin’, not at all. There’s perfection in the middle. You lucked out.”
I lean over and kiss him softly on his lips. “And that I’m sure of,” I reply, noticing that Harper’s drifted off to sleep on his shoulder. “I think Harper’s ready for a nap. Do you want me to take her?”
“Why don’t we both tuck her in and then maybe take a nap of our own?” he suggests, quirking a brow.
“It’s a date,” I reply, “I’ll be waiting.”
playlist
“Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse
“The Search is Over” by Survivor
“You are so Beautiful” by Joe Cocker
(Lindsey & Taz’s Wedding)
“Viva La Vida” by Coldplay
“Rolling in the Deep” by Adele
“Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele
“Where Does My Heart Beat Now” by Celine Dion
“Drive” by The Cars
“We’ve Got Tonight” by Bob Seger
“Wrecking Ball” (Cover) by Madilyn Bailey
“Unbreak My Heart” by Toni Braxton
“Night Moves” by Bob Seger
“[Do - Do - Do - Do] Heartbreaker” by Rolling Stones
“Fuck Me Pumps” by Amy Winehouse
“Unbreak My Heart” by Toni Braxton
“Second Chance” by Shinedown
“All of Me” by John Legend
(From my home town of Springfield, Ohio!!!!!)
prologue
~ Darcy ~
I was on my way to Darin’s apartment to surprise him. We’d met a year ago tomorrow, Christmas Eve, making that entire year feel like Christmas. Darin officially graduated from the FBI academy in Quantico last month. He would now be given assignments as an “agent” instead of carrying the title of “agent trainee” with the FBI. He was stoked and so was I.
I was trying to finish up my degree program on-line from the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. It made it so much easier pursuing it while living at home with my parents in Georgetown, making it possible to be closer to Darin.
On-line classes were definitely not a cakewalk. I was forced to study more than I had before when attending classes on campus, but it was well worth it to be able to spend as much time as possible with my G-Man, Darin.
I had talked to him earlier in the day. He had been out on post-graduate field practice for covert operations. That’s all he could tell me—or would tell me. He said he was going to shower and crash. We would see each other tomorrow for a celebratory one-year anniversary dinner date with a major fuck-fest scheduled afterwards.
I guess I should admit that I’m rather spoiled. I’m not a big fan of delayed gratification. My man and I hadn’t seen each other in nearly a week as I finished my finals for the semester, turning in the remaining essay projects for my classes.
As an only child from a somewhat wealthy family, I suppose I can blame my parents for my penchant for “instant gratification.” It’s true. They’d denied me nothing over the years and now I’d come to detest having to wait for anything I wanted badly. Right now, I wanted Darin Murphy between my legs, so there was no stopping me.
I was totally decked-out in “fuck-me” couture, having shopped the entire afternoon with my BFF, Lindsey Dennison. Linds had been through the wringer over the past year as well, but for entirely different reasons. Our shopping trip was supposed to be for Christmas and not trashy lingerie, as Lindsey so eloquently pointed out.
Actually, it was through Lindsey and Taz—or I should say Trace Matthews, that I’d had the opportunity of meeting Darin a year ago. So much had happened to both of us over this past year. Mine had been great; Lindsey’s had been pretty fucked-up, at least for the first half of the year.
I was so happy for Lindsey now. She�
�d just had a beautiful baby girl with Taz, another G-Man in D.C. and an agent that Darin really looked up to. He said Taz was one of the best special agents in the bureau. He loved being on assignment with him. Lindsey was entirely wrapped up in her new baby girl, Harper. She deserved that happiness and, in some ways, I was a bit envious, I admit, but I certainly didn’t begrudge her that. She’d been tortured nearly to death by a crazed student on campus that was in to all kinds of evil. Taz had literally saved her life.
I pulled my car over to the curb in front of his apartment complex. The winter darkness was descending as I walked up the concrete walk to the door of his townhouse. My heels clicked against the hard surface of the cold cement and echoed in the quiet tranquility of the complex. My heart did a major flutter as I saw lights on in his apartment. Darin was likely still awake, probably watching something on his flat screen in the bedroom before he fell asleep. That was his habit. He wouldn’t be grumpy for long when I took off the belted trench coat I was wearing and displayed the sexy outfit underneath. I giggled silently at the thought of what he would do to me when he did.
I could hear soft music from the stoop as I pulled the key he had given me to his apartment a few months prior out of my coat pocket. I wanted to boost the effect of the surprise. He was probably stretched out on his massive, leather couch, dozing off to one of his music satellite channels.
I slipped the key into the lock noiselessly and slowly opened the front door, stepping inside quietly…ready to rock my man’s world. Nothing prepared me for what I saw taking place on his leather sofa once I was inside.
Darin’s ass was up in the air. I watched as he plunged his dick inside someone beneath him over and over again. Whoever it was underneath, was moaning and digging her painted fingernails into the skin on his back. I didn’t realize until his movements suddenly stopped that I was screaming. Yep. I was screaming loud, vulgar things. At both of them.
“You rotten, mother-fucker! You whore-hopping son-of-a-bitch!”
Probably not my finest moment…but hey, I really didn’t care about that at the time.
Darin was up and off of her in a flash, his still-hard cock cloaked in a festive condom. It was then I saw the chick he’d been fucking so furiously, perched on her elbows, glaring at me as if she had the right to be indignant at my untimely interruption. It was Dee-Dee or “Dirty Diana” as she was better known throughout the bureau. Yes, a female FBI agent, whose slutty reputation for doing all the dudes in the bureau was evidently notorious. Darin had joked about it with me many times, appalled at her total disregard of her professional reputation. Now he was doing her. Fuck me.