House Mother Normal

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House Mother Normal Page 8

by B. S. Johnson


  tight, snip snip and it’s off, paste the glue along

  the edge, press together, another one done.

  Roll it round, nice and nice, hold it tight, snip it

  off, off it comes, good paper this, this time,

  press the glue, too much that time, never mind eh,

  it’s not as though she’s paying us, eh, snip snip

  go the scissors, I can do this without thinking, easy,

  got it off to a fine art, like I used to when

  I was at Fuller’s, packing, we used to have

  races amongst ourselves to see who could fill

  most cartons first, I’d usually win, there was

  only one girl who could give me a run for my

  money, not that we ever bet on it, her name

  was Fair

  hair, rosy cheeks she had, a bit cheeky with

  the men from Bakery she was, too, given half

  a chance, what was her name?

  One afternoon I remember it was so hot that she

  undressed right there, took everything off under

  her overall and sat there in just her overall,

  bold as a knocker, any of the Bakery men could

  have come in just then and seen her stark naked,

  we were all holding our breath at the nerve of it,

  there she was, right in – Yes, dear, what do you

  want?

  Yes, I’ll join you, if I can do the rolling again

  like I did before. Yesterday, was it yesterday?

  Forget, there must have been one day I was

  beating Ivy and she kept on keeping the paper

  from me so that I wouldn’t beat her, but Ivy

  seems to think it was yesterday we worked together,

  perhaps it was, her memory may be better than

  mine, mine is getting shocking.

  Yes, someone has to do the organising.

  And it always seems to be you. If it’s not House

  Mother it’s Ivy. She’s welcome.

  Roll it round now, nice and easy, that’s the way,

  smoothly does it. There.

  Easy.

  the still-room next to the carved

  room would wait on my own and listen

  the company lords and ladies

  sometimes the carving

  I did not like, it was heavy and dark, it did not

  reach to the ceiling because it had belonged to

  the older house, over the doors it said 1636 in a

  shield, but the house itself was more modern, the

  rooms were taller and bigger, the carving was

  patterns and crests and shields of families they

  were related to, or wanted it thought that they

  were related to, the way

  mirrors opposite the back lawn with

  a sundial

  The house itself I loved from the first moment I

  saw it, though it meant servitude to me, it was

  the people who made me a servant

  walking from the village with Megan Williams along

  the galloping drive, miles of rhododendrons,

  suddenly you could see a top corner of the house,

  black-and-white, but big, bigger than any other

  black-and-white I’d seen, though when you were

  nearer you could see it wasn’t wood, it was a black-

  and-white pattern in plaster or something like

  that but it was a lovely house, I forgave

  it that cheating.

  the hall Hall

  the portrait of Miss Eirwen and the

  tiny the panelling was oak, it took

  some polishing and a great brassbound

  trunk, with studs it broke my heart

  that place died in 1939, died,

  they told me

  Even took away my name, didn’t like Sioned,

  wouldn’t call me that, or even Janet, gave me

  a new name to suit them, Emma, that I hated

  most of all, I think.

  Alyn Llywelyn said fuckit in bead-threading. I

  did not know what it meant then. I don’t think

  he did, either. Miss Jones made a fuss about it,

  she washed out his mouth with soap and water. We

  did not understand, but he was careful what he said

  after that. In fact, from that day on he was never

  a great talker, was Alyn Llywelyn.

  Bowen gowen. Yes, Ivy, you made a

  rhyme. No one’s ever made up a rhyme about my name

  before, never. Yes, we are doing well. I’ll

  have to catch up or I won’t beat her.

  Mr David worked in the Small Library.

  I would take coffee to him, with biscuits on a

  tray from the still-room or the

  kitchen He would speak to

  me in Welsh, which I did not usually use among

  the other servants. His wife had

  died before I came to the Hall, he had spent

  much of his time at his sisters’ place since then.

  He would be working at

  the Welsh books the Small Library

  was a cosy place

  sometimes he liked to talk to me,

  made me feel proud of being Welsh

  the other servants were all

  trying to ape being English, there was very little

  Welsh spoken in the kitchen

  The Factor hated to hear Welsh spoken, he swore

  and bullied us if he heard us.

  May we receive that which for

  grateful until ever after

  no one came

  was to be successful

  in the fullness, the first place

  The Lyons over Hammersmith station. Would go

  there for tea in the war, no meal could cost

  more than five shillings. Essential warwork,

  indeed! Better than the British Restaurants

  or the canteen at Fuller’s. But even in the war,

  Fuller’s gave you your wedding cake if you were

  getting married, free. Told him that, but he

  said he wasn’t going to get tied down just for

  the sake of an unrationed wedding cake. We’re

  happy as we are, he said, Aren’t we?

  What’s he want now,

  filthy old man always fingering his backside.

  Glue? Yes, here. And have

  Ivy’s, too, then you won’t have to stretch over

  and hurt yourself so much. All right

  now? Have to be.

  How many of these does she want us to do?

  on and on Still, Ivy’ll

  tell me when she thinks it’s enough, Ivy’s doing

  the organising here

  Finish at last

  I’ll say we’ve done a good session. Worked my

  poor old fingers into an ache. Glad that’s

  over for one day. It makes a difference.

  I’ve worked harder than Ron, I’m four or five

  ahead of him, spare, all those. I’m good. Yes,

  here’s my bits and pieces, Ivy, and good riddance!

  Yes, pack them neatly in, crackers

  for Christmas.

  Why can’t we have some different coloured paper?

  I’m fed up with this sort of red, rotten red.

  I may not be very but I am

  Here she comes. I hope she’ll like what we’ve done.

  Ron is stupid. They’re not

  bad, are they, Miss?

  Better than hers, anyway –

  Oooh – she hasn’t done any, Mrs Ridge! How

  does she get away with it?

  So tired now. I’ll drop off

  in my chair soon if she doesn’t watch out.

  Pass the Parcel.

  Haven’t played that since I was a child. Sweets it

  was usually, very small packet of sweets wrapped

&n
bsp; round and round and round with lots and lots and

  lots of paper and string and brown sticky paper.

  It was such a let-down in the end, but that made

  it all the more fun and it meant that all those

  who didn’t win were less disappointed when it

  turned out to be next to nothing.

  Oh, it’s my turn.

  Parcel feels exciting. On to George.

  Marvellous, he moves. Passed it to Sarah, as well!

  He must be getting better, old George. You never

  know, he might even say something next. That would

  be a miracle!

  She shouldn’t keep it, you can’t trust that Mrs Ridge

  to be fair in the slightest. Oh, the

  music’s stopped, and Ron’s the one to open it. I

  wonder what it can be?

  Eh? Not very nice at all! Why did she do that?

  Poor old Ron, I feel sorry for him, his backside in

  that sort of state, too. It’s not right at all.

  The Factor was a swine,

  a swine. And he was a villain, too. He came

  there with hardly a penny to his name, and died

  worth twenty thousand. How he got it is a long

  story. He would tell the sisters things had been

  done on the estate when he knew very well they

  hadn’t. And he’d pocket the money, of course.

  One day Miss Mary called me in to her in the great

  drawing room and asked me if I knew where the Factor

  was. He’s gone to Birmingham, I said. To pay

  the coal bill, she said, but he could have done it

  by post, I gave him a cheque. I think she knew

  then he was taking a backhander and had gone to

  collect it. She would never hear a word against

  him until then, that day I think she realised what

  a villain he was, but it was too late, she was –

  Travel, no, what she means by that is

  Don’t mind, passes the time.

  But who’s going to push me?

  Yes, that

  would be good of you, Charlie. A gentle turn

  round the hall. Sure you really feel up

  to it, though?

  When the Factor retired, he made a bonfire of

  papers from his office and it burned for three

  days. He built his own house, how he ever did

  that I’ll never know, out of their money. How

  could a man on his salary ever save twenty thousand?

  The family knew, of course, and tried to

  tell Auntie Mary, but she would hear no word

  against him. He even had his own electricity line

  from the big house, a mile across the fields,

  so he got his light free. Though he did good work,

  I’ll agree, but he never did it unless there was

  a backhander in it for him. But you could never

  prove anything against him, that was the difficulty.

  And he had the power of life and death over some of

  us, by dismissing us. Not that I ever wished to

  prove anything against him, I got on quite well

  with him apart – Not at all, Charlie, not at all.

  It must have been some time after I came across

  his only cousin in Rhyl, near the front, she

  looked well and was well off. She would be, of

  course.

  We’re the last to be exercising. All

  the others have given up – Tourney, oh yes, I

  won that last time, beat old Ron hollow, though

  he does have his troubles down there. Hang on a

  minute, Charlie. Lift, adjust, myself.

  That’s it, over to the corner by the cup-

  board. Yes. Yes, Charlie, I can.

  Here’s my mop. What’s she soaked it in this time?

  Smells like what you were mixing, Charlie.

  Lark is right, Charlie

  Let’s get hold of this mop properly. Now where shall

  I try to land it first? Off!

  He’s a good pusher, Charlie.

  George’s let his mop fall, get him right in the PUSS!

  One to me, very pleased.

  Off we

  go again. I shall win again, I know. George is hopeless.

  Aim at chest this time, oh flinch! SHOULDER!

  Still a solid blow, his hardly flicked me with wet.

  Good, eh?

  Last time. I’ll aim for his breadbasket

  this go Carefully, carefully.

  GOT HIM!

  Mrs Bowen the Champion, she

  should have said. Twice I’ve won now, I’m the Champion,

  I’ve never won many things in my life, but I’m

  the Champion here.

  There it comes over me

  again

  faintness

  won’t last

  long

  not long

  It just takes

  some time before you’re

  back to yourself again.

  Auntie Mary did leave me something in her will.

  They were good like that, remembering. It was very

  little. They didn’t used to give pensions to their

  staff however long they’d been there, they left a

  lump sum in their will, the sisters. Fat

  comfort to some.

  A little use to me now, I can buy myself the odd

  Guinness if I can find anyone to go out for it for

  me. They had their own

  bread, we baked every other day. But no brewer,

  though, they were teetotal, very strict. Not Chapel,

  church, but very teetee just the same. They

  knew the gardeners drank ale with their dinners,

  but woe betide anyone who brought it into the

  Hall! I did once, felt ever

  so guilty. I was low at the time and I bought

  myself a small bottle of gin from the Bear. Normally

  I felt so safe in my little attic room, well,

  it was not so little, it was a reasonable size,

  but all the time I had that bottle in the room I

  felt as though I were a criminal. My little

  room. The washstand with the plain green jug

  and bowl, the window, quite big really, looking

  down on the lawns and across the bridge to the

  warren. I had some happy hours there, it was not

  all hardship. Most of the time I didn’t have to

  share it, only if we had Company and they had

  servants. My bed

  along one side, and an old easy chair, the high-

  backed sort with wings, donkeys’ years old, a

  picture Miss Eirwen had painted herself, brown

  lino on the floor. I was content – no, at the

  time I hated every minute of being a servant,

  only now does it seem

  pleasant.

  The lilac

  curtains, my own flowery jerry under the bed,

  but clothes behind the curtains in the alcove.

  They may be like it still, the Hall is still there,

  I should think, but now it is probably a guesthouse

  or something like that, perhaps they’ve sold it to

  build houses on, chopped down all those lovely

  trees. Everything changes,

  nothing gets better.

  I was going

  to read myself, but daren’t now she’s given Ivy

  a taste of her tongue. But I’m

  not going to watch this filth again, why she does

  it baffles me. Surely she can’t think it stirs

  us up?

  Summer we would go down the

  bothy, where the single gardeners lived, next to

  the walled garden and the greenhouses. They’d grow

&nb
sp; all sorts for the sisters there, figs and peaches

  you didn’t get anywhere else in the county, or so

  they said. A boilerhouse

  in the basement of the bothy, coal down a chute,

  the long winters. I can remember it exactly, why

  can’t I remember what happened yesterday?

  My friends would say I was forward,

  just because I used to look men right in the eyes.

  None of that shy retiring for me. That’s what men

  and women’s eyes are for, I would say to them.

  They knew what I meant, they would giggle.

  Rabbits were common, we

  had trout out of the stream, too, poached, the

  sisters did not make a fuss about that sort of

  thieving like some of the gentry around those parts.

  Why trout were thought so special I could never

  understand, anyone who’d had them as often as I

  have would prefer a good fresh herring any day.

  Listen to her!

  No, doesn’t matter

  George Hedbury

  age 89

  marital status bachelor

  sight 10%

  hearing 15%

  touch 25%

  taste 20%

  smell 10%

  movement 15%

  CQ count 2

  pathology contractures; incontinent; advanced

  inanition; chronic rheumatoid arthritis;

  Paget’s Disease; advanced senile

  depression; muscle atrophy; fibrositis;

  intermittent renal failure; among many others.

  .

  Lame

  source

  unfr

  .

  they’ll

  for

  why?

  oughter

  eh!

  schools

  .

  consuls

  how are you? in the

  pink

  straining

  .

  Cox’s Orange pippin!

  No matter if the future’s dim

  keep right on and suffer hymn

  .

  Work! work Fancy, aaah

  crêpe paper, crêper crêpep crêper

  crêp

  crêper

  crêper?

  crêper!

 

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