became dissatisfied. I can understand that now. At
the time it seemed bound to happen and very painful.
I went hungry once or twice, but soon found how to
ask for things with a fair chance of – HA HA HA!
I also offered to do
little jobs to help people out in return for the
odd meal or place to sleep for the night, and I
usually managed – Now what’s Ivy done?
Poor old girl. Just reading
her book quietly.
Who
wants to see hers? I’ve seen plenty of them in my
time, enough to last me a lifetime, thank you very
much. As for that great hairy dog. . . .
One day I thought to myself
I can do better than this, so I went into a shop
and bought myself a penny whistle. It was a brass
one because they told me a tin one was illegal.
And as the fingering was the same as on the little
fife I learnt to play at school, it was quite easy
for me to pick out a few tunes. So from then on I
used to go drifting about all over the country playing
my little whistle and picking up enough coppers
to keep me going. But there were times when it was
hard. People wouldn’t give money to a young chap
of thirty-three or four or five who looked so hale
and hearty. They thought I should get a job, not
go begging around the streets with a penny whistle.
Some of them told me so, too. One man went so far
as to knock me down in the gutter, saying he hadn’t
fought the war for beggars, or something like that.
So I showed him my disability, and then he – Oh,
filth, utter filth! Even in France in the first
War I never saw such filth. In front of everyone, too.
Filth. Though she looked as
though she enjoyed it.
Not me, no feels.
Listen to her!
No, doesn’t matter
Ivy Nicholls
age 79
marital status widow
sight 65%
hearing 55%
touch 65%
taste 80%
smell 70%
movement 75%
CQ count 10
pathology contractures; asthma; osteoporosis, mainly of limbs; inguinal hernia; bronchitis; osteo-arthritis; among others.
. . . we had then, good friends, who used to come and see us,
just drop in there and then, never mind what was happening,
once they nearly caught me and Ted on the job, oh, that was
comical! We had to shout to them Hang on! while
he got his trousers up, but I went out and talked to them
without my drawers on, I just didn’t put them on, and all
the while we were talking there was Ted sitting across from
me, knowing I had no drawers on, on tenterhooks as to whether
I should uncross my legs too boldly, but Len and Enid knew
what we’d been doing, I’m sure, though not that I’d left my
drawers off, and we all laughed and had a good time, oh, we
enjoyed ourselves in those days! The
cocktails we used to get through! Every week there’d
be a new recipe for a cocktail in my women’s book and we’d
try it, invite the friends round to try the new one, oh those
were good times, the friends made up for not being able to
have children, and soon I began to prefer them, all the
trouble that children can be, I saw, and at least the
friends didn’t have dirty nappies, though they were sick
in the bathroom sometimes, the friends, that was a mess to
clear up, wonder I’m not sick like that after food like
this, then she’d have another sort of mess to clear up
after me, then she’d have something to complain about, the
old bitch!
I’ve a good
mind to make complaints about her and this food she gives
us, to my friend on the Council, I still have friends –
all the treats of our Social Evening, indeed, just like
any night is what it’ll be, as usual, give me a good book
any time, I just want to read.
There she is
again! Hurrying us up, I’d leave some of this if I wasn’t
so hungry. Never mind, Ivy, Doctor’s coming
tomorrow, how I love him touching me! Let
me try to work out a way so he has to touch me a lot when
he comes.
Difficult.
I’ll think of something, come the morning.
Last scrapings, horrible plates, not like the good china I used to keep for best, not even like the everyday stuff, either.
There, finished.
I’m finished, clear up, must help Sarah to clear away and
then I – oooh, my arm, the creaking, it gets set one way
and is so painful to move any distance at all after that,
aaaah picking up these plates
She’s left more than usual.
All right, Sarah, don’t wet your
knickers!
As soon as I’ve cleared up I’ll get my book out and have
a good read, I do enjoy a good read, we are allowed books
here. If that Sarah will let me read, that is, chatter,
she does chatter, all emptiness, on and on. Not like my
old friends, all of them, dead now, as soon as we’ve cleared
I can get down to a – Now she’s dropped it! Now she’ll
be in trouble, I’m glad. That’s it, give it to
her, silly old thing thinks she can move, ha ha ha ha ha!
the idea!
That dog. She’s dotty over that dog.
Right, last things, clear
up, let’s get started on the washing up, three volunteers
are better than an army of pressed tongue, as they used to
say, off we go, how’s your father.
spoon, spoon,
fork fork spoon,
knife, fork,
knife here’s a sticky one, who’s been
doing what with this one? The joys of
life, music while you work, used to listen regularly,
funny how radio’s just died out, really, no one listens
like they used to, so quick, too. Used to sing,
too. when we had friends round, to the piano, Ted could
vamp a little, we used to enjoy strong
Throughout old age, however long:
If only we can cheerful stay
And di-dum welcome every day.
Not what we’ve been, not what we’ve done,
What matters most is that we’re errrr
The joys of life continue strong
Throughout old age, however long.
The most important thing to do
Is stay alive and see it through
No matter if the future’s dim
For dum di dum, di dum di dim
Oh, di di di, di di di deer
OH, lucky us, that we are near!
The most important thing to do
Is stay di dum and see it through!
She didn’t notice, did she? No sign!
Ah, a good sing-song does
you no harm, no harm at all.
Yes, yes. Ivy this, Ivy that,
why do I do her running around for her? Get the
fancy goods boxes. Over in the cupboard. Right.
This glue is nasty. Paste rather than
glue. Attracts the mice, I shouldn’t wonder.
And the rats!
Easy for her. Not so easy for
some of us. Though I can do it all right. I can
do m
ore cracker cases in ten minutes than some of
these can do in a whole evening. Not that I’m
proud of it. Won’t be able to read
now until after we’ve finished work. What a pity.
I do enjoy a good book.
Yes. I’ll give out the work,
carry round the boxes. What were
you doing yesterday, Mrs Ridge?
Yes, this must be yours then.
What about you, Ron?
Here you are. I can’t help it
if you don’t want to work, Mrs Ridge! Tell her,
not me. She’s the one who makes you, not me.
And you! The cheek of it!
I don’t have to do this, you know!
Here.
Wake up, dear.
Yes, I knew it, there are mice dirts in the bottom
of the box, rolling around, sound as though they’re
hard so they must have been rolling around here for
some time. Filthy mice! Ugh! Mustn’t tip
them out in front of this dotty old bugger George.
He’d only go out and eat them.
Though why not? Here you are,
dear, stick this paper like she says, you know,
and here are some little sweeties for you, ho ho.
Yes, they’ve all got them now, madam.
Kept back the best brush and glue for myself, well,
I’m better at it than them. I can do more.
Now let’s get two of them organised as I did
yesterday. A team or syndicate. That’s the best
way, then we all get the most out of it. Ron,
shall we do it the way we did it yesterday?
I know all about your arse, Ron, I know, I weep
for your poor old arse, but what can I do? If
you do the gluing at least you don’t have to
go reaching all over the table for the roll
of paper, do you? Come on now, Ron darling,
you know you’ll only dwell on it otherwise, what
have you got to lose?
That’s it, Ron, that’s the ticket. Look, you have
this brush and glue, it’s the best one, my one.
Yes, the best. You’ll be all right
with that, you’ll do a good job, Ron.
Now what about you, Mrs Bowen, are you going
to join us as you did yesterday? Hope so, as
I’m not speaking to that bitch Ridge again, and
the other two are dummies.
Certainly you can do the rolling again, dear,
Ron will do the gluing and I’ll do the cutting.
So we’ve got three rollers between us and they
can keep going round, or rather back and forth
between you and Ron.
I’m sorry to seem to be ordering you around, but
someone has to do the organising, don’t they?
Off we go, then.
Hope Ron is going to be able to do the gluing
properly, it was his fault last time, he’s the one
who should take the blame for what she was saying.
Keep my arms working and moving, so that they don’t
get still and stiff and set, ah.
My book will have to wait until after this work has
finished, have to wait.
My eyes are not what they were, still, I collected
over seven hundred pound for the Blind Club, they’ll
see to my eyes, for that, not seven hundred all at
once, of course, over the years, over the years,
silver paper from chocolate and milk bottle tops
and other things.
That was when we were living near Southend. I could
have collected for the Lifeboat, but I preferred
to collect for the Blind. Ted did, too, he didn’t
want me getting mixed up with that lot who collected
for the Lifeboat, there were some
unpleasant women amongst that lot, and men, too, and
Ted said he couldn’t afford to get in with the wrong
lot, what with this new job that we’d gone down there
for in the first place, it was such a good job, a
chance in a million, and I thought he might be right,
and it turned out he was, after not so very long.
And he did so well as a rep for Stevensons, Ted, you
have to cultivate just the right sort of people in
that sort of job, and he was so successful at it that
within five years we moved out of Southend and had our
own little bungalow out at Thundersley, a new one, up
on the top of Bread and Cheese Hill, funny name,
all our friends used to remark on it, and laugh,
we had lots of friends then, they’d call round
just when they felt like it to see us, life
seemed so busy then, I joined the Women’s Institute,
and did the flowers for the Church on the
rota, time seemed to fly by doesn’t
now
I’m getting so annoying
fat, through not working, not getting enough exercise
in this place. Still, all my life my weight
was slowly going up, all the time, all the more to
love, Ted used to say, bless him, oh!
Only time I came down a bit in weight was when they
cut my womb away, God knows what they didn’t cut
away as well, saved my life, they said, but I’ve
never felt the same again, I’ve heard others say
that it made a new woman of them, but not me, I’ve
never been the same, I can truthfully say I miss
what they cut away, I’m not the same woman without
it. Oh, I’m alive, that was successful, yes, they
would call it a success.
You’re doing famously, Mrs Bowen. What a rate
we’re going! Oooh, I’ve made a rhyme!
Ron, dear, could you please be a little more
sparing with the glue? You heard what House
Mother said about being careful, you know!
His hands now,
I thought it was his arse, arthritis sounds like
it ought to be a disease of the arse really.
That’s a comical idea, my Ted would have laughed
at that one!
Well, just try, Ron, you know what she’s like
if she’s crossed. For your own sake, not mine.
Good for you, Ron.
It was still like country out there then, that
was why we chose the bungalow there. One Sunday
afternoon while it was still being built we went
to a fair, it was a real country fair with local
people, not one of these shady travelling affairs,
here today and gone tomorrow, it was real old-
fashioned, it reminded me of when I was a little
girl. They even had that competition for children,
bobbing they called it, where they had to find a
sixpence with their mouths in an earthenware dish
filled with flour. Their faces, how everyone
laughed at their faces! I remember going in for
that myself when I was about six, and crying at not
winning, tears running through the flour on my
cheeks, until the man who was judging it sorted
out the sixpence with his fingers and gave it
to me to make up for not winning the prize,
which was half-a-crown, I think. A lot of money.
They also had a grinning match through horse-collars,
very old-fashioned that was, you don’t
see that nowadays. It was so good to be back in
the country again, I was so glad that Ted had got
himself that job. I tried to be a good wife to
/> him, did special things for him to show that I
loved him, special things.
Then there were more bungalows
built, the country was creeping farther and farther
away, soon it meant getting in the car if
we really wanted to see the real countryside, we
were luckier than most in having a car at all, a
little Ford. We’d go out of a summer evening to
a country pub and have a drink, be quiet for a
change. You had to go quite a way, anyway,
for a drink, in Thundersley, as when they were building
all those bungalows they forgot to build any
pubs, or shops too for that matter, I did hear the
land had belonged to some religious people or other
in the first place, who wouldn’t allow the thought
of drink on their property, but that doesn’t
explain why there were no shops. Soon people
began converting their front rooms into shops, and
Ted and I toyed with the idea at one time, to give
me something to do, as I was free of children, but
in the end we decided against it, no need, we were
comfortably off.
Clear up? That means Ivy clear up . . . I thought
so. Yes, I will. Here we go again. Don’t finish
the one I’m doing, just bung it all in the box,
glue and all. Can I have yours, Ron, please?
And Mrs Bowen?
Ta muchly.
Let’s put the finished ones in this empty box,
shall we?
Good. We’ve done a good
day’s work, our lot. What about that old cow
Ridge’s stuff? Not much here. In fact
nothing at all. Say nothing. Just collect the
glue and the paper and the scissors.
Oh! I wouldn’t touch
you with someone else’s bargepole, you dirty fat git!
You say that louder
so’s she can hear, and you’ll get the twitcher
again! Move away, quickly.
What about the dummies, what have they done?
Next to nothing. As usual What a mess,
Mr Hedbury! As usual for him, too.
Yes, that’s it, give her the twitcher, the slobbery
cow, the twitcher!
What a mess, Mrs Stanton! Nothing. Ah well,
Ivy to clear up, as usual, as usual.
Pile them away in the cupboard, anyhow.
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