Kierland’s brows drew together, forming a deep ridge above his nose, his voice little more than a whisper as he cursed something gritty and soft. “I don’t believe it. You’re…Christ, you’re in love with her, Kellan.”
The L word him hit like a brutal punch to the gut, and he blinked, fighting to hide his reaction.
But the damage was done. Kierland was right.
I’ve known all along, his wolf snarled, and Kellan knew, instinctively, that the son of a bitch was telling the truth.
It was impossible to describe the specifics, the man in him unable to fully comprehend the workings of the wolf, but the animal had known the first moment he’d seen Chloe’s photograph that this woman would change his life. And after he’d met her, Kellan’s fascination had grown…and his heart had followed. He was in love with her, damn it. The head-over-heels, rip-out-his-beating-heart-and-lay-it-at-her-feet-in-devotion kind of love. Why else would he have let Westmore slip through his grasp when he finally had him at the compound? Why else would he have done half the crazy shit he’d done since meeting her, or have been able to keep on breathing when he was already half-dead inside, just so he could keep her protected?
His gaze slid past Kierland and across the glade, until it’d found her. She was standing beside Morgan, smiling at something the Watchman was saying, the dusky light playing softly over the delicate beauty of her face. But it was more than just her looks that drew him in. It was the way she laughed and smiled and teased. The way she stood up for the things she believed in, and refused to give in, even when she was afraid. It was the way she looked at the world. The way she looked at him.
Yeah, he loved her. So much that it felt like a friggin’ knife had been slammed into his heart every time he looked at her, knowing he couldn’t keep her. But he wasn’t admitting a damn thing to Kierland.
Pushing his hands deep in his pockets, he blew out a rough breath of air as he slowly drew his gaze back to his brother. “Even if I did love her, it wouldn’t make a difference. Chloe deserves better than me.”
“That’s such a crock of shit,” Kierland growled. “If you love her, Kell, then don’t do anything drastic. Anything that can’t be undone. Because she’s a helluva lot better off with you by her side, than without you.”
The corner of his mouth twitched with a bitter smile, and he snorted. “Come on, Kier. I know you, of all people, don’t believe that. You might love me, but deep down, you’ve always thought I was a fuckup.”
His brother’s expression looked pained, and he ran a shaky hand over his mouth, before clearing his throat and saying, “Look, Kell. I know I’ve given you a hard time, and I’m sorry about that. I should have been more understanding, but—”
“No, you’ve been right about me all along. And you’ve been better to me than I’ve deserved.”
His brother’s eyes went tight, the pale green burning with emotion. “Damn it, Kellan. Promise me that you’re not planning anything stupid.”
A gritty bark of laughter stuck in his throat, a crooked smile twisting his lips. “I won’t do anything without talking to you first,” he lied, knowing damn well that if he weren’t careful, Kierland would spend every waking moment watching him like a hawk.
From the other side of the glade, Morgan called his brother’s name, and Kellan sent up a silent thank-you for the reprieve. “This isn’t over,” Kierland said, giving him a hard look, as if trying to see inside his head, before letting out a sharp sigh and turning toward his woman.
Kellan watched as his brother made his way across the snow-crusted glade, wishing like hell that he could tell him the truth. About Chloe. About what was happening to him. What he was going to have to do. But he choked back the impulse, knowing it was wrong. If he told him what was happening, Kierland would move mountains to try to help him, endangering his own life even more than he already had, and Kellan refused to let that happen.
The lies he’d told had been made to protect the ones he loved, and he could live with that.
What he couldn’t live with was putting them in danger. Taking them down with him.
No matter what lay ahead, this would be a battle he had to fight on his own.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The Sabin compound, the Wasteland
Friday night
DESPITE ITS LOCATION, the Sabin compound was a warm, comfortable environment, Juliana and her family doing everything they could to make their haggard group feel welcome. After being shown to their rooms, they’d all cleaned up and gathered in the dining hall, enjoying a meal of roast chicken and vegetables, which Kellan knew was a rare luxury for those who lived within the cold, desolate realm. He enjoyed the food and beer, laughing as Aiden shared stories about some of their past adventures, and was still a little taken by surprise by how comfortable Chloe seemed with the group, considering he knew she’d always considered herself a bit of a loner.
But as much as Kellan enjoyed the easy, relaxed atmosphere, there was a bittersweet edge to the evening, since he knew it was likely the last he would be sharing with his family and friends. The Sabin compound was safe and secure…and although he’d hoped to get Chloe all the way to the border of the Wasteland before leaving her in Kierland’s care, there simply wasn’t time—but at least he knew that while he was hunting down Gregory, she would be safe within Juliana’s home.
Kellan also knew that Kierland would think he was crazy for carrying out his plans alone, but he couldn’t see any other way. With the witch at his side, Gregory would have no trouble taking the group apart, no matter how many of them there were. His best bet was to go in alone and sneak up on the pair, catching the witch unaware and taking her out before she could use her power on him, then facing off against DeKreznick man-to-man. The Lycan was prepared to fight as dirty as necessary to get the job done, and then, once the bastard was dead, he’d find the Reykers and deal with that issue…and Chloe would be safe.
Kellan was thinking over everything he needed to put in the letter he planned to leave behind for Kierland, since he wanted his brother to make sure that Chloe was looked after, when Quinn slid forward in his chair at the far end of the table, a sly smile on the Watchman’s lips as he looked toward Seth and said, “So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, McConnell.”
“Great.” The soldier’s mouth compressed into a thin line as he set his beer bottle down on the table. “I wondered when you were going to get around to it.”
With laughter glittering in his dark eyes, Quinn drawled, “So you and Spark, huh?”
“This is not something we need to talk about,” Seth grumbled, flicking an uncomfortable look toward Raine, who had been determined to join the group for dinner, her spirits lifted after the scouts who had taken Garrick to the border had returned with good news, saying that the soldier had made it safely out of the Wasteland. However, the grin Raine had been wearing had faded, her attention focused on her plate as she pushed at a piece of broccoli with her fork. Though she didn’t appear to be listening to the conversation, Kellan had a feeling the psychic was riveted on every word that’d just been said.
Earlier, Raine had told him that her powers had become so weak, she could hardly get a clear read on anyone—which meant she couldn’t just sneak into Seth’s mind for the details of the story.
“You’re a brave man,” Quinn murmured.
“I was hardly brave,” Seth muttered, his lip curling. “Just drunk.”
Aiden threw back his head with a husky bark of laughter, then slid Seth a wide smile. “I wouldn’t think there’s enough alcohol on earth.”
“Trust me,” Seth grunted, rolling his shoulder in a stiff, uncomfortable gesture. “There is.”
Eager to get Chloe alone, since he knew the minutes were counting down before he had to leave, Kellan finished his beer and grabbed her hand, saying, “We’re gonna call it a night.”
They said their goodbyes and thanked Juliana for her hospitality, then got up from the table. Kierland gave him a lon
g look as they crossed the room, and Kellan forced a smile, hoping like hell that his brother couldn’t read the truth on his face. They’d talked again, not long after reaching the compound, and by then his eyes had thankfully returned to their normal color, which he knew had been a big relief to his brother. When Kierland had asked him about Gregory, Kellan had told him that he wouldn’t be making any decisions about what he wanted to do until they’d gotten Chloe safely out of the Wasteland, hoping the lie would keep Kier from watching him too closely.
As they made their way through the candlelit halls, Kellan felt a shiver move through Chloe’s arm, down into the slender hand he still held, so he pulled the little witch closer to his side, wondering if she was cold…or nervous. Though heavily fortified, he supposed there was a certain spooky element to the Sabin compound, especially since they’d been warned not to pay any attention to the screams they might hear in the night, since Juliana’s brother, Micah, was imprisoned in one of the distant wings. According to Kierland, who’d filled him in on the story, Micah had been poisoned by a rogue female vampire after the family had been exiled to the Wasteland, and while the poison wasn’t fatal, like the one Kellan had been infected with, it tormented Micah’s sanity, dragging him into feral bouts of madness that made him a danger to others. Though Kierland, Morgan and Ashe had encountered some trouble with him the week before when they’d been trying to find Kellan, Micah was now being held in a heavily secured room that Kierland himself had inspected, so Kellan felt confident the vampire wouldn’t be a danger.
They walked in silence now, lost in their thoughts, but they’d talked a lot throughout the long afternoon, as they’d made their way to the compound. Chloe had been full of questions, and Kellan had done his best to answer them, even telling her the grim story of how his father had murdered his mother in a jealous rage when he and Kierland were young, which was why they’d been raised by their grandfather at Harrow House, the estate his Watchmen unit was now using for their base of operations, its moat filled with salted holy water, which safeguarded the house from the Death-Walkers. And yet, despite all the hours of conversation, there was still one topic that they’d stayed clear of, but that he wanted to get out in the open before he took her to bed.
The wind howled against the windows as they made their way to the wing that held their chamber, the compound’s cold stone walls decorated with colorful tapestries that must have been in the Sabin family for centuries, while priceless rugs covered the hardwood floors. When they finally reached their room, Kellan bolted the door behind him, a fire already roaring in the hearth, sending out melting waves of warmth. He watched as Chloe walked to the side of the bed, her cheeks flushing in that tantalizing way they did when she knew he would soon be kissing her. Touching her. She looked a little tired, and while he knew she would need another feeding before he left, he was trying hard not to think about who would be feeding her once he was gone. Instead, Kellan simply watched as she slipped off the Marker he’d insisted she wear, setting the cross on the bedside table, the firelight glinting against its metallic edges. As she sat down on the snowy white bed and leaned over to unlace her boots, he said her name, and she looked at him from behind the heavy curtain of her sleek, dark hair, the mesmerizing color of her eyes so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at them.
Clearing his throat, Kellan propped his back against the door and held her heavy-lidded gaze, his voice a deep, husky scrape of sound as he said, “Before I touch you tonight, there’s something I want to tell you.”
“What is it?”
He raked one hand through his hair, his voice roughening as he said, “I’m not some oversexed kid who doesn’t understand lust. I know the difference, Chloe. The hunger that I feel for you, it’s…Christ, it’s more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt before, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a slave to it. It might drive me past the bounds of my control when I get you under me, but it doesn’t control my will. I can think apart from it. I don’t know why I’m not affected by the curse—but the simple truth is that I’m not. Maybe it’s a Lycan thing, and I’m simply better at fighting off the curse than other species. Or maybe the curse is weakening, like we’ve suspected. To be honest, I don’t give a shit why it’s the way it is. For one night, I just want…I want you to trust me to know what’s real. Can you do that?”
She slid her gaze toward the roaring flames in the fireplace, the plump swell of her lower lip caught in her teeth, then slowly nodded her head. The breath Kellan hadn’t even realized he was holding released with a quiet whoosh, his hands shaking at his sides. “Good,” he rasped. “Because I’ve wanted to fuck you since I first laid eyes on your picture, honey. Before I was anywhere close enough for that bloody curse to go to work on me.”
She swept her tongue over her top lip as she moved to her feet, her breath coming a little faster as she locked her beautiful gaze with his. “Is that really true, Kell?”
Crossing the room to her, he took her face in his hands and leaned over her, pressing his forehead against hers. “I know it makes me sound like a pig, considering you were in danger and all I should’ve been thinking about was your safety. But yeah, it’s true. From that first day that I saw your picture and Olivia started telling me about you, I went to bed every night thinking about you. Dreaming of finding you and being able to touch you and kiss your soft lips. Of being able to undress your sweet little body.” He pressed a warm kiss to the side of her throat, his hands sliding over her shoulders and down her back, until they settled possessively on her heart-shaped little ass. “God, I spent days thinking about what it would be like when I could finally get you against my mouth, Chloe. When I could finally get you under me.”
She gave a soft moan in response, her body shivering, but didn’t say anything, the only sound that of the wood crackling in the hearth and their quietly soughing breaths. Though their previous encounters had been like violent storms crashing against a rocky shore, Kellan forced himself to go slow this time, wanting to savor it, drinking in each moment with care, so that he didn’t miss a single drop of sensation. He undressed her with shaking hands, each pale curve of feminine flesh drugging his senses with pleasure. Her breasts were dainty and small, but beyond beautiful, her skin so smooth and pale it reminded him of shimmering moonlight, softer than anything he’d ever known. As he picked her up in his arms and lowered her to the bed, Kellan stared at her lithe body draped across the snowy linens with hot, smoldering eyes. His heart beat in a deep, painful rhythm, hammering against his chest, and he couldn’t stop himself from imagining what she would look like lying there, with their child cradled against her body, nursing hungrily at one of those creamy breasts. The vision was so powerful, it made him tremble, a low groan spilling from his lips as he flexed his fingers, his gaze raking over every inch of her body as he started unbuttoning the shirt he’d worn down to dinner, before returning back to those sweet, delectable breasts.
Following the line of his gaze, she flushed, her voice already a little breathless as she said, “I’m sorry they’re so small.” A grin touched her soft lips, her eyes suddenly shining with laughter. “Maybe I should have said to hell with being able to stand upright and let my friend Cara work her magic on them.”
Kellan’s chest shook with a husky rumble of laughter as he sheathed himself in a condom and climbed onto the bed, caging her beneath his body, his weight braced on his hands and his knees. “I meant what I told you before,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against one of those plump, candy-pink nipples that always made his mouth water. “You’re perfect the way you are.”
“Hardly,” she scoffed, brushing her fingers through his hair. “But you’re sweet to say so.”
Lifting his head, Kellan stared deep into her eyes, willing her to believe him. “I mean it, Chloe. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. I wouldn’t change anything about you. Not a single thing.”
Touching her hand to the side of his face, she pulled her lower lip through her teeth again in that
provocative way that he loved, her eyes full of mysterious shadows and heat. “I want you inside me, Kell.”
Unable to resist, he touched his mouth to hers, sinking his tongue into that sweet, warm well, and lost himself in her succulent taste. When he finally came up for air, he kept his face close to hers, watching her eyes as he said, “Before this night is over, I’ll be so deep inside you, you won’t be able to remember what it was like not to have me filling you up. But I’m not going to rush it. Not tonight.”
It wasn’t easy, but Kellan called on the raw, breathtaking depth of emotion he felt for her to bind the wolf into submission, forcing the animal to heed his commands. Then he spread Chloe’s thighs and opened her with his fingers, touching her…studying her…taking the time to be awed by every slippery, deliciously pink detail, the puffy cushion of her sex the sweetest, most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, not to mention the most luscious. A primal, visceral pleasure jolted through his veins as he covered her with his mouth, hungrily licking and lapping, unable to get enough of her. He kept at her with single-minded intent, lashing her clit with his tongue until she crashed over the edge, coming in an intoxicating rush of warmth against his face. Then he rose over her trembling form and claimed her mouth with a dark, devastating kiss at the same time as he forced his body into hers, shunting thick and deep. The pleasure was blinding, like a fevered kind of madness that burned through him, making a raw animal sound vibrate in his chest. He couldn’t stop kissing her. Couldn’t stop stroking and thrusting, rubbing his tongue against hers as he rode her body in a deliciously slow, thick rhythm, every grinding push and pull forcing husky little cries from her throat that only made him harder…and more desperate.
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