by M Dauphin
The smell of smoke is still lingering on him and somehow that turns me on.
How the hell does that happen? Not once have I ever tried a cigarette, why would I think it’s sexy now? It’s not. It’s gross. If there’s one thing about Max that I can’t get behind, it’s the smoking.
Period.
“How’s it going?” I ask, following him into the office.
“Good. I’m going to head out around three today. Got shit to get done,” he mutters, tossing his bag on the desk. He won’t make eye contact with me and this is the first morning all week he’s come in and gotten straight to work. This isn’t like him at all.
“Okay,” I answer, watching him. What’s going on with him today? This demeanor isn’t the Max I’ve known this week. He’s been flirty and fun all week. This isn’t him. “Everything okay?”
He looks up at me and flashes me that damn smile and I swear my panties are insta-soaked. Jesus.
“Perfect.” He sits in his chair and pulls out his phone, checking something on the screen. From the look on his face right now, things are most definitely not perfect, but he’s not comfortable enough talking to me about whatever it is. Not yet, at least.
“Okay. If you need to talk just let me know. I’m a pretty good listener and tend not to judge.”
“Tend not to, huh? When would you judge?” He looks over at me as I lean against the door frame smiling at him.
“I mean, selling babies into the black market would be grounds for passing judgment. And probably calling the cops.” He chuckles lightly and runs his hand through his hair. A sigh escapes him and he looks back up at me.
“I’m not selling people. Or body parts for that matter.” He doesn’t seem too amused by my comment, but I thought it was funny as hell. Of course he’s not selling shit on the black market!
“I’m sure you’re not selling anything illegal, Max. I’m just shitting ya.” I chuckle, but he doesn’t follow suit. His eyes pierce mine and I feel a sudden urge to walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. Whatever’s crawled up his ass isn’t fun. “Lighten up. You’re all kinds of nope today. It’s fun Friday here at the boutique, which means you’re not allowed to be a grumpy old man.” I wink at him and his eyes go wide right before I spin and sway my ass out of the office, leaving him to muddle in whatever mood he walked here in, and head over to the counter to turn up the music.
Ava walks in right about then and apologizes for being so long. There was a huge order in front of her so she was kind of stuck.
“It’s all good. Max is back there working. And I’m out here,” I say, putting the pastries on the plate just a little too rough for Ava’s liking. Her hand comes down on mine to stop me from breaking any of her sweet treats and she smiles at me.
“Trouble in paradise?”
“No. Something crawled up his ass before he got here this morning. He’s in a foul mood so I figured I’d work out here for a bit. Probably best this way anyway; letting him stay focused.”
“Mmkay,” Ava chides, walking to the office. My eyes go wide when she walks in and shuts the door, my ears straining to hear anything worthwhile, but there’s nothing. Maybe a few murmurs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Less than a minute after she shut the door, it swings open and she comes waltzing out of the room, a smile on her face.
“Let’s sell shit!” she cries.
The day goes on without incident. We’ve kept a busy flow of customers all day and I’ve made sure to stay out of the office. Max wasn’t in much of a talking mood when I dropped lunch off for him, and other than a ‘thank you’ there was nothing else to talk about. He was deep into work on the laptop and barely paused to look at me when he spoke. Some damn mood he’s been in.
“Hey, I’m heading out,” he says, walking to the front of the shop with his laptop bag slung around him.
“Oh. Okay,” I say, glancing at the clock. “Day went fast.”
“Yea,” he says. “So uh… Monday then? I’ll be finishing up a few things on the website this weekend and will have a mock up to go over by then.”
“Great,” I say, smiling. “I’ll walk you out.”
We walk to the back door, not talking to each other, and I open it for him. I’ll be happy for these two days away now. I don’t like this awkward silence between us for no reason. He steps outside, then lets his head fall back and he groans.
“Listen.” He spins and his eyes pin me to my spot. He takes a breath like he’s about to say something but stops himself. “Have a good weekend.”
“You too, Max.” I smile, saddened a bit that he didn’t say whatever it was that he thought he should. I was hoping for an apology or a reasoning or something about today. I’m not used to him being so closed off. Granted, it’s only been a week, but I thought we were building a pretty firm foundation. Then after last night, he walks in today completely closed off.
So weird.
I watch him get in his truck and light up a cigarette, then he looks back at me. A smirk crosses his face that turns me on more than it should, before he starts his truck and the engine noise drowns out my thoughts.
I watch as he pulls away, my mind wandering to all the ‘what-ifs’ about today.
What if he spent last night with me and realized he didn’t want to be my friend?
What if he’s not going to finish working with us because he’s so bored with me?
What if something’s wrong with me?
“Stop whatever you’re thinking,” Ava says from behind me.
“I’m not thinking anything,” I grumble.
“Sure. You’re watching an empty parking lot like he’s just going to show back up.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“That breathy way you said ‘you too, Max’ could have any man rubbing one off to you. Jesus, Nora. You need to get laid.”
“It wasn’t breathy!” I say, my eyes widening as I look past her and into the store. At least three shoppers are overhearing our conversation right now. “This can wait,” I grumble, pushing past her and heading back inside.
How dare she listen to us? How dare she think she knows?
And how stupid am I for lusting after something I can’t have.
Shouldn’t have.
The end of the day comes quickly with help from a steady flow of customers. I barely have time to stop and pee before Nick’s knocking on the locked front door a little after seven. Ava groans and walks over to it, flipping the lock and letting him in.
“We’ve got a little work to do still, Nick,” she says. “You can hang out until Nora’s ready.”
Ava’s always been a friendly acquaintance with Nick… not overly nice, but not mean. She’s never shown much interest in him; not like the type of interest she shows with Max, but I’ve never thought twice about it. Ava isn’t into guys like that. I mean, she likes them, but I’ve never seen her have as much as a crush on anyone in particular. She has her fun with men and tosses them aside when they start getting too clingy.
I get it. No one wants a clingy man. No one also wants a guy that doesn’t care at all.
At this point in my day, I’m starting to think I have one of each… I need to find a happy middle ground.
“Nick, you’re early,” I say as he walks into the office. He sits on the sofa and pulls out his phone.
“Yea, I was bored and couldn’t wait to see you.” He won’t even keep eye contact with me and he seems on edge tonight. Is every fucking man on this earth moody today?
“Well I’ll be done here in about five minutes. Just need to make sure the shelves are re-stocked for tomorrow then I’ll be good to go.” I sigh and shrug at him; he’s not paying attention to me at all.
“Perfect. I’ll call ahead and make the reservation.” He hits ‘call’ on his phone and puts it up to his ear. I hear him making the reservation, but walk out of the room before he can finish his sentence.
“Date tonight?” Ava asks from the front counter where she’s finishing up c
ounting the drawer.
“Dinner,” I clip, adjusting the hanging clothes on the rack across the room. “Just dinner,” I sigh.
Shit. I don’t even want to go right now. I’m drained. Physically and emotionally. I spent all day running after customers, which is amazing for the shop and what I’ve wanted to do forever, but I just want to go home and put on my pajamas and not have to worry about being out in public anymore.
And then the whole shit with Max today. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. It shouldn’t. I shouldn’t care if he’s in a mood. He was nice to me and never once showed me any reason that he is mad at me about something, but I keep internalizing it which is just making it worse.
Sighing, I wait for Ava to leave the room and head back to the office to lock up the cash drawer and pull my phone from my pocket. I’m not going to sit here and keep thinking I did something wrong. We’re friends. He just needs to tell me if it’s something I did.
Me: What did I do to you to make you treat me like I was nothing today?
And… send.
Fuck.
I probably shouldn’t have done that. That’s too clingy, right? Shit.
I don’t have to wait long for a reply.
Max: You didn’t do anything, Nora. Personal shit I needed to take care of. It’s fine.
Well then. He said it, it’s totally fine.
It’s fine.
And now I have to go out to dinner with Nick. Not Max.
When I really just want to hang out with Max just to make sure it’s all fine.
God, listen to me!
“Nick, I’m ready,” I yell, sliding the phone back in my pocket. Tonight I’m hanging out with Nick. I’m a single girl, allowed to spend my time with whomever I choose. This is okay to do.
“I’ll lock up, you two have fun,” Ava says from the office doorway, following Nick out of the room.
“Come on, car’s right this way.” He takes my hand and I walk with him, hand in hand, out the front door and down the sidewalk. He never parks in back. Says the rocks in the parking lot won’t be nice to the paint on his ‘baby’. His ‘baby’, as he calls it, is an over-priced rice burner on four wheels. Honestly, I have no clue what it really is and I don’t give two shits. Money and the amount he has doesn’t make me like him any more. If anything it annoys me the slightest that he likes to flaunt it like he does. He probably spends more than I’d like to admit, but we don’t talk about it. He knows money makes me nervous. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that wealth intimidates me. Nick does a pretty good job at dialing it down most the time to respect that.
“You hungry?” He smiles over at me as he starts the car and clicks on his seatbelt, waiting for me to do the same.
“Starving,” I groan, placing my hand on my stomach for dramatic affect.
He chuckles and pulls out into traffic, heading to the same restaurant on the south side of town where he always takes me.
I appreciate it; I do.
But sometimes a little variety in life would be nice.
One month.
It’s been a month since Nora walked back into my life. Tight ass, toned legs, un-tamable hair, and wit I’ve never seen in any other girl.
She’s perfect, and she’s not mine.
I’m not giving up until she is. Even if I have to stretch this project out another month until I can have her again.
She will be mine.
The timer goes off and I walk over to the developing container and start the process of draining, pulling out the film, and drying the film.
Some people might think I’ve lost my mind still developing thirty-five millimeter film this way in such a digital era, but there’s something magical about bringing to life a photograph you took.
This isn’t my favorite part, though. This is a pretty good one, pulling the film out of the container, praying you developed it right so the images aren’t only partially developed on the roll. A good picture takes a good background… the negative in this case.
I lay out the film on the drying rack and grab the hair dryer to speed the process. I can’t wait to start developing these images.
Nora doesn’t know it, but between myself and Deig, we’ve snapped quite a few amazing images of her and Ava at the boutique to add to the website. We’ve already been through a few rough drafts of it so these will be the final touch.
Working with Nora hasn’t been easy this last month. So many times I’ve wanted to go all cave man on her ass, lock the door, and have my way with her.
I’ve been good though.
I’ve only made it slightly awkward for her a handful of times, but the amount of chubs I’ve had to hide from her in the past thirty days is almost embarrassing. I like making her squirm. I like watching her blush then try to hide it from me. Call me a masochist, but turning her on and watching her try to pretend I have no affect on her is sexy as hell.
I wait for the film to dry and head to the computer, pulling open my email. There’s a few junk emails, then a final revision plan from her for the site. It’s finally summer outside and she wants all the bright, summer themes she can get without getting too clichéd. I’m okay with that, because that just means she’s going to need my expertise in making it into a different season when the time comes.
She’s pretty laid back and easy going as far as work flow goes. I’ve been able to update her logo, create a webpage for her from scratch, build new promotional images for her, as well as start a few billboards and other advertisements for the business in the last month. She’s been my sole customer, too, but that is all about to change for us.
In the next few days Deig and I will be signing on with a local bakery that’s starting a franchise and wants us on the national level, helping with imagery for multiple locations and shit. It’s an amazing gig that I’m pretty damn excited for. One that I never would have even gotten wind of without being at the boutique every day with Nora.
My phone rings just as the timer goes off for the film. I’m antsy to see the images, but that ringtone isn’t one I should ignore.
“Yes?” I answer.
“I have another shipment for you,” Van’s voice finally cuts through the static. The connection is horrible but that’s nothing new with his phone calls.
“When?”
“Day after tomorrow. Same time, same place, Holzer.”
Shit.
“How much?”
“Two bags. About five pounds. Easy travel.”
“Can it wait till next week?”
“That’s not our agreement. I don’t hold. You don’t make it, I find someone else.”
“Right,” I huff. I need this shit. I’m drained of the prescription shit and need to refill before the school season starts and these moms start bothering me hardcore. Summers are surprisingly slow with them, but the minute sports, school, karate, and all the other carpooling needs of a mom start up, they’re busting at the seams trying to get their hands on this shit to feel numb from the everyday demands life puts on them. My problem solver is just not to have kids. There, done. Theirs, since they can’t exactly get rid of their kids, is pills.
“So then, yes?”
“I’ll be there,” I growl, pissed I’m going to have to leave, but I can’t miss this.
The line disconnects and I toss my phone on the table and curse.
Shit!
If the bakery wants to sign when I’m gone I bet Deig can handle it all, and I can work from the road on Nora’s things, but shit!
I don’t want to be away from her… and that’s bad.
That’s so bad.
I shouldn’t be falling for her this hard, not when she fucking friend-zoned me.
I kick the chair over and pace the room, my hands on my head. What the hell am I going to do? Leave her to keep getting all cozy with Nick, the man she allows to be ‘friends with benefits’, but won’t let me be the fucking same? Fuck to the nope.
I can’t take her with me, lord knows how m
uch of a disaster that would be.
Deig. I’ll just make sure Deig keeps an eye on her… on both the girls. He’s taken a liking to Ava lately, I’ve noticed. It’ll do them good to spend some time with Marcus Deiglemann. He’s a good guy.
Perfect, then it’s settled.
I’ll just have my best friend keep tabs on my best girl while I’m gone.
Jesus fucking Christ, I’m losing my mind.
I huff and walk back to the film, picking it up and making sure it’s dry before heading in to the darkroom. I need an outlet... and this is a very legal one I’m okay with getting into right now.
Walking through that revolving door and coming out on the other side, the red light glowing and the projectors ready and waiting always gives me the chills. No matter how many times I do it, each time I walk into this room I know it’s time to create magic.
This is the type of creativity that you don’t get with digital cameras. With digitals, you take it and see it immediately. Immediate gratification type of bullshit. With film, there’s the waiting; the anticipation that’s totally worth it in the end.
This roll right here I did out at Deig’s property in the country. We go there every now and then, when we need to get away from the city. There’s a small trailer out there and we sit, drink, and talk about absolutely nothing. It was handed down to him from a family friend and he’s kept it all these years. There have been times where he threatens to move out there and away from all this, but I think he’s secretly happy right where he is.
I flip on the projector and start readying my trays. A developer, a stopper, and a rinse tray are all lined up perfectly on the table behind me. The counter opposite it holds the three different enlargers I own, with room for more when I get the money. I make sure the film is cut correctly into its desired length strips and all my drying lines are free and clear to start hanging images.
After making sure I have paper available I start the process. One after another, I set the light, focus the image, slide the paper in, flick the light on for however long the image needs, then toss it in the developer.