"We have full gentlemen's and ladies' closets for just that purpose. I'm sure you'll find something more than suitable. Although we are a working vessel, we often have special guests accompany us and are equipped with certain luxuries to accommodate them." Max continued. "Also, Scarlett tells me you're rather fond of reading."
"Very much." I smiled.
"We have a small library on board." He reached over to a shelf and pulled down a sheet of paper, handing it to us. "Ship map—you'll learn your way around soon enough. Make yourselves at home and be at ease. If you need anything at all, just ask me or the crew. Freya, you're safer here on board my ship than anywhere else in the world so enjoy your time and relax," Max assured me. "I can't wait until I have more time to sit and visit with you and get to know you both better. But right now, kids, I have a lot of work to attend to."
We both thanked him profusely and let ourselves out.
"Would you like to check out the library first?" Theron asked in a very proficient English accent.
"Yes, please." I copied his inflection.
The library was really a closet.
"I figure the crew doesn't really get much time for reading," I pointed out.
"I figure you're right," Theron agreed. "Most of the books are in foreign languages." He plucked a book from the shelf.
"Let's see, Spanish, Portuguese, German, Italian, French. Wow!"
"Hey there's an entire section of travel books." Theron pointed to the bottom shelf.
"Anything on Sweden, considering that's where we're going?" I asked, sitting on the floor next to him.
He pulled out an informative pocket-sized book and handed it to me.
"Great! Welcome to Sweden," I read aloud.
He scooped about ten books into his arms. "Want to travel the world to pass the time?"
I laughed. "Sounds wonderful."
We brought the books up onto the deck where we could watch the ocean pass by. We laid the books out on the wood and sat cross-legged in the middle of them.
"Okay, we have to keep a diligent watch out on the water for dolphins, whales and seals," I said.
"Really?" Theron looked excited. "I've never seen them before."
I smiled. I loved his enthusiasm.
"Where do you want to go first?" he inquired.
I stared down at the pile of picturesque books. "I'm not sure."
He picked up a thin book on Italy. "How about Italy? We could see the Tower of Pisa and the Coliseum."
"And feed you pizza and lasagna," I suggested.
"We are definitely adding Italy to the itinerary," he laughed. "Is the Mediterranean Sea really that crystal-clear blue or is it a trick of the photograph?"
"I've never been there, but I've heard it's that beautiful blue."
"Then we'll swim in it," he said decidedly.
"I'd like that," I said, wondering if we could get away with it if I were to disguise myself. "We could scuba or snorkel. LOOK!" I pointed and jumped up to run to the railing. "Porpoises!"
They were leaping and bounding in the fray from the ship. There were probably fifteen of them playing merrily. Theron and I watched them as they followed the ship.
"They travel in extended family groups called pods and they stay with each other all their lives. They are so beautiful."
"Do you hate her?"
Theron's question caught me off guard.
"No. I don't know. It's complicated. She was a really wonderful mother and friend." I thought for a moment. "I never considered us homeless or thought of ourselves as being on the run. When I was little she made it fun—like one big, long camping adventure. She'd say things like, 'Freya, the whole world is ours.' and 'This flower grew here just so that you could one day look at it.' Yeah, she was a sentimental romantic. She read to me, played with me, carried my Barbie doll set around in her pack for years and comforted me during thunderstorms. It wasn't until I was thirteen that things got… weird." I took in air and held it in my lungs for a moment before I slowly let it go. He didn't press me and I was glad. "I never hated her," I decided. "But I have been really, really angry at her that she left me all alone. Angry that she didn't take me with her. I knew it was because her logic wouldn't permit it, but it didn't make her abandonment hurt any less. If anything, it cuts deeper because she was all I ever had."
I wondered if Theron was fighting his own ghosts. "Do you forgive your father?" I asked as gently as I could.
"No," he stated plainly. "I don't forgive myself either."
I knew what it was like to live with loss and pain. But I could only imagine being blamed for the death of your mother by your own father—leaving no one in the world to love you. Talk about a messed up sense of identity. I'm sorry seemed like a lame response. I stayed quiet.
"The first crack I ever felt in that ice is when I held Ben," he continued. "When he was born—I never experienced a miracle like that before." Theron's face contorted. "When I thought the baby wasn't going to come out right and that the mother might die—I couldn't even breathe. Only time I ever felt that afraid is when I watched that Taker grab you at the bus station and I didn't know if I could get to you in time. It's a helpless feeling." He looked out as the dolphins shifted and swam east. "I can't bring her back and I can't make my father forgive me. He's never going to." He leaned over, kissed my head and breathed in deeply. "I never thought much about forgiving him. Your hair smells incredible, by the way."
He suddenly walked over and picked up the books. I followed him as he carried them back to our cabin.
"After Ben was born and you said what you did about how helpless he was and how he couldn't possibly be responsible for any outcome," he continued when we were safely inside, "for the first time I thought that maybe it wasn't really my doing, that my mother's death was simply a tragic accident and that I didn't cause it. But then I watched Blake and the way he held Holly in his arms—how much he loved her—and I understood how my dad could blame me and how he could hate me. It was my birth that took away what he loved the most." He paused thoughtfully. "I couldn't have realized how he felt until… I wouldn't have come to that realization without you, Freya."
I came over and put my arms up around his shoulders and laced my fingers behind his neck.
I got it, I told him with my eyes. I felt it too.
Love. I tasted it.
I wonder what forgiveness tastes like. Somehow it was my mother's voice that answered me. Like peace.
Chapter 18 Rings and Vows
We spent the rest of the evening lazing about the cabin, sampling French cheeses and munching on sweet grapes and ripe pears. I lay sprawled across the bed on my stomach with an English to Swedish dictionary, going over important questions.
Theron was sitting on the floor. His back rested against the foot of the bed right below me. He was still perusing through travel guides.
"I wish I could put my hand on this book and all of the information in it would download into my brain like a computer file," I said wistfully. "Are you good with computers?"
"Yes. They were included in my training. You?"
"Embarrassingly, no," I admitted. "It's another mother thing. She was convinced that there were hidden cameras or face recognition programs profiling the user."
"Do you have a picture of her?" Theron asked.
I barked a humorless laugh. "No! No pictures of her, no pictures of me—not even any baby pictures. 'No images or likenesses, Freya. It's bad enough they can digitally alter pictures to come up with a composite of you at different ages. Heaven forbid they had an actual photograph!' my mom would say." I thought about that for a moment. "I suppose that may make it that much more difficult to find her, but I believe in fate and providence—maybe serendipity."
"Your father?" he asked.
"She didn't talk about him much. She said he died when I was still very little. Whenever I asked her she'd get this far away watery-eyed look. Sometimes she'd go silent for days—I learned to stop asking." I changed the subject.
"Okay, I have been looking at this book for an hour now and the only word I feel confident with my pronunciation is smörgåsbord," I laughed. "At least we won't go hungry." That got a laugh out of him. "Let's watch a movie—there are so many to choose from."
"Which is your favorite?" Theron asked thoughtfully.
I was glad he let the change in subject stick. He never pushed me for more answers since that time I'd shut down in Homochitta.
"The Notebook is my favorite romance. Transformers might be my favorite alien flick—wait a minute, Avatar was awesome too. Um, my favorite action film is Bourne Identity, I think… I love the steam-punk movie A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Proposal is my favorite comedy film… maybe but I—"
"In other words," Theron interrupted, smiling, "you like everything."
"Yeah pretty much," I sighed. "Here, you look at the covers and read the descriptions and choose what you think you'd like."
"This looks like fun," he said after a few moments and handed me a Psych Season Two DVD case.
I pushed the DVD into the player, and we lay back on the bed and relaxed. We laughed hysterically into the night. It was a nice feeling to just relax.
~
I woke the next morning and dressed to take a run. I wondered how interesting it would be to run the circumference of the deck and how many times I could go around in an hour.
I stirred Theron awake. "You want to run with me?"
"Yeah," he said sleepily. "Just give me a few minutes."
He rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom after grabbing some workout clothes to change into. A moment later he stepped out in shorts and his gray hoodie, and we headed out the door.
Running the ship's deck was a blast. We watched the ocean as we challenged each other with various sprints. I lost track of how many times we circled because I really wasn't paying attention. We jogged for an hour then found the mess hall for some breakfast of fruit shakes and blueberry muffins.
"Tonight's the formal dinner with Captain Max," Theron reminded me. "Will you help me pick something to wear?"
"Sure, that should be fun. I've never attended anything requiring formal wear."
"Neither have I. We'll experience it together."
I wondered just how formal Captain Max was talking. But my mind wandered happily as I took a big bite of the freshly baked muffin filled with real blueberries.
I mumbled while I tried to politely hold my hand over my mouth to hide my food and less than quality manners, "It's awful nice not having to worry about catching dinner or where I'm going to sleep or setting up camp—this is all reading books, watching movies or watching the ocean drift by. It's like a week of Saturday mornings."
Theron nodded. "Yeah."
We finished up eating in a leisurely manner then used Captain Max's map to find our way to the gentlemen's wardrobe.
"So how many other passengers do you think are on the ship? Do you think they all attend this dinner?" I asked.
"I don't know exactly. I saw several when we first got on board, but Captain Max ushered us right in because of your condition."
"Oh yeah… that would have been tough for you to explain. So, what did you tell them?"
"What?" Theron asked.
"What did you tell them?" I repeated.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Theron?" I exclaimed.
"I told them the first thing that I could think of." He looked sheepish. "That you were newly pregnant and prone to fainting with your morning sickness." He sped his walk up as I stopped in my tracks. He called back to me, "I didn't really have any time to come up with something better… "
A small mouse-like sound squeaked from my throat.
"But don't worry," Theron continued, now walking backward and watching me with a mix of an apologetic expression and a playful smirk. "I told them we were married three months ago."
A louder, more strangled sound escaped my throat.
"But Captain Max knows the truth—Mrs. Hawk." A sly smile spread across his face.
I snapped into motion, caught up with him and landed a playful punch to his upper arm. He laughed and grabbed his arm in mock pain. I just shook my head.
The gentlemen's wardrobe was almost the size of our cabin, but the walls were lined with an array of black tuxedos and fine suits and a display of vests, long silk ties, bow ties and cummerbunds in a variety of colors and shades—whites, blacks, blues, crimson, greens, silvers and gold’s.
"There are at least forty pairs of shoes." Theron gestured to a sizable shoe rack.
I began looking through tuxes. "What size are you?"
"I'm not sure. I'll probably have to eye it then try it on… Wait a minute," he said, "why don't we make it a surprise?"
"A surprise?" I asked. "You mean like an 'I'm married and pregnant' surprise?"
"No," he chuckled. "More like this is the first time we've ever dressed up like this—it's sort of like prom or a ball. I'm confident you're safe here so why don't we meet at the ballroom where the dinner is being held?"
Did he say prom or a ball? Excitement washed over me. "You've got a deal."
"Excellent. But, um, first I have something to show you," he said hesitantly.
"What is it?" His expression made me feel nervous. I cocked an eyebrow.
Unexpectedly, he took a small black velvet box from his pocket.
"Captain Max said we needed to look the part and that he always keeps spares on board. But he also explained that these were the most special. To take care of them and that he'd tell us the story about them another time." He lifted the hinged lid so I could see the box's contents.
Inside were the two most gorgeous wedding bands I had ever seen. They were a matching pair—polished antique gold with a decorative vintage pattern. The woman's band was thinner and more feminine, where the masculine band was thicker and wider.
I nodded, slightly dazed at the prospect of wearing this ring and all that it stood for despite the charade. Young, married, pregnant—it really didn't bother me. Max knew the truth and the other passengers I would never see again after the end of the week. I think what really had me spellbound was just the thought of marriage itself, especially between Theron and me. Suddenly, I felt hot and cold all over at the same time, and I really hoped Theron hadn't registered the change—that would be utterly embarrassing.
"Okay, sure—I'm in." I tried to make my voice sound cool and nonchalant. Truth is, it came out jumbled and awkward.
"Yours." His voice was deep and husky.
He took my hand in his and slid the exquisite ring onto my left ring finger. His eyes met mine and were full of an emotion that made my pulse race.
"Yours." I carefully removed the man's ring from the black satin lining and pushed the ring up past his knuckle and into place. "They fit perfectly." I was rather amazed.
He was still looking at me in that way. I could feel my cheeks blush and wished my reactions weren't worn so blatantly on my skin. But really, it only seemed to encourage him.
He smiled happily. "I'll see you in the ballroom."
"See you there." I turned to walk away.
"Wait!"
When I turned back he had me instantly in his arms. His hand reached down and cradled my left hand while his thumb and forefinger played across the ring, making it reflect the light. Without words, he leaned in and kissed me.
Afterward, I walked calmly out of the room. But as soon as I rounded the corner and was out of his sight—I couldn't help it, I started jumping up and down like a giddy kid on Christmas! Then I sprinted down the deck, my body surging with the rush of love mixed with fright and excitement. The adrenaline had built up in my muscles, and running felt good. I wished Piper were here so I could show her the ring. Or Kallie. I really wished my mom were here so I could talk to her about everything I was feeling. It was all so overwhelming. But I wasn't going to let any negative, pain- or fear-ridden double-headed monster rear up.
Not tonight—tonight belonged to Theron
and me!
I was a sweaty, heart pumping mess by the time I reached the ladies' wardrobe. It was an awesome setup. A beveled three panel mirror stood in the corner. An ornate, feminine vanity sat against the wall displaying a lit mirror, perfumes, powders and makeup cases. A white lace curtain hid a lovely private shower and claw foot tub, alongside a shell-shaped porcelain standing sink. They were all decorated with gold fixtures. Everything in the room reflected elegance and refinery.
"Well, it is a British cargo ship," I mused aloud.
Then the gowns caught my attention—silks, satins and chiffons in a rainbow of colors, styles and sizes. I had only seen dresses like these in the movies.
And I get to wear one! Another bubble of excitement floated through me and I found myself doing a little dance. "Okay now, Freya, you have to get ready or you'll be late!"
I rotated the gold faucet on the tub and stepped out of my dampened running clothes. A corner shelf held handmade organic luxury soaps and liquid cleansers—coconut, lavender, peach, mint, rosemary, apricot, rose and so many more… I couldn't make up my mind. I savored the aroma of each soap, lifting each one to my nose and breathing in its scent. I decided on Lily of the Valley. I stepped into the tub and had the most luxurious bath of my life. I soaked in the floral lather for almost an hour before I shampooed and conditioned my hair. I dried and wrapped myself in a soft, opulent bath towel and stood before the hall of dresses.
I lightly traced my fingers over each silhouette ever so carefully, as if the dresses were resting butterflies that I was afraid to startle. Ivy green taffeta with golden lacing, royal blue satin with ivory embroidery, blood red silk dotted with colorful Japanese flowers, a slender silver gown that swept to the floor with a slit up to the thigh.
"How am I ever going to choose?" I asked myself.
Ice blue, majestic purple, metallic black…
Then I saw it—a deep burgundy gown that billowed out and cascaded to the floor. Its skirt was layered with three delicate tiers that were gathered and accented with a single pearl. The bodice was embroidered with a sumptuous pattern of white silk that flourished the front and side panels. It tapered a bit at the waist and was embellished with white pearls. The neckline fell in a gentle heart shape. The fabric would fall off the shoulder, exposing my collar bone. It looked like it would fit.
Hunted (Dark Secrets Book 1) Page 17